Weep For The Children: A Rant About Children's Films

Weep For The Children: 

A Small Rant About The State Of Children's Films

Recently, I had the displeasure of watching what passes for children's films these days. And after finding myself surprisingly able to hold in the rage and blood vomit from the full frontal assault of endless one liners aimed at being the children related equivalent of an internet meme, followed by endless pointless visual and audio gags and pointlessly uptight people played for "comedy" in completely watered down and ignorant tasteless lazy attempts at film making, I found myself thinking about it, and thinking how the genre of children's films has gone from a genre of much beloved classics that span the gambit of most genres; action/adventure, sci fi, comedy, animation, drama, and to the extent of just scary enough to give alittle fright, but not nightmares, there is even some things that would be seen as horror, well to a child anyway.

I can remember my childhood watching such great films as The Goonies, Time Bandits, the Explorers, The Neverending Story, Watership Down, and many others that when held up to what is made today, there is almost no honest way to compare, you look at the films of generations past, and you can clearly see the difference, there was storytelling, there was actual acting, there was conflict where a villain, though comical, was clearly a villain not some random uptight adult figure who is uptight for no real reason other then they're an adult. And bullies are bullies who are more then just a simple vague idea of a bully thats been watered down as to not offend anyone. Think about it, can you honestly put any modern children's movie bad guy up against characters like The Nothing, or Jenner from The Secret Of NIMH or The Red Bull from The Last Unicorn, or hell even Judge Dredd from Who Framed Roger Rabbit? Hell can you even pick out a clear definitive out and out bad guy in any modern kids movie? One thats a legitimate evil person and not some adult trying to force a group of children to follow the rules but only ends up the punchline of 90 minutes worth of fart jokes, followed by one or all of said children screaming whatever the line they want kids to remember from the film at the top of their vocal range? Yeah, if you're having trouble, don't worry, you aren't the only one. I've sat down for a good long while, looked through my DVDs, my VHS, downloaded stuff, and went through every single list I could find of children's movies, and I couldn't really find one that had a truly scary definitively bad guy in them, its sad really.

But I noticed something else when I was looking through my lists and timelines, I found when this change from classic beloved children's movies that didn't talk down to you or insult the viewers, changed over the predominate slop they have now, it was, surprisingly, the same year I credit for children's programing and well entertainment in general going down hill, 1990, the year Jim Henson died, and the year a movie aimed at children came out that some of you might have heard of, it goes by the name of "Home Alone". Now don't get me wrong, I have nothing against Home Alone, but it signaled a change in how movies aimed at children were made, much like how Toy Story changed the way CGI films were made, it proved that if you take a young child who seems likable and funny and has just enough acting skill to make it believable that they can pull off being on screen for most of the film, set said child with an unlimited access to just bout anything in the house he will ever need, with no parents to tell him no, regardless of the danger involved, and somehow allow him to outwit some apparently stupid adults who are underestimating said child, and have each scene be literally visual gag over visual gag, followed by pretty lame 2rd grade level jokes and mugging dumb faces at the camera. This formula seems to have been the entire point of that film, and 90% of the films aimed at children sense then, have followed the same path, the problem is, though it worked once, that doesn't mean it will work again, lightening rarely strikes twice, no matter how much Hollywood would like you to think otherwise.

Now this isn't saying that every children's movie before 1990 was a work of art, believe me, for every wonderful amazing film like The Dark Crystal there was Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 3: Turtles In Time, much like for every Harry Potter film there has been twice as many Land Before Time films, but you get the idea, I'm not really crapping on the last 20 or so years, I'm just pointing out there is a massive lack of quality that started to slide back then and has been continuity sliding down the water slide of fail faster and faster as each year goes, and its really alarming, not just to me as a writer, but as a movie lover as I am, its sad to see a genre that went from such giant and brilliant productions as Willy Wonka and The Chocolate Factory and The Phantom Tollbooth which where just so amazingly visual and well written, has fallen to such horrible and lazy films as Unaccompanied Minors and the completely lazily named and lazily written film Hotel For Dogs. I just wish the people who make this slop, and more so, the people who write it, would look at what they're doing, and realize they aren't doing anything but dumbing down the youth of the world with their lack of ability to tell a compelling story.

Now to some this whole thing might not seem like a big deal, but think about it, each generation of film makers are inspired by the movies they watch as children, and sense I'm pretty sure most parents won't let their kids watch movies by Stanley Kubrick, Akira Kurosawa, James Whale, Jean-Luc Godard, Howard Hawks, Charlie Chaplin, Buster Keaton, just to name afew, or even the more recent brilliance of some of the more recent directors who have shown they are very good at what they do, I know it makes me sound old, but honestly, I weep for what the next generation of film makers, and the films they will make, when they have the crap thats out there now to inspire them.

And if the rest of you think about it, maybe you will too. Or maybe I need to put a dollar in the Douchebag Jar.


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BC

David And Lisa

David And Lisa:

Not Your Typical Love Story

For Not Your Typical People

When I talk about Grindhouse here, I tend to talk mostly about the over the top so goofy thats awesome kind of stuff, or the shock you till you have nightmares kind of stuff, or the wholesale selling of just enough sex to make it non-pornographic type of films as well, but what most people who remember those aspects of Grindhouse tend to forget is that the genre also served for the home of the early independent cinema, the art house movies that weren't just about naked people eating watermelon and then smoking a cigarette through a cigarette holder while reciting beatnik poetry then having sex with each other, nor was it just about homosexual cowboys eating pudding together while reciting lines Sam and Frodo say to each other in The Lord Of The Rings trilogy than having sex with each other, though there was, and still is a large amount of films like those in the Art House field, there is also more subdued, down to earth, and down right brave films in the genre as well. Independent films like 1962's David and Lisa, a story of true love, teenage angst, and mental illness.

David and Lisa is one of those films that I often find has either passed under the radar of, or been completely forgot save for afew small film buff conclaves that like to dig up the forgotten and lost stuff. Its the kind of film that sort of defines the bravery and early attempts at understanding mental illness, but also shows that those who are suffering from it, are just like you and me, life is just vastly different in how they see the world and how they go about their day to day lives, the plot is rather touching and sweet in its own way. Its sort of like One Flew Over The Cookoo's Nest if cookoo's nest was a love story, and didn't have Cheif killing the main character with a pillow at the end of the film to end his suffering from being forced to conform to how everyone else wants you to be.

The film starts with us meeting David Clemens, who's just been left in the hands of a state run home for mentally ill, we learn that David's mother is overbearing and overprotective and kind of a bitch, and as she leaves David at the school, we discover that David suffers from Aphenphosmphobia, which means he hates and has a fear of being touched by others, the slightest touch at all will send him into a rage of sorts, it isn't that he finds other people disguising or anything, he just believes their touch will kill him, when he isn't having a fit, he's calm, very cold and isolates himself from others, we also discover that he's got some weird fascination with time and clocks, at one point in the film he mentions a dream he has where he murders everyone around him with a giant clock.

As David interacts as best as he can with the others at the home, he meets a pretty girl named Lisa Brandt, Lisa has a split personality disorder, meaning she's literally two people, one of her personalities is Lisa, who can only speak in rhyme, her other personality is Muriel, who can not speak at all, but can write what she needs to say down on paper. David befriends her by talking in rhyme with Lisa, and talking with Muriel as if there is nothing wrong with her only writing down statements. Their relationship puzzles everyone at the home, most of all their doctor Dr. Swinford, who finds them both to be two of the more high level cases of mental illness at the home.

At one point, David and his mother have a rather large argument about his relationship with Lisa, even though she doesn't see the signs that a boy who believes the touch of everyone will kill him, wants to be close to a girl, and the progress that is. David's mother takes him away from the facility and forces him to be at home with her, believing it a better place for him. David eventually leaves and returns to the facility despite his fear of being touched by others, where Dr. Swinford convinces David's mother that its best for him to stay at the facility, she reluctantly agrees and leaves David there. Not long after, David and Lisa have a small argument, that leaves Lisa so mad that she leaves the facility, and none of the staff are able to find her. David again braves off on his own despite his fears of touch, and finds Lisa at a museum where she once spoke of a statue she spoke of before. Oddly, when David finds her, Lisa no longer needs to speak in rhymes, she speaks as a regular person to David, who then reaches out and holds her hand, which she holds the whole way back to the facility.

The film might seem simplistic, or abit easy to figure out, but it speaks volumes in the sense that it really is just a quiet little love story, set in the oddest of places, and about the oddest of people. It should also not be confused with the 1990s sort of remake starring a young and not dead Britney Murphey, though the two leads do share her uniquely gifted for their young age claim that Britney also had in her early career. Keir Dullea stars as David Clemens, most would know Keir as Commander David Bowman in Stanley Kubrick's 2001: A Space Odyssey, a film that my friend Deb still doesn't understand no matter how often I explain it to her, he also is known for playing Peter Smythe in the original 1974 version of the film Black Christmas, and most recently played a senator in a small but important part in the film The Good Shepard. Keir plays David so well you truly believe at times he's terrorized by the idea of another person's touch, and as he grows closer to Lisa, you feel his disorder slowly fading, as he forces it down inside to brave public interaction to get to the facility, and again to find Lisa, so well done. Janet Margolin plays Lisa Brandt, Janet went on to mostly do stage acting after the film, but did have afew small roles in films like "The Greatest Story Ever Told", "Nevada Smith" with Steve McQueen, in both "Take The Money And Run" and "Annie Hall" with Woody Allen, and a small role in "Ghostbusters II", but again she is mostly known for her stage roles, which she happily did until her death from ovarian cancer in the early 1990s, she always spoke highly of her role as Lisa, saying that it was the most fun she had infront of the camera, given how she was allowed to be as different and unique as possible.

 

So if you haven't had a chance to see this film, or if you just love to watch obscure but brilliant mostly unseen films, then give David and Lisa a look, you really won't regret it, but if you need more convincing, here is one of the more important scenes, it might seem silly by today's standards, but remember, in 1962, this was brave new world kind of stuff.....



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BC

I Married A Witch!

I Married A Witch!:

Or Veronica Lake Is The Hottest Witch Ever

I haven't dug into the past of Hollywood much lately, and I felt today was as good a day as any to do so, after all, I happened to catch this one on television recently and fell in love with it all over again. Plus, its the movie that the classic television series Bewitched is based on. For those of you that haven't really seen or heard of this film, well then, shame on you, to often is Veronica Lake, the original bombshell, overshadowed by hotness-come-laters like Marilyn Monroe, Sophia Loren, Diana Dors and Jane Mansfield and the like, both in her impact and importance to pop culture, and as well as her importance to film and hollywood in general. And though one can argue that like those that came after her, one could argue that most of Veronica's work was simply to just get an insanely hot woman on camera in vamp like roles just to draw in the theater-goers, but not so much with this film. I Married A Witch! stands out as possibly the funniest and most endearing of her many roles, or atleast the one she had the most fun doing.

The film itself, starts off in late 1600s Salem Massachusetts, during the Salem Witch trials, young puritan Jennifer and her father Danial are accused of being witches by local man Jonathan Wooley, and are then burned at the stake, as was the style of dealing with witches at the time, for they had not yet discovered the sexy witch outfit that has saved many a modern witch and goth girl from being burned at the stake in modern times. As they burn, it turns out Jennifer and her father were infact witches, and as she burns at the stake, Jennifer curses Wooley's family, claiming that every single man from now until the end of time, will be doomed to marry the wrong woman and never be happy. After this, the ashes of Jennifer and her father are scattered at the tree they were burned infront of, as to lock them in the tree forever. No idea how that works, but its the 1940s, so they knew no better, hell the general population of the world, like juggalos, didn't know how magnets worked back then, interestingly enough also like juggalos, the general population in the 1940s also believed that sex was a sin but having a friend that was black or hispanic was an even greater sin, but asians are ok because asian women are hot. Also, no one ever seems to mention that using witchcraft to bond souls to a tree, even if for god, is still witchcraft either.

Eventually, they show time go on, and all the Wooley men, all played by the same guy btw, living in bad marriage after bad marriage, doomed to forever be unhappy in love and in life, all because some idiot hundreds of years ago accused a hot goth chick and her dad of being witches and now everyone of them has to suffer for it, even if its not their fault. As luck would have it, in 1942, lightening strikes the tree where Jennifer and her father Danial's souls were trapped., splitting the track in two and somehow freeing the two witches souls, who as I'm sure you can guess, are pretty pissed off at the fact they were burned at the stake for being witches, and then had witchcraft used on them, in the name of god, to lock their souls in a god damn tree for all of time. They appear as little balls of smoke that float about observing the new world, even hiding inside more then afew bottles of booze, much to hilarious extent. Eventually they discover that there is a Wooley man living near by, and discover that he is running for governor of Massachusetts, and is about to marry the daughter of his biggest money contributor, whom he doesn't care at all for, but feels that its best for his career. Jennifer, having been locked up inside of a tree decides to instead of letting the nature of the curse she put on the Wooley men take its course, she wants to stick it to the family abit extra this time now that she's free of the tree, her father Danial, happily agrees and sets about gathering the stuff needed to give Jennifer a body, so she can go about doing evil, because its alot better doing evil in a body then to do evil as a cute little ball of smoke. From there, the basic romantic comedy plot takes over, Jennifer meets the current Mr. Wooley and she finds a way into his heart and makes him love her 1940s style, she as well falls in love with him 1940s style, and in the end, though trials and tribulations and normal every day romantic comedy stuff, which ofcourse leads to the eventual realization, "Love is stronger then witchcraft".

The plot and concept might seem simplistic and abit goofy by today's standards, but you have to remember, in 1942, this had never been done before, in a sense, this was one of, if not the first romantic comedy, and still one of the best I think. The great Veronica Lake shines while keeping her trademark bombshell appearance, and adding alittle bit of campy fun to it, the image of her in the witch hat is one of the most iconic images of Veronica from her entire career. Under-rated character actor Fredric March, most known for playing Death in "Death Takes A Holiday" the film "Meet Joe Black" is a remake of, plays every male member of the Wooley family rather well, they don't at all look like just the same guy wearing different clothing, for the short time you see each of them they are unique and different then the one before, thats a detail trait that is so refreshing to see, even if it was in a film thats the same age as most of the people that watch The History Channel. The rest of the cast shines as well, even right down to the goofy ending. Its easy to tell after watching it, how it evolved into Bewitched, it ends leaving you wondering what happens next, and I guess a logical answer would be to do a tv show along the same lines. So, if you get a chance, and you wanna see a nice throwback to the days of old school hollywood, then please, give this gem a look.

here is the trailer...


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BC

This Has Me Puzzled...

I don't normally post film related viral videos, normally they're just altered by some guy in a basement with a 1996 Video Toaster, or are just some stupid clip spliced into some other video or another, and are all pretty generally stupid and not really worth my time. Not hating on those of you out there who feel the need to watch Arnold yelling "GET ON THA CHOPPA!!!" done to a dance beat or slowed down videos of kids singing horrible in a 1990 Mary Kate and Ashley Olson video, but just not my thing normally.

That being said, I happened across this video, thats become so viral its made it to many a television, print and internet news outlets, and though thats not really all that uncommon these days, I felt the need to share it regardless, simply because I can't really figure out just what it is, is it the most brilliant bit of CGI aided live action footage ever made? Is it real? Is it promotion for the man in the video's movie production company he mentions at the beginning? Is it some forgotten bit of early technology that had a short time of use and was more then likely forgotten to the scattered winds of time? There are just so many questions. So in the name of all things film, sci fi and Gallifrey, I went out this morning and bought a copy of this box set the video's creator mentions, which really isn't a big thing because I been wanting to get it anyway, my massive movie collection was lacking in Charlie Chaplin films as it was, so, you know, double word score.

So after cuing it up, and watching the segment thats shown in the video on my 42 in. HDTV in slow motion, going as close to frame by frame as possible, I can tell you this, it is there, I have no idea what it really is, but its clearly there, just as the video and many other videos related to it show, its clearly a woman or woman-ish person, talking into what looks like a modern style cellphone shaped object, but I can't for the life of me figure out what the hell it is.. But before I go any farther, here, let me show you the video, let you have a look for yourselves.

Its gonna be abit of this guy talking about who he is, and why he is making the video, and then many angles of the video in question, so have a look..



So what do you all think?

Could it be what it looks like? Could it really be someone thats traveled back in time to see opening night for one of Charlie Chaplin's greatest films, and felt the need to hide as a woman for some reason? That sure would explain afew things, the way "she" is dressed for one, to my knowledge of the time period those odd looking shoes weren't exactly what people were wearing in 1928, they actually look not only out of place, but a tad manufactured using modern means, though to be fair my knowledge of cobblers and all things shoe making related is limited to stories about small central European village cobblers who kill 7 flies with one swing of a belt and felt the need to brag about it till the townsfolk send him off to deal with giants just to shut him up, the mink coat and the hat are pretty timeless and date back to earlier then that time, but those are common today too, so they don't look out of place.

But that leaves the question of what exactly it is "she" is talking into. Its 1928 or something, and looking at what was available back then, its still completely baffling that she's talking into it, there is nothing that could look at all like that, that A) actually fits that visual reference B) would allow "her" to talk into it as if she's conversing with someone and C) would be available, even to the rich of the world that you could talk into like a cellphone, because whatever that is, its clear that "she" is talking directly into it.

Its not a small radio, again this is 1928, they didn't have transistorized radios that were that small back then, let alone ones that didn't require a large long antenna which would clearly be visible. Its not a hearing aid, because hearing aids as we know them, weren't readily available then, and also didn't look like a small rectangle you hold to your ear. Its not a two way shortwave radio, those again were not exactly commonplace back then nor were they with out the giant antenna, much like the handheld radio theory. As much as it pains me to say so, the only logical answer really is Time Traveler, because nothing else tech wise could possibly be in that shot, and nothing that could come at all close, would have been something that you would talk directly into. Thats what gets me, "she" is clearly having a conversation into whatever that thing is, there were no two way radios that were that small, there was no way its AM Radio, none of that stuff at all, its completely crazy, because the only logical answer is, thats a cell phone. A Modern, Iphone or android style cell phone.

And before anyone brings it up, I did some research, and though yes, the first wireless telephone was patented in 1912 or so by a man named Nathan Stubblefield, a googling and wiki read later, its clearly obvious that his over all failure at the idea would not have allowed for such things to be possible, plus, most homes didn't actually have telephones back then, let alone magical mystery out of place cellular phones.

So I don't know about any of you, but I'm left scratching my head on this one, logical inspection and research says that shouldn't be, but she is clearly dressed somewhat out of character and style for the time, and is clearly talking into a device when no such thing was available even to the super rich, at that point in history. So I am stumped. Part of me wants to blame Doctor Who, but The Doctor wouldn't be that subtle, so again, I'm left confused and scratching my head.. what about the rest of you?

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BC

I miss ya Jim....

Can't believe its been 20 years sense he died... and imagination and creativity died with him... I'll always remember you my friend, for all that you taught me.



this world was never ment for one as brilliant as you, shall always miss you Jim Henson...

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BC

The Definition of Beauty....

My oh my, how I do love Veronica Lake...

































and finally, her in "So I Married A Witch" my favorite film of hers, and also, the film the tv show Bewitched is based on...



they just don't make them like her anymore... She was the original hollywood bombshell, before Marilyn Monroe, before Jayne Mansfield, before Sophia Loren, before any of them, there was Veronica Lake... so many try to be her, but they just can't do it...

oh if you click some of these, they're like, super ultra high rez

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BC

A Picture Says A Thousand Words....

Sophia Loren and Jayne Mansfield in 1957...



I shall leave you all to ponder its its importance to the universe.....


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BC

Good Bye Maila; My Love, My Obsession, My Friend

I wanted this to be my first actual post, because, well it means something to me, this woman was my friend, a good friend, and here we are, over a year sense her death, and I still miss her greatly... so my first post here is gonna be in tribute to my dear friend...


Originally Written on 10 January 2008



When I found this out today, that the great Maila Nurmi had passed away, I sat down here at my PC and I cried, not only as a long time fan, or as someone that saw her as one of the most beautiful women ever in all of creation, but also, I cried because there will never be another Maila, just reworks and rip offs... on of the greatest forgotten stars of Hollywood has passed, and if you don't know who she was, you should.

As a child, I grew up sneaking my way into staying up late at night to watch the local UHF channels (thats this thing from before cable kiddies) showing various "midnight movie" shows, there were so many and I've written of them any times, most know of Count Floyd or Elvira, ok well most know of Elvira, I grew up wanting to be one of those types of tv show hosts, the sarcastic adult humor, the making fun of the most gawd awful movies as they aired on the show, it seemed like such a great job. I did something kind of like it in high school, though to be honest it was really me and some friends ripping off the MST3K take on the concept. but still, it fits, I've been asked afew times by two different local channels to do a show, but each time either they want more then they should for the money they're offering me, or they just can't work out a good sharing me with my current work, who would buy alot of add time, time table. But I still hold out some hope.

In my research toward my dream back in the mid 1990s, I discovered Maila, I had recognized her from my many times of watching Plan Nine From Outerspace in which her beloved character of Vampira has a starring role, and I remember her being played by Lisa Marie in the movie Ed Wood which was about the director and making of Plan Nine, but I had honestly thought she was just someone that Wood had randomly picked up and talked into starring in his movie, Ed Wood wasn't known for his sanity as anyone thats studied him will tell you. As I looked into her, and into her work, I began to see just how amazing this woman really was, and somewhere along the way, I realized just how amazing and how truly great Maila was. From my early teen years I worshipped this woman, I was even able to get ahold of copies of the very few bits of her show that at the time were floating around. Word is that the same people that restored The Ed Sullivan Show and my favorite Dark Shadows, has done what they could to recover and restore maila's series The Vampira Show to its former glory, with rumors of everything from TVLand, to Sci Fi Channel, to that horror network i can't remember the name of, all wanting to get the show and air it to some degree, if they've been able to restore all of the shows and prep for dvd release though, i'm not 100% sure on, I just know if they do, I'll be all over that box set.

See, Maila wasn't just another host, she was THE host, so much of her is left on everyone from Elvira to even The Crypt Keeper that its almost insultingly sad, how little people know of her work, and the field she blazed, as well as being the visual inspiration for ABC's The Addams Family's Mortica, ironically, comic strip Mortica was the inspiration for the dress that Maila wore as Vampira, kind of a neat full circle there. I could go on and on for hours about Maila and why I find her so awesome and so beautiful and such, just ask my soon to be wife, she has to hear it most of the time, so to save you all from that, I'll just end this here and now...

From who could be your biggest fan in the entire world, Maila, good bye, I will miss you, and thank you for all that you have done for not just me personally, but for the world around us.




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BC