Thursday, October 22, 2009

Bringing A New Feature Here

This is me bringing here a feature that I write twice a month, that goes out in the press, I figured i would bring it here, you know, to be awesome and give me a reason to update more, because I'm slowly slacking off, and thats annoying me, anyway, everyone thats never read it, welcome to The Reality Shock...

The Reality Shock: 
Rooster Cogbern and The Obscure Pop Culture References

Well its that time again, its time for the evangelical snake oil salesman of this old time medicine show that travels the world preaching of truth, realism, and the divine belief that what you are told by the media machines of Hollywood is not the truth at all, but infact lies and half truths ment to separate you from your hard earned money and your valuable time. This is the place I wage my seemingly one man war against an unyielding onslaught of rehashed and unimaginative entertainment, out there on the frontlines, seemingly alone, I ask for no thank you, I ask for no praise, I simply ask for your ear, and for you to open your mind, and see the shining light of reason and logic that shimmers from my very being, and that you laugh when I go on long rambling intros like this because honestly, after three years, I still can't do a proper introduction paragraph. With that said, everyone, welcome once again to The Reality Shock, my little bit of joy in print form that truly keeps me sane. Now, with that said, lets get into this shall we? Yeah, lets do that...

Ok now, lets jump right in feet first, with something I always look forward too this time of year, the halloween movie season. Now, its not exactly that I'm a huge horror movie guy, I like a good horror movie as much as the next movie critic with social issues, but my idea of a horror film slants somewhere between the original Last House On The Left to the modern slasher turned thrillers of the modern era, however, what makes this time of year great, is that its time of year to play what I call “Horror Movie Roulette”. Now sure, you're probably thinking Horror Movie Roulette involves some kind of dark, damp room with a small Asian man that smells like a mix of cheap whiskey, poorly grown marijuana, rice and small bird vomit who's wearing a Freddy Kruger sweater and slacks combo and rocking a matching fedora while yelling “gun to mow” as you watch Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 with a loaded gun to your head and you have to pull the trigger every time super drugged up Dennis Hopper says a bible verse while holding a chainsaw, but you are wrong. Ok well partly wrong, picture if you will a gun, a revolver, infact a cult peacemaker like in the westerns, now, if you're a man, picture yourself as Rooster Cogbern from True Grit, and if you're a woman, imagine up yourself a hot sexy female gunslinger because lord knows the old west was way to dude in big hats on dude in leather chaps bromanticily inclined then to ever let the story of a woman that knew how to shoot a gun get into history books, don't believe me? Go on, name me one real female gunslinger that isn't Anne Oakley... go on, try... thats what I thought, you can't can you? Now imagine that your gun is to your head, and each bullet is a movie thats supposed to be released or Halloween, of the average six released for the time of year, five of those will be duds, and one will be the bullet that paints the wall with your brain pan. Sounds pretty fun doesn't it? Well you're wrong again, seriously, if you think that is fun, you have some deep rooted issues, anyway... For this year's bullets, load into your imagigun the following films: Saw 6, The Stepfather, Paranormal Activity, Trick or Treat, The House Of The Devil, and the remake of Fame. Now, you might be asking yourself, which one of these films is the bullet, the film that will be THE stand out horror film for the Halloween season? Is it the sure fire frightertainment film Saw 6? Sure its a good watch, but the concept is starting to get alittle thin, so this counts as a just miss. Is it the under promoted possibly good The House Of The Devil? Nope, this is basically The Skeleton Key from afew years ago redone with minor changes. Is it the next contender in the pantheon of redux horror films The Stepfather? No, not by a long shot, total misfire. Is it Paranormal Activity, the newest film to do that “real footage of viewers in theaters are scared” fake add thing? Nope, not even close. Is it the remake of Fame, the high school musical of the children of the 1980s? Well it sure scared the hell out of me, but no, all thats scary here is the acting. Five empty chambers in a six shot revolver, so that leaves us just one bullet left doesn't it? You guessed it, Trick Or Treat, now, I'm sure a lot of you haven't heard about this one, after all its basically The Midnight Meat Train of this year, which means, its an excellent film that deserves to see the big screen so it will do what it was made to do, which is, make you void your bowels all over the theater seat, but do to inner production politics, was only given a limited release, which was quickly rushed out of theaters and a dvd copy was released to the net quickly, another case of a great film, this time a series of interconnection short horrific stories that will scare you on different levels, being shoved aside for big budget claptrap that doesn't even do what it promises it will do. Shame that really, but on the upside, if you wanna see this brilliant bit of horror, get your download on, or if you're in the united kingdom and don't wanna get caught downloading like a splooshtastic friend of mine, go find it on one of the many movie streaming sites out there, they all jumped on that film like Liza Minnelli jumps on a bottle of Oxycontin and a bottle of vodka. And yeah, I just lit up Liza Minnelli, the drunk daughter of the great Judy Garland, I lit her up like a Christmas tree, why? Because I'm just THAT hardcore.

Speaking of Hollywood drunks, almost a year later, I still don't understand how its possible that Lindsay Lohan can drive drunk and hit every single tree in southern California and northern Mexico, and survive to stalk her girl that looks like a boy “ex-girlfriend” and do general rich girl wanting to be a hood-rat stuff, but Heath Ledger is still dead. Seriously, I don't understand how thats somehow fair in the grand scheme of things. Speaking of Lindsay, anyone else laugh at the fact her big come back movie “Labor Pains” not only couldn't find a movie studio willing to actually put it out in theaters, then couldn't find a direct to dvd company willing to release it direct to dvd, so it ended up going to TV, which then didn't even, bother to air it at all? Yeah, I knew you all did. Seriously, its time for Lindsey to either release the sex tape between her and that dude that played Screech on Saved By The Bell that we all know is out there, or pose nude for a girly magazine or whatever it is flash in the pan fame women in Hollywood do when they're burning up that last few seconds of their fame in a desperate attempt to restart, or in afew cases start, their careers, so we can all get back to forgetting who you are and the fact your only real claim to fame other then being a drunken woman of questionable virtue with a thing for being into girls because its popular for women to be bisexual these days, is of all things, Herbie: Fully Loaded. Yeah thats right, remember that, the lovebug died for your sins Lindsey, he gave his life and his over 30 years of family friendly movie magic to make you sort of famous. Now shed a tear for his sacrifice and do the right thing by just not acting or doing anything to catch paparazzi attention, please, for Herbie's sake.

While I'm on the subject of people I wish would just learn how to act properly, I issue this statement; Megan Fox, please, for the love of all that is holy, just shut your mouth and look hot. Please. Every single time you open your word-hole, stupid things fall out of it. Stupid things that leave me questioning why exactly people bother to interview you at all, and also why all your movies that don't involve giant robots from other planets that turn into trucks and cars and whatever the hell Ravage turned into, seem to bomb at the box office rather quickly. I mean honestly, you were unknown when Micheal Bay found you, he puts you front and center in his cash cow Transformers where you simply need to be eye candy thats into nerds so the droves of nerds that go to see the film will feel they might have a chance, say afew stupid lines and do the scene where you're under bumblebee's hood, or in the second one sprawled over a long fork style hot rod motorcycle, and run from afew things that are exploding behind you. Its really not that hard to do, honestly its not, but you still manage to open your mouth and say more and more stupid things, like claiming that the transformers franchise “doesn't allow you to show off your full acting range” or that you “feel upstaged by the CGI robots”, or my personal favorite, you “don't like doing action scenes, they're so hard to do and Bay is like Adolf Hitler when it comes to those scenes..”, which was followed by some jokingly bad comment about how you're surprised any Jew will work with Bay given his nazi like work load and shooting structure. Ok seriously? Really? Are you seriously believing what you are saying, or are you just saying stupid crap because you really don't know any better? Ok sense I'm pretty sure you are stupid enough to believe your own hype, let me break it down for you like this; First off: don't EVER call the man that made you famous and is your guaranteed insanely huge paycheck every two years or so names, and never, ever, ever, make stupid racist comments about his style and work ethic or the fact he is the king of movies that stuff explodes in, honestly, he's had to come out defending you like 6 times sense Transformers Revenge Of The Fallen came out, just cash the check and keep your mouth shut. Next: You don't get upstaged by giant CGI robots, people are going to see the transformer films BECAUSE of the giant CGI robots, they are not going to watch you interact with them, they're going to watch robots turn into other things rip the faces off other robots that turn into other things, and finally, as for your “acting range”, Ms. Fox, please, for the love of all things, take a look at your non-transformers career, The Unborn? Jennifer's Body? Yeah, where are those films now? Oh thats right, they're forgotten or laughed at because of how bad you are in them. Honestly, please Megan Fox, in the words of Chelsea Handler, just shut up and look hot.

I wanna switch gears here and comment on the most requested topic for this month, which to be honest, I was kind of hoping I could avoid, but given all of the mails about it, I just can't anymore. I'm talking ofcourse about the allegations put out last month by former One Day At A Time star Mackenzie Phillips, in reference to her father, the late music icon John Phillips of The Mamas And The Papas, and how she claimed that for 10 years she and him had an incestuous affair that started out as parental rape, but was later consensual. Now, a lot of questions come up about this proclamation, and the strange things that happen to surround it. First, why did she wait until her father was long dead to spring this on us all, it will do nothing but make her look like she's trashing her dead father for no reason with him unable to defend himself, and any decent person not bothering to dignify her stuff with a response, also, why is it, she does this around the time she writes her second book about her life story, and why does she keep pushing her book whenever she can on news show interviews about this, and also, why are her sisters jumping onboard to promote their own useless junk and barely mentioning the actual story when they do interviews too, I mean honestly, Chynna Phillips feels her new album and its lead off single will “help heal the damage this dark secret did not only to her sister, but to the world in general”? Yeah ok seriously, this smells of the same kind of bovine body waist that comes out of the mouth of Chastity Bono, the daughter of Sonny Bono and Cher, who is well known for her lies and attention getting press releases that are based on lies, after all its been like, 3 years now and she's still not gotten that sex change operation she was claiming she was gonna get. Its the same kind of attention whoring “hey notice me” crap that Mackenzie is doing, only Chasity do it to just get attention, Mac's doing it to sell a book about how dark her life really got at points. But that also brings up my final point I'll make on this matter, Mackenzie Phillips is a drug addict, she is a hopeless unable to recover drug addict, she has snorted more cocaine then the regulars at Studio 54 did on a daily basis, and whenever she gets clean for awhile, and life starts to get hard to deal with, or they turn down that One Day A Time reunion show she keeps trying to get picked up, she just falls right back into that powdery comfort that allows her to do nothing but get high and lose money. So taking that into account there is a good chance she just made it all up for the money she'd get from all the interviews and the book and documentaries on the subject would bring her. I'm not saying that all drug addicts are liars, or that none of them can be trusted, I'm just saying before you toss the memory of one of the most influential men of the 1960s into a pile of horse manure, take a look at the source, who's honestly likely to believe a person that has killed their career 5 times over by means of a cocaine habit she was supposed to have beaten, but yet keeps coming back to her. Face it, she made it up, she's just a junkie looking to get some notoriety and fame off her dead father's name before the world forgets she's still alive again, thats all it is, and her sisters coming along from the ride incase they can get some record sales of some acting roles out of it. Its kinda like that kid in the weather balloon hoax, but with famous people, the only real difference is, in this case, people care what the guy that played Schneider thinks about it all.

You know, if you never watched One Day At A Time or were aware of the show's existence, you're not gonna get that last reference, and inside, that kind of makes me sad, everyone should be aware of toss away late 1970s early 1980s American sitcoms. It really makes me sad, sad in the pantaloons. Ok really it doesn't, I just wanted to use the word pantaloons in a sentence, and in the sentence explaining why I used it this week.

Ok on to other things...

Its been confirmed that there will be yet another series of the cult British sitcom Red Dwarf made, it shall shoot in early 2010 and air later that year. My assumption is this will be the final time we see the boys from the small crimson one, given how talks of a movie have completely stalled and faded away faster then the talks of Doctor Who: The Time War being made for the big screen faded away, plus with the return series of Red Dwarf from earlier this year being such a steaming pile of failure, lazy, infomercial for the dvds and toys, and double super epic failure (except for Carbug, who shall forever be awesome), I'm thinking that maybe, this will be the true final series, which will infact, give us a real ending, not the ungodly travesty that “return to earth” was. Just think, somewhere out in Saltney as she reads this, my friend Rose is loading her sniper riffle, ready to get her Sniper Wolf on if this fails.

Speaking of making references to my friends, I got one more, Sploosh, you were correct about the Jungle Book, I was wrong, you have totally schooled the godking of all media, revel in your victory, for I shall come back with power one thousand fold upon the next time we do battle in the arena that is entertainment trivia, where in I shall rain down upon ye with the fire-rain of all that is divine and pure! Oh and don't pull that “I don't wanna get into a trivia duel with you” thing, you know its too tempt...ining not too.

I'd like to take some time now if I may, and sent a message to all of those out there who said I wouldn't be right about the new series Glee and just how good it really is. Oh there were many who were willing to herald the downfall of the quirky comedy about the drama of being part of an insane world of insanity that swirls around the inner workings of a high school Glee Club in Lima Ohio, oh so many where willing to down it, claiming the pilot was too good and the show wouldn't ever live up to what it was supposed to be, that it would fall flat like so many others in recent years, where the pilot was mindblowingly good, but the show didn't live up to the buzz, or they were saying with all the media buzz it would just fizzle out and be forgotten, but I am here to tell you, 8 episodes in, all you haters can shut your damn mouths now, seriously, 8 episodes in and the ratings are still insanely high and climbing, should be enough for you doomsayers to shut your wordholes and enjoy the show, its funny, its lively, its a joy to watch weekly, and if you can't see that, well, sucks for you. For those of you that haven't seen Glee, you should, its like a mix of High School Musical, that British musical/drama series Britannia High, but with the complete and total suck, fail and super ultra mega epic fail of those two things removed, then mixed with whatever enjoyable 1980s or 1990s teenagers in high school movie that you personally enjoy the most (for me its 10 Things I Hate About You and Can't Hardly Wait) and just enough of all things Degrassi to keep it angsty enough for the teen aimed drama crowd, and if thats just confusing or you hate my way of explaining things, well then, go on and give it a try anyway, and come up with your own way of doing it. Either way, I once again have proven myself right over the haters of the world, and really thats all that matters to me, because deep down in the the places I don't like to talk about at parties, I'm very shallow that way. Ok I'm not, but that sounded funny in my head.

Oh on a related note, Cory Monteith who stars as Fin on Glee, really should stick to acting and singing, while leaving modeling to the brainless over sculpted abs who can't even figure out how to pump their own gas. You're a great guy, and the girls love you, but they love you because you're, in my cousin's words “dorky cute” which means “do not model, you will just look like a dork” or so I'm told, though in truth the ways of the youth are a mystery unto me, its all grizzle bazzles and white kids named Kanye acting like they're black, I just don't get it.

Speaking of Kanye White.... err... West... yes Kanye West, damn typographical turrets, the other day I was watching the video of his hijacking that annoying little girl that sings country but hangs out with rappers getting her award at the grammies, and for some reason I find myself pausing it in the middle and saying “I'm sorry Kanye, i'm gonna let you get back to being a jackass no one likes or cares about in just one second, but I just had to say the late great Ol'Dirty Bastard of The Wu Tang Clan was the best grammy award speech hijacker of all time..” Seriously this is more embarrassing then his yelling “come on, give a black man a chance” to an undisclosed but very famous white or maybe some kinda spanish actress known her for beauty and actual talent backstage at the oscars two years ago after she apparently turned him down for a date, or when he sat at a table with Sir Paul McCartney and the head of PETA at a fur free fashion show in Paris and go on for HOURS about how the cloths need real fur, and how he loves real fur, repeatedly asking them both why there is no real fur in the line up. I mean honestly, for a rich kid from the Chicago suburbs that went to a super high end private school before imagining he's from the ghetto so much that he believes it to be true, Kanye West is pretty stupid.

Speaking of dumb people, have you all heard about the new heights of idiocy that Sean “Diddy” Combs has reached? This one seriously made me LOL, and by LOL I mean I actually said “L-O-L” out loud, a feat of which I am very not ashamed to admit in typed print to however many of you actually read the drivel that comes out of my mind. Anyway, get this, the man formerly known as Puff Daddy The Murderer of All Things Hip Hop, was on the show 106 and Park recently, for those who don't know what 106 and Park is, its BET's way of attempting to actually get ratings by having various flash in the pan one hit rappers and sometimes actually hit making and talented rappers appear at their studio in Harlem, from which the show takes its name, and mostly dribble on about their “thug life” and how gangsta they are, and say “Know what I'm sayin'? Know what I'mean?” about 6000 times in the span of ten minutes of painful to watch interviewing, then lip-sync to their latest “hit” or debut a new “hit song” that the crowd seems to already go crazy for and know the words too while flailing about like Animal from The Muppet Show during a drugged up rage. Anyway, the man formerly known as Puffy was on recently to promote his new band, they've got some stupid name I can't remember, and I'm sure no one else will either, now, this isn't anything new really, however what they were doing was, they started to toss out stacks of money, now, at first, the crowd thinks this is just prop money, and thats what the hosts, director and producer though t as well, until someone discovered mixed into the fake bundles, which have Puffy's face on the 100 dollar bill, there were some REAL 100 dollar bills mixed in. Yes, you read that right, there were some real 100 dollar bills mixed in with the fake ones, now let me break this down for you, tossing out real 100 dollar bills to a crowd thats come to see you rap or whatever, is basically like shooting a cruise missile down a 18th century water well, sure, in concept it sounds like a cool idea, but in actual doing, it just explodes into a bit mess and leaves you covered in muck. Now if this, and the almost riot that it caused didn't seem bad enough, during one of his moments of tossing out money, a ring worth over $800,000 dollars flies of of Mr. Combs hand, now instead of politely asking anyone to look around for it, or asking his assistant or something to look for it, what does he do? He stops the show dead, and has his personal bodyguards and armed police search every single person in the studio. I understand a ring worth that much is not something you'd want to lose, but seriously, you're gonna go about it that way? Implying you think every single person in that studio could have been a thief? Seriously? You really think that little of people? Seriously? I knew you were a jerk, but wow, seriously just wow. You must be trippin dawg.

So, scary and creepy note of the week; apparently Octo-mom Nayda Suleman has felt the need to state that she's totally crushing on former laughable joke of a reality star turned tabloid scandal rag front page fodder and all around horrible person, John Gosslin, I'm assuming its because he doesn't have an issue dealing with large amounts of kids at once. I guess they're kinda made for each other in a way, she's a moronic baby factory who exploits her thousands of children and her not so deserved fame for personal gain, and he was married to a fire-breathing she-beast with a geometric haircut that looks like something M C Escher would have vomited up after a night of drinking southern comfort and prison booze made in some fat guy's cell toilet, who exploits her thousands of kids for personal gain. Hmm.. they seem like the right match on paper...

Speaking of horrible people, Sarah Palin, the unexpected secondary star of the 2008 Presidential Campaign, and fantasy fodder for anyone thats into insane moose killing hockey moms that don't believe in dinosaurs but claim unicorns are real, apparently is looking for a job, she recently signed up on the myspace for the unemployed, posting her resume and everything, you know, like some common Joe Six-pack or something. Her page lists her job skills as follows; getting looked at like eye-candy by a billion year old warmonger who she was gonna run the free world with, having her head pasted onto the bodies of various adult models, losing beauty pageants, naming children idiotic names, claiming every child thats not yours has to practice safe sex, prattling on about fake plumbers and imaginary people who like beer, being krunk for Christ Alaska styley, getting completely demolished in political debates, writing books that only Oprah cares about, and being played brilliantly by both comedian Tina Fey and adult “film” star Lisa Ann both of which are more entertaining then Palin herself, out Palining Palin if you will. Good luck with that whole job hunting thing, I'm sure everyone's chomping at the bit to hire someone that doesn't believe in Danny Devito because she doesn't believe he's the missing link between apes and people. I hate to tell you Sarahkins, but well the rest of the world knows Danny Devito played Lancelot Link; Private Chimp, and we also all know Lancelot Link was the missing link, hence his last name, so there you have it, now, as I said, good luck finding a job... you'll need it.

Fun Fact: I hate Joe Jackson more and more as the days go on, I really do, I just want to punch him right in his money grubbing face then get my Doleomite on, by which I mean I'd beat him with a pimp cane while yelling 1970s stereotypical blaxploitation film cliche lines, then stomp on him wearing those platform pimp shoes that have fish living in them, the late Rudy Ray Moore would be so proud, so proud he's give me five on the black hand side. Seriously though, Joe Jackson is trying to rake in insane cash after the tragic death of his former mealticket... err.. I mean his most well known son, Micheal Jackson. For some reason he got his hooks into money for the upcoming “final look” at Micheal called “This Is It”, the not finished properly docudrama about Micheal's London comeback that many said would have been a return to the gloved one's glory days, enough so to finally shake the falsities of the lawsuits that have dogged the last almost 20 years of his career. Joe has set up special “private viewings” of the film at various theaters in London, where if you pay the several THOUSAND dollars, yes you read that right, for the tickets, not only do you get to see the film, but you get to see Joe Jackson rambling off his version of key moments and milestones in Micheal's life before the film, and after the film you can stay for a Question and Answer session with Joe as well. Yeah, see, no, that dog will not hunt monseigneur, first off, most people wouldn't pay 10 dollars, let alone almost 2500 dollars a ticket to see you, secondly, we all know you'll just go on about how much you loved your kids, and how they all love and care for you, and then to hear you chicken-hawk your sorry excuse for a new reality show, that just oddly happened to be filming while your son died, and your book, and whatever other things you're trying to use to convince the world you aren't one of history's greatest monsters. Thirdly, and most importantly, no one likes you Joe, you sickening wanna be Petey Wheatstraw, you beat your kids, you beat your wife, you sexually abused two of your daughters, and the fact that you have access to not only Micheal's children, but his entire legacy, makes my skin crawl and want to vomit stomach acid and bile, and the fact you are still alive makes me seriously question if there is a higher power who honestly cares for us at all. So please Joe, for the entire world's sake, stop breathing, also, you aren't The Mack, stop dressing like him, you will never be as cool as The Mack, ever. You cheap imitation Ike Turner.

So I'm gonna switch gears for a minute from smacking about fools, and laugh at the fact the new fall tv season for a second, and laugh at the fact that not only did we have our first cancellation only two weeks in, and that others were canceled before they ever aired, as well as the fact that as I predicted, Jay Leno is singlehandedly tanking NBC, the network thats already kind of circling the drain according to most. I honestly don't know whats going on down there in Rockefeller Plaza, but things are just falling left and right, their ratings are down, they're dropping shows before they even air, and others are scared if their ratings don't go up, they'll be cut too. Its some crazy stuff, seriously. Last year they cancel all their shows that don't get over a certain ratings share each week, and this year they canceled two shows before they ever aired, one was the returning series Southland, which they claimed would be “too dark” for their liking, and the other “Day One” or something, has been cut from a series, to a 4 episode “event”. Seriously, something is going very very wrong over there, very very wrong. Maybe its time to finally pull the trigger and put Leno out of our misery, that'll bring back some revenue and make the affiliates happy, given that they're ALL complaining about the fact they were told if you don't air the show, you'll be dropped by the network, and yet, the show is a total bomb, plus with Leno stealing comedy bits from a lot of people, including Howard Stern, the proof that the show is on its last legs and limping like its legs are both busted is right there infront of your faces, maybe something should get done about it before that chin crushes you all to death, kind of like when you're sleeping with a really fat girl and she rolls over on you in bed, but with a chin.

Some good news on the TV front, British series Primeval has been saved from cancellation, which means I get atleast 13 more episodes of people chasing down creatures from our past and future who have appeared in our time do to temporal displacement, and more importantly, atleast 13 more episodes of Rex The Coelurosauravus being as awesome as a small flying iguana can be. Now if they can give me another season of Demons, or finally get the second seasons of Survivors or Being Human out soon to help fill my Doctor Who gap thats been left by the year off, I'll be happy.

In other news kind of related to that, it seems that now HBO isn't going to take on the american version of the brilliant UK series Shameless after all, its now in the hands of Showtime, who have already cast the amazing but often looked over William H. Macy as the American version of Frank Gallagher, however none of the other characters have been cast yet, with rumors of Ellen Paige, star of sleeper cult hit “Juno” and some other boring movies that should have starred Zooey Deschanel close to signing to play Fiona Gallagher. For those of you that aren't aware of, or have heard of but not seen Shameless, in a nutshell its the story of the Gallagher Family and those around them in The Chatsworth council Estate, in Manchester, England (England, England, across the Atlantic Sea...), and the hilarious and dramatic things that happen to them as they go about their lives. For those of you that don't know what a council estate is, think a mix of housing project and a gated community for working class, and in big cities they're basically just 30 floor apartment buildings. Some of the details about the American version of the show, it will be set in the newly rebuilt low income housing on what used to be the infamous Cabrini Green Housing Project in Chicago Illinois, and word is with the original writers and creators involved, there is a good chance you will see reference, or even appearance by the original cast both current and former, as either people they know, or as realities. I have to admit I am having my issues with the idea of making an American version of such an excellent show, after all, I'm still freshly burned by the horror-show that was Little Britain USA, and nightmares of those American red dwarf and absolutely fabulous pilots that never saw the light of day outside of those in the know.. its hardly possible that anyone could blame me for being worried really.

Speaking of TV shows, is it possible that the missing in action “Sons of Tuscan” has become this year's good show that never saw the light of day even though its been promoted and placed on the schedule to air, even on the network's website. If thats true, then the would be comedy starring Tyler Labine better known as Bert “Sock” Wysoki of my canceled but still beloved Reaper, who basically plays Sock, but in a different show. What gets me though would be why would this show not make it to air? It was slotted for a Sunday 7:30pm EST airing by FOX, which would infact fill the glaringly huge gap left by the now canceled King Of The Hill, which as of now has been filled as of late by a rerun of the more then likely soon to be canceled sitcom “brothers”. It doesn't make sense, why bump a show that could actually give you some decent ratings, and probably garner a loyal fanbase, for a rerun of a forgettable toss away three camera formula sitcom thats tanking in the ratings on two different nights? Its like Babylon Fields all over again, its promoted as being on the fall line up, then its quietly stated that its going to appear in the January mid season crop, but i'm starting to doubt it will make it there, its never good when a show gets jumped around quietly like that. Plus, add to that, its the show that in a sense killed the series Reaper, which as most of you know I just loved beyond words. Oh well, I guess time will tell, if it does appear in January be glad, for its a great show, but if it doesn't appear come january, know that its gone to that special place in TV Heaven where shows that never aired but were brilliant are housed, shows like Babylon Fields, Pretty Handsome, Global Frequency, that early 2000s attempt at a Lost In Space reboot, and all those other pilots that I personally loved and rave about but everyone seem completely clueless about, because, you know, no one googles anymore...

Some upcoming movies that people should be looking out for from now to the end of the year; The Forth Kind, Amelia, Astro Boy, The Men Who Stare At Goats, The Box, 2012, The Fantastic Mr. Fox, Red Cliff, Old Dogs, The Road, Ninja Assassin, Broken Embraces (finally getting released stateside, woo!), and rounding out the year, Disney's return to traditional disney style animation, The Princess And The Frog, The Lovely Bones, Sherlock Holmes, and finally, The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus, I'll be seeing most of these in the next few weeks, though I've read the scripts on them all, they seem rather good going by buzz and script, but I'll let you all know was they come along. However, if you only see one of these movies, make it Broken Embraces a brilliant spanish film about love, deception, and the surreal.

Some TV shows from around the world you all should maybe give a look if you feel like getting your BitTorrent on; Durham County (Canada), The Cult (New Zealand), Tangle (Australia), Outrageous Fortune (New Zealand), Being Human (UK), Survivors [2008 version] (UK), Satisfaction (Australia), Being Erica (Canada), Little Mosque On The Prairie (Canada), Underbelly (Australia), Skins (UK), Shameless (UK), and The Librarians (Australia). And if you're looking for some older ended international television; Boy From The Black Stuff (UK), Sinchronicity (UK), The Witcher (Poland), Land Of The Giants (UK), Trailer Park Boys (Canada), Buring Brian (New Zealand), and with the american remake coming soon, with all its mad crazy ill awesomeness, the UK's old school version of The Prisoner....

And thats gonna be where I end this week's apparently hater aid filled edition, normally I don't like to sling so much mud, but well, when all thats in the news is negitivity, then its all I got to work with... but for now, its time to end this lovely little romp into the insanity of the entertainment industry... so until next time, I shall leave you, as I always do, with afew random bullet shots for thought...

so lets get right to it...

I still don't get Lady GaGa's appeal, I really don't. Or Moby's for that matter. All of you who said I was wrong about Where The Wild Things Are and that it was gonna tank can start their retractions now. Why is the new version of Melrose Place is pulling in less ratings then Reaper was, and yet it hasn't been canceled. My friend Mike really should do the world a favor and stop eating beans, for the sake of the world. I can't believe Roman Polanski actually is gonna see a courtroom for having sex with a teenage girl in the 1970s, I guess the US Marshals really do always get their man, no matter how homoerotic that sounds. I honestly hate the Twilight sequel New Moon already, seriously I'm totally pre-hating. Why is there a second Stomp The Yard movie in the works? Why do I gotta wait till next year to see Season Of The Witch? Robert De Niro as Oden and Jude Law as Loki in the upcoming Thor movie from Marvel Studios, well played... Though I still believe they'd work better as two of The Warriors Three. Speaking of Marvel Studios, the Captain America script is in, yes it is set in world war 2, and from what I've seen, you best wear a helmet so it doesn't blow your mind. If possible when it comes out, avoid Disney's A Christmas Carol at all costs, its like a magical Christmas tumor. And finally, only a handful of you are gonna get the magical Christmas tumor reference.

Well with all of that said and done, its time to put this edition of my sheet of gospel to rest... So, until next time, to all my loyal readers, blessid be.



  1. So, good call om Jay Leno, what the fuck seriously? He's so....shitty. Also, Jude Law and DeNiro in Thor, yeah, yeah that'll taste like a delicious bacon burger with a side of bacon with bacon sauce. Also, good call on Joe Jackson, if ever there was a reason I wanted to hate black people he's it. Well him, and that horrible Martin Lawrence.

  2. I wouldn't go so far as to hate a whole race for just afew people that are of it, I mean thats like mad ignet dawg.

    But still yeah, Joe Jackson can eat a dick sammich for all I care, the idea of seeing him at all makes me wanna shoot things, he just brings out the worst side of me.

    and the Leno thing has been causing nothing but PR nightmares for NBC after its first week or so, And alot of comedians are threatening to sue over bit theft, its not just Howard Stern's bit with Terry Bradshaw and a Chicken picking NFL winners and losers, that he stole, its alot more. Plus with his show on the air at 10pm, not as many people stay up to watch Conan O'Brian at 11:30pm, which is stealing a huge chunk of his ratings, which really isn't right, its like when an aging comedian who doesn't have it anymore refuses to step aside for the younger more talented, and more so, more current with their humor, generation, so they do what they can to sabotage them.

  3. Lol well no I don't actually want to hate black people lol, I was just saying, if Joe Jackson was the argument I get it lol.

    Yeah I hated Jay for that, because Conan busted his ass to get where he is and Jay swoops in and goes, hey you know what, nope I want all the attention, me me me. Big chinned fucker.