X-Men: Days Of Future Past

X-Men: Days Of Future Past:

A Totally Different Take On An Old Favorite

Its never really been a secret that my writing came from my youth reading comic books, while others were reading pretentious crap like "The Great Gatsby" and "Weathering Heights" which honestly bored the utter hell out of me, I was reading Chris Clairmont's over 20 year run on The Uncanny X-Men, or Frank Miller's run on DareDevil, and ofcourse, Alan Moore's brilliant Watchmen miniseries. So you can imagine that when I heard the next movie in the rebooted X-Men movie series was going to be "Days Of Future Past", taking its name from one of the greatest stories Chris Clairmont ever wrote I was first excited, and then when I heard that Bryan Singer, killer of the first three X-Men films and arguably the worst thing to happen to comic book movies sense Joel Schumacher made Batman movies in the 1990s, was to direct this film, I became worried, very very worried, seriously, the idea of one of my favorite stories ever written being directed by Bryan Singer made me almost wanna throw up. But, as often is the case when it comes to me and my beliefs on comic related things, I was eventually talked into calming down and giving it a chance by the people who were sick of me ranting about how Singer was going to ruin the X-Men worse then any bat-credit card like mcguffin ever could. And I must admit, though it wasn't exactly what I was expecting the film to be, it was enjoyable, it wasn't as good as First Class, but it wasn't a waste of two and a half hours, like i was worried it was going to be, though my inner nerd ofcourse screamed and yelled and corrected certain things, and asked WTF on other things, I truly did enjoy the film, which was a pleasant surprise for me.

The film starts out in the year 2023, and the world is nothing more then a wasteland, you see giant robots roaming the streets freely as you discover that you're in whats left of Moscow, deep down in a bunker you find whats left of The X-Men, this group consists of Shadowcat, Colossus, Bishop, Sunspot, Iceman, Blink and Warpath. They are readying for an assault by the giant robots, called Sentinels, mutant hunting robots who's only job is to destroy or if they have a power they can use, capture a mutant and keep it alive only long enough to discover how to assimilate its power into their own. As the Sentinels break through their bunker doors, Shadowcat grabs Bishop and runs with him, phasing the two of them through solid objects to get away and eventually get them to the most secure room in the bunker, as the others one by one give their lives to stop the Sentinels from getting to them, as you see that the Sentinels eventually adapt and use their powers against them and each other, slowly the team is slaughtered as the giant robots make their way to where Shadowcat is using a secondary mutant power, the power to send your mind backwards in time, on Bishop, who's powers are to basically absorb energy like a battery, as the Sentinels breach the door, Shadowcat says "Too late assholes..." as she, Bishop, the robots, and the damage they had done all disappear as if they were never there.

Next you see a jet land deep in what looks to be inland China. And out of it come Prof. Charles Xavier,  Storm, Magneto, and everyone's favorite plot device, Wolverine, as they leave the jet you hear Shadowcat call out and ask what took them so long to get there. As they go inside the large old monastery looking building Shadowcat explains that she'd recently discovered she can send a person's mind back into their body in the past, she admits she's only done it afew days, and in one instance a month, but thats as far back as it goes she assumes. Magneto and Xavier both agree that she has to try and send someone back to 1973 before the Sentinel program began and stop it all from happening, and after a small debate over which one should do it, its decided that Wolverine will go, because with his healing factor and his already damaged mind, it won't cause him the pain and trouble that it would cause anyone else who tried to make the trip. Xavier and Magneto tell him that he has to go back and find both of them, and get them to help him stop Mystique, the blue shapeshifting mutant from all the other X-Men movies, from murdering a man named Bolivar Trask, the creator of The Sentinels, whom Mystique kills infront of the whole world and the panic caused by this greenlights the Sentinel program. 

Wolverine wakes in his body in 1973, where he wakes up in a waterbed next to a girl he doesn't at first remember, we soon discover that in 1973, Wolverine was working for a mobster in New York City, which you soon discover the girl in his bed is the daughter of, by way of the two thugs that show up to get the two of them for their boss. At this point we discover that Wolverine didn't have his metal claws in 1973, as he dispenses with the two thugs, and takes one of them's car to go find Xavier, who is wallowing in self pity in his now closed down school. Here Wolverine encounters Hank McCoy, or Beast, as he's known, who seems to be taking care of Xavier, who is able to walk for some reason, but does not have his powers, and is a massive drunk. Wolverine is able to eventually convince Xavier that he is from the future, and that he sent him back in time, and that he has to get Magneto and save the world from the birth of the Sentinels, the thing is, Magneto is in super secret never seeing the sun again jail, for apparently killing President Kennedy, though Wolverine knows a guy who can help them get him out, even though he's a young man and hasn't met any of the X-Men yet in 1973, this is where they enlist the help of a young Peter Maximorf, Quicksilver, who honestly, steals the whole first half of the film. From there, once they've gathered the main cast together, they go off to hunt Mystique, and you learn why Xavier doesn't have his powers, but can walk. 

The rest of the film from here is a joyride of action and fun and serious mind games ontop of mind games and secondary agendas ontop of secondary agendas, you find out what Mystique is liberating mutants who were forced into a special unit in the army that were going to be handed over to Trask for research, where the existence of mutants is revealed to the world in a way that can not be spun to make it seem like a fake incident like it was in First Class, we're talking full on screen on live tv using powers on each other, you also find out what happened to the cast thats missing from First Class, as Xavier and Magneto try and forgive each other for abandoning each other and those who they claimed to protect, all leading up to a showdown on live television in Washington DC where President Nixon is almost killed on the air, but instead the world sees that for every dangerous mutant, there is one that is good as well, i won't spoil the way the movie ends, but honestly, it left a smile on my face, which honestly, is hard for a movie to do.

I have to tell you all, honestly, this film was WAY better then what i was expecting it to be, and if i'm being honest with you, the movie could have been a steaming pile of dog shit, but the scene with Quicksilver set to possibly the most hilariously opposite song as they're getting Magneto out of super top secret jail, would have made the whole trip to the theater worth it, i couldn't stop laughing for the entire scene, and honestly i wished he'd been in the whole film, not just the first half, but over all, the film was pretty good, it made alot of in jokes, many a joke of Wolverine passing through a metal detector because he hasn't had the metal claws yet, Magneto even making the joke about them "imagine if those beauties were metal..", it all and all was a great little fun ride of a film, right to the stinger of an after the credits scene. Though I must admit, my inner nerd does scream out about afew things, I don't recall Shadowcat being able to send people's mind through time, i even checked the Marvel Wiki and Wikipedia itself, and there is no mention of that ability on her pages, so I'm glad i didn't just forget that, and the film, honestly borrows more from the plot of the critically acclaimed cartoon Wolverine And The X-Men, then it does with the actual story Days Of Future Past, but thats just fine, because both stories were excellent stories, and you don't really mind that sort of thing when the source stuff is awesome. I will also state that i am incredibly overjoyed that the future Sentinels, were not called "Nimrods" the name of the future Sentinels that think on their own and adapt and mimic powers, I've always hated that name and felt it never really worked.

But my few little quibbles aside, honestly this film was awesome, and I truly had a wonderful time, and if you choose to go see it, you will as well... Oh and as for the after credits scene, had the director not told us what movie was coming after this one in the series, well, En Sabah Nur would have been one hell of a OMG shocker, but, well, anyone thats been paying attention to the press knows who he grows to be...

But if i can't convince you, here is the trailer...

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BC

 

My Best Movies of 2012

2012 In Review: Best And Worst.... 

And Afew Things In Between

Part 1: The Best

So its the end of the year, and though i must first and foremost say i am sorry for my lack of reviews this year, i was honestly just so busy between trying to find work and lots of family related speed bumps that i wasn't really able to get much done review wise, but i promise you, i will crank out the ones i intented to review in the first few weeks of January as a means of getting my review numbers back up, after all its not fair to all of you that i basically take a year off even though I was having alot of offline issues, the few of you that actually read the stuff i write, I owe it to you to be open and honest and review things even when life is abit rough.

So what i would like to do, is sort of a best and worst of 2012, because it was a pretty big year for tv and movies, and there are some really good movies and some really good tv shows that got put out this year, and i'd like to do a condensed version of my old three part best of thing i used to write each year, simply because, well i'm a critic and critics do that sort of thing, so i think the best action at this point is to just jump right into it, what do you say? Alrighty then, .... a room a zoom zoom and awaaaaaaay we go!

Best Of 2012:

Best Movie Of 2012:

Not Fade Away

 

When I first saw Not Fade Away, I was expecting it to be just another movie that blatantly ripped off movies like Almost Famous or The Commitments, but instead, what I got was sort of like The Wonder Years with a band, which really if you think about it, The Wonder Years needed a band, that would have been awesome. Set in suburban New Jersey, and centering around the members of a garage band called The Twylight Zones, Not Fade Away, David Chase’s deeply felt love letter to the music of the Sixties, is a film about dreams that come true -- and the ones that never do.  For Chase, “It’s about anybody who has ever had a dream and about what it takes to actually realize that dream. Rock & roll is at the heart of the movie because for some of the characters, rock music is the gateway to transcendence, but it doesn’t end there.” Traditionally, most rock & roll movies have focused on the agony and ecstasy of “making it” on a grand scale, usually with thousands of fans screaming in the background. As a rule, we witness some band of brothers’ rise and fall, then their crash and burn, and perhaps the eventual resurrection.  As one might expect from a man best known as the creator of the groundbreaking television series The Sopranos, Not Fade Away is not your average rock & roll movie.  Instead, this is an intimate, powerful, alternately painful and funny drama about coming of age and the sort of indelible memories, musical and otherwise, that end up making us who we are.

 Best Drama Of 2012:

Lincoln

Its not very often that I agree with the majority of the critics out there, truth be told I find most others in my field to be pretentious douchebags who think because people look to them to give advice on movies and television to view, they go abit power hungry and believe they are the be all and end all of whats what. But in this case, I have to admit, they got this one right, this film is brilliant. I have to admit, I was abit worried at first, with Steven Spielberg talking for years and years how he felt his ultimate accomplishment in film would be to do a proper movie about Abraham Lincoln, whom he'd always admired and wished to do a film on, i was worried that this would turn into another Red Tails situation. For those that don't know the 2012 film Red Tails was a film that George Lucas has talked about wanting to make about The Tuskegee Airmen for nearly 20 years, and when he finally made it, it was an atomic sized bomb that came off more blaxploitation then historical action, and the film is often mocked and lampooned for just how bad it is. I bring it up because that was my fear with Lincoln, with a similar origin story as a "dream project" that was done as a means of a vanity project to solidify one director's place among the greatest of all time. Thankfully, Lincoln is true to what it should be, an often heartfelt, often frustrating and even often funny, look at the life of legendary president Abraham Lincoln, as he navigates through the passing of the laws to abolish slavery, covering also, the newly started civil war, his home life, and his interacting and navigating the political waters of Washington DC, oddly though, they left out his vast career in vampire hunting, but that aside, this film truly is brilliant, and worthy of best drama.

Best Comedy Of 2012

The Three Stooges

Much like with Lincoln and Not Fade Away, I have to admit, though at first I winced at the idea of a movie about the creators of the situation comedy, The Three Stooges, it wasn't that i didn't think a movie could be made about them, so much as I wasn't sure what way they were gonna go, were they gotta focus on them behind the scenes, their lives and struggles at a group, and how they did their best to replace Curly after the stroke and the public's dislike of Shemp and Curly Joe, you know, the serious route, or where they gonna just basically do a loving remake of their classic skits? I was on the fence, though I knew Will Sasso as Curly was the perfect choice. I do have to admit, I find myself pleasantly glad that this film was, for lack of a better term, a love letter to the kings of early sunday morning indie television, the movie doesn't really recreate or give you a behind the scenes history, what it does is, in a sense, reboot one of the most beloved trios of all time. The movie is told in classic Stooges style, and is full of both classic bits originated by the original three, but also adding some new ones, Moe on The Jersey Shore is hilarious, as is the idea of them being orphans who have no where to go but the orphanage they were left at, and now work at, mostly because Jane Lynch and Larry David as nuns are down right funny. Its hard to really get into explaining this movie with out giving away to much, but honestly, just have a look, you'll laugh at the straight up classic slapstick mixed with modern humor, and thats coming from me, a guy that was more of a Marx Bros. fan then a Stooges guy.

Best Animated Film Of 2012

Wreck-It Ralph

Back in 1988, when I was but a lower case me, and all our cartoons were 30 minute toy adds that actually had plots and stories, when our hip hop was non-threatening, when we all rode dinosaurs, and Tom Carvel, a man that sounded like a bricklayer who gargled each morning with lava hot tarmac and then smoked 3 packs of unfiltered cigarettes a day, spent his time selling us ice cream creations like Cookiepus, Fudgey The Whale, possible ice cream pedophile Hug Me The Bear, and Cookie O'pus, the drunken irish cousin of Cookiepus who fights against the british occupying his irish motherland and bans homosexuals from marching in his parades, it was a magical time really, and to top all off, we had a movie released called "Who Framed Roger Rabbit?". Whats so important about Who Framed Roger Rabbit that it warrants mentioning, is that it was not only an amazing film that also gave the world the wank material that is Jessica Rabbit, but it also was the first and only time that every known animation character from every studio current and last, all come together to bring life to a place called "Toontown" a place just outside of Hollywood where animated stars live together happily. I bring this up because to a degree, Wreck It Ralph is alot like Roger Rabbit, except instead of cartoons, its all about characters in video games. The story goes, that at night when the arcade closes, all the video game characters travel out of their games to a central meeting area thats like a big city, there are many things to do, places to go, ect, and everyone interacts with each other regardless of the game. This is the world of Wreck-It Ralph, a villain in the game Felix Fix-it Jr., where in he breaks and wrecks buildings for Felix to fix them. Ralph has been at it for 30 years now, and day after day of the same thing, he wrecks the buildings and Felix fixes them, he's tired. He's tired of wrecking things, everyone from the game shunning him simply because he's the bad guy when the game is being played. Ralph is a member of a villain support group, with many classic video game villains who you will all recognize, and one night, he tells them all, he no longer wishes to be a bad guy, he wants to be a good guy, much to the shock of his group mates who tell him he'll never be more than he is, its all he's programed to be. The movie from there is Ralph proving everyone wrong, and proving that you can be a hero if you want to be, you just have to believe in yourself. Seriously if you haven't seen this film, you have to, it was adorably cute in some spots, hilarious in others, and visually amazing in others, its such a great gem, really if you haven't seen it, do so.

Best Sci Fi Movie Of 2012

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter

I guess you could call 2012 the year of Lincoln, with both a true life story, and a more exciting fictional life story on the movie screen, though granted they were at different times of the year. And though I went on and on about how great Lincoln is, as many a critic has this year, for my best sci fi film I wanted to give the award to the other, more exciting story of Abraham Lincoln, the story of a young man who was fueled with anger and vengeance for his dead parents, a hatred for vampires that can only be slated in one way, shining up his ax real nice, turning that son of a bitch sideways, and shoving it up their candy asses... or you know, beheading them or staking them, both of those also work pretty well as ways for Abe to send all the vampires he comes across to the smackdown hotel. The story itself is pretty awesome really, it tells the story of young Abe Lincoln, working on a plantation with his parents, and how he befriends a young black boy named William Johnson, who would be a life long friend, at one point Abe stops the plantation owner,  Jack Barts from whipping William, which angers him and he decides to take it out on Abe's parents, by killing them. Fast forward 9 years when teenage Abe Lincoln, full of rage tracks down Barts and tries to shoot him on a river side dock, this fails miserably, and is given a savage, super natural powered beat down by by Barts, he is infact almost killed until he's saved by a man named Henry Sturges, who takes young Abe Lincoln under his wing and teaches him in the ways of vampire hunting, explaining that Barts is a very powerful vampire. From there, they set off on a quest that though he keeps it secret, will factor into Lincoln's life even after he takes office, and into the civil war itself. Seriously if you haven't seen this awesomely untrue story of the life of our 16th president, you really should, its action packed and alot of fun.

Best Action Movie of 2012

The Avengers

And now we come to the movie most people were expecting me to gush over and give tons of awards, now though I will admit, The Avengers was the best movie of the summer, the highest grossing movie of the year, and proved that you can properly use like 8 superheroes in a film together, and still make it work flawlessly, even giving each character their own bit of spotlight,which is very hard to do in the confines of a single movie, specially a movie that clocks in at just a smidgen over 2 hours, seriously its, to use a phrase, marvelous. It modernizes the story of how the avengers came together, all to stop Loki, god of mischief, who in this version has enlisted the help of a being called The Other, and through him an army of alien warriors known as Chitauri, and all he has to do for them, is bring them the tesseract, the cube of unending power that was a key plot point in Captain America. This ofcourse sets in motion the actions that bring together all of the avengers, which as i'm sure you know, leads to alot of asskicking to be had by all. Sure, Avengers has its faults, its plotholes and screw ups, and if you're nitpicky you can pick them all apart pretty blatantly, but that isn't the point of this kind of film, its not ment to be the fodder for nerd debate like say The Dark Knight Rises, the film that tried and take the crown from the avengers, its supposed to be a fun lively romp through a world of superheroes and villains in bright outfits making a difference in the world, alot like reading a marvel comic book infact.

Best Foreign Film Of 2012

Where Do We Go Now?

This little known film is listed as a dark comedy, though other then maybe the location of the town it takes place in, surrounded by landmines and only one safe road of passage in and out, I find it more of a surrealist drama then a dark comedy, though there are some comedic bits here and there, but, thats pretty normal for any movie honestly. It tells the story of a peaceful little isolated town in Lebanon, where Muslims and Christians live peacefully together, they sort of have too with all the landmines surrounding the town on all sides, as news starts to spread that there is civil unrest between the two groups all over the country, the women of the town fear that all of that unrest will come to their little peaceful town. So they get together and through a series of events, some comical some not, they try and keep the peace, specially after a young Muslim boy was killed accidentally. This film is great in the sense it tells a little isolated story, about an isolated little town that is sometimes funny, and sometimes serious, and most of the time somewhere in the middle, that might seem boring to some, and thats ok for them, but me, I like a good self contained quirky story thats as lighthearted as it is serious with its message. If you've not seen this lovely arabic jem. you won't be let down, I promised you won't be let down.

Best Documentary Of 2012

Bully

 

I tend to find documentaries boring, unless they're about space or how Hitler survived World War 2 and ended up dying of old age at a secret compound in southern Argentina, or something like that,  but when i kept hearing people tell me to go see Bully, I figured to give it a look. Holy shit was I stunned by what I saw. i mean seriously. Not sense Scared Straight have i seen a documentary that smashes you in the face with a baseball bat wrapped in barbwire and lit on fire Mick Foley styley. Bully is a blunt, in your face, makes no apologies and spares no feelings, look at the growing problem of bullying in schools, and focuses on afew of the recent rash of suicides related to it in the last few years. This pulls no punches and shows you just how horrible teenagers in particular can be to each other, its seriously eye opening, when you have bullies trying to justify their actions as if they have the right to do what they do, its seriously eye opening, if you have a strong stomach, and aren't easily shocked, then seriously take a look at this one, you'll be amazed at just how much you will learn from it, and how long it will stay with you.

And now for afew secondary movie awards....

Best Fight Scene

John vs. Ted 

from "Ted"

 

I have to admit, when I saw Ted, I never believed that amist all of the laughing till I couldn't breathe, i would find myself watching the best fight scene ever filmed between a grown man and his magical living teddy bear, i'm not talking like afew punches here, i'm talking full on south boston brawl, lamps, pictures, mirrors, televisions, doors, sinks, if you can grab it, it gets bashed over the other guy's head, southie fight club rules baby. Seriously, you could put this scene up with anything in Boondock Saints and The Town and it would put them to shame, its hilarious and violent and crazy all at once, and to think it all started with one single sentence, "Sometimes, I wish I just got a Teddy Fucking Ruxpin...". 

Moment You Rewind The Dvd To Watch Again

Hulk owning Loki

in "The Avengers"

I don't even need to really explain this one, seriously just watch the gif, I could watch that shit on a loop over and over till the end of time. ....... puny god.

Ok thats it for Part 1, we'll be back soon with part 2, the worst, then onto tv!

i promise they'll be up sooner, was a busy first month and a half of the year

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BC   

Dark Shadows

Dark Shadows:

...Remember That Trainwreck At The Start Of Super 8?

Yeah, Its Like That.. Kinda... A Trainwreck I Mean

I know alot of people are out there curiously waiting for my review of this film, its arguably the third most questions I get in my emails after questions about The Avengers and The Dark Knight Rising, this one just slightly edges ahead of questions about The Amazing Spiderman. And I guess that is rightly so given the screen name I have chosen to avail myself of in this vast wasteland we call the internet. Many a day have I had to answer the normal dregs "Do you think it will be great?", "Are you looking forward to it?", "do you like John Depp in the main role?", ect..  all these repeating questions, and now I can finally answer them, though I doubt if what I have to say will make alot of you out there happy. Because honestly, this film, as great as it could have been, is flawed, and I don't mean one little scratch under a caster that doesn't ruin the value, I'm talking it needs a full on repair job to fix the giant crack in it. Now I know afew of you out there will believe I am writing this in a negative light simply because I have been on record as disliking the way they've made Johnny Depp look as a vampire, and though I admit, that slightly bothered me, it was the smallest of the cracks in this rose colored stain glass window, and I am not exaggerating at all when I say that. Not one bit, though in all honesty, I wish I was, I wish I could just cover my ears and my eyes and imagine what I saw on the screen really wasn't what was given to life long fans of the first ever sci fi soap opera in hopes the cameo by the four surviving cast members of the original show (now three after John Frid died recently after making the group cameo), and not care about the rest, but the problem with that is, the rest is, well, at some points pretty bad, but at other moments pretty good, and yes before you feel the need to try and damn me for "not getting the humor" yes I am aware this is a spoof using the darkest of humor, and though many of the highlights are taken from it being in that vain, it still has so much more that it has to live up too, and so much more that it failed to do so on.

See the problem with this film isn't really the film's fault, its well shot and well acted, the real problem, as often is in cases of this nature, with in the script. See, they try to cram as much Dark Shadows related references and jokes about the goofy nature of what was once seen as high end sci fi into what should have been a better well thought out and well written plot, instead of what seemed like a half assed idea that was tossed together by people that had only seen maybe 10 minutes of the 1991 reboot of the series, and didn't bother research the rest. Its actually almost insulting how little of a story this film really tells, and how flimsy the little bit we do have is. The actual plot, if you could call it that is not only a story of how Barnabas Collins was cursed to be a vampire by the witch Angelique, who then had him locked in a box and buried, or a story of how by 1972 the Collins family had pretty much become all but died out, and barely able to afford to keep Collinwood and their family business, the Collinsport Fish Cannery open for business, thanks to rival company Angel Bay, which just happens to be across the warf from them, and how it all somehow ends up in a third act thats all fire and supernatural powers a go-go till the very end. Infact it doesn't even actually give you the implications that anyone besides Barnabas and Angelique has any kind of super natural powers until the third act, and even then they seem tacked on in a sort of "meh we've fucked it up this far along, we might as well fuck it up some more and go for broke.." like manner. Its seriously confusing and comes off really insulting to the viewer, almost as if there was ment to be alot more in the film but it ended up on an editing room floor, or atleast you hope there was such an incident of that happening, otherwise you're gonna get really pissed off really fast, like, really fast.

Now don't get me wrong, there is alot lacking here, but, its a case of whats wrong is very wrong, but whats right is very right, like I found myself laughing outloud at all of the times they make fun of common tropes in every vampire movie and television show sense Dark Shadows, I even laughed outloud at the conversation that was lifted directly from Twilight of all films, infact alot of the humor in the film is what actually kept me from taking a nap through the second half of the film, well that and how well the cast tries to make it work with how little they have in respect to actual story or plot, because they do infact really give it their all, and can at times be rather entertaining in their own ways, its both comical and kind of painful at times to watch them try and do their best, even if in all fairness, 90% of the film is just Barnabas and Angelique yelling insults and flirts at each other in what basically comes down to a supernaturally enhanced episode of Moonlighting, and yes if you don't get that reference, I am inside crying for your very soul.

I guess my major issue with the film is just how little was done with such a rich history and a plethora of characters, infact half of the characters that made up the bulk of the cast at any given time were missing. By my count, of all the characters they had to pluck from, they only literally used a handful. Its almost as if Depp or whoever was incharge of final agreement on the script had no clue who half of the cast was! Seriously, its like they didn't even bother to wikipedia up a character manifest or something, they just randomly tossed together 4 Collins family members to be family to Barnabas and could give a damn about the rest of the cast. Where was Reverend Trask? You have a film where the loosely tossed together plot is basically a 200+ year lover's spat between a vampire and a witch, who spend 90% of the film just tossing insults at each other, as they basically destroy half of a small town in Maine, and you miss the opportunity to have a bat shit crazy hellfire and brimestone preacher like Trask somewhere in the mix? Seriously? A vampire starts ripping its way through random people in town and it doesn't get the attention of local occult studies and history teacher and town historian T. Elliot Stokes? Really? Also to the point of Stokes, how doesn't he notice that EVERY woman in Angelique's family looks exactly alike, nor does he question how in the 1700s a woman could start and own a business? Nor does the film really even touch on the history of the Collins family, they just imply there are dark things in the family and its past, only really mention Barnabas as past ones, but never really going into any detail, nor do they really explain the whole set up to the third act other then the constant bitching between Barnabas and Angelique, I don't mean to lightly spoil here, but if you go and watch the film, keep this in mind, at the start of the final act of the film, when you find out an interesting reveal about Victoria Winters, followed by Angelique dropping what might be the coolest sounding fire spell ever written, and the Collins Cannery is set ablaze, NOTHING makes any sense. None of the characters that display powers at this point are even hinted at in the rest of the film to have any kind of powers, after all, why would they have such a hard time believing that Barnabas is a vampire if they all have these abilities of their own? It seriously doesn't make any sense at all, the actual end of the film doesn't fully make sense either, I honestly feel it was just slapped together lazily.

So the big question, should you go and see this film, honestly, I'm not truly sure. Part of me says go and see it, you'll get a good laugh out of the insults volleyed about between the two main roles, and the great Jackie Earl Haley does a pretty fun job as Barnabas' earstwhile henchman Willie Loomas, and there are a great deal of laugh outloud moments, Barnabas reciting Steve Miller's "The Joker" while staring into a lava lamp, and the scene where he murders a group of hippies that most have seen in the previews are both pretty funny to, as is his confusion of the not time period correct McDonald's sign and the car when he first comes out of the coffin in 1972. But the other part of me is saying to run like the wind, as far as you can from it, for unless you've no idea of the history of the show or the characters there in, you'll be most upset and most annoyed by what exactly was done to this by a "life long fan" like Johnny Depp claims he is, though how a "life long fan" could let this happen I've no idea. So I guess the final real choice on the matter is, to make your own choice, maybe wait until it hits netflix or Red Box or one of the movie channels before bothering with it, so you don't have to worry about putting out any money for this movie that tries so hard to be so much more then it truly is, but in the end, and regretfully, fails horrible at its mission.

Well, if you haven't seen it yet, or are still interested, here is the trailer....



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BC