The Rocky Horror Picture Show

The Rocky Horror Picture Show:

Or How I Taught My Friend Annie To Do The Time Warp

Ok so I need to explain alittle of why I'm doing this first, as you all know, its Halloween time here in America, and that ofcourse leads to many a thing, office pranks, long drawn out discussions about what each of your friends is gonna dress as, incessant whining by people that aren't dressing up because its silly or stupid, the debate that Batman really is just a middle aged man in a halloween suit, guys marveling how its the one time a year all your female friends you wish should show off the goods, show off the goods, and ofcourse, the greatest tradition in american halloweening sense giving candy to little kids wearing a mask and a teeshirt that says the name of the person the mask is on it, I'm speaking ofcourse, of The Rocky Horror Picture Show, a film and tradition that I was amazed to discover that my friend Annie, my authority on musicals, dance, and all things theater, had never heard of in the country she lives in, and though I understand that traditions and cultural things that are common place to us here, I felt it'd be fun for me to kind of write up abit about this Grindhouse classic, and the traditions around it that we Americans love and cherish.

So Annie, this one's for you, welcome to the grindhouse...

The Rocky Horror Picture Show started out in the early 1970s in England as "The Rocky Horror Show" an early outsider alternative theater production aimed at the British counter culture that was starting to rise out of what was the rebellious youth culture that was the hallmark of the late 1960s in The UK. The Rocky Horror Show had elements of all the things hallmark of this rise, drugs, open sexuality of all sorts (Heterosexuality, Bisexuality and Homosexuality), cross dressing, rebellion against the older ways, and ofcourse, rock and roll just to name afew of the themes deemed controversial by mainstream society, which ofcourse, for all of these reasons, shunned and defamed it in the general media of the time. It became sort of a cult theatrical event, large groups going on a Friday or Saturday night to a midnight or late evening showing, which would later spin over into the midnight showings of the film combined with the stage show.

The film, much like the play, really isn't a super complicated or tightly held together plot, its been called by many "barely coherent" and "almost non-existent at times", among other things, but what I don't think many understand is, the play, and the film, though obviously an allegory for its creator, Richard O'Brien's inner and outward mental struggle with his own issues with sexuality, its played out over the background of the classic sci fi and horror films that are referenced almost constantly with in the film's soundtrack and feel, with opening theme "Science Fiction Double Feature" referencing many characters, actors, directors and actual films themselves spanning from the 1930s to the 1960s, and "Don't Dream" is an ode to actress Faye Wray wrapped in a song about coming to terms with gender confusion and sexuality. Its brilliant on O'Brien's part really, to create a masterpiece that expresses what he is feeling and grappling with inside, as well as a love letter to the old world style of sci fi in hollywood, and if you look at the play, and the film as this, then you will come away with a true understanding of what this story is really all about.

For those that don't know, here is the plot of the story, with out really giving away all that much of it; it all begins at a wedding, where two uptight young lovers, Brad Majors and Janet Wiess, have just seen their friends go off to a life of married bliss, overcome with emotion and feeling finally brave enough to do so, Brad, in song ask Janet to marry him, she happily and gleefully accepts in song ("Damnit! Janet!"). They decide to drive back to thank the man that was the cause of them meeting in the first place, a former teacher named Doctor Scott. As they're driving to visit said doctor, it starts to rain, they, as happens in old films, break down in the rain, and decide to ask those who live at a nearby estate if they can use their phone, in song ("Over At The Frankenstein Place"). From there, they're taken into a strange and confusing world thats completely unknown and unlike anything they have ever come close to understanding in their sheltered little lives, its a sort of a mix of Frankenstein, Dracula, and just about every mad scientist movies ever made, each scene designed to show their minds twisting just abit more, ofcourse all done in song, and by the end, you never really know if you've truly understood what you've just seen, or if you ever will, but all you know is, you rather liked it, because deep down, you wanna be dirty.

The story though, is never really why we all clammer to watch this film, its ofcourse the music, the music and the characters. From Riff Raff the creepy hunchbacked Butler, to his twincest-y sister Magenta, to the strange flapper girl talking chorus girl dressing Columbia, to Eddie Scott the motorcycle riding greaseball that Columbia is fixated on, to Brad and Janet, and ofcourse Dr. Frank N Ferter, the bisexual transsexual transvestite mad scientist from transsexual Transylvania, and his tragic creation, the title character himself, Rocky Horror. We all understand that O'Brien wrote them to all represent parts of himself and in turn parts of all of us (O'Brien himself always playing Riff Raff), and we all love them all for that very fact, and they stick with us for years after watching the film, they've all become parts of pop culture in their own right, just as, if not bigger then the film itself in the case of atleast Frank N. Ferter, and some could argue that Brad and Janet could be the archetype of most nerdy, clueless, sheltered younger people in most movies and television shows.

And as much as we love the characters, still we all love the music just as much if not more. A simple search of any of the songs from the film will turn up many many covers of them, the most iconic song is ofcourse "The Time Warp", you haven't been to a wedding in America in the last 35 years and not either done, or laughed, or watched on in horror as your friends and loved ones all did the time warp (again!), and you can't go to a drag queen show with out seeing a dance number or fashion show to "Sweet Transvestite", often sung in the outfit of Frank N. Ferter. And though you don't really hear them as much, the most covered songs from the score are, ofcourse the theme "Science Fiction Double Feature" (my personal favorite), "Don't Dream It, Be It", "Superheroes" and now and then, if you come across a band with a sexy female lead singer, you'll find a sexed up cover of "Touch-a, Touch-a, Touch-a, Touch Me" that can be either really really good, or really really bad. All of these facts, and just that its just amazingly catchy and at times seen as the perfect soundtrack (if I remember I ranked it number three of all time on my list), make this story one that has been fused into american pop culture for 35 years.

So the final question is ofcourse, the tradition itself, well see, as amazing as the film is, when it first screened here in america, it was a bomb, we're talking on the level of such bombs as Ishtar, Plan 9 From Outer Space, Glitter, and just about anything made by Uwe Boll, one enterprisingly smart theater owner in New York City decided for the fun of it, to air the film as one of his weekend midnight showings, and thats where it all began. See, there were, until atleast the mid 1980s, what were called "midnight movies" at most grindhouse theaters, alot of the time this is were you'd see the films that are more drug, sex, shock value or violence oriented, alot of theaters would also air the films of of the young (and oddly at this point seen as art house) pornographic film industry as well. As the film's cult following grew, other elements would become added to the tradition of the midnight showings, the "shadow players" who would act out the play on the stage below the movie screen in perfect sync with the film, and ofcourse, audience participation and cosplay as the characters would soon become added to the way the film was viewed, though sadly, given the damage and clean up that audience participation brings with it, many theaters these days do not allow for it, but still still show it, its not the same, but, its still a fun show, even if you don't get to toss toast and rice at people or aim your water guns at the most well dressed, or dressed in white, woman in the theater for the rain scene.

And I think really, its the fun and out there insanity that keeps us all coming back for more when it comes to Rocky Horror, sure the film itself might not be the greatest, and a must miss if you can't take alittle goofball insanity mixed in with transvestites singing about satanic mechanics, or odd voiced hunchbacks singing about pelvic thrusts, or if you are offended by transvestites singing about how a mental mindfuck could be nice. But if those things don't bother you, and you're among those that haven't ever seen it, and you wanna have a truly awesome experiance or maybe see what happens when Grindhouse meets Musical Theater in a back alley somewhere, then seriously give it a look. And if you're one of the many that are like me and grew up with this film as part of your culture, then go watch it again and relive some great memories, or remember things you'd forgotten.

But in either event, have a happy Halloween.


Oh and just for the fun of it, here's my favorite song from the film, the great ode to old world sci fi, "Science Fiction Double Feature".



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BC

Fun With Netflix

Ok so, the other month after helping out a good friend, as a thank you because they couldn't give me gas money or like order some take out or something to pay me back for my help, they gave me a one month free trial for Netflix.

For those of you that aren't aware of what Netflix is, its one of the services that basically put the video rental business out of business. Direct to your home via mail and then mail back rental service that allows you to pick any movie regardless of genre, or country or any of that awesome stuff, you can also get tv too, and now, you can also instantly stream movies and tv to your television via dvr or video game system or your computer as well. I use my PS3 because, well, my PS3 is awesome as can be and lovely at streaming things.

So anyway, I've been testing it out, sense I'm lazy and sometimes don't wanna spend the money to buy a blu ray I'm gonna only watch once or twice, I figure 10.99 a month for one at a time discs plus unlimited streaming over the net isn't a bad deal at all. Its actually pretty good till blu ray becomes more common place I think anyway. Plus, again, unlimited streaming, you can't beat that with a stick, a sharp pointy stick with dog doo or a fish head on it, or both even, but really thats just the stick related stuff of the major leagues, not the minors like so many of us are only worthy of.

I find myself using the streaming more then anything though, I just love the idea of it all. I watched the entire first season of Rocky and Bullwinkle and all their godzilla movies in one day, it was pretty epic around the old homestead. They have a great library really, its totally worth checking into, you'd be amazed what they really have included in their online set up. Some of which I'm gonna do some review of, now that I've got the blog working again.

Anyway, thats it for now, just really enjoying this and felt the need to share, back soon with more!

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BC

Our First Look At The US Remake Of Shameless

So bouncing about the net today, I happened across a link to Showtime's Youtube page, they normally use it for boring things like letting that woman that created Weeds talk about each episode, which would be fine if she didn't look like Julia Louie Dreyfus and Bruce Velanche's love child, but today, they decided to give us all a treat, the very first preview of the much debated american remake of the monster british hit series Shameless.

For those of you that don't know what Shameless is, shame on you for being under that rock you live under! And also shame on you for probably also watching Jay Leno. But anyway, Shameless is the story of the Galligar family, headed by Frank Gallagher, possibly one of the best written characters in British television, its the story of him, his children and the people around them as they live their lives in a fictional estate outside of Manchester (england, england, across the atlantic sea), in its seven or so series on the air, its evolved from a simple dark comedy about life for the lower class, into a wildly funny, sometimes dark and dramatic commentary on life, the large expanded cast are just as important and interesting as the main characters, its kind of like if The Simpsons was live action and weren't scared to take on dramatic situations to balance out the goofball and make it seem realistic. If you haven't seen it, you really should its so very good. Also, if you go through my archive and look through my "Telelvision Shows Everyone Should See" lists, its on there.

So I'm sure you can all understand that when you have a show of this caliber, acclaim, respect and cult status, when word comes around that its going to be remade for another country, instead of just importing it, there will be a giant uproar demanding it be kept as it should be, or not made at all. After all, fans are rabid beyond belief. Seriously, every fanbase is rabid beyond logic no matter what, don't believe me? Go find a fan forum for The Magic Roundabout and look how rabid they get... go on, I dare you. Or if you're to scared to do that, go piss off the 6 people that liked the British version of The Office and see what happens, and don't let them tell you "Hot Love On The Hot Love Highway" makes the show redeemable, thats commie talk.

Anyway, before I say anything else, here is the trailer...



Now, lets get the obvious out of the way, there is almost no way to compare it fairly to the original material, yes, its set in Chicago's Cabrini Green amidst all the urban renewal, which is as close as you're gonna get to a British estate here in the states, we don't have low rent homes, we have housing projects that are all apartments, so they've done the best that can there, its not a huge issue, but I know its one the fans will bitch about, simply because fans bitch about everything. Secondly, William H. Macy is probably the perfect choice for the american version of Frank, if you aren't aware of just how awesome William H. Macy is, go watch Pleasentville, and then go watch Mystery Men to punish yourself for not ever seeing Pleasentville and also for doubting how great an actor William H. Macy is. He'll do an incredible job as Frank, though I have to admit, I miss the original character's thick accent, with it being Chicago I was kind of hoping for either a thick Chicago accent or an Irish one given the city's large Irish population, but no problems really. The rest of the cast seems pretty well suited, I was kind of pissed off Ellen Paige passed on being Fiona, I felt she would have made a better one, but we shall see. I am abit leery as to why late on in the first series that horribly bland girl that plays the horribly bland Bella in the horribly offensive to the world Twilight films will be showing up, but I guess as long as the rest of the cast keeps their caliber of acting up, I won't really care all that much.

So on a whole, I'm alot less iffy on this version of the series, I'm optimistic, I'm not willing to deem it the next All In The Family or anything, but I'm feeling less sickly about it then I was before.

So, fans, thoughts?

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BC

Halloween Movie Marathon

No no no, I'm not gonna sit down and watch all of the halloween films going back to the original, that'd be silly and kind of boring... But instead, here is my list of the films i'm gonna spend Halloween watching, sure I bet alot of you don't care, but well, I needed to find a good filler post till I get around to reviewing Piranha, Predators, and afew other things this week...

So with that said.. here we go...

The Car: For those of you that don't know by now, I have a sort of special cult classic love for this little film about a demonic Lincoln that drives around the south west pissing off James Broland and murdering French horns. Its goofy, its horribly written and horribly filmed with lazy editing that lets you see the damage done to the stunt car half the time, but still, I love the hell out of this film, its a great laugh at the lighter side of Halloween film.

Frogs: I always loved how they literally made a horror film for EVERY animal ever, seriously, there an animals gone wild and start killing people film for every animal you can imagine, cats? yep. bears? yep. snakes? yep. moles? yep. rabbits? yep, you get the idea. And the fact its just so completely silly and idiotic of an idea is why I plan on watching Frogs. The film were a mega corporation dumps toxic ooze in a frog filled swamp and the frogs get mad. Which is weird because I always always under the impression that if you were a creature in an area where toxic ooze is dumped, you become humanlike and automatically know kung fu...

Killer Klowns From Outer Space: ... clowns are fucking scary yo.

The Beast Of Yukka Flats: I've spoken at length about just how horrible this film really is, and believe me, its horrible, horribly acted, horribly made, horribly edited, you get the idea. The only redeaming factor in this is that has one of the very first nude scenes that show full frontal female nudity in film, which sadly, has nothing at all to do with the story at all, it was just tossed in there "because the director felt maybe some breasts would make the viewer forget how horrible the film really is.". Oh well, it inspired Stan Lee and Jack Kirby to create The Incredible Hulk, so, i guess call it a win?

Kazam: Because seriously, this film is one of the scariest films of all time, Shaq's acting is just so very very horrible, I'm not talking like tolerable cuz its funny how bad he acts like it is with William Shatner and Sean Connery, I'm talking everytime he opens his mouth and uses that flat, monotone, modulating voice, it just assaults your ears and mind at such a violent pace that by the end, you kind of feel like you just got your ass kicked by a large black man that talks like a muppet. But, I ain't hating on Shaq, he can still take it to the rim yo.

Santo Vs. Dracula: A Halloween themed movie Marathon can't be complete with out atleast one visit down mexico way and spending some time with the legend himself, El Santo (called sampson in the english dubs of his films), El Santo, sometimes teamed with his long time friend The Blue Demon, El Santo fought the likes of vampires, werewolves, witches, and nazis, lots and lots of nazis, which might seem goofy to some, but ironically over 40 years later in some cases, these movies could pass for storylines for the next big pay per view wrestling event. My favorite of the bunch was, and always will be, El Santo vs. Dracula, the first one that I'd ever seen in the series, and possibly the most enjoyable of them all in a camp value way, plus you get to see Dracula use his little known lucha libre wrestling skills.

The Song Of Norway; This is one of those films thats so bad you sometimes wonder if its really just torture used for getting info out of foreign combatants or something. The Song Of Norway is a musical from 1970 and stars Florance Henderson of the Brady Bunch in a singing role. Yes, you read that right, Mrs. Brady singing while dressed like an old world Norwegian, while singing. The story is something about some famous composer from there, and for some reason actually tries to make him out to be an action hero, which is, well, yeah not right. This film is so bad it kind of makes piles of shit like The Room look good by compare, it even makes The Night The Lights Went Out In Georgia, the musical about incest that has nothing at all to do with the southern gothic blues song of the same name, which has the likes of Dennis Quade and Kristie McNickle singing horribly about a brother and sister that get their Flowers In The Attic on while trying to become country music stars, look like a masterclass in how to make a musical. Its almost to horrible even for me to watch...

And thats my halloween marathon, sure maybe its not the most scary, but I find things scary that others don't, lots of times slasher and stuff just aren't at all horrifing and bore me because they're just gore... so I figure why not just do some stuff thats scary because its just so bad...

anyway, till next time, which hopefully won't be to long assuming blogger lets me post with out errors...

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BC

Lost Girl

Lost Girl:

"Welcome to the top of the food chain doll..."

I remember not long ago reading about a low key project that Showcase up in Canada was working on, something that'd take the supernatural genre that seems to the all the rage on television that last few years, and turn it sideways and shake it like a british nanny shaking a new england infant. Something that'd branch out from the traditional vampires, zombies, werewolves, that are so prevalent these days in supernatural themed properties, it would branch out in new directions and new ideas ad be made of complete and utter win. And after alot of whispers and speculation, that much talked about series is here, and thanks to the wonders of the internet, I'm able to watch it with out waiting for some watered down edited to hell "basic cable friendly" or worse, an american remake. The how I'm speaking of is called "Lost Girl" and is the story of a lone succubus named Bo who has no idea what she is, or why she is, or why for the last 10 years when she discovered she had a tendency to wake up next to dead bodies, as she tries to stay out of the way of the two groups of supernatural beings that live and thrive in Toronto.

The story starts in a bar, where a beautiful young bartender is being hit on by a guy who is drinking alone at the bar, but has two drinks infront of him, she refuses his offer of the drink he's not drinking, and he quickly moves on to a young blonde girl that walks in after this happens. After seeing that he offers her the same drink, she soon realizes what this guy is trying to do, and after seeing the blonde leave rather spooked out, and the guy following her, the bartender realizes that this could be trouble, and realizes she can save this girl from what could be coming soon for her. In the elevator the guy keeps getting way to close to the girl that left the bar, who starts to feel as if she'd been drugged, the guy admits he "put something in it that'll make her more friendly", and before he can make a move on her, the elevator opens on the next floor and the bartender walks in, she checks on the girl and then explains that she knows what the guy was doing, she then kisses him, and by doing so, drains the life from his body, the drugged girl videophones her doing this, because well thats what young people do, they record everything. She watches the bartender drain this guy's life and literally leave him with a smile on his face, as she gets to the parking garage to leave, the drugged girl yells out to her, she then comes back and picks her up, intending to drop her off at her home, however she discovers the drugged girl is a pickpocket and that none of the wallets on her is hers, so the bartender takes her to her home to sleep off what the guy gave her.

the next morning when the girl wakes up, she starts to remember and freaks out, after the bartender calms her down, she introduces herself as Bo, and sarcastically comments she saved her from a rapist, the girl introduces herself as Kenzie and thanks her, then she starts to remember what happened, that she'd been drugged, and then says "so I didn't see you totally eat a dude's face off last night" and as she reaches into her pocket and views the video she took, she again freaks out, Bo realizing she didn't notice the video gets all mad, Kenzi asks what she is, Bo tells her she doesn't know, and the two end up having milkshakes to talk about what did and didn't happen, as a sort of payment for the deleting of the video Kenzi took. From there, the body of the rapist is discovered and this puts Bo on the radar of the local supernatural underground, who were until this point unaware that she was even alive, let alone he was in their city. A leader orders that Bo be brought in for a conversation, believing she is either a rogue creature or a new threat of some sort. As Bo and Kenzi leave the cafe they had their talk at, and Kenzi tries to convince Bo to use her powers in some superhero way, and that she could be her sidekick, Bo is kidnapped and taken to the head of the supernatural underground, where she is examined and once they understand she doesn't know what she is, or who any of those people are, its explained to her what she is, and that there are many other supernatural beings out in the city and around the world, refered to as "faye" and told there are an infinite number of different types out there, and they are devided into two clans, the light and the dark, and that one must declare which they are, and all this other underground politics stuff, I make it sound boring but its really not, the whole sequence is pretty interesting.

From there she's "tested" in combat against two other faye, one a giant lizard tongued super strong one, and whats called a "paineater" who attacks on a mental level by creating a world inside your mind where he uses trickery to get you to kill yourself for him. After Bo beats them both and is asked to declare what side she's on, she yells "either, I choose the humans, I just want a normal life.." and is brought back to where she was taken. The elders discuss her and decide to let her be as she is for now, for some reaason she was kept hidden from them, and they'd like to know why, the pilot ends with Bo and Kenzi walking off deciding what they're going to do with their new friendship and partnership.

The series, though its possible it could fall into the same pitfalls that plague all the other shows in the supernatural genre, the whole romancing the concept thing, like making vampires dark and sexy loners that only wish to find love and happiness, and that they own werewolves and all that other tired tripe that so often clogs up the supernatural genre, though I do understand given the nature of what Bo is, there is a good chance they will have some degree of that sort of stuff, I guess in this day and age its only natural. I like the idea that there are many different types of creatures out there, and that they're all different, that its not all vampires sticking with vampires and the like, thats so done with and over thanks to horrible shit like Twilight and the last underworld movie. I kind of like the fact that its two groups made up of all different types, that leads to more creativity and different situations, though it could actually end up becoming a plot device too, and I guess that couldn't be that bad in the long run as long as its done right. And well, its canadian cable television, there is a good chance it will be done right or not at all.

So the big question, is it worth watching? Well so far, from what I've seen one episode in, yes, very much so, its well written, well acted, extremely well cast, all the things I look for in a series, and you don't really see any hint that the actors don't believe in what they're saying, which means they picked the right people for the roles, often in supernatural/sci fi series you'll find that, when you listen to their words and how they deliver lines, it always takes me out of the show, but not here, and thats refreshing for me. So if you have a chance, definitely give Lost Girl a look, you just might like it.

Its not a trailer for the show, but here is a promo...




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BC

The Expendables

The Expendables:

Action Hero Fanfiction

In Grindhouse circles we have a saying, "just because the film has more stars then you can keep track of, doesn't make it good." And well, as much as I hate to admit it, though there are a staggeringly large amount of A, B and C-list action movie stars in The Expendables, that just doesn't make it good, it does infact make it almost painful to watch at times, and it makes me wonder if the film just got made on the fact that it had every single action movie star from 1980 or so onward except for Chuck Norris and Charles Bronson, but really, no one cares about Charles Bronson anymore and Chuck Norris is to busy trying to make a movie out of Chuck Norris' Karate Komandos to bother answering a call from Sylvester Stallone anyway. Though that might have actually been a good thing in the long run, because seriously this film had no chance at all of being saved. And before you ask, yes, I do like action movies, and am not saying as such simply for that reason. Its just that there is so much wrong with this film, so many things that are just wrong from start to finish, that its almost impossible to ignore them all.

What jumps out the most to me is that the cast is almost 80% unneeded and just pure unadulterated action movie fanwank. There are only seven characters needed for the actual plot; Sylvester Stallone as Barney Ross, Jason Statham as Lee Christmas, Dolph Lundgren as Gunner Jensen, Eric Roberts as James Munroe, David Zayas as General Garza, Gisele Itié as Sandra Garza and Steve Austin as Paine, they are the only characters that are needed or even have any form of development at all as the film goes on. You could have done this entire film with out Jet Li, Randy Couture, Terry Crews, Mickey Rourke, Gary Daniels, Charisma Carpenter, as well as the cameos by Bruce Willis and Arnold Schwarzenegger. Infact Crews, Daniels, and Couture are in the film a total of less then 25 minutes, and you find yourself wondering why they even bothered to sign on for the film in the first place, Carpenter is on the screen for about 10 minutes for a seemingly useless and unneeded subplot that only stands to allow Jason Statham to do a solo fight scene where he beats up 6 random douchebags much to the shock and fear of Carpenter's character, who's never seen again after the first act. And with both Willis and Arnold in the film for one scene, one scene where Willis swears alot for three minutes and Arnold shows up for 4 lines, and then walks out you are left wondering what the point of them being there at all really was, other then to just say "hey we done a movie together".

The film could also have completely deleted Jet Li and Micky Rourke and have been exactly the same, there would have been absolutely no change at all to the film with out them, they are completely unneeded, though with out Micky Rourke you would have missed the only well acted scene in the entire film, where his character talks about his time in Bosnia as a Mercenary, but as we all know, 5 minutes of well acted scene by a character thats not at all needed for the film and looks like he was put together by a keebler elf from extra cookie dough, does not save it from being a steaming pile, nor does Jet Li's only really worthwhile scene where he mostly beats the hell out of Dolph Lundgren, thus living out a life long dream of mine that I've harbored and nurtured like a child ever sense seeing Das Dolphinstien in Masters Of The Universe in 1987 and became pure beautiful white hot hate by the time he stank up the screen in 1990 ruining The Punisher. And yes, all 9 of you Dolph Lundgren fans out there in the world, I know he's Swedish, not German, but hey, it was better then making a reference to him playing The Russian in Rocky 3, so deal with it.

the plot to this film, well what little plot there is, is your basic badly written film about a group of Mercenaries calling themselves "The Expendables", I guess it was Stallone's attempt to sort of mix The Dirty Dozen with The A-Team or something, they never really go into the history of the group much, or why they're even together, you're just expected to believe that this mercenary group has been operating together for years on american soil and there has been nothing done about it. You first see them together saving a group of hostages from Somali pirates, an incident which after they have to release Gunner Jenson (Dolph Lundgren), they half ass imply that he's using drugs and was high at the time and after some infighting he's released from the group, yeah this all happens in the span of about 6 minutes, so its kind of confusing. After this is a meeting in a church which is the cameo scene for Bruce Willis and Arnold Schwarzenegger, Willis hires The Expendables to liberate a small tropical country from a dictatorship, and when Stallone how Willis found him, Willis says "an old friend of yours" and for some reason in walks Schwarzenegger and basically him and Stallone kiss each others asses for 2 minutes and then Schwarzenegger leaves again, never to be seen again. You find yourself wondering why he was even there at all in the first place, it seemed wasteful. After this Stallone agrees to "check out the mission" before saying yes, thus him and Jason Statham's character head down to the island country of Vilena, and from there the movie just becomes a giant mess that just becomes a dizzying load of action movie tropes and hacked up confusing muddled story that is typical of every film that Stallone has ever written, and except for the fight scenes, really drags and feels like the people that starred in it even knew it wasn't a good film, and didn't really put their hearts into it, and well it shows, it shows really bad, almost painful to watch at points really.

I found myself wishing for the end to come really, it was just so painful and embarrassing that these people would even connect themselves to such a film, I understand the idea behind it, the idea was to make the ultimate action film and hope that each generation's action stars would do the same, but my god was this painful to watch. So unless you're like super hardcore into the whole stuff exploding genre, seriously avoid this film, it'll leave you hollower inside then an Uwe Boll film, and thats really saying something.

But if you are up for it, here is the trailer... Ironically the trailer gives you more of a plot then there is to the film...




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BC

The Reality Shock 2.0 # 2

The Reality Shock:

The Illyad of  Stupidity .... and a Carrie Prejean joke.

Welcome welcome welcome once again my friends to the never ending carnival of wonder and amazement beyond your wildest imaginations. Ok well that might be a bit of a stretch, but it was just such a good opening line that I just couldn't let it slip away once it popped into my head, and well, you long time readers know I've always had issues with the opening lines to this. But with all of that said, I would like to welcome you all back to my wonderful little column where I spout out wisdom, knowledge and gibberish that pertains to the world of entertainment as we know it. I know I do these less frequently now that I am no longer among the working, but that doesn't mean I still don't have the same friends and connections and insider info and whatnot that I had before. It just means I write about it less then normal, thats all. After all you can take away a microphone in which to speak, but you can't take away the words that are coming out of a person's mouth. Interesting side note, you also can't take whats inside a person's mind, well you can if you're Mentok The Mindtaker, but well, none of you are Mentok The Mindtaker, so deal with that harsh reality. And with all of that said, I'd like to once again welcome you to The Reality Shock, now sit back, get some crunch and munch, or some lime doritos or whatever it is you snack on, get a drink to with it, and relax as I take you on a magical mystery tour through the screwed up world that is hollywood...

And with that said, lets get down to business shall we? …. A'Room'A'Zoom'Zoom!!

First off, I'd like to tell you all I'm sorry for the delay in column, I actually took the summer off to do something wonderful, to actually reconnect with why I love my field so much, I spent the summer just being a regular fan of entertainment, I watched shitty movies and tv shows and didn't care that they were completely shit, I listened to a Lady Gaga album and didn't actually vomit or go beat up a transsexual trying to dress like Jem from Jem And The Holograms in a blinding rage, I listened to 15 seconds of a Justin Beiver song and didn't burst into flames, though to be fair, 15 was all I could take before I wanted to beat him up and then beat up whichever Jonas Brother he stole that dorky ass haircut from. I did all those things that I always make fun of others for doing, and as a whole, I had a lot of fun doing so. I had felt I had lost connection and contact with the fan inside of me, and that all that was left was the critic, and though thats good for a lot of things, sometimes you need to hard reboot the system and get back to the basic understanding of what it is that makes you love what you do so much, after all, when a love becomes a job, whats the point of doing it anymore? You gotta rekindle that magic, and oh did I ever! But I gotta tell you though, through out all of my adventures in just being a fan of the industry, through all of it, I still hate The Hangover, I still hate Two And A Half Men and The Big Bang Theory, Avatar is still just Smurrrrrrrrrrfs Innnnnnnnnn Spaaaaaaaaaaace, and Thriller is still the coolest video ever made, so I guess in the end, though I've gained some refreshed batteries and rediscovered my love of what I do, the fundimentals are still intact, and thats all that matters. Oh and for those that are wondering, Inception? Yeah best movie sense District 9, it was so different and visually stunning, that it almost makes you forget the stole the concept from an invention created by Gyro Gearloose from the cartoon Ducktales.

Also if you read Smurfs in Space with an echo effect to make it sound like the old skit Pigs In Space from The Muppet Show, you get 50 cool points in the Happy Days Board Game of life, you also get 25 points if you knew with out googling what the happy days board game is a reference too, and don't say the classic American television series Happy Days, I would never give away points that easy.

So the world's greatest parent Joe Jackson has been talking to the media again, because I guess thats all he can do sense he's not allowed to beat Micheal's kids and his own kids are so old they can beat him up now, and his wife can just leave him whenever she wants with all of the king of pop's money. This time the guy that beat Ike Turner for greatest husband of all time (haha get it? Beat? Hahaha I'm so horrible) is claiming that the media twisted everything he did when raising The Jackson Five and the rest of their showkids, he actually claims that spanking and beating Micheal and the rest of them is what kept them “out of gangs and off drugs”, I'm not exactly sure, you know, not being able to understand the inner workings of a mind as complex and grandiose as Joe Jackson's, but I'm pretty sure that beating kids that by the time they were between 7 and 15 were already internationally known recording stars isn't exactly what kept them out of gangs and off drugs. One would assume the fact that they were internationally known stars by the time they were between 7 to 15 or so and constantly being pimped out by their worthless excuse for a father so he could take all their money was a pretty good reason not to be involved in gangs or drugs. But then again, as I said, I don't ever really expect to understand the methods of Joe Jackson, I just wish for once the grim reaper would take someone that deserves to be taken from this world, someone like, you know, Joe Jackson. Crappy ineffective grim reaper, seriously how is it that people like him are able to live, and make money because they're still in the public eye, but yet Maila Nurmi, who seriously needed to be given the respect she more then deserved in life, was almost broke and taken from life to early, life is unfair. Very unfair, seriously, fuck Joe Jackson, fuck him with Roger Ebert's cancery dick right in the ass. Worthless oxygen thief.

When did Kelly Osborne get hot? I mean seriously... when did that happen, where was I when that was going down? Oh thats right I was busy listening to Meghan Tonjes, thats what I was doing. Either way good for Kelly, atleast one of the Osbornes isn't an embarrassment to the world any longer. Totally a shame just how far the rest of them have sunk though, really is, but I guess thats what happens when you go from being the prince of darkness to a catchphrase.

Speaking of people that need to shut up, Kanye West needs to stop talking, seriously, his myspace blogging wasn't bad enough but now he's set (I think) some kind of record for over 200 tweets on his new twitter account in less then three hours. And guess what? Every single one of them was of no real worth or value, just more of his insane rambling, you read for afew quotes? Ok here we go, Kanye on his life; "Remember in Anchor Man when Ron Burgandy cursed on air and the entire city turned on him? But this wasn't a joke. This was & is my real life." .. erm.. so, you're an alcoholic white dude from a Will Farrel movie that no one understands why its a cult film? Mmkay. How about a quote from Kayne on Taylor Swift and all that... mess... “"I wrote a song for Taylor Swift that's so beautiful and I want her to have it. If she won't take it then I'll perform it for her." .. ok so, you're gonna like, force her to do a song you wrote for her or you'll do it yourself? Kanye I'll mention the elephant in the room, you had “All Falls Down” and thats it, seriously choco-bro, just, seriously, he then follows that up with this nugget, “"When I woke up from the crazy nightmare I looked in the mirror and said GROW UP KANYE ... I take the responsibility for my actions … I am not a bad person. Even in that moment I was only trying to do good but people don't always need my help … Beyonce didn't need that. MTV didn't need that and Taylor and her family friends and fans definitely  didn't want or need that..” which was followed up by a post saying “I'm sorry Taylor..”. .. Ok I guess I'll be the heavy again, what the hell you stupid twidiot, how exactly were you doing good by rushing on stage at the biggest music award show in the world and stealing the spotlight just to tell us all what you personally think? How is that doing good? Where is the good in that? Where? Show me cuz I can't see it Kanye, I can't see it at all, and you know what? No one else can either. You say you don't understand why people want you to die or why you are so hated, for god sake man, open your eyes and look at what you're saying and doing the world over, its your actions that are making people hate you. You put up this front that you're some intellectual rapper with deep thoughts and other Jack Handy like things, but yet you constantly act and do the opposite. For god sake man, you claimed you were just like Jesus Christ because of how you're persecuted in the media and by people, do you not see whats wrong with things like this? REALLY? The world doesn't hate you for the sake of hating you, they hate you because you're an idiot that does nothing but try and make everything in the world about him constantly. Take your own advice and grow up, and if when you disappear from the public eye, if you could take your BFF Chris Brown with you so he can learn not to beat women and then bitch that its their fault his record sales aren't doing so well that'd be a great thing too. K. Bye.

Attention Canada, I need the new season of Durham County to start as soon as possible, k thanks. Also, UK, while I'm at it, new Misfits ASAP, that'd be right lovely thanks.

Speaking of, the fall television season starts here in the states soon, as useual there are many new shows that will be fighting for your viewership, as well as returning older shows, most of which I still just don't get why they're on the air to begin with. There are some pretty good shows in the works, readers of my blog know I gave a very positive and very excited for more review to ABC's live action take on The Impossibles, “No Ordinary Family” even if the title does suck, and they were able to find a Kitty Pryde and Lockheed action figure, which I still can't friggin find for under 80 dollars. This new fall season is gonna be abit strange, there is some good, some really bad, some right in the middle, and some just to either side of the middle, its kind of a mixed bag more then in recent years, but I guess networks are abit more cut throat now with the economy going to shit and such, or they're all just waiting for the day when NBC goes off the air, which really wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't for the fact NBC owns two of the better Cable networks that seem to dominate the ratings, I'll never figure that out, how a network that sucks at sucking can have secondary networks that thrive in the ratings and original content.. its a mystery unto me.

Anyway abit about the fall season, for those who are interested; promising pilots that look like they could go on to greatness? No Ordinary Family, Raising Hope, Hellcats, and assuming it gets put on the schedule at all, The Cape, though with its large amount of pre-season hype for a show thats not even mentioned on the fall, winter or spring season charts, The Cape, along with the completely unneeded remake of The Rockford Files, might end up being this season's Babylon Fields, hyped and prepped by a network, only to never see the air. For those that aren't aware The Cape is basically the story of a cop that dresses up in a superhero suit to clear his reputation and fight crime outside the law. Sure its basically The Punisher, or for the more hip out there, Big Daddy from Kick Ass but with out the creepy and awesome sidekick of Hit Girl, but with out the mega ultra violence. As for the rest, Raising Hope is a promising little sitcom from the creator of the canceled way to soon My Name Is Earl. Its about a teenage kid that has an unknowing one night stand with a female that turns out to be a serial killer, who is then caught and sent to jail where she gives birth to a daughter, who is sent to live with her father, who is a complete screw up and decides to make his life better for his daughter. Its cute and heart warming and has Cloris Leachmen thinking the baby's a pet, its really pretty awesome. And Hellcats is kind of one of those so good you can't stop watching, but feel kinda dirty cuz its a tween aimed drama about high school and how hard it is to be a teenager, its kind of everything Gossip Girl stopped being, but you know, about cheerleaders. Look for the remake of Hawaii Five O to fail miserably as well as duel life drama Lone Star that will be good for the first few episodes, then you'll get sick of the father explaining the plot almost every single time he's on camera, it will get seriously old seriously fast, trust me on this one.

Anyone else wondering what the point of canceling Heroes was when there are atleast 5 superhero or super power themed programs on the fall line up or airing right now? I mean sure the Carnival was a giant flop of a storyline, but come on, why cancel something and replace it with 5 things that are kind of the same? This isn't Law And Order here... Speaking of Law And Order, what is the point of Law And Order UK? I mean don't you guys have like 4 or 5 other shows just like it or better over there? It was under my understanding and my viewership, that y'all could do better then that.

In other let down news; The American remake of the brilliant Aussie drama “Underbelly”; could it be that it will be about the taking down of fictional mafia style crime families in New York City simply because your average American is unaware of the crime family wars of Melbourne Australia that took place between 1994 and 2004 and that there simply is nothing as far as gangland wars that they can draw on as facts here in America, well outside of the 1930s and 1940s anyway, and thats just been done to death. Interesting note though, word is, a lot of major Hollywood names want in on the American remake, which they're tempting stars with the description of “Its The Untouchables meets The Boondock Saints and The Godfather all in one..”, lets hope that it actually lives up to that pitch, personally I'm gonna be pissed off if this falls apart, almost as pissed as I'll be if the american remake of Shameless falls flat, but thankfully, that doesn't look like it'll happen from what I'm reading. Fingers crossed yo... fingers crossed.

Is it a good sign when people are buzzing and trying to scoop each other on exclusives about movies that are only in the filming stage? This has become more and more common place these days and I kind of have to wonder if maybe we, the internet based fandoms, are starting to take advantage of the overly abundant high tech we cary with us every day, as well as the seemingly new “come watch how a movie gets made” policy of most hollywood films these days. I'm kind of on the fence on it honestly, one hand, it really shows how hard a lot of these people work in making films possible, and it does give us the fans awesome little snippets we can turn into massive free PR for a film up to a year before its released, but on the other hand, it often spoilers the hell out of a film as well, and though yes, 99% of those of us who view or discuss or whathaveyou on set photos and the like will still go and see a film regardless, for some I can see how it can be abit of a bother, even a downside that they hadn't thought of before, so its hard to say really what is right. I mention this because I've become abit sickened as of late with some of these recent “taken on the set” photos and videos, and how people are bitching and complaining about things with out even really giving them a chance. I understand the internet is full of doomsayers and the like, but good lord, either educate yourself on things like stunt doubles and production or shut your mouths, in a year when the films you're damning because you saw a stunt double in a stunt suit instead of the star, come out in the next year or so, you'll forget all about your doubting and be all “I knew it'd be a good film” and shit like that, its kind of sickening and makes me wish I wasn't such a geek.

In related to said bitching news, my friend Rose could play a better Emma Frost in X-Men: First Class than January Jones from Mad Men ever could, even though Emma wasn't a founding member of The X-Men and was born in the 1960s when the next horrible attempt at making an X-men film is set.

In other fanboy bitchery moments, the American remake of “Let The Right One In” now titled “Let Me In” is going to suck like Carrie Prejean trying to win a beauty pageant, its completely unneeded and does not seem to really have the same spirit as the Swedish version, which was just so perfect. Also in the world of soon to be shitty remakes, the American remake of the great brit series Being Human is going to be horrible, I mean the theme alone makes me wanna puke some sort of acid that'll dissolve it from this plane of existence.

You know what movie had an awesome soundtrack? Like more awesome then you'd expect it to have? Beyond The Valley Of The Dolls. Seriously, for a film that was written by that cancer on this earth that now has cancer, Roger Ebert, before he became the world's most douchey critic, the soundtrack is with out a doubt a hidden gem, its late 1960s drug culture rock at its best, like I'd almost say it rivals Tommy or Rocky Horror and the like in greatness. Seriously, seek it out , and try not to groove in some way to “Find It”, or any of the like 30 other tracks on the soundtrack. Brilliance, just pure and simple brilliance.

Anyone else wonder what the hell happened to that supposedly mindblowing remake of one of my personal favorite films “...And Soon The Darkness” that was getting insane respect last year at film festivals? It was supposed to hit american theaters and then dvd by this point in 2010, but yet, its not here. I'm curious and can't find a copy anywhere so I can see what they changed.

So its time for some of what I do best, yep, thats right my happy little Hanna Barbara drawn children that solve mysteries with the help of your talking dog / talking dune buggy / talking shark / genie / caveman / spirit of a revolutionary war hero / wisecracking robot / catchphrase spouting robotic dog / former president of the united states / inch high private eye, its that time again!!! Its time for some good old fashion Uwe Boll hate. Yes thats right, my nemesis in life, horrible German director and guy that beats up people that say his films suck dead mammal testicles Uwe Boll, is at it again, apparently he's upset that crapsterpeaces “Zombie Massacre” and “Bloodrayne 3: The Third Reich” are not even being touched by American distribution companies, claiming that not even direct to dvd outlets are willing to release them, he ofcourse claims that this is some how “character assassination” put forth by director of The Transformers and Impresario Of All Things Awesome(tm) Michael Bay, who Boll claims is secretly trying to ruin his career because he sees him as a threat, claiming such things as Bay has been ducking him sense declining Boll's boxing match offer over 18 months ago, and claiming that not only is Bay taunting him in interviews, but he's also slandering him to people of note and power in the film industry, and that its his way of trying to ruin Boll's career, Boll has claimed that his upcoming film Auschwitz because it will “make Bay's Transformers franchise look like a series of box office bombs” claiming that “that film series fanbase is so small and unknown that this film will make more then all three combined”.... yes he actually said this... Sigh alright kidlets, get your splatter gear on, Big Daddy's gonna go Gallagher on das watermelon.

First off Uwe, you ignorant pissbag, your movies aren't finding release companies because they suck at being films, seriously, you are delusional at best and egocentric to the point that I almost think its a mental illness if you honestly believe that anyone really cares about your attempt at ruining the Zombie Massacre video games by bringing them to film, or that you're continuing to ruin the bloodrayne franchise by making more films in it, the reason no one wants to release your stuff is simply that you just aren't that good, no you are worse then bad Boll, you're horrible, you are horrible at making movies, and at being a person, seriously, you beat up a guy outside of the red carpet premiere of Postal, which btw, was held at a seedy theater at the docks in Trenton New Jersey and no one of note actually went too, simply because he said your film about George Bush and Osama Bin Ladin saving the survivors of world war 3 was offensive, and you wonder why people don't want to put out your films? Really? REALLY? You insult Michael Bay all over the internet, on your website, on your vlog, and anywhere else that people will let you talk, simply because you are jealous. You're jealous because he's a complete jackass and people love him for it, but you're a complete jackass and people think you're the next Adolf Hitler. You know what the difference is? Its simple, Bay, though a jackass, makes films that range from moderate to amazing, and makes more money in a week then you make in a year, people don't care if a guy is an asshole if they make great stuff, look through history, some of the most noted people in pop culture are total jackasses but they made amazing things, and people still love them. You, well, you're just an asshole who makes really shitty movies that no one watches except maybe losers and that one misguided grindcore guy I know, but he doesn't count cuz he likes grindcore music. You are just jealous because you won't go down in history as “the greatest director of all time” like you claim, you'll go down in history as a joke. Boll, you are no Fritz Lang, or Cecil B. De Mill, or James Whale, or Alfred Hitchcock, or D. W Griffin, or Robert Altman, or Akira Kurosawa, you aren't even another Ed Wood, you're just a friggin joke that claims Bert Reynolds as a king of some sword and sorcery kingdom was a brilliant idea. Seriously, stop, just stop, for the good of your country, stop.

Wow I haven't hated on Uwe Boll in awhile, it felt good, real good. So good I might one day do like a list of reasons he sucks. Maybe this way he'll finally accept my offer to box him like he claims he does with critics. I stay true to my belief I could knock Das Pudgensnitzel out in one round, Rubin Carter style.

So this new movie Legend Of The Guardians, yeah I liked it better then first time it was made, when it was called The Secret of NYMH and was about mice, not owls. Seriously, owls? Unless its Charlie Owl from New Zoo Review and he's singing about the human reproductive process, I could really care less.

So there is another Saw film coming our way this year, and this time, it'll be in 3D! I have sort of grown luke warm on the Saw films to be honest, they were pretty good up until the last one, where they just have stretched the concept so far and so thin that its just starting to become unbelievable and almost painful to watch. Its kind of become a parody of itself, much like the massive slasher franchises of the 1980s, where after about 4 movies they'd run out of plot and just start embarrassing themselves. I understand the idea of making many follow up films in a series, the James Bond series has always been known for that, the Dirty Harry series and Star Trek as well (I don't count Star Wars because thats two seperate sets of three films 30 years or so apart), and there are many others too, but in the cases of slasher films, the many follow ups just don't work, see slasher movies are like porn movies, they cut right to the action and for 90 minutes or so, give you just the action and some horrible dialog, in a sense, instant gratification. And sure that can be great, a lot of these recent slashers turned thrillers have proven that, but Saw, well, Saw would be fine if they didn't kill off the main protagonist in the second or third film, you can't keep going copycats and the like forever, and if the lead is some undead killing machine, you can't just keep on bringing them back from the dead with out explanation, it just doesn't work. I'm really hoping that this is the final film in the series, not because they're bad films, so much as I just think the plot is run its course and needs to be ended. Leave it open ended so somewhere down the road someone could make another one somehow reworking the plot or something, but its time to rest, seven years with a new Saw movie every year is good enough for now.

Some oddity news, next summer should see the release of a hollywood version of the classic fairy tale Hansel And Gretel, but oh wait, its gonna be worse then you think! It shall not be the film of two fat children vandalizing home of an elderly old woman who lives alone in the woods and then cooking her, it shall be the story of these two children 15 years after they sadistically killed that poor misunderstood old lady, where they've become the best in the world at hunting and killing Witches, because apparently in the old world, any misunderstood old lady that lived alone in the woods away from town was seen as a witch for some reason or another. Meanwhile I'm just sitting here wondering what the hell the point of this is gonna be? Its just such a horrible idea, oh yeah lets make this creepy old world story about delinquent children who destroy the property of, and then torture and kill an old lady in a twistedly sadistic way, an old lady who just wants to cook them cookies, because she's lonely sense her kids and grandkids moved away because her daughter's husband got a job at a factory playing 20 red rupees more a week then the pitchfork factory in town. Damn, Hansel and Gretel are jackasses, for real yo.

So filming has started for what many people are saying will be the next Cloverfield, once again from directing mastermind J.J Abbrams, this time called “Super 8”, rumor has it, the title comes from the type of camera used to film the entire incident. Involving an alien that crashes to earth and runs amuck in a small west virginy town just destroying things, and its all seen through the lens of this Super 8 reel to reel home movie camera thats found after the incident, sort of Cloverfield style from what I hear. Though to be fair a lot of this could be wrong too, after all J.J likes to confuse the general population when it comes to his films and what they're about, you know, because he's awesome that way and likes his privacy. Whats funny too is, this, as you would expect, is bringing up all sorts of debate on if first person view films are really a good idea, and debates on if Cloverfield and films like it were really worth all the time it took to make them, and then it just goes worse from there. Its funny really how a concept could bring so much anger out of people when its really a good idea and a great concept that really brings you “into the film”, but I guess haters gonna hate.

Well thats about it for this installment, we're gonna be about half a page or so light this week because there just was so little real news this time out, I hate that. I really do. Anyway, time to end this with afew random shots like I always do...

Dancing With The Stars, yeah no thanks. No thanks. I've fallen in love with the music of Beth Hart all over again. I find it really funny that I was listening to Mira Craig and Aloan years ago, and now all of a sudden I'm starting to see them show up on lists of people that think they know their stuff about music, its pretty hilarious really. I am so damn sick of waiting for Durham County to start again, seriously Canada, get on that. I can't believe I almost went a week with out making fun of Uwe Boll. “No, Not That Kind Of Pudding!!”. The greatest word ever created was ofcourse “Pickleweazel”. I am really missing the hell out of The Trailer Park Boys these days, I know half the cast is gonna be back in a new mock reality show, but still I miss the hell out of that show... not so much Conky though. I seriously hate Big Brother, and wish they'd do an American version of Dead Set, but this time it be real zombies going to kill the housemates. Seriously if you haven't seen the film “Rock And Rule” you really gotta. New Fringe soon! Not so liking this idea for the new American Idol, but then, not so keen there is gonna be that an X-Factor: America airing at the same time. Kangaroo Jack was a horrible movie. I still hate Dudley Moore. Adult Swim stopped being funny a long time ago for the most part. I can't believe my friend Ashley had never heard of Tennessee Tuxedo until I facebooked a video of him the other day. I wanna create my own My Little Pony, it'll be black with purple and red highlights and be named Emomuffin, and it'll come with its own razor to cut itself and a notebook to write about how depressed it is.... And finally..... I never did see the final episode of Lost... and I'm somehow ok with that.

And with that, we bring to an end another edition of The Reality Shock, sorry for the big gap between installments, I shall work on that in the future, but until then, to all of you, Blessid Be.

---–

BC

Rock and Rule

Rock and Rule:

Heavy Metal Canadian Style, eh?

In a recent jaunt around the various websites that keep me well supplied with the rare, forgotten and hard to find, I happened across this gem from the forgotten era when western animation was truly a thing of beauty. You see back in the early 1970s western animation (meaning animation from USA, Canada, UK) sort of went through a transformation, it became a sort of outsider art, aimed at the growing subcultures that evolved from the 1960s beliefs in sex, drugs and rock and roll, outsider animation was hot, and for the next decade and a half or so, would bring us such grinhouse classics as Fritz The Cat, Heavy Metal, Watership Down, The Secret Of NIMH, and this lovely gem, Nelvana's first animated film Rock And Rule, which not only set the pace and took the crown from Heavy Metal as being THE film for outsider animation, much like its fellow Canadian film My Bloody Valentine took the crown of slasher films from Texas Chainsaw Massacre, but it also took the fading concept of the rock opera, and gave it one final mindblowing finale. This thing is a wonderful all around piece of work, from the story, to the casting, casting Debbie Harry as the singing voice of the lead female was just brilliance at the time, to the very well done animation, even frame looks like a picture that moves, but you can hang on your wall and be snooty to your friends because you have art and they don't, its so very striking and just a joy to watch, and with songs by Cheap Trick, Blondie, Earth Wind and Fire among others, its also a joy to hear.

The plot follows the same line as your average rock opera, a post apocalyptic world set after a nuclear war, in this one the human race completely wiped itself out in world war 3 after the United States and Soviet Union made the cold war a hot one, and the new dominate creatures on the planet evolved from Dogs, Cats and Rats, and though they've built a vast technologically advanced society built on the back of all the technology we've left behind, they also took from the now gone human race, the power of rock and roll, because lets face it, if something is gonna survive a nuclear holocaust, its gonna be rock and roll, and much like every other rock opera, rock and roll has become the music of rebellious youth, who live for it. And that is how we meet our cast.

Omar, Angel, Dizzy, and Stretch are all members of a small time rock band that though not financially successful, have a good size following playing clubs and concert halls and the like in their home town of Ohmtown, they stick together like a family because they seem to be all that each other has, they live and play together, as is the case in most films of this nature, rock and roll is their life, and the life of those who could come to see them play. When they were playing a show one night, they catch the ear and eye of the most popular rock musician in the world Mok Swagger (simply called Mok in the film, the comic book adaption revealed his full name), Mok though seen as the greatest rocker of all time even as he starts to feel his age, is secretly a master of the dark arts, which he invokes in his concerts, though no one watching is aware, they just believe its all part of the theatrical aspect of his shows, Mok has been searching the world over for "the one voice", a voice that will be able to summon an ancient demon from the netherworld, which he hopes to use at the highlight of an upcoming concert in Nuke York City's Carnage Hall (thats New York City's Carnegie Hall to us pre-nuclear war folks) which he plans to be the greatest show of all time. When he hears Angel singing with the band, he believes he's found the voice he needs. Mok offers Angel to join his band, saying that he can write her songs and with him and his band backing her, can make her even more famous then himself, Angel refuses because the offer is only for her, and not the rest of her band as well, Mok continues to try and get her to come with him, and when she continues to refuse him, he simply has his men kidnap her, so he can force her to sing the song that will summon the demon for him. Once they find out what Angel has gone, Omar, Dizzy and Stretch steal a cop car from a local police officer they know and set out for Nuke York City to get her back, along the way finding out what Mok's plan is, and realizing they aren't just saving Angel, but the whole world from the demon that Mok is going to unleash on the land, ofcourse, using the power of rock and roll to do so.

From there the film, like most rock operas takes you on a twisted and at times dark ride through the surreal and the unexplainable, as most of these types of films do, ranging from the disturbing to the steampunk to the cyberpunk and then back to what it knows best. And though thats very common in rock opera, to see it done in a way thats just so beautiful to the eyes and ears is just breathtaking. And I was alittle let down that the characters who sing weren't voiced completely buy those who to their singing; Angel's singing voice is Debbie Harry of Blondie, Omar's singing voice is Robin Zander of Cheap Trick, and Mok has two singing voices, first Lou Reed of The Velvet Underground but is then replaced by Iggy Pop when Mok invokes the demon. I'd have really enjoyed them doing the roles through the whole film, not just the musical numbers, but having someone else do the singing for a character in animation is, and always has been, common practice, but either way, thats really the only downside I could find to this wonderful forgotten classic from the tail end of the grindhouse era. The art is beautiful, bright and pretty even when its ment to be dark and ugly, the cast and story itself is great and just like other well known rock operas (Rocky Horror Picture Show, Tommy, Zepher, Cottonpatch Gospel, ect..) the songs don't seem forced or placed in the film simply to place them in the film, which is something I just love, I hate when a film forces something on you simply to make it fit the genre its aiming to be in, thankfully you'll never get that feeling with this. So seriously, if you haven't had a chance to see Rock and Rule, or you vaguely remember it from your younger days, by all means go about finding youself a copy, order some pizza or something, and sit back and enjoy yourself, you won't regret it. Also, a heads up, Amazon has a an anniversary edition coming out on blu ray in September... Alrighty got mine pre-ordered.

And for those that are interested, here is the trailer...




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BC

No Ordinary Family

No Ordinary Family:

Love The Show, Hate The Title.

Its strange really, last year was the end of the once powerhouse but turned trainwreck series Heroes, and with it many people thought it would bring about the end of the idea of superheroes and all things related on a major american network (Some could argue the ending this year Smallville counts but The CW is the second to the bottom network 95% of the time in the weekly and nightly ratings, so its "mainstream" status is arguable.), but with Heroes sending after that just disastrous last season, I found it really odd to discover that there were going to be afew new Superhero themed series this upcoming year, with NBC's "The Cape" and ABC's "No Ordinary Family" getting the most buzz, and though I've not seen The Cape yet, I have recently watched the pilot for No Ordinary Family, and I must say, its actually alot better then I was expecting it to be, I mean way better, like to the point I'm actually excited, like Fringe excited. Yes, I think its that good.

On the surface the show looks abit like a live action version of The Incredibles, but instead of about retired superheroes and their children, its the story of The Powells, your average modern day family, thats slowly drifting apart, the children are off in their own worlds, and the parents are drifting slowly apart, and no one is connecting, they are the textbook case of dysfunctionality, and though they are all aware of this, that doesn't stop Jim Powell from dreaming and remembering. Jim is sort of a man out of place, a police sketch artist that used to be an artist, he wishes his family would be what it once was, a loving caring unit that they once were, as he sees his daughter struggling with the troubles of having a boyfriend and popularity, and his son suffer with the fact that no one believes in him and treats him like he's stupid, and he feels heartbreak when he looks at his wife who though she's become a giant success in life, he realizes its cost her the family they formed, and is scared it will cost their marriage in the end. Jim doesn't know what to do with himself, he looks at his life and wishes he could do more, that he was out there catching criminals and keeping the world safe instead of drawing criminals, and he wishes for his glory days of being happy, this desire is what leads him to convince his wife to turn a research trip to the deepest Brazilian rain forest into a family vacation together. Which she agrees could be needed.

While they're in the rain forest, Jim gets sick of the fact his daughter's constantly texting her friends, and his son is just watching television, and that his wife can't make time to be with them all, to counteract this he forces them all to go on an air tour of the rain forest, claiming its something they'll all remember for the rest of their lives. Ironically, Jim isn't aware at this point how true that statement really is. As they're up in the plane, a powerful storm comes out of nowhere and as they try to fly through it, one of the plane's engines catches on fire and though they try to keep it in the air, the pilot has to crash land it in a remote lake in the rain forest, thanks to Jim making sure they're all ready and repaired for it, The Powells survive the crash, but the pilot does not, they all eventually make it to the side of the lake and are rescued, once they return home, things seem to go back to normal, much to Jim's dislike, he expresses this to his wife, who understands, but is saddened he felt there was any chance things could be different. Jim goes to meet his friend D.A George St. Cloud, who tells him that maybe him and his wife should go into counseling, claiming they can fix themselves, then everything else.

The next day Jim is at work taking a description of a murderous bank robber from a widow, when he gets up to get some coffee, he has a conversation with a defective whom he's friendly with, asking her to handle the whole being a cop aspect thing, she tells him it never actually gets easy, and as they're talking, a man jumps up from a desk where a cop is taking his information and pulls the officer's gun, and fires a shot toward Jim and the detective he's talking too, Jim instinctively grabs her tossing her to the ground, saving her life. When he gets up, he realizes that he'd not only caught, but crushed the bullet in his hand. This freaks him out and he takes the rest of the day off to clear his head. As this is happening, Jim's wife Stephenie is at her lab where she explains a believed miracle plant her team in Brazil discovered, later in her office her boss comes to her and tells her that their company's chairman is flying in to discuss full funding for her project that night, Stephenie calls Jim to tell him that she has to cancel a planned night out for the two of them, to which Jim is ok with given that he's out experimenting with his new power, or as he puts it "writing the owners manual for his new ride", as she leaves her office she wishes she could just have more time in the span of a day so get what she needs done, and as she's running to her car, something happens, she starts to run faster, and faster, and faster, and eventually runs so fast that she lets out a sonic boom and runs so fast that time around her starts to slow down, she comes to a stop in the middle of a busy freeway.

As Jim and Stephenie discover their powers, Jim calling his friend George in to help him with testing, they discover he is superstrong, can jump several miles at a time, has super enhanced reflexes and durability which allows him to avoid and stop anything that has so far been thrown at him, and Stephenie with the help of her assistant discovers that she's able to run at "over a mile every 0.6 seconds" and that she creates a kinetic barrier around herself and anyone she takes along with her when she's running but that everything else on her is sped up as well, her reflexes, her mind, her metabolism meaning she'll have to eat tons but she'll never gain a pound. Jim decides to take his new powers out for a test drive superhero style, and when trying to stop the same robber he sketched earlier, that he is infact, not bulletproof, the implication being that the closer the gun is to him when fired, the more damage it does, it doesn't really give him more then just a fleshwound, bit still its enough to make Jim realize he's got limitations, he calls his friend George to come get him telling him where he is, George takes him back to his house where he tells Stephenie everything about Jim's new powers, and she tells him about hers, she then shows Jim and the two of them feel relieved and curious, believing that if they had something happen, that means their kids might have as well, as they wonder this Stephenie remarks that the lake they crashed into looked different, she said it was glowing a bright green bioluminescence, as they wonder this, their daughter calls in a panic. Stephenie goes to get her, claiming Jim had a headache.

While sitting in the car outside of her high school, Daphne Powell, Jim and Stephenie's daughter tells her the story of how while she was confronting a girl that was after her boyfriend, she first heard her thoughts, she first brushed this off, but then in the middle of a backetball game she could hear the thoughts of everyone in the gym, the players, the couches, the refs, the spectators, everyone, she freaked out and called her parents for help, as she explains this to her mother, Stephenie smiles, tells her she believes her, and then tells her when they get home they're gonna have a family talk and explain whats going on. As they're sitting around discussing it Jim and Stephenie's son JJ points out that he hasn't had any powers surface yet, and that he's upset at that, this degrades the discussion into an argument and they all go off to do their own thing. The next day at work Jim gets an ID on the robber and gives it to his friend he saved earlier and telling her where to find an exgirlfriend that posted bail for the man 6 months earlier, offering to go with her and her partner, Jim's laughed at and told "leave the crimefighting to cops with guns.", Jim follows them anyway, and arrives just alittle to late to save his friend and her partner from getting shot in an ambush by the suspect, Jim and him have another showdown, this time the guy reveals that he can teleport, as he's teleporting around Jim as they fight, he says to him "what, did did you think you were the only one?" as he says this he's shot in the back by Jim's friend, who then tells him to leave. Afterwhich, Jim's friend George St. Cloud reveals to him that he's set up a lair for the two of them to operate out of in his garage, stating he'll be Jim's support guy. As this is happening, JJ discovers that his power is basically being a human computer, with lightening fast learning capabilities and instant mastering of anything he learns. This unites them all again, and the pilot ends with the family all in the backyard playing football together like in Jim's many flashbacks, but this time with their powers, and all enjoying themselves.

So do I think this show is gonna last? I give it at this point two seasons, normally superhero television shows start to break down thanks to the "lets do it on the cheap even though its bringing us billions" concept that has killed so many shows before hand, but the pilot leaves you wanting more, so very very much more, the very savvy comic book nerd would recognize this as basically the Fantastic Four's origin, but not in space, and fans of international television and my blog would also note this is basically an american version of The Misfits, the recent UK series with a similar concept, but with a thunderstorm that went over south London, and each person with a power getting a power they most desire, though they don't explain why or how in the pilot others can have powers, but I am sure as hell curious as to how they'll explain that. Plus the cast of this is just amazing, my hometown homeboy Michael Chiklis plays an excellent Jim Powell dispite that fact he seems to always play cops or superheroes, or in this case both, he really does so well that you just can't help but cheer him on. Julie Benz does great as Stephenie Powell in a great departure from her role on Dexter as Rita Morgan that most would recognize her as. Kay Panabaker, who's just a pheonominal young actress who's done tons of guest work (some might recognize her as the original Emily Lightman on the pilot to the series Lie To Me) does a great job as Daphene Powell, its one of those cases of the casted actor really being the age they're ment to be, which makes it more believable, and Jimmy Bennett, who most will recognize as the young James Kirk in 2009's Star Trek, but is also the current voice of Roo in the Winnie The Pooh series and also voices Rerun Van Pelt in the modern Peanuts cartoons, plays a great JJ, he looks like a kid that could see the world's given up on and just wants to slack off because of it, and brings the right amount of sarcasm to the role and the show. the secondary cast is also just as good, its really a refreshing take and look into a genre that seems to almost never be handled correctly by the average major network, truly a delight. Honestly, if you have a chance, come the fall, give it a look you won't be let down. My only real complaint would be that the title sucks, and I kind of wish they didn't use both the Superhero! and Publisher's Clearing House fonts in promotional material, but I'm nitpicky like that. Oh and also, I hate that they were able to find an original outfit Kitty Pryde with Lockheed figure and I can't seem to find one.


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BC