Movies In 2009:
Best Movie of 2009:
Lymelife. This is a sort of quirky little overlooked dramedy, based loosely on the lives of its writers and directors, brothers Derick Martini and Steven Martini, Set in late-1970s Syosset, Long Island, Lymelife follows two families who crumble when tangled relationships, real estate problems and Lyme disease converge in the heart of suburbia. Fifteen-year-old Scott Bartlett is a gentle boy, radically different from his blustery father Mickey and tightly wired mother Brenda. An outbreak of Lyme disease, as well as the accompanying paranoia, hits their suburban community hard. When the Bartletts' neighbor Charlie Bragg is diagnosed with the illness, Brenda calms her fears by duct-taping Scott's cuffs shut. Despite the onset of this mysterious ailment, the two families are quite busy. Since Charlie is unable to work, his wife Melissa must keep the income flowing herself. She is hired by Mickey, who is the developer of an enormous subdivision, and though this gesture is a friendly favour, it is also patently motivated by lust. Mickey's history of philandering is one of the many things upsetting his wife Brenda, who yearns for the comfort of their old neighborhood in Queens. And growing up amid this marital cocktail is Scott, who has been in love with the Braggs' daughter Adrianna for all of his young life. The news both good and bad is that she is starting to return his interest. Things really heat up when Jimmy, Scott's older brother, comes home on leave from the Army. Jimmy shares many of his father's personality traits, and his confrontations with Mickey trigger events that permanently alter both families. This film might not really seem like a lot to some of you, but it really is a powerful powerful film, it speaks with a voice that not everyone is gonna hear at first, and might take afew watchthroughs to hear, but either way, its there. It also has some incredible preformances by Emma Roberts, afew of the Culkin children, Tim Hutton and amazingly enough Alex Baldwin too. Its well worth a watch if you let this one pass under your radar.
Lymelife. This is a sort of quirky little overlooked dramedy, based loosely on the lives of its writers and directors, brothers Derick Martini and Steven Martini, Set in late-1970s Syosset, Long Island, Lymelife follows two families who crumble when tangled relationships, real estate problems and Lyme disease converge in the heart of suburbia. Fifteen-year-old Scott Bartlett is a gentle boy, radically different from his blustery father Mickey and tightly wired mother Brenda. An outbreak of Lyme disease, as well as the accompanying paranoia, hits their suburban community hard. When the Bartletts' neighbor Charlie Bragg is diagnosed with the illness, Brenda calms her fears by duct-taping Scott's cuffs shut. Despite the onset of this mysterious ailment, the two families are quite busy. Since Charlie is unable to work, his wife Melissa must keep the income flowing herself. She is hired by Mickey, who is the developer of an enormous subdivision, and though this gesture is a friendly favour, it is also patently motivated by lust. Mickey's history of philandering is one of the many things upsetting his wife Brenda, who yearns for the comfort of their old neighborhood in Queens. And growing up amid this marital cocktail is Scott, who has been in love with the Braggs' daughter Adrianna for all of his young life. The news both good and bad is that she is starting to return his interest. Things really heat up when Jimmy, Scott's older brother, comes home on leave from the Army. Jimmy shares many of his father's personality traits, and his confrontations with Mickey trigger events that permanently alter both families. This film might not really seem like a lot to some of you, but it really is a powerful powerful film, it speaks with a voice that not everyone is gonna hear at first, and might take afew watchthroughs to hear, but either way, its there. It also has some incredible preformances by Emma Roberts, afew of the Culkin children, Tim Hutton and amazingly enough Alex Baldwin too. Its well worth a watch if you let this one pass under your radar.
Runner-Ups: “Watchmen”, “Up”, “The Hurt Locker”
Best Dramatic Movie of 2009:
Precious. In 1987, obese, illiterate 16-year-old Claireece "Precious" Jones (Gabourey Sidibe) lives in the New York City neighborhood of Harlem with her dysfunctional family; she has been raped and impregnated twice by her father, Carl, and suffers constant physical, mental and sexual abuse from her unemployed mother, Mary (Mo'Nique). The family resides in a Section 8 tenement and subsists on welfare. Her first child, known only as "Mongo" (short for "Mongoloid"), has Down Syndrome and is being cared for by Precious' grandmother. After Precious becomes pregnant for the second time, she is suspended from school. Her junior high school principal, Mrs. Lichtenstein (Nealla Gordon) arranges to have her attend an alternative school, which she hopes can help Precious change her life's direction. Precious fights to find a way out of her traumatic daily existence through imagination and fantasy. While she is being raped by her father, she looks at the ceiling and imagines herself in a music video shoot; in the video, she is the superstar and the focus of attention. While looking in photo albums, she imagines the pictures talking to her. When she looks in the mirror, she sees a pretty, white, thin, blonde girl. In her mind there is another world, one in which, unlike her real one, she is loved and appreciated. Inspired by her new teacher Miss Rain (Paula Patton), Precious begins learning to read. She gives birth to her second child and names him Abdul. After Precious' mother deliberately drops three-day-old Abdul and hits Precious, Precious fights back long enough to get her son and flees her home permanently. She finds new confidence with the help of her teacher, Miss Rain, and begins raising her son in a half-way house while she continues to improve academically. However, her mother comes back into her life to inform Precious that her father has died of AIDS. Later, Precious finds out that she is HIV positive, but Abdul is not. The film ends with Precious still resolved to improve for herself and for her children. She severs ties with her family and makes plans to complete a General Educational Development test. This is one of those films where you look at it on the surface, and all you see is just some attempt at “positive African American entertainment” and like with most movies that try this route, you normally would just roll your eyes and let it happen, with out putting to much stock into it and the trite message its trying to out out, kind of the same way you would with a modern Christmas movie. But trust me, if you sleep on this one, you will be sorry, it is a hidden gem if there ever was one, its just so amazingly good, and you find yourself compelled to watch and see what happens as the cast plays out the story, its so captivating and entrancing that by the end, you're left with a lot of questions and a lot of wanting more.
Runner-Ups: “The Hurt Locker”, “Notorious”, “The Soloist”
Best Comedy Movie of 2009:
Julie & Julia. In the year 2002, Julie Powell (Amy Adams) is a young writer trapped in a rather unpleasant job at the Lower Manhattan Development Corporation's call center, where she answers telephone calls from victims of the September 11 attacks, as well as members of the general public calling to complain about the LMDC's controversial plans for rebuilding the World Trade Center. To enliven her dreary life, she attempts to cook every recipe in Julia Child's cookbook, Mastering the Art of French Cooking, which was published in 1961, and writes a blog to document her progress. Woven into her story is the story of Julia Child's time in Paris, in the 1950s, in which she discovers the art of French cooking. The plot structure carefully highlights similarities in the challenges encountered by both Julie and Julia. Both women get much support from their husbands, although at one point Powell's husband is fed up with her excessive devotion to her hobby and leaves her briefly for a few days. Eventually, Julie's blog is highlighted in a story published in the New York Times, after which her project finally begins to receive the attention of journalists, literary agents, and publishers. After Julia's book is initially rejected by Houghton Mifflin, it is eventually accepted and published by Alfred A. Knopf. This film is great in the fact that it shows how two people, sometimes inspired by the other, can live what is basically the same life be it a country, and decades apart. The book is infact the common connection point, it tells of Julia's life as she discovered her love of cooking and herself and came about creating the book, as well as Julie's life as she discovers the exact same things as she cooks her way through the book. As you go, you discover many things about each of them and their lives, including the fact Julia Child had abit of a potty mouth and a dirty mind, which is honestly something I wished I could have never known about her, and you also find that Julie Powell still to this day dresses like Julia did on tv whenever she cooks, and are given an answer to why Julia ended up in Boston in the 1960s and how she ended up on television. Sure some might find this remotely silly or boring, but there is something to be said about subtle and meaningful comedies these days, when they are often overshadowed by gag and one liner based goofball comedy that really isn't good for more then a week or so comedy wise. Plus the true stand out of this film is Meryl Streep, who I wasn't even really aware could do comedy, she plays Julia Child to an excellent approximation, not overplaying the voice or the sometimes goofy nature of her like so many do, she plays her with just enough of the flighty loveable uncomfortableness that we all know and love of Julia, and mixes in just enough classic British comedy character Hyacinth Buckett for the voice to make it also a send up to her, a character ment to spoof Julia in many ways. Its truly something to see if you haven't yet, you'll actually enjoy it.
Runner-Ups: “Adventureland”, “Zombieland”, “Black Dynamite”
Best Horror Movie of 2009:
Drag Me To Hell. In 1969 Pasadena, California, a young Spanish couple rush to the mansion of wealthy medium Shaun San Dena (Flor de Maria Chahua). Their son had stolen a necklace from a wagon of gypsies three days prior, and has been complaining about seeing and hearing monsters. San Dena tries to help the boy in a seance, but she and the boy's parents are attacked by an unseen force. The boy is grabbed by demons and pulled into Hell in front of San Dena.
Runner-Ups: “The Last House On The Left (2009)”, “The Final Destination”, “The Left Bank”
Best Sci Fi Movie of 2009:
District 9. In 1982, a large alien spaceship stops above Johannesburg, South Africa. Reports suggest that the ship became stranded after a command module separated from the ship and dropped to Earth, nowhere to be found. An exploratory team discovers a group of one million unhealthy and leaderless members of an arthropod-like extraterrestrial species who are given asylum on Earth. Some of these aliens engage in criminal and destructive activities, which lead to demands from the human population for more control. As a result, the aliens – derogatorily referred to as "prawns" – are confined to a government camp inside Johannesburg, called District 9. The camp is secured and, even with a massive police presence, soon turns into a slum. In the first decade of the 21st century, Multinational United (MNU) is placed in charge of policing and relocating the now 1.8 million aliens to District 10, a new camp 240 kilometres northwest of Johannesburg. They use a private military corporation, headed by Koobus Venter, to enforce the relocation effort with impunity. Wikus van de Merwe, a MNU field operative, leads the relocation with the serving of eviction notices on August 9, 2010. During the eviction Wikus confiscates alien weaponry and "aborts" their eggs with the use of flamethrowers. As this continues, some nearby aliens are shown distilling a mysterious liquid into a small canister. One of the aliens (designated "Christopher Johnson") resists. While raiding Christopher's shack, Wikus discovers and removes the container, accidentally spraying some of the liquid onto his face and his left forearm is injured by one of the aliens. Consequently Wikus feels sick and see his fingernails loosen; that night he falls ill and is taken to a hospital, where his left forearm is revealed to have mutated into an alien appendage. He is immediately taken into MNU custody. After discovering that Wikus can now operate alien weaponry due to his mutating DNA (the weapons being unresponsive to humans), they force him to test various energy weapons, including against a live alien target. The scientists then intend to vivisect him before he fully transforms, but a panicked Wikus overpowers his captors and escapes. Now a fugitive, Wikus takes refuge in District 9 and returns to Christopher's shack. Noticing Wikus' arm, Christopher reveals that the canister contains a fluid that he gathered over 20 years by scavenging, and that would allow him to reactivate the dormant mothership and take his people off the planet. After revealing the lost command module hidden under his shack, Christopher agrees to help reverse Wikus' genetic transformation if Wikus retrieves the canister from MNU. Wikus agrees and tries to buy weapons from the local Nigerian gang. Their leader, the paralyzed warlord Obesandjo, seizes Wikus, seeking to gain his ability to operate alien weapons. Wikus finds an alien firearm and kills some of Obesandjo's men before stealing a cache of weapons and escaping. Wikus and Christopher break into the MNU offices and retrieve the canister fleeing back to District 9. Christopher, having just seen that MNU is performing medical experiments on his fellow aliens, informs Wikus that he will seek help for the other members of his species before curing Wikus, which would take three years. In a fit of rage, Wikus knocks Christopher unconscious and powers up the command module. Soon after takeoff, one of the craft's engines is shot off by an MNU missile battery and it quickly crashes nearby. MNU forces enter District 9 taking Wikus and Christopher prisoners, but Obesandjo's gang ambushes them. During an intense fire fight the Nigerian gang captures Wikus. From the downed command module, Christopher's son activates the mothership and an alien mechanized battle suit which frees Wikus. Wikus pilots the suit and rescues Christopher. Promising Wikus that he will return to reverse his transformation, Christopher activates a tractor beam in the mothership, which lifts the stricken command module towards it. Heavily wounded and in a much more advanced state of his mutation, Wikus crawls out of the wrecked battle suit to be confronted by Koobus. Just as he tries to kill Wikus, several aliens appear who tear him apart. The mothership begins to leave and Johannesburg's residents celebrate its departure. A series of interviews and news broadcasts are shown. The aliens are successfully moved to District 10, said to have a population of 2.5 million and growing. MNU's illegal experiments on aliens are exposed. Those interviewed theorize about Wikus' fate and hypothesize that Christopher Johnson might return for the refugees or declare war on humanity. Wikus' wife reveals that, having found a small metal flower on her doorstep, she has hope that her husband is still alive. In a scrapyard, an alien with a bandaged left arm crafts a flower out of metal. This is one of those films that if you aren't paying attention, or you aren't up for a film that starts slowly, you will not actually get into it, or understand it, but if you do, you will be glad you did, because this film is so damn amazing and just so great to watch, the CGI is incredible, and honestly, it makes you start to wonder exactly, if or when first contact happens with another race from the stars, will we actually treat them as the prawns are treated in the film, because more then likely, won't be all E.T and Close Encounters Of The Third Kind and the like, chances are, it'll be something a lot like this film. It really makes you think.
Runner-Ups: “The Forth Kind”, “Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen”, “2012”
Best Animation Movie of 2009:
Up. Carl Fredricksen, a shy and quiet young boy, meets an energetic and outgoing tomboy named Ellie, discovering they share the same interest in exploration as their hero, the famed explorer Charles F. Muntz. Ellie tells Carl of her desire to move her clubhouse to Paradise Falls in South America, and makes Carl promise to help. Carl and Ellie wed and grow old together in the old house where they first met while making a living as a toy balloon vendor and a zookeeper respectively. Unable to have children, they repeatedly try to save up for the trip to Paradise Falls, but other financial obligations arise. Just as they're finally about to take their trip, Ellie passes away, leaving Carl a lonely and bitter old man with nothing to live for and missing his wife terribly. As the years pass, the city grows around Carl's house with construction as Carl refuses to move. After a tussle with a construction worker over Carl's broken mailbox, the court orders Carl to move into a retirement home. Carl comes up with a scheme to keep his promise to Ellie, and uses his old professional supplies to create a makeshift airship using tens of thousands of helium balloons that lift his house off its foundations. Russell, a Wilderness Explorer trying to earn his final merit badge for "Assisting the Elderly", has stowed away on the porch after being sent on a snipe hunt by Carl the day before. After a storm throws them around for a while, they find themselves landing on a great plateau across a large ravine facing Paradise Falls. With their body weight providing ballast allowing Carl and Russell to pull the floating house, the two begin to walk around the ravine, hoping to reach the falls while there's still enough helium in the balloons to keep the house afloat. As they walk towards Paradise Falls, Russell finds a colorful tropical flightless bird, which he names Kevin, not realizing that the bird is actually female. They later run into a dog named Dug wearing a translating collar that lets him speak. They discover Dug's owner is the elderly Charles Muntz himself, who returned to South America in his immense dirigible several decades earlier in a quest to find and bring back a large species of bird to restore his reputation, tarnished by accusations of fraud. Muntz invites Carl and Russell into his dirigible and Carl is initially thrilled to meet his hero. However, when Carl realizes that Muntz is after Kevin and will kill without a moment's thought in order to capture her alive, he takes steps to save the bird and escape with Russell. Thanks to Kevin and Dug they flee the dirigible and escape Muntz's pack of vicious dogs, led by Alpha, but Kevin is injured during the escape. As Carl and Russell assist the injured Kevin to her chicks, Muntz and his dogs arrive in his airship, led by a tracking device in Dug's collar, and sets a fire under Carl's house, forcing Carl to choose his house over Kevin. Muntz and his dogs quickly capture the bird and fly off. Though Carl successfully gets the house on the ground overlooking Paradise Falls per Ellie's wish, he has lost Russell's favor. Carl, settling down in his house, finds Ellie's childhood scrapbook and discovers her mementos of her life with Carl after they were married, and a final note from her thanking Carl for her adventure of marriage with him and an encouragement for him to go on his own. Invigorated by Ellie's last wish, he goes outside to find Russell, only to find him suspended from balloons to give chase to Muntz. Carl lightens the weight of his house by dumping his furniture and other possessions, allowing him to chase after Muntz in his house with Dug by his side. Russell enters the airship through a window, but is captured by the dogs. He is tied up on a chair and left to fall to the earth from the dirigible's access ramp. Carl saves him however, but keeps him tied up in the house for his own safety. Carl and Dug board the ship and are able to lure the guard dogs away from Kevin to free her. Carl and Muntz duel face to face and fight (Muntz with a sword, Carl with his cane), while Dug is able to wrest control of the dogs and the dirigible from Alpha. Russell frees himself but clings to a lifeline as he finds the house in a literal dogfight with biplanes piloted by Muntz's dogs. When Carl shouts for help, Russell distracts the pilots and regains control of the house to rescue his friends, who are now on top of the airship. In pursuit, Muntz shoots out some of the balloons, causing the house to land and slide off the airship. Carl manages to trick Muntz inside the house while saving Russell, Dug, and Kevin. Muntz accidentally lets go of the rope and plummets towards the earth below, while Carl's house drifts off into the clouds — a loss Carl gracefully accepts as being for the best. Carl takes Muntz's dirigible and returns Kevin to her chicks, then flies Russell and Dug back to the city. When Russell's father misses his son's Senior Explorer ceremony, Carl fulfills that role himself to proudly present Russell with his final badge, the grape soda cap badge that Ellie presented to Carl when they first met. Afterward, Carl, reinvigorated in both spirit and body from his adventure, becomes a cheerfully active community volunteer with a strong father-like relationship with Russell and the other Wilderness Explorers. Whilst Carl now resides in Muntz's airship, his old house has landed exactly where Ellie envisioned it — overlooking Paradise Falls. The last speaking scene before the credits shows Carl and Russell eating ice cream seated in front of Fenton's, a real-life ice cream parlor in Oakland, California. This is one of those films that just makes you glad you watched it, its funny, its cute, its got enough action and realism that it'll keep just about everyone happy. If you haven't actually seen the film you really gotta, its so very very worth it.
Runner-Ups: “Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs”, “Monsters Vs. Aliens”, “Ice Age: Dawn Of The Dinosaurs”
Best Action Movie of 2009:
Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen. It is revealed that thousands of years ago there was a race of ancient Transformers who scoured the universe looking for energon sources. Known as the Dynasty of Primes, they used machines called Sun Harvesters to drain stars of their energy in order to convert it to energon and power Cybertron's AllSpark. The Primes agreed that life-bearing worlds would be spared, but in 17,000 BC, one brother, thereafter dubbed "The Fallen", constructed a Sun Harvester on Earth. The remaining brothers thus sacrificed their bodies in order to hide the Matrix of Leadership—the key that activates the Sun Harvester—from The Fallen, who swore to seek revenge upon Earth.
In the present day, two years after the events of the previous film, Optimus Prime is seen leading NEST, a military organization consisting of human troops and his own team of Autobots (including newcomers Arcee, Chromia, Elita One, Sideswipe, Jolt, and the twins Skids and Mudflap) aimed at killing the remaining Decepticons on Earth. While on a mission in Shanghai, Optimus and his team destroy Decepticons Sideways and Demolishor, being given a warning by the latter that "The Fallen will rise again". Back in the United States, Sam Witwicky finds a splinter of the destroyed AllSpark, and upon contact the splinter fills his mind with Cybertronian symbols. Deeming it dangerous, Sam gives the AllSpark splinter to his girlfriend Mikaela Banes for safe keeping, and leaves her and Bumblebee behind to go off to college. Upon arrival, Sam meets his college roommate Leo Spitz, who runs an alien conspiracy website, and Alice, a co-ed who makes sexual advances on him. Back home, Decepticon Wheelie tries to steal the shard, only to be captured by Mikaela. After having a mental breakdown, uncontrollably writing in Cybertronian language, Sam calls Mikaela, who immediately leaves to get to him. Decepticon Soundwave hacks into a US satellite and learns the locations of the dead Decepticon leader Megatron and another piece of the AllSpark. The Decepticons retrieve the shard and use it to resurrect Megatron, who flies into space and is reunited with Starscream and his master, The Fallen in the Nemesis. The Fallen instructs Megatron and Starscream to capture Sam in order to discover the location of the Matrix of Leadership. With Sam's outbreaks worsening, Mikaela arrives at campus just as Alice—revealed to be a Decepticon Pretender—attacks Sam. Mikaela, Sam, and his roommate Leo drive off, destroying Alice, but are seized by the Decepticon Grindor. The Decepticon known as "The Doctor" prepares to remove Sam's brain, but Optimus and Bumblebee turn up and rescue him. In an ensuing fight, Optimus engages Megatron, Grindor and Starscream. Optimus manages to kill Grindor and rip off Starscream's arm, but during a momentary distraction while searching for Sam, he was blindsided then impaled and blasted through the chest by Megatron and dies. Megatron and Starscream depart as the Autobot team arrives to rescue Sam, unable to save Optimus. After Prime's death, The Fallen is freed from his captivity and Megatron orders a full-scale assault on the planet. The Fallen speaks to the world and demands they surrender Sam to the Decepticons or they will continue their attack. Sam, Mikaela, Leo, Bumblebee, the twins and Wheelie regroup, and Leo suggests his online rival "Robo-Warrior" may be of assistance. "Robo-Warrior" is revealed to be former Sector 7 agent Simmons, who informs the group that the symbols should be readable for a Decepticon. Mikaela then releases Wheelie, who can't read the language, but identifying it as that of the Primes, directs the group to a Decepticon seeker named Jetfire. They then find Jetfire at the F. Udvar-Hazy Center and reactivate him via the shard of the AllSpark. After teleporting the group to Egypt, Jetfire explains that only a Prime can kill The Fallen, and translates the symbols, which contain a riddle that sets the location of the Matrix of Leadership somewhere in the surrounding desert. By following the clues, the group arrive at the tomb where they ultimately find the Matrix, but it crumbles to dust in Sam's hands. Believing the Matrix can still revive Optimus, Sam collects the dust and instructs Simmons to call Major William Lennox to bring the other Autobots and Optimus' body. The military arrives with the Autobots, but so do the Decepticons, and a battle arises. During the fight, Decepticon Devastator is formed and unearths the Sun Harvester from inside one of the pyramids before being destroyed by the US military with the help of agent Simmons. Jetfire arrives and destroys Mixmaster, but is mortally wounded by Scorponok. The Air Force carpet bomb the Decepticons, but Megatron breaks through the offensive and kills Sam. In a vision, Sam meets with the other Primes, who tell him that the Matrix of Leadership is not found but earned, which Sam has done. They acknowledge Sam's devotion to Optimus, the last descendent of the Primes, and instruct Sam to merge the Matrix with Optimus' spark before bringing him back to life. The Matrix is reassembled from the dust, and Sam uses it to revive Optimus. The Fallen arrives and overpowers the Autobot team before stealing the Matrix and activating the Sun Harvester unearthed by the Decepticon Devastator. In his final moments, Jetfire volunteers his parts and spark to Optimus. With enhanced capabilities, Optimus destroys the Sun Harvester and takes on Megatron and The Fallen, killing the latter. Sam then finally reciprocates Mikaela's love as Megatron and Starscream retreat and vow that their fight is not finished. The film ends with Optimus sending a message into space saying that the humans and Transformers both share a common past. During the end credits, Sam returns to college. Yeah this one was a no brainer for me as the best action film of the year, and though yes, I gave it a very favorable review, and was very over critical of its abnormalities and oddities to the plot of the film series as well as the general nitpickery that comes along with everything that is being a transformers fan for my whole life, but on the whole, the movie was a good solid middle series, the first movie was so blockbuster it was almost impossible to follow up on a level that either was equal or better than it. And taking that into account the film did very well, plus it had Wheelie, the first incarnation of the character that wasn't generally panned by fans, and also, really, anything that allows John Turturro to be funny is almost instant gold. I should state also at this point, the three runners up are actually a three way tie for second place, it was a very very close race over all.Best Action Movie of 2009:
Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen. It is revealed that thousands of years ago there was a race of ancient Transformers who scoured the universe looking for energon sources. Known as the Dynasty of Primes, they used machines called Sun Harvesters to drain stars of their energy in order to convert it to energon and power Cybertron's AllSpark. The Primes agreed that life-bearing worlds would be spared, but in 17,000 BC, one brother, thereafter dubbed "The Fallen", constructed a Sun Harvester on Earth. The remaining brothers thus sacrificed their bodies in order to hide the Matrix of Leadership—the key that activates the Sun Harvester—from The Fallen, who swore to seek revenge upon Earth.
Runner-Ups: “2012”, “Watchmen”, “Star Trek”
Best Foreign Movie of 2009:
The Left Bank (Belguim). A quiet Belgian horror film, “Linkeroever”, which translates to mean “Left Bank,” is the story of Marie, a professional runner who has just qualified for the European Championships. Played by the cute Eline Kuppens, Marie meets Bobby (Matthias Schoenaerts), the head of the archery guild. Bobby lives on the elusive left bank of Antwerp in a creepy apartment building which has a dark history going all the way back to the Medieval period. Fleeing her overprotective mother, Marie moves in with Bobby. Things are ideal at first, as they learn to share a fancy apartment and have hot floor sex, but events take an immediate turn for the uncomfortable when Marie comes down with an unexplainable illness that her doctor attributes to her rigorous running schedule and she can't compete in the European Championships as planned. There are also other symptoms to her illness that cannot be explained, such as the onset of her surreal dreams that border on nightmares. There also turns out to be a dark side to Bobby, as his temper at times gets out of hand. The neighbors in the building are aloof and unfriendly and Marie's condition becomes progressively worse as she begins to discover that things in the Left Bank are beyond normal. "Linkeroever" plays as a dramatic horror film. Events that in any other genre would add up to perfectly banal relationship tensions and melodrama, instead lead to surprising and sometimes supernatural conclusions. Marie reacts to strange noises in the apartment building and creepy interactions with neighbors in a level headed manner. She is shaken, but Eline Kuppens doesn't overplay the fear and unease that Marie begins to feel as she uncovers the mystery of the Left Bank. This is the kind of horror film that proves the truth in a statement made by J.J Abbrams, in reference to his film Cloverfield, “Monster Movies Stop Being Scary Once You See The Monster”, and movies of this nature, the whole unseen terror of it, is the clear proof that if nothing else, the unknown and unseen is way more scary then anything that could ever be seen infront of you. This movie screws with your head and has you completely flipped upside down and turned around scared and confused by the end when it all makes sense. Totally brilliant.
Runner-Ups: “The Class” (France), “Revanche” (Austria), “Departures” (Japan), “The Baader Meinhof Complex” (Germany)
Best Concept In A Movie That Failed:
My Life in Ruins. Now before I get into the plot of this, let me state at first that I personally LOVED this movie, however, from a monetary standpoint this film failed at the box office. Now, here is the plot: Georgia (Nia Vardalos) is a Greek American tour guide who is leading a tour around Greece with an assorted group of misfit tourists who would rather buy a T-shirt than learn about history and culture. In a clash of personalities and cultures, everything seems to go wrong, until one day when older traveller Irv Gordon (Richard Dreyfuss), shows her how to have fun, and to take a good look at the last person she would ever expect to find love with: her Greek bus driver (Alexis Georgoulis). Now, you would think that with some big name people, including the star of My Big Fat Greek Wedding, who many believe with the right movie, could propel to super stardom. Now, the question is, why did this film fail? Well its simple, very little promotion and marketing, In hindsight and logic, the only thing that made this movie fail, was the fact no one new it came out, there was no real promotion, no adds on tv, radio or print, nothing at all, how can a film do well if no one knows its out there to be seen? Its sad really because the film was great and just so so enjoyable.
Worst Movie Movie of 2009:
Stoic. Well isn't this a surprise, me hating an Uwe Boll movie, to the point I am enraged at just the idea that people allow him to make films. Stoic is his 2009 offering to the “art house” genre, because lets face it, what are you gonna do with yourself when you have raped, killed and then re-raped action, drama, sci fi and comedy? You set your beady germanian eyes art house, the place most of hollywood and its international siblings are scared to tread. And though to some Art House is hallowed ground, Uwe Boll manages to do what he always does to film, he urinates all over the genre while singing in the guise of a Bavarian drinking song, or maybe even a German sea shanty, about how he doesn't care that no one watches his movies, or that no one likes him as a person, and how he hates Micheal Bay. Here is the plot of the film as explained by Boll himself; According to Boll, Stoic centers on a true incident which occurred in Siegburg prison in 2006 where three prisoners raped, tortured and ultimately forced their cellmate to commit suicide over a period of ten hours in a series of events that began with a poker bet involving the consumption of a tube of toothpaste. Yeah doesn't that just sound like the most appealing idea for a film ever? I mean how can that not? How can anyone ever doubt the wonder and magic and brilliance of Uwe Boll when he makes films like this? Its almost impossible to do so, its almost impossible to actually picture a world where this film does not make Uwe Boll more money then Micheal Bay makes on a Transformer movie... oh wait, no its not, because Boll's movies fail epicly and no one likes him or his idea of movies, this is the man that honestly thought ripping off the lord of the rings with “an all star cast” that included Ray Liota as a wizard and Burt Reynolds as the king was a brilliant idea. He's seriously got something missing in the logic center of his brain, and honestly needs to stop, he's insulting film and the film community by opening his mouth and letting german cow excrement come out of it, as well as pasting said excrement on film and calling it a movie. Please, for the love of all that some in the world deem as holy, Uwe Boll, just stop.
Runner-Ups: “The Battle For Terra”, “X-Men Origins: Wolverine”, “Dragonball Evolution”
Worst Dramatic Movie of 2009:
The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2. The sequel to the 2005 girly teen flick reassembles the original sisterhood, including America Ferrera, now the group’s biggest star thanks to Ugly Betty. Once again, each member of the quartet learns some life lessons in a separate story, the four of them keeping in touch by passing on the pair of jeans that inexplicably fits them all. High-schoolers in the first film, they are now college students, and Sanaa Hamri’s movie allows them some grown-up problems: a torn condom leaves Tibby, the film-making goth played by Amber Tamblyn, worried that she might be pregnant. Elsewhere, though, we enter the world of a Bunty comic strip: Ferrera’s character, the stage-struck Carmen, lands a part in a classy production of The Winter’s Tale, falls in love with her dreamy co-star and has to fend off a jealous rival. What the four tales have in common is monotonous pacing and vacuum-packed schmaltz. Seriously this film is boring as hell and so heavy handed it makes me wanna scream, I understand its aimed at woman, and thats fine, I have no issue at all with that, infact a lot of good dramas are what are deemed “chick flick”, but for some reason, this just fails so short of hitting the mark, so short its just so very sad and painful to watch.
Runner-Ups: “Last Chance Harvey”, “The Life Before Her Eyes”, “”Flash Of Genius”
Worst Comedy Movie of 2009:
The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard. In a desperate attempt to save his rapidly failing used car dealership, Ben Selleck hires a crack team of "car mercenaries" to ramp up sales during the Fourth of July weekend. Led by the fast-talking, foul-mouthed, self-assured Don "The Goods" Ready, the group has three days to sell over 200 cars. But as Don undertakes his newest mission, and quickly falls for the boss's daughter Ivy, he realizes he'll have to trust more than his cars and his crafty skills in deceit to make a success out of the daunting weekend. This film is just horrible, from start to finish this pile of bovine excrement is just so painful to watch, and to sit through, its just, not a joy at all from start to finish, Jeremy Piven is just so horrible in this, as horrible as everything else he does, I honestly do not understand how he gets work, or why people seem to think that the asian guy that was in this, and in The Hangover is somehow an “in” comedian, he's an annoying little ponce of a man who really needs to be sent to an island to die somewhere out of the way, where he can never make another film or horrible tv show ever again. I hate him and his smug face with the fire of a thousand suns, I honestly do. As for this film, the idea is idiotic, if this was made in the 1980s, it would have made DC Cab look like an oscar winner, and trust me if you have ever seen the film DC Cab, you will understand why that burn is just so awesome, you will also learn to pity foo's and rock a mohawk, but thats a whole other matter all together, but anyway, this film is just completely idiotic, how it was able to circle the drain for as long as it did in theaters over the summer, I have no real idea, or inclination, how it was ever able to even make it past direct to video status, or even really make it to greenlight status in the first place. It makes me fear for the future of hollywood, it really does.
The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard. In a desperate attempt to save his rapidly failing used car dealership, Ben Selleck hires a crack team of "car mercenaries" to ramp up sales during the Fourth of July weekend. Led by the fast-talking, foul-mouthed, self-assured Don "The Goods" Ready, the group has three days to sell over 200 cars. But as Don undertakes his newest mission, and quickly falls for the boss's daughter Ivy, he realizes he'll have to trust more than his cars and his crafty skills in deceit to make a success out of the daunting weekend. This film is just horrible, from start to finish this pile of bovine excrement is just so painful to watch, and to sit through, its just, not a joy at all from start to finish, Jeremy Piven is just so horrible in this, as horrible as everything else he does, I honestly do not understand how he gets work, or why people seem to think that the asian guy that was in this, and in The Hangover is somehow an “in” comedian, he's an annoying little ponce of a man who really needs to be sent to an island to die somewhere out of the way, where he can never make another film or horrible tv show ever again. I hate him and his smug face with the fire of a thousand suns, I honestly do. As for this film, the idea is idiotic, if this was made in the 1980s, it would have made DC Cab look like an oscar winner, and trust me if you have ever seen the film DC Cab, you will understand why that burn is just so awesome, you will also learn to pity foo's and rock a mohawk, but thats a whole other matter all together, but anyway, this film is just completely idiotic, how it was able to circle the drain for as long as it did in theaters over the summer, I have no real idea, or inclination, how it was ever able to even make it past direct to video status, or even really make it to greenlight status in the first place. It makes me fear for the future of hollywood, it really does.
Runner-Ups: “All About Steve”, “Night At The Museum 2”, “Miss March”
Worst Horror Movie of 2009:
Dance Flick. From the Wayans brothers, the people who brought you Scary Movie and White Chicks, comes a spoof of every dance movie you’ve ever seen, from Fame to High School Musical. It has a story line of sorts: a young black street dancer, Thomas Uncle (Damon Wayans Jr), meets a cute young Julia Stiles-type white girl called Megan White (Shoshana Bush). They bicker, boogie and join up for the big dance battle. Yet this spoof soon runs out of steam. The comedy is rooted in predictable slapstick and surreal dance routines. The film mocks but never matches the musical energy of its targets and its lyrical send-ups are devoid of wit. The parody of the song Fame is a clunky out-of-the-closet anthem to being gay. This comedy is so bad it will make you want to tear out your eyeballs and use them as ear plugs. Now yes, I admit, this movie was pretty scary, but, it just fell short of the mark it was aiming for, which was ofcourse, to make you so horrified you never wanna sleep with the lights off again in fear of the making of another film in this spoof series that seems to have over saturated the market as of late. This was trying to be a horror movie in the vain of those thrillers that you don't realize are horror films, but it just ended up a big mess, a big painful mess of a horror film... shame really. Whats even more of a shame, I was gonna give this award to Saw 6, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it, so instead I chose this horrorshow.
Runner-Ups: “The Collector”, “Jennifer's Body”, “Orphan”
Worst Sci Fi Movie of 2009:
Terminator Salvation. In 2003, Doctor Serena Kogan (Helena Bonham Carter) of Cyberdyne Systems convinces death row inmate Marcus Wright (Sam Worthington) to sign his body over for medical research following his execution by lethal injection. One year later, the Skynet system is activated, perceives humans as a threat to its own existence, and eradicates much of humanity in the event known as Judgment Day. In 2018, John Connor (Christian Bale) leads an attack by the Resistance on a Skynet base. John discovers human prisoners and plans for the development of a new type of Terminator incorporating living tissue, but is the only apparent survivor of the attack after the base is destroyed in a nuclear explosion. However, Marcus emerges from the wreckage of the base and proceeds on foot to Los Angeles.
Runner-Ups: “Push”, “Knowing”, “X-Men Origins: Wolverine”
Worst Animated Movie of 2009:
A Christmas Carol. Now look, I'm a huge fan of Charles Dickens' classic tale of old world Santa, The Grim Reaper and that weirdo first spirit teach cranky old Ebeneezer Scrooge the true meaning of Christmas, and that its ok to trust random wondering pre-teen London street urchins to get you a giant goose out of the kindness of their hearts. But for some reason, what Disney has done with it is just criminal, its a mix of the real story, over acting my Jim Carey, who seems to be pretty focused on either over acting or picking horrible roles as of late, as well as just embarrassingly bad sight gags done for comedy, the E.T homage and the repeated hanging ice formations to the crotch region seen in the previews is pretty much the vain of said visual jokes. Ironically this film would have been a lot better if they had actually made it live action and gave it better casting, this film MIGHT have worked, I'm not saying it would have been a masterwork or some kind of triumph, but it would have been atleast watchable at best, not this horrible attempt at “disnization” of a classic story that anyone can do because of public domain rights. Disney's made a billion out of ripping public domain that way, but seriously, this is just painful to watch, it does to “holiday classics” what the next film does to action films...
Runner-Ups: “The Battle For Terra”, “Coraline”, “The Fantastic Mr. Fox”
Worst Action Movie of 2009:
X-Men Origins: Wolverine. In 1845 Canada, young James Howlett sees his father killed by groundskeeper Thomas Logan. The trauma activates the boy's mutation: bone claws protrude from James' hands, and he kills Logan. With his dying breath, Logan tells James that he is James' actual father. James flees with Victor Creed, the abused son of Thomas Logan who is thus James' brother. They spend the next century as soldiers in the American army, fighting in the American Civil War, both World Wars and the Vietnam War. In Vietnam, James kills a superior officer after he tries to stop Victor from raping a local villager. Despite his objections to Victor's actions, James defends his brother, and the two are sentenced to execution by a firing squad, which they survive. Major William Stryker approaches them, now in military custody, and offers them membership in Team X, a group of mutants including marksman Agent Zero, mercenary Wade Wilson, teleporter John Wraith, invincible Fred Dukes and electrokinetic Chris Bradley. They join the team, but the group's questionable actions and disregard for human life cause James to leave. Six years later, James, now going by the name Logan, lives in Canada with his girlfriend, Kayla Silverfox. Colonel Stryker locates Logan and warns him that someone is killing members of the team, as both Wilson and Bradley are dead. Shortly afterward, Victor murders Kayla and brutally beats Logan. Stryker offers Logan a way to beat Victor; Logan undergoes an operation to reinforce his skeleton with adamantium, a virtually indestructible metal. Before the procedure, Logan asks for new dog tags inscribed with "Wolverine"-- based on a story that Kayla told him. Once the procedure is complete, Stryker orders Logan's memory erased, but Logan overhears and fights his way out, pursued by Zero. Logan hides in the barn of an elderly couple who take him in for the night. The next day Zero murders the couple and attacks Logan with two humvees and a helicopter. In revenge, Logan fights back and kills Zero and his soldiers. Logan locates Wraith and Dukes and asks them about the location of Stryker's new laboratory, referred to as "The Island." Dukes, now severely obese, explains that Stryker performs experiments on mutants, and that Victor is capturing new subjects for him. One of them, Remy LeBeau ("Gambit"), escaped and knows the location of The Island. Wraith and Logan locate Gambit in New Orleans, and ask for the Island's location, but Gambit suspects Logan was sent to recapture him and attacks him. Meanwhile, Victor kills Wraith, and takes a sample of his blood for Stryker. Logan attacks Victor and, with his enhanced claws, almost kills him. However, Gambit interrupts the fight, allowing Victor to escape. Logan and Gambit continue their scuffle, in which Logan subdues Gambit. Convinced of Logan's intentions, Gambit takes him to Stryker's facility on Three Mile Island. Logan learns that Kayla is alive and conspired with Stryker in exchange for her abducted sister's safety, not yet realizing that she genuinely loved Logan. Feeling hurt and betrayed, Logan leaves, enraging Victor at being denied the chance to fight Logan that he wanted. When Victor demands the adamantium bonding promised for his service, Stryker refuses on the basis that Victor would not survive the procedure. Victor attempts to kill Kayla when she tries to persuade him Stryker has betrayed them both, but Logan hears her screams and returns. Logan defeats Victor in a brutal fight, and nearly kills him but stops when Kayla reminds him of his humanity. Instead, Logan knocks Victor unconscious, then helps Kayla free the imprisoned mutants. Stryker activates Weapon XI, a "mutant killer" super-soldier with the abilities of other mutants, which Stryker refers to as "The Deadpool." Logan holds Weapon XI off while the escaped mutants flee. The mutants escape through the facility's tunnels, guided by a young blinded Scott Summers who is following a voice in his head. The party is greeted by Professor Charles Xavier, who offers them shelter at his school. Kayla, shot in the stomach and mortally wounded from Stryker's guards, decides to stay. Logan lures Weapon XI to fight on top of one of the plant's cooling towers, where he is almost killed until Victor aids him. They battle Weapon XI and decapitate him. Victor departs, vowing to finish what they have started, and Logan is saved from the collapsing tower by Gambit. As Logan carries Kayla to safety, Stryker shoots Logan in the forehead with adamantium bullets, rendering him unconscious. He points the gun at Kayla but she uses her power of persuasion, telling him to walk until his feet bleed and then keep walking, before dying from her wounds. Gambit returns, but the damage to Logan's brain causes him not to remember anything. As the police arrive, Gambit tries convincing Logan to come with him, but he declines, wanting to go his own way. Look, this is no real surprise to anyone, this film was a pile of crap and it shows that you should NEVER let Hugh Jackman control a character who he plays if he's NEVER actually read up on the role first and understanding that you have to work to in a sense pander to the fanbase when you play an ironic role like Wolverine, you can't just make it up as you go and act like there no problem with it, it just becomes horribly painful to watch when it reaches that point, it really does.
Runner-Ups: “Crank: High Voltage”, “Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun Li”, “Fast And Furious”
Actor That Needs To Retire:
Steve Martin. Seriously, its time, call it quits now, before things just get worse, because they won't get better, it'll just become more painful on all of us. Worse then Chevy Chase painful.
Runner-Ups: Eddie Murphey, Steve Harvey, David Hasslehoff.
