Thursday, April 29, 2010

Forgotten Goddesses of The Grindhouse: Tura Satana

There are few women that make me just stop and look at them, like literally stop whatever I'm doing and just look, and yes, as you sift though the pages here, you will find a good amount that fit into that category, and though some will be insanely beautiful women of the past, and some will be a foreign film star you've probably never heard of, very few, save for maybe Christina Lindberg and Meiko Kaji, will ever be able to match the pure, untouched kick your ass appeal of Tura Satana. Tura, the star of personal favorites The Astro-Zombies and the Russ Meyer Masterwork Faster Pussycat, Kill! Kill! Two films that just about define all that is the grindhouse era, and if you haven't even seen them shame on you, shame! Anyway, I've always found Tura to be just so perfect, even in her later years she's still got that kick you in the face-ness about her, hopefully i'll get to meet her some day, but for now, enjoy some imagery of her in her days on screen.... oh and btw, yes, 95% of these are from Faster Pussycat, because well, thats all that seems to be out there of her...

Tura in more recent years...

and thats were we're gonna end this, because well, everything else is kind of repeat-y and such...



The Reality Shock 2.0 #1

Sorry about the long time between posts, its been hectic around the old grindhouse lately, and other things been demanding my attention, but hopefully will be back to posting on a pretty regular clip again very soon, but till then, here is this!

The Reality Shock 2.0 # 1:
The Return Of The GodKing Of All Media

Welcome, welcome, welcome, to all of my loyal readers who have decided to stick with me as I made the jump from a print columnist to just another overweight guy with long hair on the internet who felt his opinions were worth sharing with the rest of the world, I promise you, that you will not regret sticking with me. For you see, this is a brand new world we're walking in here, a new, unrestricted, untainted world where I can say what I wish with out fear of reprisal or threats from those higher up then me, for you see, there is no one! This is a new beginning for The Reality Shock, and in a sense a new beginning for me as well. As I take us all to new places and new ideas, and can actually swear now, which, I gotta tell you, in some cases, is just so god damn great. But none the less, I shall continue to bring you all the same level of realistic and logical based reporting that I have always given you, as well as just some great feedback on a lot of things I notice out there in the world of entertainment, oh and a lot of ranting along the way, because lets face it, when I'm good i'm good, but when I go off on a rant i'm so much better. So sit back, get a drink or a snack or whatever it is you do while reading my column, which for my friend Mike really better involve wearing pants, and get ready for a wild ride, because the show that never ends, is about to begin once again, and all of you have tickets to see it.

Apparently, I still after 5 years of this, have no idea at all how to write or end an opening paragraph, but, atleast I'm not using Speed Buggy's catchphrase anymore, so you know, take that as a win I guess... Now onto real news...

So I wanna start off with alittle bit of “I told you so” news, not because I'm the kind of guy that revels in that sort of thing, so much as I just find it completely hilarious and wanna share it with you all.

Ok so, the other day former Menudo member and former joke of a pop star Ricky Martin announced that he is gay. Yes, thats right, the man that had us all living la vida loca till we just couldn't give two monkey farts and some rhino dung about him, because we'd all moved on to the Marcarania by then, Ricky Martin, is gay. Yes, you read that right. To this I have to say the following... NO SHIT, ofcourse he's gay, look at the way he looks, the way he dresses, no straight man dresses that well , or has hair that well kept, or has the courage to rock the leather pants, I mean really, was it this hard to figure out? I had him pegged as gay the moment I saw him. And you know what the funniest part is? When he came out of the closet, nobody seemed to care. Thats right, Ricky Martin came out of the closet and admitted he's gay, and no one honestly cared. I commend him for his bravery, having many times listened to my cousin speak of how difficult the choice to come out of the closet is I kind of have an idea of what that whole process is like, but honestly, if he wanted to make an impact or a statement or something, Ricky, you're 10 years to late, but still good for you. In related news, Jason Mraz came out of the closet too, and amazingly, no one seemed to care either, but not because his time in the spotlight was over like Ricky's, no, its because Jason was never really all that liked in the first place. He's just some jerk that wore a hat.

Holy crap, I swore! Oh wait, thats right, no need to curtail the language when you're not really answering to anyone at all, oh yeah this is gonna be fun!

So onto some good news, it seems the true king of late night television, Mr. Conan O'Brian has finally found a home for his new program, cable network TBS, one of the three cornerstones of Ted Turner's media empire (the other two being CNN and TNT), has decided that after its test run of a late night program with former failed sitcom star turned surprisingly at times funny talk show host George Lopez, TBS has decided to pick up the ball where FOX failed and run with it, one most wonder just how this is going to effect the late night talk show landscape, on paper the combo of CoCo and Lopez sounds like a pretty good one two punch, specially with the Turner owned networks having a tendency to push the limit of what Standards And Practices and the FCC will allow in their original programing content. Its also a rather aggressive move for a network thats 90% second run syndicated programing, though one could argue that they're gonna funnel that skril that CoCo is gonna bring them into original programing, so, who knows? Either way good for Conan, and very professional not to out and out trash the former bosses, afew well placed and well worded jokes is perfect, and doesn't make you look bad, true showman right there.

So some sad news however, acting legend Dixie Carter, known to most people born before 1988 as Julia Sugarbaker on the for some reason hit in the 1990s series Designing Women, has passed away at age 70, most people don't realize just how talented she was, sure she could act, I mean you have to be pretty good at what you do to make Delta Burke seem like she was funny, well funny and not an amorphous blob of pure evil that took the form of an somewhat skinner at the time Roseanne Barr. She also did a lot of singing which I wasn't aware of, and she also made one horribly bad but oh so funny work out tape back when it was big for stars to do that sort of thing, not that Carmen Electra's naked work out with a pole or Kim Kardashian booty shaking your way to a finer ass bullshit of today, Dixie spent her last few years out of the spotlight and doing mostly charity and theater work with her long time husband the recently cast in Sons of Anarchy, Hal Holbrook whom she co-starred in many theater productions with. She was a great talent and I'm really sad to see her pass on, but I'm glad to see so many Hollywood names coming out to say nice things about her, its always good when the true professionals get the respect they deserve, even in death.

In legends that die news, rap legend Guru, one half of Gang Starr and the pioneer of jazz rap fusion, has died at the age of 43, I grew up listening to him, its unsettling that he'd dead really. I'll miss him. In other sad news, the lead singer for the band Type O Negative, Peter Steele died recently as well, I'm personally not a big fan, but, I'm sure some of you out there are, so my regrets go out to you all for the loss. Also it appears Bret Micheals might be dying too, can't say that'd be a bad thing honestly. Stupid hair metal trashbag he is.

Speaking of dead musicians who've become faux saints for some reason, it was reported recently that goth flavored cougar bait, Robert Pattson of Twilight sort of fame, was in “just about signed” to play rocker Kurt Cobain in a movie about the dead grunge rocker turned apparent saint of 1990s rock, this news spread like wildfire and outraged millions, even real fans that remember Nirvana, not just those posers who listen to them now and think they “get it” or fake they do for street/college/internet cred. Word got back to Cobain's widow, hot mess and former rock sort of star Courtney Love, who did what all former almost forgotten musicians do on this matter, she blogged about it. She claims there is no way in hell that the pale sickly looking corpse that plays Edward Cullen will ever play Kurt in a film, in a rant that would put Kayne West's blogging to shame, she went into great detail as to why this would never happen and though she did confirm there will be a film made about Kurt “when the timing, the script and the casting is right”, she stated she will be involve in casting, and will make sure that each person is picked perfectly, in a comment that seems very unlike her, she stated she owed that much to Kurt's fans and his legacy in music and pop culture. Which through true, and rather touching, actually marks the first time of note, that she has publicly spoken at all of the things Kurt left the world. It leaves you wonder if these last few years out of the spotlight raising their daughter has maybe made her realize just what Kurt ment to the world around her and not just see it as a shadow her career was always standing in.

So it appears that one time box office draw now turned insanely crazy old woman, Elizabeth Taylor is getting married once again, how this happened, or why, I am left scratching my head on, given the fact she's pushing the big octagon and is bound to a wheelchair half the time, the time she's not in the wheelchair is spent doing various old people in Hollywood things, like yelling in an ungodly shrill voice at passers by and screaming obscenities at her house staff while flashing her naughty bits at them and declaring various former men of old world Hollywood that had their way with said parts. Whats even more amazing about this perfect catch of a former starlet is, word going around happens to be she's marrying a gay man young enough to be her great grandson. Why she's doing this, I have no idea, though to be honest, I think Liz Taylor is off in her own universe reliving her past glory days of yore, and isn't aware of what exactly is going on. Still, it is pretty damn funny in a sick and twisted kind of way isn't it?

So I guess we can't go last this point with out mentioning the cultural juggernaut that is American Idol and its current season, and how its going. After all, it wouldn't be me with out some kind of a comment or two about it right? Damn me and my addictions to television thats just addictive. Its been and odd year so far on the show, and I can completely see why they are going for someone one thats not exactly “mainstream” this time out, a thing I personally find to be a good refreshment from years past, there is still the cookie cutter kind of scripted feel of the top 12though, where you can kind of figure out which pop genres they're aiming for, though normally I don't care, I do this year because it cost us a possible winner in the great Lily Scott, who by the way, isn't just talented, she's also a dead ringer for my dear friend Splooshy in her 20s, not only in looks but in the way she dresses too, I doubt in song though, I can't really picture Sploosh singing anything that doesn't sound like something you'd hear on karang honestly. Its gonna be interesting though, they seem to be cutting the dead weight fast this year, at the half way point of six left, only one that I see as having no chance of making the top 5 left, so it's gonna get interesting real quick. So for my guess at winning? I'm not sure, I've got as far as figuring front runner, and the second coming of Susan Tedeski, Krystal Bowersox will be in the finale, I just can't decide if she'll be up against Seal soundalike Micheal Lynche, Eddie Vedder soundalike Lee DeWyse or the completely bjork-tasticly unique glass blower from Barnstable Massachusetts with the giant diva voice that is Siobhen (said Show-von btw) Magnus. Part of me wants the whacky girl from New England to make it there, just to show that just because you're odd and unique and completely in your own style, and never really fit in with the cool kids, you can still go on to become something to others can be inspired by and look up too, plus also, rep New England to the fulliest, on the rizzeal. Or if you don't like that logic, then just wait till my friend Rose tries out for X-Factor in the UK this year, she'll totally go on and inspire millions to be themselves, or she'll go mental and start beating up judges, which I guess is also kind of inspiring too, in a different way though.... or is it? These are the questions we must ask ourselves every single day of our lives.

In other Idol lookalike related news, former contestant Lacey Brown has an uncanny likeness to my friend Ashley, its kind of crazy. Like spooky crazy. Only real difference is Lacey's got bright red hair, though to be truthful, Ashley could rock that look too, so that makes it even more spooky crazy.

Those of you out there looking for some nice new to you programing to watch, might I suggest the following programs, Treme, Rabbit Fall, Underbelly: The Golden Mile, Billable Hours, Raw, Married Single Other, Tangle, and if you're in the mood for some way to good for the network its on animation or are just a comic geek like me, The Black Panther.

Treme is an HBO series based in a neighborhood of New Orleans set right after Hurricane Katrina ravaged the city and surrounding area, its brilliantly written and shot, and is filmed on location using as many local people as possible for on camera and off jobs, which is great, brilliant programing and a great way to give back. Rabbit Fall is a canadian made sci fi mystery series about a small northern Saskatchewan town with a large base of native Canadian Indians, its a supernatural story steeped in local and Canadian Indian myth and legend and belief, while also being a sort of Harper's Island/Till All Are None style murder mystery, its kind of a mix of Twin Peaks meets Durham County, its got a hell of a slow start, but once it starts moving, its a great show. Underbelly: The Golden Mile is the third season of the Australian drama that most say is possibly the greatest show ever to come out of the land of Oz, for those that have never seen it, its sort of NYPD Blue meets Goodfellas and one of those movies about British soccer hooligans that everyone hates, well unless you're a soccer hooligan, but then if you are, no one cares what you think, you know, cuz you're worthless chav living in an estate home somewhere in Leeds or Cornwall or some dreadful place that god forgot exists, where you drink beer and watch way to much soccer on the telly and try to justify to your parents why you and your friends all have that stupid shaved down looking like Eminem haircut that you all think is cool and why you dropped out of high school because of your unyielding hate for Manchester United, oh and by the way, Soccer Hooligans, fuck you, yes I mean that really, fuck you, go find a date thats not picked based on what team she supports or how much beer she can drink, you useless twits, you're all worse then people that are into professional darts, super hardcore Eminem fans, The KISS Army, Twilight fans and ICP Juggalos combined.... anyway, back on track...

Billable Hours is a Canadian dark comedy thats sort of in the same vain as the offbeat and way to funny for its own good Better Off Ted, its based in a Toronto Law Firm and is actually one of the funniest things I've seen come out of Canada sense The Trailer Park Boys, which really tells you something there. Raw is an Irish series about the ins and outs of the personal lives of people who run an upscale restaurant in Dublin, its really an additively like brilliant show that should get a lot more spotlight then it does, far to often shows of this nature get lost in the ebb and flow of television history when they should be given a place to shine, I look at it a lot like that show Belonging, the one that made Eve Myles a star but was never aired outside of Wales, very hard to get ahold of, but so worth the viewing. Married, Single, Other is sort of a British answer to the old American series Thirty-something, but with out as much horrible writing or bad acting, and a lot less emo, I so hated the emo of that show, and how the cast all had beards... yeah let that joke sink in for a second and see if you get it. Tangle is sort of the Aussie version of Dallas, or whatever the powerhouse night time drama your generation can identify with is, unless your generation's powerhouse night time drama you can identify with is Beverly Hills 90210, in that case go cry for yourself and your generation as a whole, and then go smack yourself in the face because The Peach Pit is by no means a cultural contemporary to the Ewing Ranch, now go punch the nearest teenager in the face, because its their fault that horrible show was brought back, punch them in the face really hard. And finally if you're up for some animation that is really well written and well animated, or a completely faithful and respectable comic book to cartoon adaption that is really way above the quality and caliber of stuff on the backwater network its aired on, you really should have a look at The Black Panther, its just so beautifully made, and based on possibly the most respected and culturally important superheroes made by Jack Kirby in the 1960s, if you're a long time fan, or just curious at the story of Prince T'Challa Des Wanakanda, you really should give the 6 episode series a look, even if you aren't, the animation is breathtakingly good.

Songs I can't stop playing this week: “Coming On Strong” by Sudden Change, “The Old College Try” and “No Children” both by The Mountain Goats, “Broken Dreams” by Shaman's Harvest, “The Ballad of Harry Warden” by John McDermott, “Break Up The Concrete” by The Pretenders, “Delicate” by Daimon Rice, “Let It Be Me” “Trouble” and “Jolene” by Ray LaMontagne, “The Church of Texas” and “Kiss Me” by Kellie Rucker, “Playing With Fire” by Didi Benami, “Sally MacLennane” by The Pogues, “Definitely Maybe” by FM Static, “America Town” by Five For Fighting, “Let Me Be Your Song” by Jim Henson, “Love Potion #9”, “Telephone”, “The Promise” by Meghan Tonjes and finally “House On A Hill” by Mama's Gun. If you haven't got, or never heard any of these, really, get your download on.

So Glee is back after what seems like 40 years of walking through a desert under a really hot sun with a smelly old man in 30 pounds of robes and carrying a stick he claims lets him part seas and babbling about talking to bushes that are set on fire and other such oddities, and I gotta tell you, I have been going out of my mind waiting for this, I been going out of my mind with waiting, more then waiting for the return of V, I'm glad to say that Glee is still continuing its blockbuster first year with its mix of drama, dark, sarcastic, pop culture referencal and observational comedy masked behind lots of music and dance numbers, like we're talking more then Hull High, Cop Rock, Blackpool and Viva Laughton combine here. If you haven't watched the show, then you really should give it abit of a look, thankfully the one minute long “this is what you missed” reference guide at the start of each episode will keep you in the back-story as is needed per episode until you backlog and catch up, which means you can jump in anywhere with very little confusion. Plus, remember, if it wasn't for shows like Glee, we'd never know that its possible to win a high school football game by doing the dance from doing the dance number from Beyonce's “Single Ladies” video, or that in truth Dolphins are just gay sharks. Also, if you haven't seen the Madonna episode yet, totally worth it, a must watch.

You know that reminds me, dolphins being gay sharks really makes a lot of sense, I mean why else would they always be after my gold? God damn smile sharks.... Also, if you got that reference just now, and the reference to Cop Rock and Hull High, you seriously need to get laid, like come out of your mom's basement where you been photoshopping famous actresses heads onto porn stars bodies or spending all your time on WoW or Second Life having CGIsex with someone that tells you she's a woman but probably in real life is a man using a female player type, and meet a real lady with real working girl parts and everything kind of get laid. And no, it doesn't count if you gotta pay for it, or if it was arranged for on Craig's List, you filthy heathens! Damn filthy heathens, think you're so cool with your Spirographs and Slinkys, and Rock'um Sock'um Robots, and your damn make out parties you never invite me to...

Ok, so before we wrap things up, I'd like to mention the two things that in my time off I've gotten the most emails asking my opinions on, oh and alittle warning to you all, the first one is gonna get really messy...

Ok first of the two really big items I'd like to speak about is this, the wonder and amazement that is Ms. Kayla Patterson. Now, a lot of you are out there scratching your heads on this one, who is Kayla Patterson you might ask? In an answer, she is apparently, the face of the Twilight fanbase. She is the definition of everything that they are, what they stand for, what they believe in, how deeply devoted to their little tween and cougar friendly masturbatory aids that double as a series of poorly made and poorly written movies, as well as these things called books. For those of you too young to know what a book is, a book is a really long wikipedia page or a PDF printed on paper, the way your great grandfather used to read his stuff back before the internet was around to confuse him and his generation. Now, why is it you might ask that Ms. Kayla Patterson is the voice and face of the Twitlight Fandom? Its because of her actions, and her words, and her such powerful believe in the power of Team Jacob over Team Edward that she felt the need to write a hate letter to Universal Studios for their film The Wolfman. You see, Ms. Kayla Patterson believes so strongly in Team Jacob and his over toned Abs and over stylized hair, that she apparently isn't willing to believe there are any other werewolves out there in the world of film or television or entertainment in general. Infact in her hate later to Universal Studios, shaming them for their release back in February of their film The Wolfman, claiming that it was a blatant rip off of Twilight: New Moon and claiming, and this is a direct quote from the letter, “Hey Universal, you just got PWNED. That’s what you get for making a werewolf movie that clearly rips off Twilight. Everyone knows that Stephenie Meyer created werewolves, and now you hacks have been exposed! Good luck defending yourselves in court!!”, yeah let that sink in for a second, re-read it, go on, you know want too, now, add to that, that she claims several times in the letter, that the wolfman and related characters are “a complete reworking of the wolf pack from Twilight: New Moon” and much more related drivel, and stated that the world knows they're frauds and they ripped off Twilight, stating that was the reason the week of its release, The Wolfman came in second for the weekend after the film Valentine's Day staring her apparent secret boyfriend, “The Very Yummy Taylor Lautner”, yes that is how she refers to him afew times, claiming “All of America wants to see more of the man who plays Jacob Black not your crappy rip off.”, she then mocks the ways a werewolf transforms, as well as how they're killed with silver bullets, she even uses pictures in her letter to them as “proof” of her claims and “how a werewolf should look.”. It really really gets sad and kind of unsettling by the end of the letter, but you wanna know the worst part of it all? You really ready for this? Ms. Kayla Patterson is 18 years old. Yes, you read that right, she is 18 years old and believes Stephenie Meyer, who was born in 1975, created vampires and werewolves. Let that one sink in for a second before I tell you my thoughts on this ok? Go on, ponder and perplex and postulate on that for a second... let it sink in.. let it consume you, sort of like the dark side of the force... yes, are you feeling that sickening confusion and anger at the world around you in your stomach now? Yes? Good now you're ready for my thoughts...

First and for most, Ms. Kayla Patterson is a fucking idiot. No, I mean it, she really is, she's so stupid, that she has no idea at all of what she's reading, and more so, how in the bloody hell do you become 18 years old and not know how to use google and wikipedia to look up facts on things BEFORE you send an angry letter out to someone about its content, seriously, you are the stupidest person that I have come across in the past decade, and you make me weep openly for the future of the human race if there are more out there like you. Like to the point I would advocate sterilizing the whole generation the world over just to stop you and your idiotic brainless twilight fan brethren from ever procreating with another human being, and producing more like you. Really? Stephenie Meyer created Werewolves and Vampires? Really? REALLY? You honestly believe that you ignorant child? See, you are what is wrong with the youth of America and the world, you are too entwined in your myspace and facebook and whatever other social networking places you spend all your time on, its either making you all really lazy, really ignorant, or its just becoming painfully obvious how stupid you all are. Seriously, shit like this just infuriates me, honestly, how in the hell does an 18 year old not know what a Werewolf is? What the hell kind of sheltered life have you lived that you have never seen one of the many movies based on the myth? I mean honestly, you've never seen Teen Wolf? Or that CSI they did with someone with the real medical condition that most believe is the basis for the werewolf myth? Look, the fact remains you fail at history and at being a human being, so Kayla, I'm ofcourse assuming you'll find this cuz you seem like the ego type that'll google themselves, let me give you a short lesson in history, Stephenie Meyer did NOT create Werewolves, she did not created Vampires, all she did was create a legion of fans made up of lonely tween and apparently mentally and emotionally under developed teenage girls, afew gay dudes who needed something else to read that was homoerotic because there hasn't been a new Anne Rice book about gay vampires in awhile, and ofcourse, a larger then we'd like to admit flock of lonely or bored housewives in their late 30s to mid 40s who would like themselves a younger boytoy. That is all she's done, she hasn't created anything at all. The truth of the matter is, werewolves and vampires have been around for thousands of years, they're infact mentioned, though not by name, in the dead sea scrolls, which predate the history depicted in the bible and other very early superhero stories that we as a people know of these days, they speak of the creatures outside of the garden of Eden that roam and stalk the night looking for something to feast on, the “beast that walks like a man but hunts like the wolf” and it tells how Lilith, the first wife of Adam was cast out of Eden and became the queen of the vampires. Hell the fundamental national pride of Romania is built on its belief and fear of Vampires, and the country of Turkey's entire pride in itself is based off their collective belief that the Turkish people descended from werewolves, so ask your Ms. Kayla Patterson, how is it possible that these things that predate 2005 when the first Twilight book came out? Oh also Kayla, if you do find this, you and the rest of the Twihards can go fuck yourselves with rusty screwdrivers, you jackasses ruined ComiCon and every sci fi convention you've been invited too. Oh and also, why anyone would want to read a series of books thats basically the concept of Archie Comics but about a stupid girl who can't decide between an emokid that is mentally controlling and psychologically abusive or a physically abusive shirtless werewolf who isn't a werewolf that spends way to much time shirtless with his buddies who also need shirts, is honestly beyond my understanding.

Alright, now for the final thing of note we got this time out, this is the one my friend Rose has been waiting for, sure a lot of others have been waiting for this too, judging by the emails, but, well I'm in the mood for a double reference this week, alright lets get into it shall we? My thoughts on the re-relaunch of classic British cult sci fi series Doctor Who.. yeah, get your geek glasses on y'all, we're going there...

I will be the first to admit, I was a huge David Tennent fan, was he the best of the 10 official actors to play the role? Thats up for some debate, but he was by far one of the most beloved, which means a lot more then how long they played the role when it comes to sci fi series and their followers, and yes, I was among several millions the world over who downloaded and watched David's last appearance as the clandestine character simply known as The Doctor, and yes, again I was among the many confused and slightly angered by the replacement with unknown British actor Matt Smith, many times I downed the young man before I ever saw him in the role simply because in his first pictures in the role he looked somewhat like an rip off Edward Cullen with out the sparkling, and believing he couldn't handle the shadow he was stepping into. But I must tell you now, four episodes into this series that most assumed would be a washout, I am very excited to admit, I, like many others, were wrong in my snap judgment, this young mostly unknown had such a huge shadow to step out of, such a daunting task that I really don't believe many actors would be willing to take on, but to his credit, not only is Smith doing very well in the role, and continuing the show's over 40 year evolution, but he's doing it arguably as good as any one thats come before him, sure he's settling into the role and they're establishing his and his sidekick Amy Pond's personalities, which is pretty normal right after a cast change on a show of this nature, but I am so very very very loving the new spin, and I look forward to afew more years atleast of these two traveling about in a little blue police box from the 1950s, well that and hopefully more space rhinos, remember that in life if you all remember nothing else I ever say, the world needs more space rhinos... and robots that turn into rhinos for that matter, but thats a story for another time..

Well in closing from the first installment of the all new all different but still the exact same Reality Shock, I would once again like to thank all of you who have stuck with me in this transition, I know the change from dying print media to blogger and internet newsletter type product hasn't been all that easy for me, and I really do thank you all for standing by me, I promise I will do my best to make sure that I live up to the path I've blazed before and hopefully in time rise above and make it better then it was before, its gonna be a really wide ride, and I hope you all stay with me and we take it together, remember, I wouldn't be here, doing what I love, if it wasn't for all of you. I owe you all a doubt of gratitude that I can not ever put into words.

Now with that said, its time for us to put a column to bed as we always do, with a bunch of scattered thoughts that if nothing else, will make you laugh... alright, ready? Here we go...

Saw the new Black Eyed Peas video today, what the fuck is that about? The Mountain Goats remind me just why I hate Mike Lazzo so much with everytime I listen to their music. I'm tired of idiotic reality shows that are blatantly fake. I am taking classes in how to unleash my inner kraken. You ever notice that Joey Fatone's last name is spelled “Fat One” and he's alittle on the portly side? Shia Labeouf shouldn't bitch about coming back to the Transformers film series, after all, they are the only films him and Megan Fox have ever acted in that make any kind of money and don't bomb in theaters, he should just be happy he's making money and shut up. You know who I really dislike right now? Kevin James, can not stand him at all. Why is there a movie being made about a MacGyver spoof from the horrible days of Saturday Night Live? Never ever ever trust a man wearing a yellow hat and a yellow safari suit all the time, no good can ever come from that much kakhi. LETS DO THE TIMEWARP AGAIN!! New Star Trek series with Jon Frakes' character of Will Riker commanding a ship of new cadets? Its a possibility, but I could get onboard for that. I'm seriously, seriously, seriously loving the second half of the first season of 10 Things I Hate About You: The Series. There is gonna be another large amount of Easter eggs hidden in Iron Man 2, and a hidden scene after the credits, don't sleep on that. Which reminds me, I really hate Easter Eggs in films, sure they're great fanwank and all, but if you know they're there, they're gonna distract from your watching the scene thats going on around it. Big Mama's House 3, why? And finally, one last thing for all to ponder, Uwe Boll eats babies and rapes elderly women when he's not beating up teenage bloggers or making really shitty movies.

And with that said and done, I wish you all good times and good wishes until we meet again... Blessid Be.