Saturday, October 31, 2009

Spending Halloween With The Women Of Hammer Studios.

So its Halloween, and I decided what better way to spend a day such as this, what better way then to spend alittle time with most beloved women in the horror movie world, the women of Hammer Studios. Now, I've talked before about Hammer Studios, sometimes called Hammer Horror, and how for a time period, it was the dominate force in horror and various other grindhouse genre films, they are most noted as making Peter Cushing, Christopher Lee, Raquel Welch and Nastassja Kinski among others famous, infact many of the women of the James Bond films also started out as Hammer Girls, so if nothing else, Hammer knew its stuff in the respect of marketing its assets.. if you follow...

Anyway with out any farther delay, here we are, the lovely women of Hammer Studios... Don't forget click them and most will have a higher rez its awesome.

Ursula Andress



Stephanie Beacham



Olinka Berova



Martine Beswick




Veronica Carlson



Adrienne Corri


Hazel Court



Susan Denberg


(this one has a beautiful hi rez if you click it)

Julie Ege


Jenny Hanley



Linda Hayden
(my personal favorite!)



Ingrid Pitt


Barbara Shelley

Madeline Smith



and finally the most definitive of all the women of Hammer... the legendary Raquel Welch




And thats just a small taste of the joy that is the women of Hammer Studio, and if you have no idea who or what Hammer Studios was, well, shame on you!

Anyway, happy halloween everyone, enjoy yourselves and be safe :D



Friday, October 30, 2009

What I'm Watching Currently

I've always said, like it or not, Television is the most important medium we have in this time period. Oh sure, radio and film are very important too, but through Television, we can reach the most people, tell the most stories, and express our inner dreams and desires the most, sure alot of it is crap, but honestly, no more then you find with movies or music or literature, so it all evens out in the long run, so with that said, I felt that for no other reason then my need to post more on here, I figured I would share with all of you, a list of what is currently on the air or being made, and ended or canceled shows, and who knows, maybe you can find something you've never heard of, but wanna give a try, or find out we're both fans of something, I'm gonna list them by genre, you know, so there isn't any confusion and such...

Anyway, in classic speedbuggy fashion... a'room'a'zoomzoom! and away we go!

Current Programing:

Sons of Anarchy (US)
The Fixer (UK)
Bones (US)
The Closer (US)
Satisfaction (AU)
Flashpoint (CA)
Gossip Girl [shut up everyone is allowed one guilty pleasure series] (US)
Skins (UK)
Robin Hood (UK)
Durham County (CA)
Underbelly (AU)
Saving Grace (US)
FlashForward (US)
Mental (US)
Secret Dairy Of A Call Girl (UK)
Tangle (AU)
Numb3rs (US)
Packed To The Rafters (AU)
House (US)
Burn Notice (US)
In Plain Sight (US)
Crash (both US and UK versions)
Hotel Babylon (UK)
Trinity (UK)

The Simpsons (US)
Shameless (UK)
Outrageous Fortune (NZ)
Glee [seriously if you ain't see this, you gotta amazingly funny] (US)
Being Erica (CA)
Corner Gas (CA)
How Not to Live Your Life (UK)
Its Always Sunny In Philadelphia (US)
10 Things I Hate About You (US)
Weeds (US)
Eastbound and Down (US)
Family Guy (US)
Eastwick (US)
Robot Chicken (US)
Venture Brothers (US)
The Boondocks (US)
Mark Love Sharon (AU)
The Hollowmen (AU)
No Heroics (UK)
Scrubs (US)
Monk (US)

Sci Fi:
Doctor Who (UK)
Torchwood (UK)
Dollhouse (US)
True Blood (US)
Eureka (US)
Survivors (UK)
Being Human (UK)
Heroes (US)
Warehouse 13 (US)
Sanctuary (US)
Fringe (US)
Primeval (UK)

Reality: (half of these are work so shut up eric)
Hell's Kitchen (US)
Ghost Hunters (US)
Ghost Hunters International (US)
American Idol (US)
Canadian Idol (CA)
Australian Idol (AU)
The X Factor (UK)

Ended Programing I'm Rewatching:

Afterlife (UK)
Aliens In America (US)
Tripping The Rift (CA)
Trailer Park Boys (CA)
Reaper (US)
Burying Brian (NZ)
Boys From The Black Stuff (UK)
Land Of The Giants (UK)
Carnivale (US)
The 4400 (US)
Demons (UK)
Jurassic Fight Club (US)
Life On Mars (both US and UK)
Kath and Kim (AU cuz the US one sucked!)
Dead Like Me (US)
Swingtown (US)
The Muppet Show (US/UK)
The Witcher (Poland)
Survivors [1970s version] (UK)
The Champions (UK)
Honey West (US)
The Middleman (US)
Twin Peaks (US)
Sinchroncity (UK)
Hex (UK)
The Champions (UK)
Jericho (US)
Harper's Island (US)
My Name Is Earl (US)
Freaks and Geeks (US)
My So Called Life (US)
Thunderbirds (UK)
Captain Scarlett And The Mysterons From Mars (UK)

ok well I'm watching alot of older shows right now... this list could take awhile

Anyway, thats it for now, hope some of you have found some shows you didn't know i watched, or are curious about, so feel free to ask away...



Wednesday, October 28, 2009

30 Greatest Horror Movies of All Time

With Halloween just around the corner, i figure for the fun of it, i would do a list of what i saw as the greatest horror movies of all time, mostly because i like to do lists, and also because i felt this is the right time of year to do it. Plus, the horror film is a staple of the grindhouse era of cinema, there isn't a person over the age of 30 that doesn't remember either going out to a drive in and being scared senseless, or huddled into an inner city grindhouse to watch some mindless weapon of destruction go around destroying people to the delight of the crowd at least once. Its a tradition as old as cinema itself, and once a year, we sit down in crowded living rooms, or old dark revival theaters, or modern ones, to be collectively scared out of our wits, so with that said, lets get into this shall we? Here is my list of the 30 Greatest Horror movies of all time.... Oh and Mike, when you read this, I know you're gonna disagree with me...

30. 'Eyes Without a Face' (1960)
Not to be confused with Billy Idol's ballad of the same name, George Franju's Eyes Without Face crafts a terrifying tale of scientific depravity with this black and white thriller about a doctor who kidnaps young women in order to perfect a surgical procedure that may restore his daughter's tarnished beauty. Written by the same scribes who carved out such classics as Vertigo and Diabolique, the film is heavy on atmosphere and simultaneously on almost clinical creepiness; made in 1958, the film's surgery scenes are among the most realistic ever filmed, and are further enhanced by the dreamlike imagery of Franju's direction. This list's glass of champagne to wash down 24 bottles of beer, Eyes Without a Face offers elegant thrills for horror fans who prefer a little ambience with their amputations.

29. 'Carrie' (1976)
It has a deceptively humble premise (shy girl with a crazy mom and supernatural powers just wants to fit in), but even in a pre-Columbine world, Brian De Palma's take on a Stephen King novel was enough to give teens and their parents nightmares. And in today's climate, it simply resonates with horror. Plus, ofcourse it gave the world the greatest random line of all, ... ahem... "They're all gonna laugh at you!"

28. 'Rosemary's Baby' (1968)
Roman Polanski's deliciously paced thriller is part satanic horror, part paranoid delusion. We know something's not right with hubby (John Cassavetes), but isn't pregnant Rosemary (Mia Farrow) letting hormones get the best of her, suspecting everyone she meets? Nope, she's right. Never mind.

27. 'The Haunting' (1963)
Multi-genre master Robert Wise ('Sound of Music,' 'The Set-Up') wasn't afraid of no ghosts, and he sure spooked the nation with this still-scary flick. The most definitive haunted house movie of them all, 'The Haunting' spawned 'Poltergeist,' 'Amityville' and, of course, countless episodes of 'Scooby-Doo.' Oh well two of those three things aren't a bad thing.

26. 'The Stranglers of Bombay' (1960)
The British East India Company is disturbed by a number of unexplained disappearances of travelers in India and sends military officer Connaught-Smith to investigate. Captain Lewis is dismayed that the relatively inexperienced Connaught-Smith has been assigned to the case and when his servant goes missing, Lewis carries out his own investigation and discovers a cult of murderous Thuggees. Plus, this is the first of the Hammer Studios classics on this list, cuz I do love my Hammer Horror.

25. 'The Bride of Frankenstein' (1935)
The monster takes a wife -- and horror fans were invited to the reception. James Whale's compelling classic is the perfect marriage of poignant romance and creature discomforts. And as for the unholy union, turns out the couple was catastrophically mismatched. Fun fact; James Whale not only made The Frankenstein films, but is celibrated as one of the best pre-code hollywood directors of all time, if you are able to find it, watch his 1931 masterwork "Waterloo Bridge", brilliant film that actually got him the job directing Frankenstein.

24. 'The Damned' (1963)
In Weymouth, American Simon Wells is attacked by a gang of local thugs led by the brutal King, who resents Wells flirting with his sister Joanie. When King and his gang later try to attack Wells again, he and Joanie fall from a cliff and are rescued by a group of children who emerge from a nearby research facility run by scientist Bernard. The children are the radioactive subjects of experiments being run by Bernard, the offspring of women exposed to high levels of radiation to produce children capable of surviving a nuclear war.

23. 'The Shining' (1980)
On the one hand, Stanley Kubrick's film is a drama of a father driven mad by inadequacy (Jack Nicholson, a little TOO good at playing crazy); on the other, it's a nightmarish landscape of dead twins, a possessed little boy and a naked woman who turns into a corpse. Either way, it'll scare the crap out of you. Neat fact, the doors that were used for the ironic axe through the door scene, where Jack says "heres johnny!", are all still in the Stanley Hotel where the movie was filmed, they're stored in a room under the hotel, they are not sure which door was the one that was actually used on screen in the final cut, so they aren't able to know which one to send to the Smithsonian, who have requested it for their film and television wing.

22. 'Psycho' (1960)
The shriek of violins, the flash of a knife, Janet Leigh's horrified face: The shower scene in 'Psycho' is perhaps the most terrifying scene in movie history, but Hitchcock's classic unnerves in countless other ways, from Norman Bates' creepy (yet oddly sympathetic) mama's boy to the film's final, shocking twist. Plus, its made almost 50 years worth of people double check a bathroom before they get into a shower, thats something pretty impressive.

21. 'Jaws' (1975)
The film that has made all of two generations scared to get in the ocean, and is seen as the very first blockbuster film ever made, Jaws continues to thrill, delight and terrify people even 34 days after its release. It scares us because of the unknown aspect, there is no unyielding monster who only wishes to kill, or a mental case with a chainsaw, or some unknown alien bent on eating humans beings because of how tasty we are, or wishing to enslave us, or any of that stuff, this is simply the story of a great white shark who seems to have a thing for swimmers, what scares us about this one is that you hardly ever see the shark, only when he's about to attack, that unknown factor, thats what scares us all still.

20. 'Straight On Till Morning' (1972)
Shy Brenda Thompson writes naive children's stories to amuse herself. Stifled and desperate for a man of her own, she leaves Liverpool, telling her mom she's pregnant, and gets a job in a boutique in London. She moves in with the promiscuous but good-hearted Caroline but the mod set shuns her for her plain looks. Then she kidnaps a strange young man's dog, so as to perhaps get to know him while returning it. The young man turns out to be Peter, a psychopath with a predilection for killing beautiful things. He renames Brenda Wendy, and they start a hopeful, if strange, relationship. It might have a chance, if it weren't for Peter's murderous secrets. This is one of those many forgotten gems of the Hammer Horror Catalog, its a thriller thats got very few contemporaries for both its time and of all time. Brilliant and terrifying film..

19. 'Halloween' (1978)
Oft-emulated but never equaled, John Carpenter's moody masterpiece is as terrifying today as it was 29 years ago. Vacant-eyed Michael Myers is soulless evil personified, the score bone-chilling, the cinematography eerily sublime and the overall impression unshakeable. Put simply, it is horror perfection. I should mention that I had issues deciding if I should give the spot I allotted for Halloween for the original, or the equally brilliant remake done by Rob Zombie, and though I love Zombie's take on the film, giving Myers a tragically identifiable human side to him that makes us care for a psychopathic mass murderer, I decided in the end to go with the traditionalist in me, and take the original, I think I made the right choice, its actually the choice I had to make for afew films on here, but you'll see what I mean as we go on.

18. 'Demons Of The Mind' (1972)
Baron Zorn keeps his teenaged children locked up and drugged, fearing that his insane wife passed along a congenital curse to them before her own suicidal death. Elizabeth escapes for a brief tryst with a local before being recaptured and subjected to a bleeding process to 'draw out the bad blood.' Emil keeps trying to escape, but is thwarted time and again by his aunt Hilda who runs the house like a prison. One reason the siblings have to be kept apart, is their incestuous attraction to each other. Local wenches are being murdered in the woods, and the superstitious peasants think demons are responsible. A wandering Priest dedicates himself to root out the evil, but isn't taken seriously. Arriving at the castle are two more interested parties: Mountebank scientist-huckster Falkenberg stands to make a small fortune if his strange apparatus can cure the children of their inherited evil. Young Carl simply wants to rescue Elizabeth. As more murders mount, Falkenberg enlists village lass Inge to play the dead mother in a psychodrama that he hopes will shock the children from their morbid state; but Baron Zorn's symptoms of derangement soon make it obvious that the doctor is treating the wrong patient. This is one of those great screwed up films that you don't think will amount to much, but in the end you find yourself watching in a clambered state of terror, fear and excitement on how its gonna all end, this is another of those great forgotten gems.

17. 'Frankenstein' (1931)
Based on the Mary Shelley novel about a mad scientist who reanimates dead tissue, this is a lasting film that helped to define the horror genre early on. Featuring Boris Karloff as Frankenstein's monster, it is a masterpiece of mood. The characterization of the monster makes him utterly human, making for a rare sympathetic character in horror cinema. Who can forget the famous line "It's alive!" or the monster throwing a young girl into the pond when he runs out of flower petals? This is such a great film by the great and forgotten James Whale, sure it differs ALOT from the book of which its based on, and normally that would annoy me, but I think it makes its own distinctively different masterwork out of the story, driving home the impact that regardless of intent, if we were to ever conquior death, and bring give life back to the dead, we would fear and wish to destroy it, its just our nature, as much as we don't wish to admit it.

16. 'Leftbank' (2008)
Called 'Linkeroever' in its native Belgium, and directed by the up and coming in the international market Pieter Van Hees, Leftbank tells the story of two lovers who discover that their home in a mysterious apartment building on the fashionable and trendy left bank of Antwerp Belgium. With out giving to much of it away, this tells the story of their decent into madness and tests their true human nature, as they try and figure out the mysterious reason of which bad things happen to them, and why its connected to their building and their apartment, its a mental mindscrew at its best really, the unknown danger, the unknowing evil, the unable to prevent it from happening aspect, it gets in your head and won't get out. I should also state this is the newest of the films on my list, its not that i don't enjoy modern horror, some of its really good, its just as the grindhouse specialist, I feel alot of films are not given their due given being outshined by other more iconic or better known films, that I don't think are that great, I had to really decide between this one or the Swedish film "let the right one in" for my list though, had i though of allowing for ties, i'd have them both, but, this won the coin toss.

15. 'The Pyx' (1973)
A motorist witnesses a woman falling or jumping from a tenement building. Police arrive on the scene and find a crucifix and a small metal container (a pyx). As the investigation continues, it is revealed that the dead woman is Elizabeth Lucy, a prostitute and heroin addict. Suspects in Elizabeth's death are soon murdered one by one, and evidence of occult ritual begins to surface, leading to a confrontation with a cult leader who may be possessed by Satan himself. Whats interesting about this film is that the scenes of the cult, and how they work and worship is specially scary, it makes you feel very unsettled that such people could live in the same world as you, and I have always loved that The Pyx is told in after Elizabeth's death/before Elizabeth's death sequence which alternates until the film's climax. Thats always great when its done right.

14. 'Nightmare' (1964)
Schoolgirl Janet is so traumatised by witnessing her mother murdering her father that she starts to have visions that she will end up a killer herself and will end up in a psychiatric institution. Driven to distraction by a series of strange happenings, Janet stabs to death Helen Baxter, the wife of her guardian, Henry. With the help of a sympathetic teacher, Janet starts to uncover a cruel conspiracy against her... This is another of those classics of Hammer's thriller department that not everyone is aware was ever made, and when you finally see it, you feel kind of like you'd been missing out on being able to tell your friends of this brilliant chiller all these years because you're sure none of them actually have seen it either. Or maybe its just that I love psychological thrillers because I see a movie that messes with your mind is a better scare then waving fake blood at a screen. who knows.

13. 'Suspiria' (1977}
Although a far lesser known work than Halloween, Italian horror classic Suspiria released a year before and likely influenced Carpenter's film. Goblin's amazing score is among the best horror scores ever created. Along with a few other directors such as Mario Bava, Argento rejuvenated the Italian horror genre with his bloody, nightmarish work. More than just a gore-fest, his film is also deeply psychological and visually breathtaking. This is the first in the brilliant Argento's "Three Mothers" series, which recently ended with Mother Of Tears, and alot of people might look at it strangely today, but, you must see this, if you only wanna find one film off this list, you gotta see this one, its honestly a great film that still to this day scares the hell out of people.

12. 'Dawn Of The Dead' (2004)
Zack Snyder may have carried with him the inestimable pedigree of being a 'commercial director' when entering into this potentially disastrous remake of George Romero's classic zombie tome, but anyone who watches the film's first ten minutes is guaranteed to forget all of their objections and join the talented helmer for a raucous thrill ride unsurpassed by virtually any other horror movie made in the new millennium. Ving Rhames, Jake Weber and a game Sarah Polley hold together this ramshackle remake, which changes a few key elements of Romero's story for modern audiences (the zombies can run) and retains others (the careful character study) both for horror fans current and classic. While the subsequent slate of horror remakes failed to similarly raise pulses, Snyder's Dawn is satisfying – and scary – enough to sustain fans through a dozen more crash-and-burn creep-fests. This is the other film I stepped outside of my semi-rule about modern horror for, simply because, I felt this film represented the idea of Dawn of The Dead better, I take nothing from the great George A. Romero, I have great respect and love for him, but I just felt this one fit the concept better, George himself actually agrees with me on that.

11. 'Let's Scare Jessica to Death' (1971)
In the film Jessica, (Zohra Lampert), her husband (Barton Heyman), and a friend (Kevin O'Connor) retreat to a Victorian farmhouse in an isolated part of rural Connecticut, after Jessica's release from a mental institution, following a nervous breakdown. Once there, the trio encounter an enigmatic hippie named Emily (Mariclare Costello) who is living in the house, and almost immediately, Jessica's madness resumes - increasing evidence from Jessica's point of view mounts to the fact that Emily may be a ghost and/or vampire, and that all those inhabiting the island are as well -- though the viewer is never sure whether the subsequent turn of events are all in Jessica's mind, or whether something sinister is truly after her.

10. 'Dracula' (1931)
1931's Dracula not only launched the career of star Bela Lugosi (who previously starred as the Count in the Broadway version of the Bram Stoker novel) but also marked the start of a series of horror films in the 1930s, mainly from Universal (who would release Frankenstein just a few months later). The film's arguably strongest moments are in the beginning, as we're introduced to the incredibly creepy Count Dracula with some very eerie, atmospheric camerawork by cinematographer Karl Freund. Lugosi's delivery of several key lines, in his native Hungarian accent, stand as classics to this very day, including "Listen to them. Children of the night. What mu-u-u-sic they make." and "I never drink...wi-i-i-ne."

9. 'Invasion of the Body Snatchers' (1978)
Philip Kaufman's flick about aliens bent on repopulating Earth with emotionless "pod people" packs an even more terrifying punch than the '56 original. Its bleak ending featuring a bug-eyed, screaming Donald Sutherland is enough to give grown men nightmares. I find this one better then the original in the fact that its used as sort of a lampoon and satire the "Me Decade" matra of the 1970s, with the psychiatrist, Dr. David Kibner (Leonard Nimoy), a character who is a popular self-help guru who dismisses the other characters' fears until he is uncovered as a duplicate himself. If this was ment be true or not, i do not know, but it adds to the fear and the confusion of the film, that draws you in and won't let you out until the very end of it all. Sure you look at it now, and you laugh, like with most classic horror films, but you gotta look at the time period and then you'll understand why the idea of pod people getting their Stepford Wives on, is completely terrifying, hell even today its scary.

8. 'Nosferatu' (1922)
Perhaps one of the most notorious film productions of all time, director F.W. Murnau's film ranks as one of the great silent films and remains a classic staple of the horror genre. Somewhat ironically, the storyline and star Max Shreck's creepy appearance were created out of necessity when Murnau failed to secure the rights to Bram Stoker's Dracula novel. Murnau was determined to make his film anyway, and the silent went into a storied production that would later become the basis for the 2000 film Shadow of the Vampire. Shreck was notoriously reclusive on set, and the film took the mystery a step further, purposing that the actor was actually a real life vampire. Whatever your take, Shreck's Count Orlok is probably scarier than any Dracula ever portrayed since on screen. This is the grandfather of every single vampire movie thats even been made, and honestly, if you haven't seen this, you are not a horror person, its that simple.

7. 'Texas Chainsaw Massacre' (1974)
Filmed on a nightmarish set with a near-tortured cast, Texas Chainsaw Massacre stands as one of the most visceral, primal films set to celluloid. Loosely based on Ed Gein (who is from Wisconsin, not Texas), whose bizarre and macabre repurposing of human bodies made international headlines, it is a chilling account of a group of travelers taking a wrong turn that makes all the difference. Set predominantly in and around the creepiest house ever recorded by film, the film introduces us to Leatherface, an oaf of a man whose only pleasure is killing and skinning victims, only to use their body parts to form furniture and even his own mask. This happens to be one of the most iconic of all the horror films of all time, sure its silly when you look at it today, and many sight the remake in 2004 to be a much better film that fits the concept and idea better, but this is just such a beautifully horrific film, it will terrify you in a way that most movies won't, it really is pretty good as classic horror goes.

6. 'The Wicker Man' (1973)
Based on David Pinner's novel The Ritual, the story is about a Scottish police officer, Sergeant Neil Howie, visiting the isolated island of Summerisle to search for a missing girl whom the locals claim never existed. The inhabitants of Summerisle all celebrate a reconstructed form of Celtic paganism, which appalls the devoutly Christian Sergeant. The Wicker Man is generally well regarded by critics and film enthusiasts. Film magazine Cinefantastique described it as "The Citizen Kane of Horror Movies", and during 2004 the magazine Total Film named The Wicker Man the sixth greatest British film of all time. It also won the 1978 Saturn Award for Best Horror Film. A scene from this film was #45 on Bravo's 100 Scariest Movie Moments. The work was later allocated as the first film of The Wicker Man Trilogy, with a sequel entitled The Wicker Tree, based on the book Cowboys for Christ by Robin Hardy, currently in production. A third film, The Twilight of the Gods, is set for a later release. There is a remake from not to long ago, but its best to forget that film was ever made, its just, plain horrible, and shouldn't be remembered at all, not even Nick Cage could save it. Which in itself is scary.

5. 'Madhouse' (1974)
Based on a novel called Devilday (1969) by Angus Hall, the film is the last horror movie that Price made for American International Pictures, where he had worked consistently (mostly on Edgar Allan Poe adaptations) since 1960. Co-star Robert Quarry was being groomed to replace Price, but low-budget horror films fell out of fashion after the release of The Exorcist. Price plays Paul Toombes, a horror actor whose trademark role is 'Dr. Death'. Years after a scandal ends his film career (his fiancee is murdered and Toombes ends up in an asylum, suspected but never convicted of the crime), the embittered Toombes revives his character for a television series. Cast and crew begin to die in ways that suggest scenes from Toombes's films (which are represented here by clips of Price's AIP efforts), and they all point to Toombes. Now, Toombes must find and confront the real killer, before he becomes the killer's next victim. This is one of those great Price films that you just can't move away from after you've seen it start, sure its camp to many, but come on, this is Vincent Price, the master of horror, and ironically the dominate person in my top 10.

4. 'Friday the 13th' (1980)
Although many immediately associate the Friday the 13th movies with the character of Jason Vorhees, the original does not even introduce him until the very end (the hockey mask comes much later). Friday the 13th took the momentum created by John Carpenter's Halloween and accelerated it, leading to a slew of sequels and copycats throughout the '80s. Now on its tenth installment (and 11th if you count Freddy vs. Jason, Friday the 13th has risen above cult status and become a full-blown cultural phenomenon. The original is a great example of what makes slashers so scary and fun, and as a bonus, it serves as a great linking point when playing "Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon.". I put this one on here simply because it started what I see as the greatest of the "slasher" franchises, sure most Slasher fans will tell you that Jason Vorhees doesn't really appear as we know him until the second film, but, its always best to count a starting film when talking about a whole series.

3. 'The Abominable Dr. Phibes' (1971)
Anton Phibes, a famous organist with doctorates in Music and Theology was thought to have been killed in a car crash in 1921 while rushing to the side of his sick wife, Victoria. He in fact survived the crash but was horribly disfigured. He fashions himself a wig and lifelike mask to hide his injuries, and using his musical expertise creates a system whereby he can speak through a hose connecting his windpipe to a gramophone. When Phibes discovers that his wife had died on the operating table he is convinced that she was a victim of incompetent doctors, and spends several years planning a vendetta against those who operated on her, and begins killing them in 1925. Inspector Trout suspects Phibes, but finds little support from Scotland Yard. Trout is also hindered by the incompetence of his police force. Eventually Dr. Vesalius, head of the team of doctors that operated on Phibes's wife, begins to believe inspector Trout is right and aids him in the hunt for Phibes. Using various highly imaginative methods, Dr. Phibes kills seven doctors and a nurse with the help of his beautiful and silent female assistant Vulnavia (played by actress Virginia North). He has reserved the final punishment for Dr. Vesalius. He kidnaps the doctor's son and places him on a table on which a container full of acid is waiting to destroy the boy's face. A small key implanted near the boy's heart will free him, but Vesalius must perform the surgery within six minutes to get the key before the acid falls. The operation succeeds and the acid instead strikes Vulnavia. Convinced he has accomplished his vendetta, Phibes retreats to a stone sarcophagus beside the embalmed body of his wife. As he drains out his own blood and replaces it with embalming fluid the coffin's inlaid stone lid slides into place, concealing them both in darkness. Trout and the police arrive and discover that Phibes has mysteriously disappeared. Trout and Vesalius recall that the "final curse" was darkness and they speculate that they will encounter Phibes again. And they did in the second film in the series, but thats a film thats not exactly ready for a top 30 list.

2. 'And Soon the Darkness' (1970)
Jane (Pamela Franklin) and Cathy (Michele Dotrice) are two young nurses from London, taking a cycling holiday in rural France. When they stop at a busy cafe, Jane wants to plan their route, but Cathy is more interested in a handsome man (Sandor Elès), whom she spies drinking alone at the next table. Later, as Jane and Cathy make their way along a quiet country road, the man, who rides a moped, overtakes them, and they pass him a few minutes later, as he rests by a cemetery gate. Cathy becomes intrigued by him. Stopping for a rest, Cathy decides she wants to sunbathe for a while, but Jane wants to push on. Eventually they argue, and Jane decides to carry on alone. A short while later, at a lonely café, the owner tries to tell Jane, in poor English, that the area has a bad reputation. She begins to reconsider her decision, and heads back to the spot where she left Cathy earlier, unaware that something has already happened. Unable to find her friend, and increasingly concerned about the presence of the moped rider, Jane decides to look for the local police officer (John Nettleton). Jane becomes convinced that the moped driver, who is called Paul, and who says he is a plain-clothes detective, is in fact Cathy's attacker. She escapes from him and re-encounters the policeman, who is then revealed as Cathy's actual murderer. This is one of my ALL TIME favorite films of all time, and the second scariest film I've ever seen, this'll really blow your mind.

and finally...

1. 'The Last House On The Left' (1972)
Mari Collingwood (Sandra Cassel) plans to celebrate her 17th birthday by attending a concert with her friend, Phyllis Stone (Lucy Grantham). Her parents express concern both at the band and Mari's friendship with Phyllis, who is implied to be of a lower social class. They let her go, giving her a peace symbol necklace as a gift before she leaves. Phyllis and Mari go to the city for the concert. On the way, they hear a news report on the car radio of a recent prison escape, involving violent criminals by the names of Krug Stillo (David Hess), his son Junior (Marc Sheffler), Sadie (Jeramie Rain) and Fred "Weasel" Podowski (Fred J. Lincoln). After the concert which ends late at night, Mari and Phyllis stroll the streets, seeking someone who might sell marijuana. They find Junior, who leads them back to an apartment, where they are immediately trapped by the criminals. Phyllis, who resists, is punched in the stomach and raped. Meanwhile, Mari's unsuspecting parents prepare a surprise party for her. The next morning, the girls are locked in a car trunk and taken to the countryside as the gang intends to leave the state. The villains' vehicle malfunctions right in front of Mari's house while police are in her home talking to Mari's parents about her disappearance. Removed from the trunk, Phyllis is beaten after biting Krug's hand; meanwhile, Mari, bound and gagged, realizes that they are near her own home as she is dragged to the woods. In the woods, the girls are untied, and Phyllis is subjected to torment and sadistic humiliation by the gang. Afterwards, Mari and Phyllis are lying on the grass. Phyllis whispers to Mari she will try to run away to distract the kidnappers and offer Mari an opportunity to escape. Phyllis runs, chased by Sadie and Weasel, while Junior stays behind to guard Mari, who makes a desperate attempt to convince the troubled addict that he does not need to listen to his abusive father because Dr. Collingwood, her father, can help him instead. She also gives him her peace symbol necklace as a symbol of her trust. Meanwhile, Phyllis is eventually cornered, tortured with a knife, stabbed fatally, and disemboweled by Weasel and the gang. Mari eventually convinces Junior to let her go, but they are immediately halted by Krug. Sadie and Weasel present Phyllis' severed hand and Krug proceeds to carve his name into Mari's chest before violating her sexually. Soon after this act, Mari, sick from the shock of being raped, vomits and then walks into a nearby lake. Krug shoots at Mari and her body floats on the top of the lake. Krug, Sadie, and Weasel wash and change out of their bloody clothes. In their new attire, the gang go to the Collingwoods' home, masquerading as traveling salesmen. Mari's parents agree to let them stay overnight. Junior exposes their identity when his withdrawal symptoms cause him to vomit in the bathroom, where Mari's mother, Estelle, sees Mari's peace symbol necklace dangling around his neck. Later that night she listens in to the gang while they are spending the night in Mari's bedroom and finds blood-soaked clothing in their luggage. She and Dr. Collingwood rush out into the woods, where the couple finds Mari's body by the lake barely alive. Outside, Estelle dupes Weasel into a sex game, in which she performs fellatio on him then bites him in the groin area, apparently mutilating him. Inside the house, Dr. Collingwood carries his shotgun into his daughter's bedroom, where two of the criminals are sleeping. Krug escapes into the living room and overpowers the doctor, but the criminal is then confronted by his own son, who now brandishes a firearm. Junior threatens to kill his father. Krug psychologically manipulates the already troubled young man, and Junior commits suicide with the weapon. As soon as Krug notices that Dr. Collingwood is missing, the doctor attacks Krug with a chainsaw. The sheriff arrives and pleads with the doctor to let Krug go. Dr. Collingwood kills Krug with the chainsaw anyway. Sadie runs outside, where she trips and drops her weapon. Estelle tackles Sadie, and after a struggle, Sadie punches Estelle but trips once again and falls into the family's pool. Estelle catches up with Sadie and slits her throat. The couple reunites in their living room in their blood-spattered clothes. This is far the most shockingly scary film I have ever seen, its brutal beyond anything I've ever seen, its scary because its not with any evil monster, its not with any occult evil, nothing more then just pure unrivaled human brutality. And that is the scariest thing of all.

Films that just barely missed out: I Spit On Your Grave, The House On Haunted Hill (original), Orka, The Butcher, House of Dark Shadows, Night Of Dark Shadows, Blood on Satan's Claw, Hands of the Ripper, The House That Dripped Blood, Murders in the Rue Morgue, She Killed in Ecstasy, Dracula AD 1972, And Now the Screaming Starts, Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things, The Legend of Hell House, Carnival of Souls (literally lost out by one point on my list), Black Christmas (original), The Bloody Exorcism of Coffin Joe, The Legend of the 7 Golden Vampires, The Omen (original), The Exorcist (original), The Car... and ok well alot more... but you get the idea.

Well thats my list, I hope you all enjoy it as much as i enjoyed making it.



Sunday, October 25, 2009

Sorry everyone...

No torrents this week, I've been a very busy guy all day today, running around and getting alot of stuff done, i didn't have time to get torrents set up and picked out, but I'll be back next week with more

again, sorry for the no post today...



Thursday, October 22, 2009

Bringing A New Feature Here

This is me bringing here a feature that I write twice a month, that goes out in the press, I figured i would bring it here, you know, to be awesome and give me a reason to update more, because I'm slowly slacking off, and thats annoying me, anyway, everyone thats never read it, welcome to The Reality Shock...

The Reality Shock: 
Rooster Cogbern and The Obscure Pop Culture References

Well its that time again, its time for the evangelical snake oil salesman of this old time medicine show that travels the world preaching of truth, realism, and the divine belief that what you are told by the media machines of Hollywood is not the truth at all, but infact lies and half truths ment to separate you from your hard earned money and your valuable time. This is the place I wage my seemingly one man war against an unyielding onslaught of rehashed and unimaginative entertainment, out there on the frontlines, seemingly alone, I ask for no thank you, I ask for no praise, I simply ask for your ear, and for you to open your mind, and see the shining light of reason and logic that shimmers from my very being, and that you laugh when I go on long rambling intros like this because honestly, after three years, I still can't do a proper introduction paragraph. With that said, everyone, welcome once again to The Reality Shock, my little bit of joy in print form that truly keeps me sane. Now, with that said, lets get into this shall we? Yeah, lets do that...

Ok now, lets jump right in feet first, with something I always look forward too this time of year, the halloween movie season. Now, its not exactly that I'm a huge horror movie guy, I like a good horror movie as much as the next movie critic with social issues, but my idea of a horror film slants somewhere between the original Last House On The Left to the modern slasher turned thrillers of the modern era, however, what makes this time of year great, is that its time of year to play what I call “Horror Movie Roulette”. Now sure, you're probably thinking Horror Movie Roulette involves some kind of dark, damp room with a small Asian man that smells like a mix of cheap whiskey, poorly grown marijuana, rice and small bird vomit who's wearing a Freddy Kruger sweater and slacks combo and rocking a matching fedora while yelling “gun to mow” as you watch Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 with a loaded gun to your head and you have to pull the trigger every time super drugged up Dennis Hopper says a bible verse while holding a chainsaw, but you are wrong. Ok well partly wrong, picture if you will a gun, a revolver, infact a cult peacemaker like in the westerns, now, if you're a man, picture yourself as Rooster Cogbern from True Grit, and if you're a woman, imagine up yourself a hot sexy female gunslinger because lord knows the old west was way to dude in big hats on dude in leather chaps bromanticily inclined then to ever let the story of a woman that knew how to shoot a gun get into history books, don't believe me? Go on, name me one real female gunslinger that isn't Anne Oakley... go on, try... thats what I thought, you can't can you? Now imagine that your gun is to your head, and each bullet is a movie thats supposed to be released or Halloween, of the average six released for the time of year, five of those will be duds, and one will be the bullet that paints the wall with your brain pan. Sounds pretty fun doesn't it? Well you're wrong again, seriously, if you think that is fun, you have some deep rooted issues, anyway... For this year's bullets, load into your imagigun the following films: Saw 6, The Stepfather, Paranormal Activity, Trick or Treat, The House Of The Devil, and the remake of Fame. Now, you might be asking yourself, which one of these films is the bullet, the film that will be THE stand out horror film for the Halloween season? Is it the sure fire frightertainment film Saw 6? Sure its a good watch, but the concept is starting to get alittle thin, so this counts as a just miss. Is it the under promoted possibly good The House Of The Devil? Nope, this is basically The Skeleton Key from afew years ago redone with minor changes. Is it the next contender in the pantheon of redux horror films The Stepfather? No, not by a long shot, total misfire. Is it Paranormal Activity, the newest film to do that “real footage of viewers in theaters are scared” fake add thing? Nope, not even close. Is it the remake of Fame, the high school musical of the children of the 1980s? Well it sure scared the hell out of me, but no, all thats scary here is the acting. Five empty chambers in a six shot revolver, so that leaves us just one bullet left doesn't it? You guessed it, Trick Or Treat, now, I'm sure a lot of you haven't heard about this one, after all its basically The Midnight Meat Train of this year, which means, its an excellent film that deserves to see the big screen so it will do what it was made to do, which is, make you void your bowels all over the theater seat, but do to inner production politics, was only given a limited release, which was quickly rushed out of theaters and a dvd copy was released to the net quickly, another case of a great film, this time a series of interconnection short horrific stories that will scare you on different levels, being shoved aside for big budget claptrap that doesn't even do what it promises it will do. Shame that really, but on the upside, if you wanna see this brilliant bit of horror, get your download on, or if you're in the united kingdom and don't wanna get caught downloading like a splooshtastic friend of mine, go find it on one of the many movie streaming sites out there, they all jumped on that film like Liza Minnelli jumps on a bottle of Oxycontin and a bottle of vodka. And yeah, I just lit up Liza Minnelli, the drunk daughter of the great Judy Garland, I lit her up like a Christmas tree, why? Because I'm just THAT hardcore.

Speaking of Hollywood drunks, almost a year later, I still don't understand how its possible that Lindsay Lohan can drive drunk and hit every single tree in southern California and northern Mexico, and survive to stalk her girl that looks like a boy “ex-girlfriend” and do general rich girl wanting to be a hood-rat stuff, but Heath Ledger is still dead. Seriously, I don't understand how thats somehow fair in the grand scheme of things. Speaking of Lindsay, anyone else laugh at the fact her big come back movie “Labor Pains” not only couldn't find a movie studio willing to actually put it out in theaters, then couldn't find a direct to dvd company willing to release it direct to dvd, so it ended up going to TV, which then didn't even, bother to air it at all? Yeah, I knew you all did. Seriously, its time for Lindsey to either release the sex tape between her and that dude that played Screech on Saved By The Bell that we all know is out there, or pose nude for a girly magazine or whatever it is flash in the pan fame women in Hollywood do when they're burning up that last few seconds of their fame in a desperate attempt to restart, or in afew cases start, their careers, so we can all get back to forgetting who you are and the fact your only real claim to fame other then being a drunken woman of questionable virtue with a thing for being into girls because its popular for women to be bisexual these days, is of all things, Herbie: Fully Loaded. Yeah thats right, remember that, the lovebug died for your sins Lindsey, he gave his life and his over 30 years of family friendly movie magic to make you sort of famous. Now shed a tear for his sacrifice and do the right thing by just not acting or doing anything to catch paparazzi attention, please, for Herbie's sake.

While I'm on the subject of people I wish would just learn how to act properly, I issue this statement; Megan Fox, please, for the love of all that is holy, just shut your mouth and look hot. Please. Every single time you open your word-hole, stupid things fall out of it. Stupid things that leave me questioning why exactly people bother to interview you at all, and also why all your movies that don't involve giant robots from other planets that turn into trucks and cars and whatever the hell Ravage turned into, seem to bomb at the box office rather quickly. I mean honestly, you were unknown when Micheal Bay found you, he puts you front and center in his cash cow Transformers where you simply need to be eye candy thats into nerds so the droves of nerds that go to see the film will feel they might have a chance, say afew stupid lines and do the scene where you're under bumblebee's hood, or in the second one sprawled over a long fork style hot rod motorcycle, and run from afew things that are exploding behind you. Its really not that hard to do, honestly its not, but you still manage to open your mouth and say more and more stupid things, like claiming that the transformers franchise “doesn't allow you to show off your full acting range” or that you “feel upstaged by the CGI robots”, or my personal favorite, you “don't like doing action scenes, they're so hard to do and Bay is like Adolf Hitler when it comes to those scenes..”, which was followed by some jokingly bad comment about how you're surprised any Jew will work with Bay given his nazi like work load and shooting structure. Ok seriously? Really? Are you seriously believing what you are saying, or are you just saying stupid crap because you really don't know any better? Ok sense I'm pretty sure you are stupid enough to believe your own hype, let me break it down for you like this; First off: don't EVER call the man that made you famous and is your guaranteed insanely huge paycheck every two years or so names, and never, ever, ever, make stupid racist comments about his style and work ethic or the fact he is the king of movies that stuff explodes in, honestly, he's had to come out defending you like 6 times sense Transformers Revenge Of The Fallen came out, just cash the check and keep your mouth shut. Next: You don't get upstaged by giant CGI robots, people are going to see the transformer films BECAUSE of the giant CGI robots, they are not going to watch you interact with them, they're going to watch robots turn into other things rip the faces off other robots that turn into other things, and finally, as for your “acting range”, Ms. Fox, please, for the love of all things, take a look at your non-transformers career, The Unborn? Jennifer's Body? Yeah, where are those films now? Oh thats right, they're forgotten or laughed at because of how bad you are in them. Honestly, please Megan Fox, in the words of Chelsea Handler, just shut up and look hot.

I wanna switch gears here and comment on the most requested topic for this month, which to be honest, I was kind of hoping I could avoid, but given all of the mails about it, I just can't anymore. I'm talking ofcourse about the allegations put out last month by former One Day At A Time star Mackenzie Phillips, in reference to her father, the late music icon John Phillips of The Mamas And The Papas, and how she claimed that for 10 years she and him had an incestuous affair that started out as parental rape, but was later consensual. Now, a lot of questions come up about this proclamation, and the strange things that happen to surround it. First, why did she wait until her father was long dead to spring this on us all, it will do nothing but make her look like she's trashing her dead father for no reason with him unable to defend himself, and any decent person not bothering to dignify her stuff with a response, also, why is it, she does this around the time she writes her second book about her life story, and why does she keep pushing her book whenever she can on news show interviews about this, and also, why are her sisters jumping onboard to promote their own useless junk and barely mentioning the actual story when they do interviews too, I mean honestly, Chynna Phillips feels her new album and its lead off single will “help heal the damage this dark secret did not only to her sister, but to the world in general”? Yeah ok seriously, this smells of the same kind of bovine body waist that comes out of the mouth of Chastity Bono, the daughter of Sonny Bono and Cher, who is well known for her lies and attention getting press releases that are based on lies, after all its been like, 3 years now and she's still not gotten that sex change operation she was claiming she was gonna get. Its the same kind of attention whoring “hey notice me” crap that Mackenzie is doing, only Chasity do it to just get attention, Mac's doing it to sell a book about how dark her life really got at points. But that also brings up my final point I'll make on this matter, Mackenzie Phillips is a drug addict, she is a hopeless unable to recover drug addict, she has snorted more cocaine then the regulars at Studio 54 did on a daily basis, and whenever she gets clean for awhile, and life starts to get hard to deal with, or they turn down that One Day A Time reunion show she keeps trying to get picked up, she just falls right back into that powdery comfort that allows her to do nothing but get high and lose money. So taking that into account there is a good chance she just made it all up for the money she'd get from all the interviews and the book and documentaries on the subject would bring her. I'm not saying that all drug addicts are liars, or that none of them can be trusted, I'm just saying before you toss the memory of one of the most influential men of the 1960s into a pile of horse manure, take a look at the source, who's honestly likely to believe a person that has killed their career 5 times over by means of a cocaine habit she was supposed to have beaten, but yet keeps coming back to her. Face it, she made it up, she's just a junkie looking to get some notoriety and fame off her dead father's name before the world forgets she's still alive again, thats all it is, and her sisters coming along from the ride incase they can get some record sales of some acting roles out of it. Its kinda like that kid in the weather balloon hoax, but with famous people, the only real difference is, in this case, people care what the guy that played Schneider thinks about it all.

You know, if you never watched One Day At A Time or were aware of the show's existence, you're not gonna get that last reference, and inside, that kind of makes me sad, everyone should be aware of toss away late 1970s early 1980s American sitcoms. It really makes me sad, sad in the pantaloons. Ok really it doesn't, I just wanted to use the word pantaloons in a sentence, and in the sentence explaining why I used it this week.

Ok on to other things...

Its been confirmed that there will be yet another series of the cult British sitcom Red Dwarf made, it shall shoot in early 2010 and air later that year. My assumption is this will be the final time we see the boys from the small crimson one, given how talks of a movie have completely stalled and faded away faster then the talks of Doctor Who: The Time War being made for the big screen faded away, plus with the return series of Red Dwarf from earlier this year being such a steaming pile of failure, lazy, infomercial for the dvds and toys, and double super epic failure (except for Carbug, who shall forever be awesome), I'm thinking that maybe, this will be the true final series, which will infact, give us a real ending, not the ungodly travesty that “return to earth” was. Just think, somewhere out in Saltney as she reads this, my friend Rose is loading her sniper riffle, ready to get her Sniper Wolf on if this fails.

Speaking of making references to my friends, I got one more, Sploosh, you were correct about the Jungle Book, I was wrong, you have totally schooled the godking of all media, revel in your victory, for I shall come back with power one thousand fold upon the next time we do battle in the arena that is entertainment trivia, where in I shall rain down upon ye with the fire-rain of all that is divine and pure! Oh and don't pull that “I don't wanna get into a trivia duel with you” thing, you know its too tempt...ining not too.

I'd like to take some time now if I may, and sent a message to all of those out there who said I wouldn't be right about the new series Glee and just how good it really is. Oh there were many who were willing to herald the downfall of the quirky comedy about the drama of being part of an insane world of insanity that swirls around the inner workings of a high school Glee Club in Lima Ohio, oh so many where willing to down it, claiming the pilot was too good and the show wouldn't ever live up to what it was supposed to be, that it would fall flat like so many others in recent years, where the pilot was mindblowingly good, but the show didn't live up to the buzz, or they were saying with all the media buzz it would just fizzle out and be forgotten, but I am here to tell you, 8 episodes in, all you haters can shut your damn mouths now, seriously, 8 episodes in and the ratings are still insanely high and climbing, should be enough for you doomsayers to shut your wordholes and enjoy the show, its funny, its lively, its a joy to watch weekly, and if you can't see that, well, sucks for you. For those of you that haven't seen Glee, you should, its like a mix of High School Musical, that British musical/drama series Britannia High, but with the complete and total suck, fail and super ultra mega epic fail of those two things removed, then mixed with whatever enjoyable 1980s or 1990s teenagers in high school movie that you personally enjoy the most (for me its 10 Things I Hate About You and Can't Hardly Wait) and just enough of all things Degrassi to keep it angsty enough for the teen aimed drama crowd, and if thats just confusing or you hate my way of explaining things, well then, go on and give it a try anyway, and come up with your own way of doing it. Either way, I once again have proven myself right over the haters of the world, and really thats all that matters to me, because deep down in the the places I don't like to talk about at parties, I'm very shallow that way. Ok I'm not, but that sounded funny in my head.

Oh on a related note, Cory Monteith who stars as Fin on Glee, really should stick to acting and singing, while leaving modeling to the brainless over sculpted abs who can't even figure out how to pump their own gas. You're a great guy, and the girls love you, but they love you because you're, in my cousin's words “dorky cute” which means “do not model, you will just look like a dork” or so I'm told, though in truth the ways of the youth are a mystery unto me, its all grizzle bazzles and white kids named Kanye acting like they're black, I just don't get it.

Speaking of Kanye White.... err... West... yes Kanye West, damn typographical turrets, the other day I was watching the video of his hijacking that annoying little girl that sings country but hangs out with rappers getting her award at the grammies, and for some reason I find myself pausing it in the middle and saying “I'm sorry Kanye, i'm gonna let you get back to being a jackass no one likes or cares about in just one second, but I just had to say the late great Ol'Dirty Bastard of The Wu Tang Clan was the best grammy award speech hijacker of all time..” Seriously this is more embarrassing then his yelling “come on, give a black man a chance” to an undisclosed but very famous white or maybe some kinda spanish actress known her for beauty and actual talent backstage at the oscars two years ago after she apparently turned him down for a date, or when he sat at a table with Sir Paul McCartney and the head of PETA at a fur free fashion show in Paris and go on for HOURS about how the cloths need real fur, and how he loves real fur, repeatedly asking them both why there is no real fur in the line up. I mean honestly, for a rich kid from the Chicago suburbs that went to a super high end private school before imagining he's from the ghetto so much that he believes it to be true, Kanye West is pretty stupid.

Speaking of dumb people, have you all heard about the new heights of idiocy that Sean “Diddy” Combs has reached? This one seriously made me LOL, and by LOL I mean I actually said “L-O-L” out loud, a feat of which I am very not ashamed to admit in typed print to however many of you actually read the drivel that comes out of my mind. Anyway, get this, the man formerly known as Puff Daddy The Murderer of All Things Hip Hop, was on the show 106 and Park recently, for those who don't know what 106 and Park is, its BET's way of attempting to actually get ratings by having various flash in the pan one hit rappers and sometimes actually hit making and talented rappers appear at their studio in Harlem, from which the show takes its name, and mostly dribble on about their “thug life” and how gangsta they are, and say “Know what I'm sayin'? Know what I'mean?” about 6000 times in the span of ten minutes of painful to watch interviewing, then lip-sync to their latest “hit” or debut a new “hit song” that the crowd seems to already go crazy for and know the words too while flailing about like Animal from The Muppet Show during a drugged up rage. Anyway, the man formerly known as Puffy was on recently to promote his new band, they've got some stupid name I can't remember, and I'm sure no one else will either, now, this isn't anything new really, however what they were doing was, they started to toss out stacks of money, now, at first, the crowd thinks this is just prop money, and thats what the hosts, director and producer though t as well, until someone discovered mixed into the fake bundles, which have Puffy's face on the 100 dollar bill, there were some REAL 100 dollar bills mixed in. Yes, you read that right, there were some real 100 dollar bills mixed in with the fake ones, now let me break this down for you, tossing out real 100 dollar bills to a crowd thats come to see you rap or whatever, is basically like shooting a cruise missile down a 18th century water well, sure, in concept it sounds like a cool idea, but in actual doing, it just explodes into a bit mess and leaves you covered in muck. Now if this, and the almost riot that it caused didn't seem bad enough, during one of his moments of tossing out money, a ring worth over $800,000 dollars flies of of Mr. Combs hand, now instead of politely asking anyone to look around for it, or asking his assistant or something to look for it, what does he do? He stops the show dead, and has his personal bodyguards and armed police search every single person in the studio. I understand a ring worth that much is not something you'd want to lose, but seriously, you're gonna go about it that way? Implying you think every single person in that studio could have been a thief? Seriously? You really think that little of people? Seriously? I knew you were a jerk, but wow, seriously just wow. You must be trippin dawg.

So, scary and creepy note of the week; apparently Octo-mom Nayda Suleman has felt the need to state that she's totally crushing on former laughable joke of a reality star turned tabloid scandal rag front page fodder and all around horrible person, John Gosslin, I'm assuming its because he doesn't have an issue dealing with large amounts of kids at once. I guess they're kinda made for each other in a way, she's a moronic baby factory who exploits her thousands of children and her not so deserved fame for personal gain, and he was married to a fire-breathing she-beast with a geometric haircut that looks like something M C Escher would have vomited up after a night of drinking southern comfort and prison booze made in some fat guy's cell toilet, who exploits her thousands of kids for personal gain. Hmm.. they seem like the right match on paper...

Speaking of horrible people, Sarah Palin, the unexpected secondary star of the 2008 Presidential Campaign, and fantasy fodder for anyone thats into insane moose killing hockey moms that don't believe in dinosaurs but claim unicorns are real, apparently is looking for a job, she recently signed up on the myspace for the unemployed, posting her resume and everything, you know, like some common Joe Six-pack or something. Her page lists her job skills as follows; getting looked at like eye-candy by a billion year old warmonger who she was gonna run the free world with, having her head pasted onto the bodies of various adult models, losing beauty pageants, naming children idiotic names, claiming every child thats not yours has to practice safe sex, prattling on about fake plumbers and imaginary people who like beer, being krunk for Christ Alaska styley, getting completely demolished in political debates, writing books that only Oprah cares about, and being played brilliantly by both comedian Tina Fey and adult “film” star Lisa Ann both of which are more entertaining then Palin herself, out Palining Palin if you will. Good luck with that whole job hunting thing, I'm sure everyone's chomping at the bit to hire someone that doesn't believe in Danny Devito because she doesn't believe he's the missing link between apes and people. I hate to tell you Sarahkins, but well the rest of the world knows Danny Devito played Lancelot Link; Private Chimp, and we also all know Lancelot Link was the missing link, hence his last name, so there you have it, now, as I said, good luck finding a job... you'll need it.

Fun Fact: I hate Joe Jackson more and more as the days go on, I really do, I just want to punch him right in his money grubbing face then get my Doleomite on, by which I mean I'd beat him with a pimp cane while yelling 1970s stereotypical blaxploitation film cliche lines, then stomp on him wearing those platform pimp shoes that have fish living in them, the late Rudy Ray Moore would be so proud, so proud he's give me five on the black hand side. Seriously though, Joe Jackson is trying to rake in insane cash after the tragic death of his former mealticket... err.. I mean his most well known son, Micheal Jackson. For some reason he got his hooks into money for the upcoming “final look” at Micheal called “This Is It”, the not finished properly docudrama about Micheal's London comeback that many said would have been a return to the gloved one's glory days, enough so to finally shake the falsities of the lawsuits that have dogged the last almost 20 years of his career. Joe has set up special “private viewings” of the film at various theaters in London, where if you pay the several THOUSAND dollars, yes you read that right, for the tickets, not only do you get to see the film, but you get to see Joe Jackson rambling off his version of key moments and milestones in Micheal's life before the film, and after the film you can stay for a Question and Answer session with Joe as well. Yeah, see, no, that dog will not hunt monseigneur, first off, most people wouldn't pay 10 dollars, let alone almost 2500 dollars a ticket to see you, secondly, we all know you'll just go on about how much you loved your kids, and how they all love and care for you, and then to hear you chicken-hawk your sorry excuse for a new reality show, that just oddly happened to be filming while your son died, and your book, and whatever other things you're trying to use to convince the world you aren't one of history's greatest monsters. Thirdly, and most importantly, no one likes you Joe, you sickening wanna be Petey Wheatstraw, you beat your kids, you beat your wife, you sexually abused two of your daughters, and the fact that you have access to not only Micheal's children, but his entire legacy, makes my skin crawl and want to vomit stomach acid and bile, and the fact you are still alive makes me seriously question if there is a higher power who honestly cares for us at all. So please Joe, for the entire world's sake, stop breathing, also, you aren't The Mack, stop dressing like him, you will never be as cool as The Mack, ever. You cheap imitation Ike Turner.

So I'm gonna switch gears for a minute from smacking about fools, and laugh at the fact the new fall tv season for a second, and laugh at the fact that not only did we have our first cancellation only two weeks in, and that others were canceled before they ever aired, as well as the fact that as I predicted, Jay Leno is singlehandedly tanking NBC, the network thats already kind of circling the drain according to most. I honestly don't know whats going on down there in Rockefeller Plaza, but things are just falling left and right, their ratings are down, they're dropping shows before they even air, and others are scared if their ratings don't go up, they'll be cut too. Its some crazy stuff, seriously. Last year they cancel all their shows that don't get over a certain ratings share each week, and this year they canceled two shows before they ever aired, one was the returning series Southland, which they claimed would be “too dark” for their liking, and the other “Day One” or something, has been cut from a series, to a 4 episode “event”. Seriously, something is going very very wrong over there, very very wrong. Maybe its time to finally pull the trigger and put Leno out of our misery, that'll bring back some revenue and make the affiliates happy, given that they're ALL complaining about the fact they were told if you don't air the show, you'll be dropped by the network, and yet, the show is a total bomb, plus with Leno stealing comedy bits from a lot of people, including Howard Stern, the proof that the show is on its last legs and limping like its legs are both busted is right there infront of your faces, maybe something should get done about it before that chin crushes you all to death, kind of like when you're sleeping with a really fat girl and she rolls over on you in bed, but with a chin.

Some good news on the TV front, British series Primeval has been saved from cancellation, which means I get atleast 13 more episodes of people chasing down creatures from our past and future who have appeared in our time do to temporal displacement, and more importantly, atleast 13 more episodes of Rex The Coelurosauravus being as awesome as a small flying iguana can be. Now if they can give me another season of Demons, or finally get the second seasons of Survivors or Being Human out soon to help fill my Doctor Who gap thats been left by the year off, I'll be happy.

In other news kind of related to that, it seems that now HBO isn't going to take on the american version of the brilliant UK series Shameless after all, its now in the hands of Showtime, who have already cast the amazing but often looked over William H. Macy as the American version of Frank Gallagher, however none of the other characters have been cast yet, with rumors of Ellen Paige, star of sleeper cult hit “Juno” and some other boring movies that should have starred Zooey Deschanel close to signing to play Fiona Gallagher. For those of you that aren't aware of, or have heard of but not seen Shameless, in a nutshell its the story of the Gallagher Family and those around them in The Chatsworth council Estate, in Manchester, England (England, England, across the Atlantic Sea...), and the hilarious and dramatic things that happen to them as they go about their lives. For those of you that don't know what a council estate is, think a mix of housing project and a gated community for working class, and in big cities they're basically just 30 floor apartment buildings. Some of the details about the American version of the show, it will be set in the newly rebuilt low income housing on what used to be the infamous Cabrini Green Housing Project in Chicago Illinois, and word is with the original writers and creators involved, there is a good chance you will see reference, or even appearance by the original cast both current and former, as either people they know, or as realities. I have to admit I am having my issues with the idea of making an American version of such an excellent show, after all, I'm still freshly burned by the horror-show that was Little Britain USA, and nightmares of those American red dwarf and absolutely fabulous pilots that never saw the light of day outside of those in the know.. its hardly possible that anyone could blame me for being worried really.

Speaking of TV shows, is it possible that the missing in action “Sons of Tuscan” has become this year's good show that never saw the light of day even though its been promoted and placed on the schedule to air, even on the network's website. If thats true, then the would be comedy starring Tyler Labine better known as Bert “Sock” Wysoki of my canceled but still beloved Reaper, who basically plays Sock, but in a different show. What gets me though would be why would this show not make it to air? It was slotted for a Sunday 7:30pm EST airing by FOX, which would infact fill the glaringly huge gap left by the now canceled King Of The Hill, which as of now has been filled as of late by a rerun of the more then likely soon to be canceled sitcom “brothers”. It doesn't make sense, why bump a show that could actually give you some decent ratings, and probably garner a loyal fanbase, for a rerun of a forgettable toss away three camera formula sitcom thats tanking in the ratings on two different nights? Its like Babylon Fields all over again, its promoted as being on the fall line up, then its quietly stated that its going to appear in the January mid season crop, but i'm starting to doubt it will make it there, its never good when a show gets jumped around quietly like that. Plus, add to that, its the show that in a sense killed the series Reaper, which as most of you know I just loved beyond words. Oh well, I guess time will tell, if it does appear in January be glad, for its a great show, but if it doesn't appear come january, know that its gone to that special place in TV Heaven where shows that never aired but were brilliant are housed, shows like Babylon Fields, Pretty Handsome, Global Frequency, that early 2000s attempt at a Lost In Space reboot, and all those other pilots that I personally loved and rave about but everyone seem completely clueless about, because, you know, no one googles anymore...

Some upcoming movies that people should be looking out for from now to the end of the year; The Forth Kind, Amelia, Astro Boy, The Men Who Stare At Goats, The Box, 2012, The Fantastic Mr. Fox, Red Cliff, Old Dogs, The Road, Ninja Assassin, Broken Embraces (finally getting released stateside, woo!), and rounding out the year, Disney's return to traditional disney style animation, The Princess And The Frog, The Lovely Bones, Sherlock Holmes, and finally, The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus, I'll be seeing most of these in the next few weeks, though I've read the scripts on them all, they seem rather good going by buzz and script, but I'll let you all know was they come along. However, if you only see one of these movies, make it Broken Embraces a brilliant spanish film about love, deception, and the surreal.

Some TV shows from around the world you all should maybe give a look if you feel like getting your BitTorrent on; Durham County (Canada), The Cult (New Zealand), Tangle (Australia), Outrageous Fortune (New Zealand), Being Human (UK), Survivors [2008 version] (UK), Satisfaction (Australia), Being Erica (Canada), Little Mosque On The Prairie (Canada), Underbelly (Australia), Skins (UK), Shameless (UK), and The Librarians (Australia). And if you're looking for some older ended international television; Boy From The Black Stuff (UK), Sinchronicity (UK), The Witcher (Poland), Land Of The Giants (UK), Trailer Park Boys (Canada), Buring Brian (New Zealand), and with the american remake coming soon, with all its mad crazy ill awesomeness, the UK's old school version of The Prisoner....

And thats gonna be where I end this week's apparently hater aid filled edition, normally I don't like to sling so much mud, but well, when all thats in the news is negitivity, then its all I got to work with... but for now, its time to end this lovely little romp into the insanity of the entertainment industry... so until next time, I shall leave you, as I always do, with afew random bullet shots for thought...

so lets get right to it...

I still don't get Lady GaGa's appeal, I really don't. Or Moby's for that matter. All of you who said I was wrong about Where The Wild Things Are and that it was gonna tank can start their retractions now. Why is the new version of Melrose Place is pulling in less ratings then Reaper was, and yet it hasn't been canceled. My friend Mike really should do the world a favor and stop eating beans, for the sake of the world. I can't believe Roman Polanski actually is gonna see a courtroom for having sex with a teenage girl in the 1970s, I guess the US Marshals really do always get their man, no matter how homoerotic that sounds. I honestly hate the Twilight sequel New Moon already, seriously I'm totally pre-hating. Why is there a second Stomp The Yard movie in the works? Why do I gotta wait till next year to see Season Of The Witch? Robert De Niro as Oden and Jude Law as Loki in the upcoming Thor movie from Marvel Studios, well played... Though I still believe they'd work better as two of The Warriors Three. Speaking of Marvel Studios, the Captain America script is in, yes it is set in world war 2, and from what I've seen, you best wear a helmet so it doesn't blow your mind. If possible when it comes out, avoid Disney's A Christmas Carol at all costs, its like a magical Christmas tumor. And finally, only a handful of you are gonna get the magical Christmas tumor reference.

Well with all of that said and done, its time to put this edition of my sheet of gospel to rest... So, until next time, to all my loyal readers, blessid be.