The Reality Shock:
The Return Of The Hate Of Uwe Boll And Other Family Classics
Hello my loyal seekers of truth and realism, it is once again time for this humble preacher to step up to the pulpit of righteousness and preach to the masses of all that is good, all that is wrong, and all that should be sent to an island far out to sea where they will be hunted for sport on live television twenty four hours a day, seven days a week. Yes, my friends, it is time once again for me to shine the light into the darkest corners of the entertainment world and expose the things hiding in the darkness for what they are, and watch as they scurry away into the night. Yes, that is right my loyal readers it is time once again, for the one and only Reality Shock, the ride that takes you up to the top of the stars, and down to the bottom of the gutter, where we say hello to former 1980s trash sitcom star turned broke reality tv show whore Willie Aames from Charles in Charge and other boring shows everyone wishes were never made, and then come back up again before the end of the ride. And when this ride is over, you will, as you always do, have many things to think about, many good, many bad, many that will question why you read my rambling opening paragraphs that all these years later I still can not come up with a good way to start out, so I just go random, and then you realize, its alright when I go random, because some of my best stuff is pulled right out of my head raw and unfiltered... so with all of that said, lets end the painful to read opening paragraph with me simply saying, once again, thank you all taking the time to read The Reality Shock before lining your bird cage or puppy pooping area with it, I am your guide to the world of weird and even weirder that goes on in the world of entertainment, put your trays in the upright position as we ready for launch, and most importantly, I hope you enjoy the ride...
Now lets get down to it shall we? A'Room'a'zoom'zoom!!
Ok so, lets see, whats in the news today...
Oh here is a good place to start, apparently, the world just isn't done dealing with former beauty pageant headline maker Carrie Prejean, the former Miss California who has proven that not only can pageant contestants run states, and say complete and utter nonsense and offend the entire homosexual community in just few sentences, but they can also be two faced lying hypocritical bitches as well. Now yes, we all know about her erstwhile tryst with America's golden (medal) boy Michael Phelps. avid lover of all things that involve no body hair at all, as well as all things that produce greenish gray smoke and make you crave cheetos and abbazabbas, which in itself is completely out of the realm of “correct” for a good god loving christian girl like Carrie, because as many of you are aware, the catholic church has very strict rules and beliefs on the concept of being completely shaven from head to toe, and sure we all condemned her for that, and rightly so, hairless people are creepy, like, creeper then an albino creepy. But it seems that now Carrie is in the news again, this time for an alleged sex tape of some sort that shows some rather... non-christian.. things on it. Which is weird because her actual preacher was quoted as saying his congregation and infact the entire catholic church is supporting her on this. Really? Really? Really? Are you serious? You are gonna support a woman thats done more damage to the catholic church's reputation then Sarah Palin and Pope Palpatine, are you serious? Are you 100% serious? What the hell are you thinking? Honestly, are you drinking abit too much of that blood of the savior? I am risking some major flack here, but for a group of fanatics who contradict everything their founder stood for, and believe that dinosaur bones aren't real, but unicorns are, is it really a good idea to let your newest poster child be one who is a complete mockery of humanity? Honestly? Weak. Sauce. Seriously, Weak Sauce.
Speaking of people I wish would just go away, it appears that David Hasslehoff has made it into the news once again, this time though its not for his love of eating Wendy's cheeseburgers on bathroom floors while prattling on about how lonely he is while his daughter films it and puts it on youtube for some reason that more then likely was to restart his career, this time its once again for being drunk and disorderly, this time taking out his rage for how crappy his career has become and playing second fiddle to Sharon “I dress like a MILF even though its creepy and people find me annoying” Ozborne, on the elderly, yes, you read that right David Hasslehoff, drunk on cheap beer and his own self imposed concept of having starpower, felt the need, while at a Casino in Whistler British Columbia Canada, to harass an elderly woman in her mid 70s, now no one really knows why The Hoff felt the need to attempt to pick a fight with this little elderly woman, maybe she took a machine he was working trying to get back some of that money he drank away in the 1980s, or maybe she didn't remember him from Knight Rider, or maybe here is a thought, David Hasslehoff is a total jerk and likes to pick fights with old people for no reason. Plus, to add to this, apparently, seven hours later, after he was booked and later released from Canadian jail, which I guess means you say “ok I learned my lesson” and they let you out, The 80s Quaffed Leather Pantio'd fallen megastar (in Germany only) was seen again, in the same casino, in the same bar area, drinking once again, and was seeming to be in a worse state then earlier. So yeah, thats seriously messed up. I mean ok, i'm by no means a fan of Das Hoffinstein, but come on, its time to do what every other fallen megastar (in Germany only) does when they sink this low, get on one of those famous people in rehab shows that no one's watching. Oh sure you won't become more then just a joke, but hey, you'll be sobered up, and plus, The Hoff's career was already a joke that was circling the drain.
In related news, my friend Rose could totally kick Sharon Ozborne's ass in a fight, with out a doubt, put the two of them in a ring and let them get their dutchess of queensberry rules on, and in the end, Rose would knock that crazy old woman flat. You know that might be a good idea for a charity event... I need to write that down, “Knock Out Worthless Celebrities Charity” it could be a yearly event, and maybe, just maybe, I could finally get my chance to knock out Uwe Boll. Oh yeah, totally gonna write down that idea and look into making it happen.
In even more sickening news, Joe Francis the creator of the insanely exploitative Girls Gone Wild series is not going to jail for tax evasion after all. I guess the most incipiently horrible person on the planet felt it was time to pay the money he owed the government so he didn't end up being passed around prison like an old copy of playboy magazine that hasn't gotten its pages stuck together yet. Kind of sad really, I was hoping that for once the justice system would toss someone that deserved to be locked away in jail, you know, to kind of even things out from all those professional sports players who get to keep getting away with rape and murder and animal cruelty and whatever other violent bullshit there is because they can make a lay up or a touchdown or hit a home run or whatever other things sports people do. Or if not them, atleast few of the famous people that have gotten away with doing horrible things. Most of you long time readers will recall back in the 1920s reality shock I condemned comedian Fatty Arbuckle for getting away with rape and murder of a young actress, this is kind of the same thing, except instead of just getting drunk and high 18 year old girls to sleep with him after getting their tops off, Joe just exploits them for personal gain, if that counts as exploitation in a court of law, I'm not really sure, but in my court of law it does. Joe Francis is a jackass who took the idea of millions of websites where people can put up video and pictures of themselves in the most adult ways and made a profit off it, now I'll admit the idea of a “just turned” 18 year old woman exposing themselves in the way they do in his videos can be seen as hot to some, not so much me, I personally like them out of high school atleast, but thats just me, anyway, the thing with his work is, unlike the internet, which by the time these girls grow older, realize they've done something wrong, the internet will have lost their videos or pictures to the whirlpool that sucks everything of that nature to the bottom of the sea, and by the time they have children it will be impossible to find them, however Girls Gone Wild, much like a tramp stamp, will be there to embarrass you for decades by means of them reusing footage, and yes, they totally reuse footage, all the time. So yeah, though we may all have a laugh at how in 15 years each girl could be explaining to their children how there happens to be video of them flashing their breasts in a bar in Cancun or explaining how or why there is footage of them and their best friend having their first girl on girl experience, you know, on film, and yes, we are right to laugh at these people for their poor judgment and poor selfesteem, but still the fact remains, Joe Francis is an exploiter, user and a horrible human being, ironically all the things people call Larry Flint, except with Flint he isn't actually the douchebag people make him out to me. However Joe, totally needs to die in a fire.
Ok before I go any farther, I need to eat a small amount of crow. I know, I know, amazing isn't it? But its true, I openly admit that I, Captain Boot In Your Ass can be wrong. Its ok, don't loose faith in me just yet, every hero is not with out faultier. Anyway, I need to correct a statement which I was misinformed on last week, in pretence to the casting for next year's The Mighty Thor movie, based on the marvel comic's character, I had stated that Jude Law and Robert De Niro were cast as Loki (Law) and Oden (B. Dizzle), I was misinformed on this, they are not cast in those roles, they were actually cast as members of The Warriors Three, with Jude Law playing Fandral The Dashing, and De Niro playing Volstagg the Valiant, Hogun the Grim has yet to be cast, it was also incorrectly stated that Bobby De To the Nizzle would be playing Balder The Brave, however this has been confirmed as false. However it can be confirmed that Anthony Hopkins has auditioned for, and expressed great interest in playing Oden The AllFather, Personally I think Sir. Anthony Hopkins would be a way better choice then De Niro as the ruler of Asgard. However in more Thor related news, they are aggressively hunting for a woman to play The Enchantress, rumors are abound that they are looking for a somewhat unknown super attractive actress who they can totally fanservice up the character with, which might seem funny, but hey, read a Thor comic, you'll know how key she is to the story over all.
Mike stop singing the theme to the 1968 Mighty Thor cartoon, cuz if you get in your head, you'll get it in my head and then i'll have to punch you in the stomach till it stops playing in my head. Much worse then when you got us lost in space when we were on The Great Space Coaster. Also, no singing Spear and Magic Helmet from Whats Opera Doc? I know what you mean by that you perverted old man.
In the category of movies we don't want or need someone thought it would be a good idea to greenlight, and attach somewhat known actors too, is... yes are you ready for this? Seriously, are you ready for this, no, seriously are you ready for this? Yeah, you sure? Well ok then, get this, the next cartoon in the long line of cartoons to make it to the CGI/Live Action realm that seems to almost always a direct line to totally unabashed epic fail, is, you ready for this? You sure? The next classic cartoon in line is, the classic Hanna Barbera flagship character Yogi Bear. Yes, you read that right, the classic loveable theif of all things Pick-a-nic basket, is going to become a live action CGI hybrid film, and to be honest with you, I can't figure out why. No seriously, I can't figure this out. Its not like Yogi is in the mist of some revival or something, they air the reruns of the classic series here in the states on boomerang, a network aimed for classic cartoons, but as far as actual things done with Yogi, there has been nothing sense 1999 when John Kricfalusi and his Spumco Pictures, the people behind Ren and Stimpy did the their two Ranger Smith shorts, and before that he was last used in the very short lived Yo Yogi in 1991, so its not like he's at the forefront of pop culture or anything. This whole thing has me puzzled honestly, plus add to it, the fact that there are some rather big ticket talent in Dan Aykroyd set to voice Yogi himself, and of all people Justin Timblerlake as Boo Boo, wow really? Boo Boo is bringing sexy back? Yeah no. Anna Faris of all 4 (soon to be 5 btw) Scary Movies and The House Bunny sort of fame, will play a documentary film maker who discovers the hijinks of Yogi and Boo Boo as they steal pic-a-nic baskets and piss off Ranger Smith, and decides to film them instead of her documentary on average bears, Ranger Smith hasn't been officially cast yet, but rumor has it Will “I sink movies” Farell will be cast, because really, what else does this film need more then another reason for it to tank. I honestly have no idea why people would even think this film is a good idea, its just, so not right, its just, so horrible of an idea and really needs to just die, for the good of all human kind it needs to die, it needs to die in a fire. A fire of pic-a-nic baskets.
Fun fact, Hanna Barbera actually owns the phrase “pic-a-nic bask-et” when said the way Yogi says it, if you were to use it with out their permission, they will sue you into the poor house, with out delay infact.
In an ironic, but also filed under movies we don't need, I'm kind of wondering if someone, somewhere at Paramount has been reading my email edition of this column, with all of my mention in recent weeks of how I don't honestly get pop “sensation” Lady GaGa, like her whole deal, the music, the look, all of that, and jokingly calling her things like “A strung out club kid LARPing Jem from Jem and The Holograms” and various other takes that reference the strange but seemingly memorable among all children of the 1980s cartoon that has a bigger cult following then I would have thought it did, no seriously, it totally does, look it up sometime it really shocked me how memorable it and its music is. Anyway, it seems either I was just a head of the game on this one, or someone at Paramount just has uncanny timing, or has been reading my work, because it seems that just the other day Paramount released a statement that the next Hasbro toy owned toy line to follow Transformers and G.I Joe to the big screen is, you guessed it, Jem. And they've stated that among the leads who have expressed interest in playing the lead double role of Jerrica Benton and her truly truly truly outrageous alter ego, is, yes, you guessed, the seeming bain of my existance now that Charlotte Church has shut her mouth, Lady GaGa. Why they haven't asked either Britta Phillips, who did the vocals for the lead character in the show, who later went on to a rather acclaimed career as an indie pop artist, or Samantha Newark, who did the speaking voice, who herself went on to a rather good career as a pop dance artist, rerecording many of the show's songs into dance songs, and actually looks exactly like the character, I have no idea. But more then likely the butterfaced bain of my existence will get the role, because thats how hollywood works, the film is being written by the High School Musical writer, so don't expect a whole lot as far as depth or scripting goes, but well, its not like you can do much with the story of a band who all lead double lives and their mad cap adventures though super stardom to begin with. Expect it to be out before Lady G's star finally burns out in about three years.
Can someone please tell Mealticket... err... Miley Cyrus to get some clothing for the stage that fits her? Honestly, I'm sick of seeing pictures of this little chunk of jailbait as it is, but I'm even more sick of seeing concert photos where she's wearing stuff thats like two sizes to small, I mean you're a friggin popstar thats sold over 10 million records world wide and have droves of tween girls, and their dads, worshipping your every idiotic word, buy some damn cloths that fit you seriously. Oh speaking of Mealticket, she apparently made it a point recently to state that she's never actually heard a Jay Z song, and though she knows his name, couldn't pick him out of a stack of photos. Why she felt the need to tell us in her idiotic way, that her dad is totally racist and she's not allowed to be around black people, is anyone's guess, but hey, atleast its out in the open now, so remember people, Billy Ray Cyrus is raising his idiotic exploited child to be as racist as him. Somewhere in Woodcrest Uncle Ruckus is beaming with pride.... and watermelon and fried chicken... and complaining about that jungle boogie music.
In horrible people news, apparently the Joe Jackson making money off his only successful son's death gravy train just keeps on rolling, with his rushed into theaters documentary slopped together out of bits of a documentary about the big come back shows in London has just made crested the 100 million dollar mark, which proves that I guess it doesn't matter who is making money off it, people miss Micheal Jackson, even if no one would admit it for 15 damn years. And though I wholeheartedly endorse the showing love and respect to the late king of pop, I do however not endorse the idea of giving money to Joe Jackson, as many of you know, I find Joe Jackson to be one of history's greatest monsters, and no, I will not budge on this fact, Joe Jackson is a horrible human being who is attempting to make money off of his dead son's image, and people are letting him, with the teeshirts, and the movie, and the soundtrack and dvds and all the other stuff of Micheal's that he is releasing Joe Jackson does not deserve to profit off his son's life, he treated Micheal like a tool and is the reason he was so mentally unstable, and the fact that he uses every single moment he's on tv to talk about his reality show that A&E recently picked up, oh sure, your son is dead, your only profitable son who left you in the dust years ago, is dead, but hey, its ok that you're selling us your dvd of your memories of him, with old home movies, and photos, and unreleased songs, and your personal memories of your only successful child who went off to be a billionaire after he got rid of you and your poisonous ways, memories that mostly involve saying things like “I was a good father, even though the public doesn't believe me to be...” and garbage like that. Joe Jackson deserves to die in a fire violently and painfully. And you know what? This brings up another point I'd like to make again, with all this love for Micheal Jackson now that he's dead, where in the bloody hell was this love when he was alive? Where the hell was all of this love for the last like 15 years or so of his life, oh sure now its all “oh we miss him' “music will never be the same” “there will never be another like him..” and stuff like that, people pouring out 40s, and spray painting murals of him, wearing air brushed pictures of him on hats and shirts and whatever, well like, where the hell was all this love before? If all these people remembered and loved him so damn much, he wouldn't have been almost in dept by the time he died, he would have never had to sell the thriller outfit, or the one glove, or any of the other things he was forced to sell to make ends meet. And sure, people can say i'm being overly critical and maybe they're right, but you know what? I wouldn't care if it wasn't for the fact all the sales of this stuff is going to Joe Jackson.
Why is there a sequel to Alvin and the Chipmunks? Seriously, what is this about, that movie was a horrible bit of dreck, that did nothing other then make people wish Jason Lee would stick to just being Earl Hickey and not attempt to do horrible horrible things like this. Oh wait, we can't let Jason Lee be Earl Hickey anymore, because NBC canceled My Name Is Earl, and TBS who seem to have no issues running the holy hell out of the 4 seasons that were made and all the money that brings them, felt their money was better spent on making more shows with former members of the Blue Collar Comedy Tour then to pick up it up and revive My Name Is Earl, because you know, thats exactly what people want on their tv screens, Bill Engvall's “sitcom” because there is nothing funnier then a man in his 40s dealing with a wife and kids, I mean thats totally groundbreaking stuff right there. Who needs a show about a screwed up former criminal and his brother going straight and doing good, and changing everyone around them in the process and all the hilarity there in, when infact, you can watch a show about a guy trying to not tell his wife he hates her new dress. I mean yeah the hilarity is just endless there. So yeah, screw you NBC, screw you TBS, and screw you whoever thought a second movie about high voiced chipmunks that haven't been relevant to either pop culture or kids programing sense the mid 1980s was a good idea after the first one tanked horribly after the first two weeks in theaters. Y'all need your heads checked.
So in TV news, the ABC remake of the cult classic series V premiered recently to insanely impressive ratings, like we're talking over 14 Million viewers, thats like up in Lost and American Idol territory. Now, I admit, I enjoyed the pilot episode, I feel its a lot better then the original version of the series which was seriously large on the cheese and kind of vague on the plot and character development. I do however feel the pilot was hacked up, we were originally promised a 2 hour “premere event” for this gutsy relaunch of V, but instead we got an hour that was vague and kind of confusing, full of big budget F/X and Anna the hot alien leader doing hot alien leader things, but very little character development, and well, I understand the whole point was to drop you into the early morning of everyone and give you that everything is completely tossed out of control thing, but it still feels hacked up, as if there is only about 90 seconds of character introduction development per character, before the aliens show up and stuff gets focused on that, how are we supposed to get to know, and identify with each character if all we have to go on is about 90 seconds of backstory which really is only enough to tell us their name and what they do for a living. We have no time to learn or care about these people before they're tossed dead center into the whole downtown New York City landing of the V's command ship, plus the pilot seems to only focus on two characters and who they interact with, with the larger cast getting less screen time and focus, so that if you are late getting back from an add break, you've missed that one small critical moment of plot for someone other then the priest of the FBI Agent that you are completely lost on what everyone else is doing. This is why I get the feeling that the show was hack and slash edited down from the two hour pilot we were promised at the upfronts in May into an hour long pilot to make room for Dancing With The Former And Never Really Stars Results Show, which you know, totally couldn't have been moved back one night just for this, or instead of hacking it into one hour, they could have split it into two episodes, make it a two week event, which would have made a lot more sense then the butchered job we did get. Don't get me wrong the pilot to V, and so far the second episode which is all thats aired to date, are very good, they are miles ahead of the original program, I just think the pilot could have actually been a lot better then it was had they not more then likely edited it down for “time and placement on the schedule” or whatever other bogus stuff they will blame it on if anyone ever calls them on it. Also, I don't understand why they aren't using the same tag line media blitz idea that Heroes uses, remember at the start of Heroes, like, everyone was saying “Save The Cheerleader...... save the world..” Ok well not everyone but you know, the cool kids where, and that tag line really got itself absorbed into pop culture, so much so that I still know people today that use it, but with V, they could market it with the tagline like this “V: Trust No One” because they repeat that line about as much as heroes did the cheerleader line, honestly it would be awesome from a public relations standpoint...
In more Television news, it seems that FOX has finally pulled the trigger on Dollhouse, the series that had all the potential to be a cult hit, but just never was given the proper chance to do so, it seems the constant jumping around of time slots and under promotion and never really being welcomed into the fox line up, it just goes to show you the same thing I spoke about with Reaper, and so many other shows like that, if you don't know how to promote a series, don't air it. If you are a big network, with many secondary networks on cable and satellite, give it to one of them, most of the secondary cable and sat channels are pretty much tailor made for completely diverse programing of that nature, case in point, its how excellent shows like “Its Always Sunny In Philadelphia” and “Sons Of Anarchy” an be on the same network and not really be much of a clash in style and content, and also cable and sat networks don't feel the same need to do “theme” nights, they'll lead into a drama with a comedy, they don't really care, as long as the show is giving them ratings, plus think about it, a lot of times, opposites or mismatches equal ratings because people remember how contrasting they are, like, back in its heyday, ER being the final note on a night of comedy for example, people remembered when it was on, but the shows it was matched up with, and how they do not at all go together, it works, like marketing gold, it really does. Ofcourse as anyone in television will tell you also, the Friday night time slots are dead air for the most part on network television, the same as Saturday night too, so putting Dollhouse on Fridays was kind of a death sentence from the start. Shame though, the series had a lot of potential to be good, sort of like those episodes of The Flintstones where Fred would get knocked on the head and become someone else for an episode and do fantastic things, that he didn't even know he could do, till he got hit on the head again, then he'd go back to being Fred, Dollhouse was kind of like that, except instead of Fred, it was a hot chick who wore a lot of pleather pants and tight fitting shirts, and sometimes the incredible Ray Wise would show up, because, you know, the devil has to be somewhere when he's not bothering Sam, Ben, Sock, Andi and their colorful bunch of misfits and malcontents. Man, The Flintstones would have been awesome if Ray Wise was on there, just think about it, animated Ray Wise as the devil, Fred and Barney having to reap escaped souls because Fred sold his soul to get a promotion at work, or for a pack of winston cigarettes or welch's grape juice, and bring them back to the Gruesomes, who would then use their portal to hell to send the souls back, that woulda been so great, and also totally would have explained The Great Gazoo episodes too, plus, it would have given an explanation of what happened to The Gruesomes after that season they were in EVERY episode, then everyone forgot they existed till The Laff-A-Lympics when they needed afew people to fill out The Really Rottens.. Yeah, man Ray Wise makes everything better, someone needs to pass a law about that, make it official you know? And also make it a law he must always play the Devil in everything, kind of like how Pat Morita played the wise old Asian in everything until he died...
In other canceled TV news, ABC has killed both unfunny Kelsey Grammar starring “Hank” which really wasn't that hard to figure out after they got bumped to air a Charlie Brown Halloween Special that had aired the night before as well, the show wasn't funny by any means and really shouldn't have made it past low testing pilot stage. And the quirky and should have been given a better chance to develop Eastwick, a modernized episodic telling of The Witches Of Eastwick, the long time cult film that some drunk guy felt Cher needed an Oscar for, but totally didn't get. Which really is a shame because Eastwick was a pretty good series had they just let it grow. Just another victim of television in a profit driven post economic downturn America, if you don't produce, you're gone, unless you're on CW or FOX, then they just keep you around and cancel a good show instead. Also it seems NBC is swinging the ax as well, canceling new series Trauma, and in a bizzar event, canceling both the second season of the moderately watchable Southland before its second season gets to even air, as well as changing the series “Day One” from a series to a two night, four hour “event” in the vain of the much revered NBC miniseries/events of days long past, its odd, NBC is chopping shows before they ever even air, they're last in the ratings, they're yelling at Conan O'Brian for not “bringing up the ratings” on the tonight show, and yet, they still haven't put the ax to Jay Leno's new show, which is basically The Tonight Show, but earlier, which infact is getting them LOTS of heat from critics, viewers, and comedians who Jay's stolen bits from, infact Howard Stern recently mentioned on air, and then put up video going back atleast 10 years on his website of a traditional pre-football season segment he does every year with football legend turned play by play analyst, Terri Bradshaw and a chicken, as well as footage from a recent episode of The Jay Leno Show, which did the exact same bit, and acted as if it was theirs, and yet despite all of this heat, they have still yet to cancel this horrible attempt at clinging onto the spotlight for just abit longer, I don't get it, I really don't. NBC is hurting in the ratings and yet the one show they choose to keep the faith with is Leno? Ok you know what, thats retarded, seriously it is, people are scared of who's getting cut next and that some good quality series are gonna get the ax, but yet, Leno gets to continue to stink up our airwaves with his rip off humor and stale jokes, seriously? Jay Leno is the Garfield of late night talkshow hosts, and honestly, its time someone puts him to sleep, cuz its sad as hell watching him limp the gate like a horse with a broken leg that still wants to race, its just sad. Not to mention the fact the reason Conan O'Brian isn't doing as well as the network wanted, is simply because Jay is stealing ratings from him, think about it, who's gonna wanna stay up and watch the tonight show monolog when you can get your jokes about the day and people in the news a full 90 minutes earlier? Doesn't make you seem like you wanna stay up that late at night just to get it all over again does it? Yeah, thats what I thought. Jay Leno is a cancer and he should be treated as such, by which I mean blasted with radiation till he shrivels and dies, then cut out and tossed in a medical waist bin.
Ok so lets see afew things to wrap up here...
I'm seriously laughing myself silly at Disney right now, their version of A Christmas Carol is tanking heavy at the box office, it just shows to show you what I've been saying for years, outside of Pixar, and I guess now Marvel Studios, that Disney, as a company is dead. Their Television, Movie, and other divisions are a complete mess. They can't get a movie outside of Pixar and I guess now with recently bought Marvel Comics, their film branch Marvel Studios, to preform at the box office, and with their merchandise division seeming to only be able to sell anything with the words “Hanna” and “Montana” on them, and their TV Division outside of ABC and ABC Family seeming to be nothing but almost constant dreck and horribly written and acted shlock, its really no wonder that this is happening honestly. They turned their back on the things that made them Disney, and in true arrogance or a company “too big to fail” have become the equivelant of a blue whale thats beached itself on a shoreline for no real reason or understanding. They became a victom of their own greed and lack of paying attention to their product, and sadly, I do fear for the company that was once the be all and end all of family entertainment and imagination. Its a shame really, at its prime disney was one of the greatest companies in the world, but now, with mismanagement and lack of listening to their fans, they've become nothing more then just a shell, people said that Micheal Eisner was to blame for disney's decline, now we're starting to see that in truth, it was a job pulled off by the whole board of directors, not just one man, the last of Walt's living children needs to step in and say something, because at this rate, things will be too far gone to fix at any time in the near future. Oh and also, if you all over at Disney could do something new with the muppets, that'd mighty fine. Mighty fine indeed.
Well thats it for this week, don't forget, next up is gonna be the big year end best and worst edition, so y'all best check yourself before you wreck yourself on that... but for now, I shall leave you with afew final things to ponder, as in traditional of me....
Ready? Alright then, lets dive right in...
Rest in Peace MGM Studios, you will be missed. I still do not “get” Lady GaGa, or why she appeared on Gossip Girl, but yet, I also can't figure out why I can't stop watching Gossip Girl, so I guess that evens out. I'm seriously loving FOX's campaign for Fringe where they have “Observers” appearing randomly in their shows, live sporting events, and randomly walking around various big cities is totally brilliant. That British sci fi series “Misfits” debuting with less then 500,000 viewers is a total joke. I really wish someone would kill all of the members of the Lohan family, they all seem crazy and kind of in need of some killing. I still hate Charlotte Church with the fire of a thousand suns. Sarah Jessica Parker's face looks like a giant foot. Anyone else find it funny just how fast Gwen Stefani went from superstar/fashion plate/musical genius, to fallen off the face of the earth has been celebrity? And if you have noticed, do you laugh as loud as I do about it? Am I the only one that doesn't really care that Rosie O'Donald and the poor lesbian paid to keep the shedragon company split, and more so am I the only one confused that people are making a deal about her dating some new poor ugly lesbian now? Honestly who still cares about Rosie O'Donald? The house used as The Cullen estate in both Twilight and Twilight: New Moon is up for sale, that means for 3.3 million dollars, not only can you live in what is the mecha for socially akward tween girls who dream of Ed Cullen buying them a pony and taking them to the prom cuz he's so sickly, err... wait, I mean, dreamy, but also, you can live in a house where a fictional sparkley emopire and his fictional sparkley emopire family lived, ZOMG XD!!! that sounds so … super expensive for a house with such a lame claim to fame which will be forgotten thankfully in afew years time. I think Ballonboy's family, The Goslins, and Octomom and her brood should all be sent to an island together where they need to depend on each other to survive for one whole year, and that we could all film it with like robots and junk, we can call the show “Test Your Nuclear Bomb Targeting Systems, Here..” it'll totally be a hit, as in hit with a bomb. The idea of Sting taking pot shots at Simon Cowell and his British series X-Factor is hilarious to me, mostly because I find Sting pretentious and pompous and I find Cowell boring at times, but bluntly honest at others, and the fact they're kinda going back and forth over something thats so silly like the fact Sting isn't famous enough to appear on the show is just so amusing to me. Bah Weep Grana Weep Ninny Bung. The Cleveland Show, not as bad as I figured, but not as funny as I'd hoped. I bet no one is gonna get my Abbazabba reference I made earlier, but then again, I don't know if they still make them either. And finally, The modern remake of The Prisoner, kind of a let down, I'd sit there and listen to Ian McCullen read the phonebook, but this is kind of a let down...
Also one last note... Rest In Peace Ken Ober, one of the coolest men ever, Ken was a comedian who most only know from his early days as the host of the very first non-music program on MTV, the television trivia game show Remote Control, which was noted for starting the careers of boston area comedians Colin Quinn, Dennis Leary, and Adam Sandler. Ken was a great guy who was always willing to go that extra mile or two for his friends and causes he believed in, he knew that he'd never be as famous as his fellow friends from Boston he brought to the spotlight with him, but he didn't care, he was just glad to do what he could for as long as he could. He died of a heart attack at the age of 52, its always a shame when the nice ones die.
Well thats it for now, don't forget, next up is the year end best and worst, so that'll be skads of fun... whatever a skad is.. So until then, I wish you all great luck clean heath and ofcourse, the joy that comes from putting a boot in hollywood's cornshute.
Till then, Blessid Be...