Worst Television Of 2012

I would like to first apologize for this being so late, I've had a slue of delays and I didn't wanna abandon the project unfinished, all seems sorted now, so I can finally finish this, yay me!

2012 In Review:

The Best And Worst
.... And Afew Things Inbetween

Part 4: Worst Of Television

Ok so we've finally come to the final leg of this, the worst of television from the year that was 2012 in television, sorry this took so long, just alot of stuff went on in between time and i had to go dig up stuff to make sure shows and movies i wanted were from 2012, and not like, the year before or this year, or some other crap. but anyway, here we go, right into the last straightaway with the pedal down, oh and be prepared this one is gonna get pretty sarcastic.

Alright, lets get to this... a'room'a zoom zoom!

Worst Television Series Of 2012

 American Horror Story: Asylum

Now, before you rip me to bits like rabid fanboys, let me explain my thoughts on this, I would like to first start out by stating i was one of the biggest voices cheering for the first season of this critically and audience loved series, it was brilliant and envelope pushing beyond what non-pay television here n the USA had seen in a long time. And with that said, like most, I happily and excitedly waited for its second year, and its new story to begin, with high hopes and excited mind, i wanted to see this amazing hive-mind of writers, who were able to sweep almost every award show that gave out awards for television the year before, take on the dark and twisted world that was 1960s mental asylums, with all the crooked doctors and nurses who didn't care, and all the crazy religious fanatics who believed they could cure mental illness through religion. The whole idea just seemed tailor made to let them run with. The problem was though, they let them run abit to wild with things, and what started out as an interesting story about a group of mentally ill people, a possible nazi war criminal hiding as a staff doctor, and a reporter trying to expose the mistreatment at the asylum, slowly became a bloated, overly complicated, and under producing story that just seemed to cram as many different sci fi/horror plots into one story, in a sense, stuffing the story until it burst at the seems, it was just to much for one season, it wasn't for lack of trying, it just seemed to get away from the writers and, well, by the time they realized it, it was to late, it had all gone horribly wrong and the crazy train was so far off the rails not even Ozzy Ozborn could have gotten it back to where its supposed to be. Lets hope next year's story "American Horror Story: Coven" makes up for this mess, else this might be the next Heroes, by which i mean a show with a brilliant first season and then it takes the slow slip and slide ride to horrible tv junction.

Worst Drama Of 2012

 The Mob Doctor

I don't really think this one was much of a surprise for anyone, I ripped this steaming pile apart when I saw the pilot, touting it as the next Lone Star, meaning a series that on the surface looks awesome, but on a second look, you notice that its so flawed its painful, and has atleast one character that their whole reason for being in the show is to remind you of the premiss every single time they open their mouth. Its just painful to watch and so very hard to stomach honestly. I understand that complex shows sometimes need a character to remind you of whats what and who's who, and all of that, but honestly, this just had the plot beat into you every chance, ok we get it, she's a doctor that has to work for the mob though she doesn't want too, ok we get it, thank you, continue with your story, assuming you have a story, if not, just shut your fucking mouth and not let things get to far. Stuff like this just proves that for the few good episodes they had, that we need to kind of come back to the old days of anthology type tv shows, maybe as a means of creating a pilot for a spin off series and testing it before it goes to production? Seriously, we need to get back to stuff like that, because if they were to run this as part, it'd maybe be a 5 part series, then it would be done. The story just wasn't there to keep this thing interesting, or worst getting invested in.

Worst Comedy Of 2012

The Mindy Project

I know there might be some flack for this one, but, I just don't get it. I didn't find Mindy Kaling funny on The Office, and I don't find her funny in this, where she's doing some weird mix of her character from the office and every female lead in every romantic comedy ever made. Seriously, i just don't get it. People are all "oh this show is funny" and i'm all "no, its not, one or two funny lines per half hour does not make a show funny, it makes it lazy." but to each their own i guess. Kaling plays a rather dumb and annoyingly spacey doctor in her late 20s, in what seriously sounds like it was a rejected pitch to a Renee Zellwiger project that help her cling to the last bits of her non-Bridget Jones related fame, plus her cast is just plain annoying, they're all snotty uppity dickheads who think they're all that there is in life or have their heads up their asses, its just plain annoying, and when they try to change things up, by either doing something actually funny, or attempting to show off that Mindy Kaling is moderately attractive, it just ends up failing epically in what looks like it should have been an outtake every single time. Seriously, I just don't get it, maybe there is something funny there, but i'm not seeing it.

Worst Animated Series Of 2012

Allen Gregory

Hollywood, are you listening? Good, get this through your heads, JONAH HILL IS NOT FUNNY, oh sure, he can play a second or third stringer in a funny movie, or even a moderately funny film, but on his own, he's the worst, he makes David Spade and Norm McDonald seem funny. Yes, I just said that. Seriously this series was just horrible, and all involved should be burned at the stake... thats all.

Worst Sci Fi Series Of 2012

Merlin

Oh, how i have been waiting for this trainwreck to slide just far enough over the line from "So bad its funny" and tumble into "just totally utter shit" as it falls off the cliff into the shit abyss of disrepair and depression. And in its final season, it finally happened. Now before i get to far into it, i'd like to state this show has always been a tad shit. but it wasn't the kind of shit that was just painful to watch, it was campy and goofball written to seem like serious sci fi, it never had a chance, it was historically inaccurate to the point it was painful, and it was almost comical how they made King Arthur, one of the most important fictional characters of all time, and made him nothing more then a really really stupid self absorbed spoiled rich kid that has utterly no clue whats going on around him. Both of these things became painfully evident in the final season, as well as the show's lack of creativity to create proper villains, it was constantly Merlin, Arthur and Co. against Morgana Pendragon, Arthur's banished sister, whom they never mention is his sister after the third season. It just got so painful in the end, like how the show basically forgets its ban on magic in Camalot, which is the whole reason why Merlin is nothing more then a manservant in this version of the tale, or the fact that for a guy who's ment to hate magic, Arthur sure as hell goes running to his people that he knows know how to use it, and yet, is willing to have outsiders of his inner circle that use it put to death. Its just full of giant plotholes... seriously, this show started out as camp filler till Doctor Who aired, and just became total and utter crap by its end. I wouldn't even bother watching it till the end, because the ending is just utter shit as well. Seriously, just go watch something else instead.

Worst New Show Of 2012

Outcasts

Oh boy, oh boy! If you ever wanted a guide on how to NOT write a sci fi mystery set on another world, this would be it, this trainwreck had just enough shit factor to force out The Fades as the worst possible new series from 2012, and as you all know, with my love of sci fi, its painful to give a bad review to anything of that genre, well not Merlin, because it really really sucked dead donkey balls, but everything else, whole other story. As for the plot of Outcasts, its a vaguely told mixture of a space opera, a western, a murder mystery, political drama, and just enough of a hot welsh girl named Fleur welshing about to keep you from falling asleep each episode, ok well almost, you'll still nod off at some points. As for the story, its sort of hack and slashed together from various other sci fi series and films, humans out among the stars in a post earth world, living on a harsh planet that might have a lifeforce of its own and just might not want us living on it, clones that were banished to the outlands during a paranoia agent spreading rampant among a population, said clones become sort of like native americans, or any other people that are one with the land. the whole time they're trying to find supplies and waiting for more settlers, with harsh weather and political and social mysteries afoot. Oh and apparently, humans had been on the planet they're on before millions of years ago or something... honestly I stopped caring about this awhile ago...

Worst "One And Done" Series Of 2012

AKA "So Glad It Didn't Last Long"

The Fades

On paper, The Fades sounded like a great idea, the story of angels dealing with rogue ghosts here on earth using super powers and whatever, again, it sounded good ON PAPER, in creation and execution however, not so much, not so much indeed. You start out meeting Paul, an awkward depressed child who really only has one friend, and through a series of events, you discover that Paul, literally comes back from the dead, and is infact, an angel, though in this series angels are protrayed like Shinigami or Soul Reapers or a Redeemer of sorts, dealing with what they call "Fades", which are ghosts that have been on earth for long periods of time, simply because they don't know what their unfinished business is. Along Paul's journey, which he takes with his annoying best friend who talks in pop culture references, mostly star wars ones apparently, and his eventual girlfriend Jay, Paul discovers he's not alone with these powers, he eventually meets Neil, who explains that Paul, like him, is what is called an "angelic", and that its their job to deal with the fades. Neil is a horrible waste of life really, a scotish drunk who spends his time either forcing and manipulating others to do things his way, or if he's not doing that, he's beating up, pullling a gun on, or kidnapping and torturing those he calls his friends. Seriously, Neil is a prick. Anyway, the story parts that aren't about Neil's douchebaggery, are about how the Fades have discovered if they eat the flesh of z recently dead being, they once again are given flesh. Its a really complicated and really stupid story honestly, is so full of holes it sad, its almost like they decided telling the story of Neil's dickery was more important then the concept of the story, seriously it was shit. I was seriously expecting more a guy that wrote the bulk of such great shows like Skins, Shameless, Cast Offs, and both This Is England '86 and '88.

The Sophomore Flop

Smash

I know, alot of you right now are saying to yourselves "But BC, you love Glee, how can you hate the show thats basically Glee for the more adult viewers? Its just not possible!" well sadly, those people saying such things, either didn't watch the trainwreck that was the second season of Smash, or they just enjoy when something brilliant, becomes something utterly pointless, boring and just drifting by on its one time success. See, Smash, season 1, was excellent, it was brilliant and wonderful and it had only enough Angelica Houstin that you didn't spend time wondering what the hell happened to her between The Aadams Family movies and here, but season 2, when it wasn't trying to literally unwork everything done in season 1, or trying to force two new and utterly bland characters with their vague and confusing half assed musicial on you, all the show did was spin its wheels and have everyone cat fight. Seriously, this show was such a great, fresh, new idea for NBC, but now, they ruined it, as they do with most things that become hits for them, its truly a shame, because they really had the start of something here, but now we'll never know just how far they'd have gone with it, will we?

Ok well thats it for my best/worst of last year, sorry again for this one being so late, but, real life duties called and i couldn't put them aside, i've got a backlog of stuff to get put up soon, so expect more posts from me in the near future... so, until then, blessid be.

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BC

The Almighty Johnsons

The Almighty Johnsons:

The Story Of Norse Gods

Friggin About In New Zealand

These days, everyone in television is trying to do some form of sci fi, oh sure most do the whole vampire/werewolf/zombie route thats so fashionable right now, but every now and then, every now and then a completely new and different idea comes around that shines like an idea so brilliant it just has to work, and more so it just has to work out so well you kind of envy the bastard who actually created it. One of such ideas is the new zealand television series The Almighty Johnsons, the story of norse gods reborn on earth and living among us regular human beings, living among us being reborn over and over in the body of those with the blood of a god with in them, until a prophecy that they all believe in, shall come to pass. 

The Almighty Johnsons tells the story of the Johnson family; Mike, Ty, Anders, Axl, four brothers who live in New Zealand where they, like many other families, keep a secret that is revealed to each of them as they turn 21 years of age, that secret is, they're all reborn norse gods. The story starts on the night before the 21st birthday of the youngest boy Axl, who is completely unaware of his family secret when we start, all he knows is, his brothers and his cousin Olaf are taking him into the woods on his 21st birthday to do some sort of "family tradition", though no one tells him what it is. After bringing him to the deepest part of the local woods, and standing inside a circle made of special stones, Axl is told to hold an old sword above his head and wait for what happens. After afew minutes a powerful lightening strike hits Axl, knocking him flat on his back, as well as knocking his cousin Olaf far away from the circle, Axl has no idea whats just happened to him and as his brothers look for whats happen to Olaf, they decide to tell him the family secret, that they are all the reborn forms of various norse gods, as they look for Olaf they each explain who they are and what their powers they can use are; Mike is the reborn form of Ullr, the god of games and the hunt, Mike can track anyone or anything as long as he can get its scent, and he can never lose a game where is in direct competition with a person or machine. Anders is Bragi; the god of poetry, who can use his words to get anyone to do anything that he wishes, no matter if they don't want to or not. Ty is Höðr; the god of all things cold and dark, his touch can freeze you he can also change the temperature, as well as freeze things. When Axl asks what god he is, and what he can do, they tell him they need to ask Olaf, because he is the family oracle, and is also their grandfather not their cousin, when asked how that is possible, they explain Olaf is Baldr, the god of rebirth and age, and that his power is he doesn't age. The boys find Olaf who is literally smoking in a hole in the ground from being tossed outside the circle, they ask him who Axl is, he simply looks at him and says "Odin" and then passes out. The boys freaking out at this, carry Olaf back to their cars and they all head back to Mike's house, to figure out what this means.

While at Mike's house, as they try and wake Olaf up, they explain more of what they are to Axl; that hundreds of years ago, the norse gods grew tired of the constant demands of humans asking of them and doing things in their name, and that they built a ship and sailed as far away from Asgard and the Norselands as possible, where they could be free to live and be happy, that place ended up being New Zealand, and though they didn't know why, they knew buy Olaf's reaction that Axl is very important, not only to them, but to the rest of their kind as well. Axl ofcourse is confused and doesn't believe any of this, and insists his brothers are messing with him and that its all a trick, even them using their powers were somehow a big trick they're playing on him for his 21st birthday. Later that evening during Axl's birthday party Olaf wakes up and they explain to him what he said, he then tells them of the prophecy surrounding whenever Odin is reborn on earth; he explains that its a rarity and that whenever he is, there is a chance for all of the gods to regain their powers and return to Asgard properly. That all the gods and goddesses that are connected to each other are drawn to each other, and will live out their destinies together, in Odin's case, once he finds his wife, the goddess Frigg, they will break the cycle and return the gods to their rightful place with their full powers and proper rights that go with them, but he also explained that the last time Odin was on earth, he was killed before he could find Frigg, and when he died, not only was his entire family wiped out, but thousands of people along with him, in an earthquake that was listed as New Zealand's worst ever. From this point, they decide, they have no real choice, they have to find Frigg and finish the prophecy.

The series from here follows them as they go about their "Frigg Hunt" as they call it, along the way they encounter hardships and trials and setbacks and false positives, they also encounter other gods and goddesses, who each have their own agendas and wants, some wishing to help in their search and some out to make sure it never happens for their own selfish wants. The series is two seasons in now, and with out going to far into detail (outside of the pilot which I've given the the plot too), it gets more complicated and interesting as it goes, the gods and goddesses become more and more entangled in each others lives and sides become blurred and you never really know who's on who's side, which makes it so much more interesting. What truly stands out though is that the gods and goddesses, they make sense in the real world, like it would make sense that Loki would be a high priced lawyer, or that Thor would be a bat shit crazy goat farmer who hates the life he is living on earth, knowing what he has waiting for him in Asgard, and that the sex related goddesses would be rather slutty, and the god of cold and darkness would work on refrigerator, and that the god of poetry could use his silver tongue to get any woman that he wants, it all makes perfect sense with out having to bend the concept of a real world vs. a sci fi world, and i think thats what gives it its edge, the whole sci fi but you don't know it kind of thing, as well as the fact the hunt for Frigg isn't the only focus, yes its always there and each episode involves it, but you aren't beaten over the head with it like you are with most shows about a quest of some kind, its always drilled into you by each character atleast 3 times an episode, but not here, its there, and you know its there, and it gets mentioned, but its not forced down your throat, which is really the best way to be i think.

So if you wanna try a show thats completely out of the ordinary, and gives you a great new look into the realm of sci fi, or if you're just a fan of mythology and would love to see it played out in a totally new and unique way, give The Almighty Johnson's a try, its really rather good.

here is the season one trailer....




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BC

SLiDE

SLiDE: 

"The key to happyness is, to do exactly what you want with out worrying what happens"
- Homer Simpson, Sage of the modern age.

At first look, SLiDE (yes, spelled that way) would seem to be just another of those "teenagers behaving badly" dramas, probably falling somewhere between Degrassi: The Next Generation and Skins, and though I can see how many would bring themselves to that idea, I seem to find something more too it, maybe its a secret love for shows of this nature, or maybe I just watched 10 Things I Hate About You and The Breakfast Club to much as a teenager, I don't really know. Either way, I find myself strangely addicted to this series and the inner workings of a group of friends that you really wouldn't think would be friends if not for how they all came together, which, unlike most shows of this nature, actually makes sense and could actually happen, after all, the clique that writes things into sports fields with fire together, stay together. Atleast thats how it happened for me and my friends in high school anyway.

All joking aside, SLiDE is the story of five unlikely friends; Ed Newman, Tammy Lane, Scarlett Carlyle, Eva Lee and Luke Gallagher, they were all sort of tossed together by the means of what happened on Ed's 17th birthday, a night that sort of became a local legend around their high school in Brisbane Australia, and creating a bond between the five of them, given how they all came together that night, as you would expect from that night on they became friends, all with their deep inner dynamic and tensions, as you would expect to be the bread and butter of a show like this. However unlike most shows that randomly toss cast members together for whatever reason, you can see from the start there are alot of things bubbling under the surface with all of them from the very beginning, which really makes me pretty happy really, I hate when a show like this doesn't have its plans already made out before hand and they just wing it, thats how you end up with shitty american teen dramas that no one but emokids want to watch... ok well emokids and women in their 40s that are alone and need something to chickwank too.

The promotional material says the show is ment to focus around Ed and his trying to get Scarlett, a rich girl who's just moved to the city and is the daughter of his boss, to fall in love with him, or atleast sleep with him, but i find thats rather far off the mark. Its more the story of a journey of 5 kids (dubbed "the Slide 5" in media) who honestly have no real idea who they are or what they want to be in life, and follows them as they attempt to discover who they all are inside while still being able to live the carefree life of a teenager. Ofcourse they deal with the normal things one faces as a teenager, though drinking and drugs are pretty casually done, they don't focus on them all that much, which is good, you actually see more of the after effects then the actual effects, except for when its key to the story of the character who is under the influence of either or both, and ofcourse, as there is with teenagers, insane amounts of sexual tension with in the cast, oddly though, there is none among the cast and any of the expanded cast, infact outside of parents, who are ment to either be cool, annoying, or assholes, whenever the cast are in a scene with one of the other kids they deal with in school, infact whenever you see any of them with Phillipa you have the feeling they just wanna punch her in the face, with out spoilering it, you find out why as the show goes on.

Its hard to actually write a real review of a show like this, its not like most shows of its nature where you deal with a larger secondary cast that appears and interacts with the mains and have little stories of their own, but with SLiDE you don't really have that, you have the five kids, their parents and siblings when needed, and minimal interaction outside of the group, atleast on camera, they imply they've all got friends, but you never really see them interact for more then afew lines at most with anyone thats not important to the story of that episode or the over all story in general. Now to many this might seem annoying cuz you're gonna get nothing but important story the whole way through, but infact, I rather like this about it. Because it makes you actually feel for the characters, lets you get in their heads, and not just see them as the images of various teenage archetypes, you don't just look at Eva and think "oh she's the misunderstood graffiti artist" but never see her work or understand her need for it, in this, there is actually a whole episode dedicated to understanding it, you don't know know that Tammy's all by the book and down to earth, you see why she is, and what happens when she lets loose and doesn't go by the letter to everything, and how Scarlett has does horrible things to get her father's attention because its the only way he really shows her any attention, and Luke has alot of issues at home that he keeps to himself and isn't really sure how to deal with real attraction instead of just sleeping with girls for the sake of having sex. Or how honestly, Ed would be attracted to anything female, even concrete. All these little things that make them unique and different, you feel happy when they are happy, and sad when they're sad, and when they get punched in the gut, you get punched in the gut, thats a sign of a great show, and more so great writing, because anyone can write a teen aimed drama series, but not everyone can make one that can draw in people over the age of 18 and aren't developmentally stunted in some form or another.

Now as I said before, its hard to review a show like this, and really, on the surface its ment to be the aussie version of the UK hit turned USA flop Skins, but as I said it goes so much farther, and alot funnier, i mean alot funnier, the insults and one liners traded between the cast and the hilariously stupid shit they get themselves into will actually have you laughing outloud in some spots. And I do feel like I'm phoning this in because i can't really mention much of the plot of the series, mostly because there really isn't much to it, its just the day to day lives of 5 teenagers in BrizVegas trying to live as much as they can, while under the surface everything else is bubbling, their fears, their loves, their desires, their needs, all of it, and also, that some of the show's most endearing moments happen when they all let go of the angst and worry of teendom and actually act like little children, there is a delightful scene in the pilot at the end where they're dancing in sprinklers after writing a message to the teacher in charge of their saturday detention in fire on their sports field thats just brilliant, and the scenes with them and Tammy's little brother Charlie in the second episode are just endearingly awesome. So if you are a fan of shows like Skins or those teenage dramas they have here in America, or you are looking for a new spin on the genre, then give SLiDE a chance.

Or if you're still curious, here is a promo from before the show aired


I should also note that its a pain in the ass to find imagery from this show, so if the images i posted, which were awesome high rez images off the official webpage and twitter page, are gone, sadly, they were all i could find..

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BC

Wonder Woman 2011

Unaired Pilots: # 2:

Wonder Woman 2011:

Possibly The Worst Thing I Have Ever Watched

And I've Seen Homeboys In Space... twice.

Superheroes are pretty much in demand right now, between big budget films, critically acclaimed cartoons, and in some cases tv shows that break out of the mold of only comic book fans will watch, or even movies and programs that dare to create their own super-powered beings out doing good and evil. But I'd like to talk about the television aspect for a moment if I could, now I know, in recent years, the idea of a a superhero vs. supervillain type tv show hasn't exactly worked out well, Heroes fell flat by the end of its run, and by the time No Ordinary Family finally started to get going and became good, it was too late to recover from its major stumbles out of the starting gate, and well, The Cape was horrible from the get go, it seemed that really the only who actually did any good and could break the horrible mold, as much as I hate to admit it, was Smallville, a fact that delights my friend Sally to no end. So with Superman's show coming to an end and Batman being the only DC Comics character able to make it on the big screen, it seems logical that someone would want to try and bring the last of DC Comic's "Big Three" back to popular culture's eye, and in that logic, is where the recent attempt at bringing Wonder Woman to television, which thankfully failed. Now after checking around and finally finding a copy of this pilot that wasn't ment to see the light of day, and watching it, I can tell you that its more then likely a good thing this didn't make it to television. But I'll get into that after I explain the plot.

The pilot starts with a young black fellow named Willis Parks, as he rushes into his mom's house and tells her and his sisters that he's just gotten into college thanks to a scholarship, only to start to bleed blood from his eyes and start to convulse and gasp for air. Cut to a somewhat sleazy looking criminal running through a downtown cityscape at a breakneck speed, he's running from our hero, this is the first time you see Wonder Woman, who's running about almost as fast as the guy she's chasing, and once she's had enough chasing, she whips out her lasso and ensnares the would be criminal, in a motion that can only be explained by being more like Scorpion's grapple move from Mortal Kombat, complete with yelling "G'ET OVER 'ERE!!" and all. Once she's disabled this scruffy malcontent out to do villainous debauchery, she draws his blood before the police come to collect him from her. Once they do, there is a short discussion between Wonder Woman and one Ed Indelicato, who states its the law that she hand him over to the police, which she does after a short disagreement between the two.

Next, as we see Wonder Woman flying in her high tech jet toward what we assume is her base of operations, we here the narrative of a current affairs talk show, where the host gives us abit of a background on this version of Wonder Woman, she is Diana Themyscira, the head of a multi-billion dollar company called Themyscira Industries, which I guess among other things, makes a Wonder Woman doll, you know, for the chiggin, more on the doll later. As Diana's walking in off the roof more of the news program plays, you have cameos by O.J Simpson Lawyer Allen Dershiwitz, fat ass windbag Doctor Phil, and whatever the hell Nancy Grace is, these were odd choices because all Phil does is talk about how her outfit makes her look too sexy and objectified and we're all left wondering if Nancy Grace is here taping this, who's out there sensationalizing every police case where a little white girl that goes missing? This is also where we meet Diana's assistants, Henry Jones and Etta Candy. Henry is kind of bitchy and always on about business and "the image" of the company, and Etta, though named to sound like one, is not a stripper at a nudie bar in the ghetto where all the other dancers are named after drinks or cars. At the end of the scene introducing them and showing Wonder Woman is a high profile figure of note, you see Diana dressed in street clothing and putting on glasses while doing her hair up, Henry asks her what she's doing, she says "I'm going home.." he says "But this is your home, you mean that apartment you keep under the Diana Prince identity?" she says yes, then he goes on about how acting as she does can cause multiple personalities, and she says she needs the ID to hide and "feel normal", she then goes to said apartment, and eats some chips while petting her cat and watching sad movies, and telling her cat she has to get around to making herself a facebook page, oh she also as flashbacks of her leaving where ever she was before, I'm assuming Washington DC, to "do some good" in Los Angeles, which also includes leaving her boyfriend Steve Trevor, there really isn't anything that would imply or explain why she picked LA, nor is there any real implication they care about each other.

The next day there is a big press conference where Wonder Woman explains to the world that the man she caught the night before was a super enhanced being who was treated with a drug that is almost completely untraceable and gives you enhanced powers, she also explains it was given to the man by a woman named Veronica Cale, who is the CEO of a giant pharmaceutical company, which she claims is also responsible for the deaths of several inner city athletes with promising careers ahead of them, stating that it almost killed Willis Parks, the black kid from the opening of the episode. After this Diana is whisked off to a meeting where she and her board of directors all sit around and discuss the business that is Wonder Woman, leading to a very awkward and stupidly placed rant by Diana about how Wonder Woman is, and this is a direct quote, "More then just tits and ass..". If this wasn't enough annoying, we're next whipped away to Diana sitting in her office as Etta comes in and tells her that the woman she exposed earlier in the day, Veronica Cale, as arrived to speak with her, concerning her earlier accusations. Which leads to the most uncomfortable and completely overt attempted at building sexual tension between two possibly bisexual super attractive females ever on american television. No, I'm not kidding, the press work even lists Veronica Cale as bisexual in the first sentence of the overview, and i am not exaggerating, the two of them are alone in Diana's office, both of them are wearing dresses they had to be poured into or painted on them cuz they're so tight and form fitting, and the dialog is so overt and blatantly attempting to build sexual tension between the two of them that its almost off-putting to the point you know had it gone to series, they'd have used this to garner a ratings stunt out of it somehow, like when Claire kissed that girl that used to be on The Nanny on Heroes for no real reason and then they just forgot about it. And there is a short pointless scene where a Senator who is in the pocket of Veronica Cale tries to find out what Diana's up too, he says they're sending an investigator to check into her and her methods, she laughs it off.

From here, Diana goes to talk to the guy she caught the night before, and after being told she couldn't see him, she says, and i quote directly here, "do you like my outfit? you know, my outfit opens alot of doors for me.." in what is possibly the sleaziest moment in the entire episode. Before this goes anywhere farther, Ed Indelicato comes up and tells the officer to leave, him and Diana have a brief arguement and then he leaves her alone with the guy for 5 minutes. In that 5 minutes she breaks his fingers and arm and he tells her were all the biological drug testing is happening, and where anyone that is harmed by the drugs is kept. She then hops in her weird little jet and flies off, after telling Ed where she's going. After a scene of her flying about where you see the inside of the jet, Ed calls Diana on her cellphone, and tells her that if she breaks into the location, that makes it a crime scene, and anything found while they're investigating the break in can be used legally as evidence. Which i guess makes sense in the land of people who don't understand the law. This also leads to the most screwed up thing of all time, the climatic fight scene, ok well not so much climatic so much as slightly better then those boring 30 second rogue angel fights in that Ghost Rider movie no one but me watched, which reminds me, you all need to remember, I watched that film for all of you so it would save your souls.

Anyway, you cut to the warehouse, where Veronica has instructed her muscular henchman to stop Wonder Woman at all costs, I shall call her henchman "GunShow" because he's constantly posing while showing off his muscles, seriously, no one wants you to take them to the gun show, thats why you got fired from that GNC supplement shop in the sad mall. So Gunshow agrees, and says him and his "men" will handle her. Next thing you see is Gunshow and his men talking about how there is only one wonder woman and she can't beat all 20 of them, honestly, I'm kind of amazed they weren't seacresting out at this point, when you suddenly hear a banging on the near by gate, then another bang, and a third bang, at which point the gate rolls up, and standing there, in the classic wonder woman outfit for some reason thats unknown to us, is Wonder Woman, the look on her face means she's either gonna get gangbanged or she's about to beat the shit out of Gunshow and his wash outs from the WWE, honestly at this this point in the horrible story I was kinda hoping it would be the gangbang to save me from some of this horseshit, but I was wrong, I was horrible wrong, she fights them, with almost effortless ease, which makes me wonder, she can dispense 20 guys with a punch and a kick and afew cracks of the lasso, but it takes her three tries to break a gate open? Not even Heroes at its worst was this bad with power consistency! After beating Gunshow and all his cartoon pals, Wonder Woman walks down a hallway where she finds an armed guard, he fires at her, and she, in classic wonder woman styley, deflects the bullets off her bracelets, after he empties his clip which she deflects, she then picks up a near by lead pipe and THROWS IT THROUGH HIS MOTHERFUCKING THROAT and half way through the door behind him, he hits it so hard it knocks it off the hinges. She walks over him and finds Veronica standing there, they have a short fist fight/rough lesbian sex foreplay moment, which ends with Veronica lifted off her feet against a wall, then thrown to the floor as Diana walks past here and finds where the drugs she's been on about all episode are being tested on men, and sees the ones that all it did was disfigure and mutate. At this point Ed walks in and says they've got everyone in custody and they're shutting the operation down. After this you see Veronica being taken to jail on television, then you find out the "inspector" the senator mentioned earlier was the guy Diana left to come to LA, you know, because they needed one more obvious plot issue to deal with.

End, fade to credits.

Now that I've given you all the blow by blow, lets get down to the nitty gritty dirt band of all, shall we? First off, let me state, this pilot, and the final draft of the pilot's script that hit the internet afew months ago, are NOT the same, either this was an original version of the pilot and then they ordered it remade, which happens more times then you think, recent cases where the US remake of the british series Life On Mars, which had a massively bad original pilot, and a redo was ordered, plus many cases of unaired pilots of shows that have never seen the light of day. The reason I say this about the pilot is simply, that alot of what the script we were all told is the final script from shooting, isn't in this pilot. The running "joke" about suing Katy Perry for dressing as Wonder Woman in a video with out permission, as well as the "I kissed a girl" jokes about Diana and Veronica, are missing, the script had lots of cues for songs to be used, none of which were in this, almost all of the pop culture references are gone completely, the script also had swearing which would be bleeped out here in the states, but let air outside the country, but all there was as far as adult language goes is you hear "tits" twice and "ass" once, but nothing else comes close to harsh language. And this might be a nitpicky thing, but, the opening chase scene isn't what it is written as either, in the script Wonder Woman is running down Hollywood Blvd, and she's running into people dressed as everyone from Buzz Lightyear and SpongeBob Squarepants as well as pretty much every known marvel and dc superhero you can think of, the last of which being a very well endowed prostitute dressed as her, which would lead to the outburst in the meeting about the looks of the Wonder Woman doll that happens afterwards, also the script implied it would run add free, but there are are clearly add breaks in this.

Now that aside, lets focus on whats wrong with this actual pilot instead of pointing out whats missing, and well, whats wrong is, well most of the pilot infact. Sigh, lets see, where to start... First off, the outfit itself, I understand its a television show not a movie, and the budget won't be exactly the same, but the outfit looks literally like it was taken off the rack at a costume shop that has an adults only section, I'm serious, also its too tight, now I'm as much a fan of checking out hot women in skimpy things as the next upstanding gentleman who is wise to the ways of the world, but honestly seeing Adrianne Palicki's breasts muffin top the outfit because its so small on her, it starts to become abit distracting and takes you completely out of the show at times because its so overtly obvious you find yourself hating it whenever you see it, also though the boots look like your standard issue red and gold hooker boots, the pants Wonder Woman wears for all but the final fight scene, seriously look like a pair of stretch pants taken right off the post July 4th clearance rack at Walmart, and the trademark lasso thats always on her side looks like someone cut the end off of a golden glitter jump rope that someone got at a dollar store at the last minute.Seriously, I'm not exaggerating or nitpicking, the outfit really is bad enough to spend a whole paragraph on.

Other things that are wrong is, ofcourse the script itself, it lacks any real feel of structure and is devoid of most attempts at telling a story, in a remotely proper way, and it fails to make us really see any of the stories its trying to string together, the scene with Steve Trevor told in flashback completely misses even giving him a name, and really makes no sense at all other then to tell you Diana lived somewhere else then moved to LA "to use her powers for good", you have no idea where they are, who Steve is until his name is mentioned near the end of the pilot, you also don't have a clue why she feels her powers would be best used in LA instead of say, Washington DC or New York City or one of DC's many fictional cities of note Metropolis, Gotham City, Keystone City, Coast City, ect, you're just expected to believe she just felt the best place for her to use her powers, was the city of angels for no real reason other then to just go there. Plus, there is no actual reference to the fast she's an amazon princess, there is a joke about amazons, but thats it, no reference in the very little we're told of her of her coming to the "world of man" or anything, its just, like she somehow forgot who she is, and the writer completely forgot to tell us this fact, seriously, its kind of annoying once you get down into it. My other massive issues is, Wonder Woman has no concept of the the law, and how justice works, in the real world you can't hold a press conference to say someone is doing something illegal and then expect everyone to trust your word on that simply because you're you, we call that "slander" here in the states, and its against the law, hell its even against Branigan's Law. She also has no issue torturing people, you know, because thats what heroes do, oh wait, I'm from the world that makes sense, where anti-heroes like Cable, Wolverine, Punisher, Lobo, Batman and the like all torture to get information, but heroes like Superman and Captain America and the like do not torture, Wonder Woman doesn't torture, she uses her magic lasso, which when tied around a person will make them tell the truth, I guess someone in the writing department forgot its for more then snapping a motherfucker's neck like a matchstick, but the thing that bugs me most of all, even far beyond the implication that Diana's secretly bisexual and is secretly attracted to Veronica Cale, who again, the synopsis points out in the first line about her, is very bisexual, and even farther beyond the fact they try to make Wonder Woman a mix of Batman and Iron Man, or the whole has three identities thing, above all of that, what gets me the most is how effortlessly, and willingly, Diana kills. Seriously there was no reason for her to toss a pipe through the throat of a security guard who was out of bullets for his gun, just because you're a door guard at a super secret super evil research building, does not make you guilty of being involved with what goes on there, she seriously murdered a possibly innocent person, and no one bothered to even call her out on it. It was seriously mindblowing.

So the big question, is it really worth it? No. It falls into the same category as the unaired pilots for the american versions of shows like Red Dwarf, The Vicker of Dilbey, Absolutely Fabulous, Little Mosque On The Prairie, and countless others that just should be relegated to things people who are only in the know and get a kick out of such things keep and show their friends, and should never ever be shown the light of day. But if you wanna have a good laugh, or wanna see Elizabeth Hurley as a purely evil super hot and super bisexual criminal as she flirts with Adrianne Palicki in a way too tight pleather top from Victoria's Secret or see that believe it or not, the crap that does make the air, isn't always as bad as the crap that doesn't make on the air, then by all means search it out and see if maybe you can find it, and then be amazed at the horror show that follows. Or just avoid it and run like the wind, your choice.


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Suburban Shootout

Suburban Shootout:

Its Like If The Godfather And Desperate Housewives

Had A Child, And That Child Took Alot Of Acid

Its always been assumed that every country in the world brings something different to comedy, its own distinct style and way of doing things; Americans have lowbrow cheap comedy down to a science, in Australia deadpan and sarcastic barbs are a way of life, Canada has a way of finding the outright hilarious in every day life, Japan and most of the Asian countries have wacky and absurd everywhere you go, The Latin countries have guys in bumblebee suits getting pies tossed in their faces while secretly pining for the love of men named Stu who can't let Disco go, and ofcourse the United Kingdom has the thinking man's comedy, the comedy thats played off as serious and the quick and dry wit thats as sharp as a sword made of 440 Ginsu steel. And its in the grand tradition of The United Kingdom's ability to make a comedy out of just about anything at all, no matter how insane of an idea, and make it seem like the greatest idea of all time, I give you a somewhat forgotten gem of british comedy, the hilariously dark Suburban Shootout.

On the surface, and by surface I mean the beginning of the first episode, Suburban Shootout seems like the story of a middle aged couple; Joyce and Jeremy Hazeldine, and later in season one, their son Ben who returns from mission work in Africa, who move from the busy fast paced insanity of downtown London to a small out of the way hamlet called Little Stempington where they settle into their new roles, Joyce as a housewife and Jeremy as the head of the local police force. But life in this small out of the way town where there seems to be no crime, no youthful unrest, nothing happens in Little Stempington, there is never so much as a speeding car in this little town, infact Jeremy is told by his secondary officer, that no one's had to use the police siren in over two years, and the closest thing to a police matter they've had to deal with was the accident that killed Jeremy's predecessor, and that was quickly discovered to be mechanical failure. But as you can guess, nothing is ever what it seems in small out of the way towns where nothing happens, however its not Jeremy that discovers this, his wife Joyce, who is, by no fault of her own, forced into discovering the secret of what keeps Little Stempington running so smoothly, the answer? As anyone would have guessed by now, two rival gangs of housewives, who are, for lack of a better explanation, in the middle of a very violent turf war. Yes, you read that correctly.

Joyce unintentionally gets tossed right in the middle of this war, by means of members of both groups visiting and attempting to befriend her, and is reluctantly forced into the middle of this, for lack of a better term, gang war, by a woman named Camilla Diamond, who tricks Joyce into getting her fingerprints on a detonator used to blow up a local wicker store, and thus using this to blackmail Joyce into working for her. As the show goes on we meet Barbra Du Prez and learn the story of how things came to be as they are in Little Stempington, how it all started afew years prior with Camilla Diamond and Barbra, and how they were the best of friends, and one day happened across burglar in Camilla's home, and instead of running scared or calling the police, they bravely took the man on together, accidentally killing him in the process, and how as they bury the body far outside of town, they make a vow to never allow the criminal element to grow and fester with in their little town ever again. Barbra also tells of how things game to be as they are now, after recruiting their friends into their small organization, eventually a rift formed among the group and Camilla and two others; Hilary Davenport and Gillian Gordon-Moore, split off and became the very criminal element that they had originally fought to keep out of their small town, the other group consisting of Barbra as well as two others; Pam Draper and Margret Littlefair, who still believe in the ideals Camilla and Barbra swore too uphold, while still battling the now seemingly massive criminal element controlled by Camilla.

As the series goes, you learn just how deep this whole gang war goes, and just how many people are involved, and it makes you start to wonder just how many small towns something like this could happen in, or if there are any that its happening in right now. Its abit of a mindfuck in that respect, but as far as mindfucks go, this one's actually pretty damn fun. As it goes on, you see that Barbra and her group, though admittedly claiming to be the good guys, are just as insane as Camilla and her group, at one point Barbra is seen planting land mines where a planned low income housing estate was set to be built, claiming "low income housing is how it starts..", implying that poor people who live in estates are some how the criminal element, and later on going about trying to rid the town of teenagers wearing hoodies because they're a symbol of criminal activity, things like that, the whole time you're left wondering if there really is a good and bad side to this whole thing, or if one side just just slightly less evil then the other, but like any good gangster film, thats what you're supposed to think.

The plot and characters are pretty well flushed out and believable able overall, and though you don't really get much of a look into the lives of anyone other then Camilla, Barbra and Joyce, you don't really find yourself lacking though, they use the concept of just enough to make you laugh, but not enough to over stay their welcome, which is what an extended cast should be, and its main cast work so well together and toss such incredibly sharp barbs at each other constantly that its hilarious, you could almost have a drinking game with the insults, which ofcourse to most is the meat of the show. So if you're interested in an offbeat, dark comedy thats probably the most brilliant all be it obscure series in recent years, then give it a try. Shame though I couldn't find the pilot for the HBO created american remake, but then, that might actually take away some of the magic you know? So give this a shot if you really are up for something completely out there and different, and alot more funny then you'd ever expect.


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Shameless (US Series)

....and USA Remake Week concludes...

Shameless (US Series):

How William H. Macy Gave Me Faith

In American Remakes

As I'm sure is evident by my writing this week, and the many other times I've mentioned this, for some reason american production and television people, have issues when it comes to adapting a program from any other country for american viewers, and though in concept the ideas sound great, most of the time they end up watered down, cheaply made knock offs of the shows they're created from. Using this week's other write ups as examples of what I mean; Being Human suffers from idea that if you have a modern show with vampires and werewolves, you have to pander to the Twilight fans and make the vampire like Edward and the werewolf almost passable with out a shirt. And Top Gear suffers from among other things, lack of originality and cowardice to be honest about anything they review out of fear of a company not advertising on it. Both are good examples of what I mean, we water down and strip any originality or charm from a program and claim its "made for american viewers" when infact its not. Its depressing really.

And that is why when word came down that after afew years in development hell, the US version of the hit British cult series Shameless was finally on its way, I did kind of cringe alittle. When word got out that there was a giant race to get the lead roles of Frank and Fiona Gallagher, Frank being the most important role in the series and Fiona being a key in the start of the series, I jumped for joy at the idea of some of the list that were trying out for both roles, it was literally a who's who of A list and highly praised but hadn't found that role to break through yet actors and actresses, serious it was like a fans dream casting. And that made me insanely excited. When word came down that the incredible William H. Macy, who has been a favorite of mine sense Pleasentville and Mystery Men, was to play Frank Gallagher, I nearly screamed for joy like a 13 year old girl at a Justin Beiver concert, yes, I was THAT excited. And when word got out that it would be airing on Showtime, the network that has put such great shows as Weeds and Nurse Jackie on the air, I could not have been more happy, for it really is the perfect place to let this show be what it is, and not have to water it down.

For those of you that aren't aware of the concept of Shameless, its best explained as the classic series Roseanne, but with a larger and poorer family, to quote the show's creator, "where Roseanne was about lower lower class blue collar, Shameless is about a family so poor they have no collar.". It tells the tale of out of work out of luck Frank Gallagher and his six children who live in the poorest part of Chicago, and struggle through the often hilarious, often serious, often completely insane world around them. Veiwers of the original series might notice that the show does follow the same plot as the original, just transposing locations from an estate in Manchester (england england across the atlantic sea..) for a rundown house in Chicago, some of the other scenes and plot stuff is almost carbon copy, the bit where you find out one of Frank's kids is gay was done the exact same way as it was in the original, and Frank wakes up in Canada instead of France, but you kind of make allowances for stuff like that, its not an exact copy, but it does invoke the original's feel and charm, while making it something completely all its own as well. I love when a show does that, its kind of like what The Office did in recent years, you know, before it got tired and became "how do we drive Dwight even more crazy this week" all the time.

The show is amazingly well cast, Joan Cusack finally getting a role she can actually show that she can act, she stars as Sheila, a love interest for Frank, replacing Allison Janney who played Sheila in the unaired version of the pilot, and Emmy Rossum, a young up and coming singer/actress as Fiona Gallagher I was abit leery when I found out Emmy had gotten the role over the likes of Ellen Page, Hayley Hasselhoff and that dead eyed girl who played Bella in Twilight, all of which are some great young talent, I was very leery of someone thats really only noted roles other then Mystic River were the 2004 Phantom of The Opera and Dragonball Evolution, but she plays a good Fiona, ironically one of her love interests is Justin Chatwin as Steve, who also played Goku opposite Emmy in Dragonball Evolution. The rest of cast seems pretty well too, hard to tell with all the Gallagher kids, but they'll grow into their own as the show goes on, just as the original cast did, and those around them as well.

So as I'm sure you're all wondering, do I think its worth giving Shameless a chance? Ofcourse I do, sure its a remake, and sure most of the time remakes don't work, but give this one a try, its not at all showing any sign of horrible watered down slug-ness, its actually, if anything showing how good a remake can be if its left to its own devices and allowed to become what its ment to be, not what a boardroom wants it to be. Plus its worth it to see William H. Macy drunk ans sweaing like a truck driver. Seriously you gotta check this out. .. Oh also, sorry for the lack of images, there really aren't many out there...

here is the trailer incase you missed it when I posted it awhile back, oh and don't worry, the swearing isn't bleeped in the show...




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Top Gear USA

And USA Remake Week Continues....

Top Gear USA:

Once Again, We Drop The Ball

On A Totally Simple Slam Dunk

I've always been a car fan, I mean like a big, crazy, rattles off performance stats in a tone so excited that I think everyone around me has a clue what I'm jibbering on about kind of car fan. It comes from all the car shows I went to as a kid, both my parents were car people, which means just like their loves of movies and tv and music, I'd ofcourse get their love of cars. Its that love of cars, and the ability to download tv shows over the internet, as well as the almost constant ordering to watch by those I know that live in the UK, that I found Top Gear, the longest running automotive show in the world, and really, the benchmark for anything automotive related on television. Its hip, its creative, its informative, and its pretty enjoyable to watch. But when you think of it, who wouldn't wanna watch a show about three goofballs doing insane crap with used cars and taking the fastest production car in the world out for a Sunday spin?

After many years of success in the UK, and a successful Australian version thats almost as fun to watch as the original and a Russian version that I've seen little of, but found pretty good for a show produced by bears on unicycles, fat smelly guys drunk off tader booze and whores, I found myself jumping for joy when word came out that we were finally getting a Top Gear spin off here in the states. They didn't tell us who would be hosting or what they'd be covering, but when you think of all the fun they can have with an endless supply of american cars at their fingertips, anything really was possible, it was just so exciting to speculate. Sadly though, what could have been every american car lovers dream, was infact, kind of the opposite.

What we got were three guys that looked and acted completely uncomfortable with each other and uncomfortable on camera, and are just lacking in most ways. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying they need to be exactly like the originals, after all the Aussies are nothing at all like the UK team and I love them. Its just there seems to be no real connection or shared love between the american hosts, and they just look like a car crash on screen, and with out knowing anything at all about them, you honestly feel they're just three dicks in a circle jerk trying to half ass a horrible rehash of a great concept. here, lets get out the block quotes and break it down alittle shall we?

Tanner Foust is a former X Games Rally Racer and Drift Champion turned Stunt Driver, who's biggest claim to fame is that he was the lead stunt man in the Fast and The Furious films, as well as the main stunt driver for The General Lee in the movie version of The Dukes of Hazzard. He was the host of "Battle Of The Supercars" a show that was produced by the same crew that does Top Gear USA.

This guy is a little annoying prick of a man, he talks like he knows what he's on about, but he really doesn't. His only real shining moments were by sheer luck getting a chevy truck that was able to out last the worst year model of the Ford F-150 and the insanely horrible 1997 Dodge Ram, known for its insane issues and breaking down issues. Yeah thats great, you beat two junkpiles with a moderately well built Chevy truck, you know what we call that up here in New Hampshire, where the rare northern redneck runs wild? A SATURDAY AFTERNOON. Its hardly a feat honestly. Oh and he lost to some skiers using a Lancer Evo in some winter offroading. This guy is an X Games Rally champ, how in the hell does he lose in a Lancer Evo, a street legal rally car, to two douchebags in speed suits?

Adam Ferrara who is known to most as Cheif "Needles" Nelson on the series "Rescue Me", and his other major role of note was in the tour de force known as Paul Blart; Mall Cop. That and some stand up is all this guy's done, no seriously thats it, thats literally all there is.

Adam really doesn't do anything of any real note or notice on the show, he's just there, he stands with the other two and agrees with them or stands silently, its really almost painful to watch him at times. Its like they just slapped this guy in there because someone was all "hey we need a guy that looks dull and can speak car techy talk.." and they found this guy. Ugh.. just.. ugh.

Rutledge Wood is "a professional car enthusiast" who has done television and blog work for Speed Channel, where he mostly annoyed NASCAR drivers and fans by attempting to make it sound like there is alot of technical skill involved in taking left turn and going down a straightaway at 200mph in a non-car that looks exactly like every other non-car on the track. even though there are four companies out there making said cars.

I know I say this alot, but honestly, I HATE HATE HATE HATE Rutledge Wood, he tries to hard to be their Jeremy Clarkson, but he doesn't understand that Clarkson's deadpan serious delivery of brilliantly funny lines isn't something you can mimic, you have to truly believe the stuff you're saying, and not look like a fat idiot in a flannel shirt and thick glasses who mugs at the camera after every attempt at a one liner as if to say "please find me funny I have no real life skills". This is evident in the one time he attempted to do a Clarkson like intro to the segment with the american stig, or "AmeriStig" if you rather, as well as the time he actually called one of the other three "Captain Slow", it makes you wonder if he was just watching reruns and attempting to mimic and steal lines or something. Honestly, I wanna smack him most of the time. Also what is a "Professional Car Enthusiast" exactly? I love cars, have all of my life, and am a tall fat jackass with a beard, does that mean I could get paid to be just like Rutledge Wood and get paid to be a complete tosser on tv? if so, sign me up, I'll do laps around this guy. No, literally, he's that fat, you can do laps around him. Oh also he called Austin Martin "liars" because the DB8 or whatever doesn't go as fast as the speedometer goes up too. .. Moron.

Even AmeriStig annoys me honestly, I've been looking at the test track times from UK, Aussie, Russian and US shows, and AmeriStig is the slowest of them all! Sure the UK has had like 5 Stigs, but what the hell, he does not have one lap in any of the cars, and the one truck, under 1 minute 22 seconds, this shows that the show is either unable to, or unwilling for budget reasons, to get use of the higher end supercars that the three other versions are able to get to do their laps with. Its painful as all hell to watch, plus given how he seems to not really know what he's doing alot, I'm kind of wondering if AmeriStig is a NASCAR or maybe outlaw driver, which would kind of be another nail in the coffin for this jet crashing in slow motion with both of its engines lit up like a giant hippie at Burning Man of a show. And yes, you did read that right, AmeriStig took a Ford F-150 around the test track. No I am not kidding.

The cast isn't the only thing that annoys me, its the out and out lack of creativity in not only challenges, but in the cars they have on the show. of the 12 cars they took around the track, only 2 were american cars, the Dodge Viper and the Ford F-150. You would think that with an american show, you'd do atleast one attempt at a show about muscle cars right? Nope! Instead we get 9 shows and one best of that all feature the Lamborghini Gallardo and its various sub-versions. I mean seriously, they shoehorned this car into EVERY episode. And though most love the challenges, the show is still about the reviews and test drives, and well there really were so few of them, and though I love the Mustang Boss and the Morgan Aero SuperSports, it made me sad that they were really the only non-bias reviews done on the show, granted 90% of the show was taken up by re-doing a challenge from the UK series; playing tag with an attack chopper, ect. The whole thing really just feels off and completely unconnected. It just, doesn't work at all. like they gave away the respect and unbiased coverage to pander to the advertisement people.

But then, what do I know? lol American TV'll ruin something, but not know when it should call it a day on certain things...

This'll give you an idea of what I'm talking about...


Top Gear USA Clip #2: Lamborghini Comparison


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Being Human (US Series)

Being Human (US Series):

Sam Huntington Is Still A Worthless Pile

And Other Watered Down Drivel Aimed At Twi-hards

As many of you long time readers know, I am a rather large fan of the British sci fi series "Being Human", its well written, well acted and cast, and is just the greatest sci fi series out there right now, well aside from Doctor Who ofcourse, but as long time readers and friends of mine will tell you, for me The Doctor is in a class all of his own and can't be counted among the teaming masses. Anyway, after spending two years in complete and utter nerdlust with the original, word comes out that recently renamed american network SyFy (ugh...) would, as its first original series under its new name and concept, remake the British series for american viewers, because, you know, SyFy'll be damned if BBC America makes that sweet sweet cash from all those fans of vampires, ghosts, werewolves, and whatever other things everyone in the world knows Stephenie Meyer created with the Twilight books and films.

I have to admit when I first heard word of this, I cringed, and then cried, honestly, we Americans can make a fine good show on our own, SyFy has afew rather good ones themselves infact; Warehouse 13, Eureka, ect. But when it comes to America remaking a series from another country, it just doesn't really work out all that well. Sure The Office was a hit and the Showtime version of Shameless (will be writing about this later this week) is showing alot of promise, as were some classic shows like All In The Family and Three's Company to name just two, but well, the diamonds are few and far between when you're standing in a pile of coal (A point I'll expand on later this week when I write about Top Gear USA, its kind of US Remake Week here!).

Its hard to really pin down exactly what is the worst thing about this show, because there are many things wrong honestly. The writing is completely rushed, they were trying to cram bits from atleast four episodes worth of the original series into one pilot episode, it felt confused and rushed and sort of sloppily put together, almost as if the writers have no idea at all what they were writing about or maybe even didn't care about it enough to make an attempt. The characters names are all completely different, and only have vague likeness to their counterparts, this problem spills into the extended cast as well, or in the case of one character completely made up, its confusing, offputting and just plain depressing.. here let me show you what I mean, here is the character list...

Sally Andrews (Meaghan Rath) is an insecure ghost who haunts the house she and her fiancé lived in while she was alive, and is unwilling to leave it. Sally appears in the clothes she was wearing when she died which change subtly depending on her state of mind. In the first episode, she is introduced as a very afraid ghost who doesn't trust herself to unlock the past with her ex-fiance.

This is their take on Annie Sawyer, and instead of making her anything at all like Annie, other then her cloths and that she haunts the house, they decided to go the whole 1991 movie Ghost route, you know, because they're completely out of ideas otherwise. Interestingly, they state that Sally has been living in the house with them for awhile before they actually see her, which makes no sense given that its explained afew minutes later that vampires, werewolves, ghosts and other supernaturals can see and sense each other. It was a giant plothole that makes me wonder if it wasn't a case of "oh wiat, we gotta put this in there.. its in the original.." and just shoehorning something in. Its still a glaringly annoying plothole that yells at you in a booming voice that echoes from the endless depths of hell itself.

Joshua "Josh" Radcliff (Sam Huntington) is a nerdy, paranoid hospital worker who suffers from being a werewolf every full moon. Once twilight comes around, he begins to act funny. In the first episode, it is revealed that he chose to leave his family because of his situation, having disappeared for 2 years. One night when his sister, Emily, having finally discovered him, followed him downstairs in the hospital, where she witnessed the secret he hid for such a long time and the reason why he left. Aidan and Sally were called and Josh asks them to help his sister get out before he fully transforms and kills her.

The fact that Josh is played by horrible waist of skin Sam Huntington, whom not only is a worthless person, but seems to be the kiss of death to both movies and television series he seems to be on, which probably won't work well for the series as it is. But more so then that, Josh is a horriblely flawed character, he lacks any of the charm and likeability of George Sands, the character he is supposed to be the american take on. He is devoid of real personality, Josh is nervous and worries and depressive, but thats it, there is no hint of the intelligence and geekness and more importantly, the actually looking kind of like a werewolf, George actually looks like he could be a werewolf, Josh just looks like the douchebag at the comic shop that just dropped $500 on Magic: The Gathering cards, even though no one's played that game for over 10 years, and you find yourself caring about him even less then you would a guy like that. Also, George never had a gay sister, I have a feeling they tossed her in instead of Nina because some idiot said a budget wouldn't allow for two werewolf transformations, the same reason I'm sure there won't be much Sally ghosty stuff.

Ian Daniel "Aidan" McCollin (Sam Witwer) is a quiet, calm vampire who is over 200 years old and presently works as a nurse in Boston. He is best friends with Josh, who always encourages him to live as a normal person. When he meets Rebbecca, a coworker, he is tempted to bite and drink her blood. He accidentally killed Rebecca, and did his best to cover up the event by calling a morgue run by a fellow vampire.

Apparently he's called Aidan as a send up to Aidan Turner, the man that plays John Mitchell in the original Being Human, however there is no explanation that his name is anything other then Aidan, he's simply just called it for some reason, and honestly unless you read the profiles or the wiki, you'd never have a clue that his name is actually Ian. You would also have no real idea that the show is now set in Boston if not for his profile as well. Aidan falls into the category of being just tossed together with no real idea what is going on with him. As I had feared, Aidan is complete and utter pandering to the twilight fans out there, with him looking like a mix of Robert Pattinson and professional wrestler Randy Orton, with a stare thats completely devoid of anything remotely close to emotion, or even anything hinting at cognitive thought. Its almost painful to watch him honestly. Especially when he's talking to the other vampires in these confusing shady conversations that really don't do anything but lead up to more confusion and WTF-ness.

The characters don't even really touch the tip of the iceberg of whats wrong with this show, its just so disjointed and confused and rushed, its a mess from start to end, even if there are some small glimmers of possible hope that shine through at times, it doesn't make up for the massive amount wrong. The premise has been changed, the idea is just so contorted and twisted and stretched from what its supposed to be that its almost just a vague afterthought. Its pretty depressing honestly given the premise that this show had. But sadly, it just did what many other shows in the same vain have done, fallen into the same pit as the rest. Truly depressing really.

Here is the promo trailer...




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