Showing posts with label Trips In The Wayback Machine. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Trips In The Wayback Machine. Show all posts

Sunday, October 30, 2011

The Reality Shock 10/30/2011

The Reality Shock 2.0:
Issue #3: ..Like A God Fire Phoenix I Rise..

Welcome back once again my dear friends to the show that never truly ends, mostly because whenever I feel I've had enough, somehow, someway, sometimes through funky ass shit that happens every single day, and sometimes by means of afew loyal followers (by which I mean mostly my friend Ashley) reminding me that its been so very long sense I've sat down and wrote out one of my much beloved sermons of truth and blunt honesty. I have to admit, I had a feeling I might not be so good at this after about a year or so break, but I'm surprised to discover that not only am I feeling the energy flowing like I used too, but I'm feeling like everything is old times all over again, which is really pretty good, cuz they were good times, atleast I thought they were, but hey I could be wrong. I do know one thing though, after a year off, and the 6 prior years of writing this soliloquy of serendipity, I still have no real clue how to write a proper opening paragraph. Amazing how somethings never change no matter how long of a gap you have to bridge isn't it?

Alright, with that out of the way, lets get down to it, shall we? And away we go... A'room'a'zoom'zoom!!

So the first things first, I wanna address a movie that a lot of people have been asking me my opinion on, now, I do get asked about many things still all this time after letting my pulpit of truth fade into obscurity, and sense I've brought this out of retirement, I figure I'll answer one of the most recent and most persistent questions I've been getting, and that is, being the big Shakespeare fan that I am, what is it I think of the upcoming movie Anonymous”, where in we are expected to believe that the great bard himself, William Shakespeare, was infact a fraud, a sort of Milli Vanili of his time, with the real writer of his work being The Earl Of Oxford, who believes that his writing deserves to be shared, but feels if he were to present it himself, it would only be heralded because of his status, instead of the actual talent. Now, though I understand the logic of that sort of theory, there has never been anything supporting this theory other then the theory itself, which though often debated over the last 30 or so years sense it was first put forward, there has never really, to my knowledge, never really been anything to support it, other then the original idea itself, which though a fun debate among classic literature lovers of the world, has never really been much more then that, a fun debate, until now. Now, as for my ideas and beliefs on this, though I will more then likely find the film to be a well acted, well written, beautiful bit of briefly controversial film, I believe it will be nothing more then just that, a film of fictional record, I've always been of the belief that Shakespeare is, as he always will be, one of the greatest writers of all time, maybe I'm too stuck in my ways, but I just can't believe one of the greatest dreamers that never quit dreaming, was basically Cyrano De Bergerac with out the giant penis nose, and played for the whole world to love, not just one woman. Its just not possible. But I am sure the film will be great though, and I look forward to seeing it.

Speaking of period based films, Ukrainian goddess Milla Jovovich, who normally is one of the most easy going and friendly people in the acting world, taken it upon herself to call out the film studio releasing her recent action/adventure steampunk like revision of The Three Musketeers, for their lack of proper advertizing of the film. Saying its ment to be more of a family friendly action adventure instead of a balls to the wall action film thats not for all ages. She has been taking to every media she can to state this. Some might find it in bad taste that an actor is speaking badly of the studio in the promotion for the film, but infact, going by what many critics are saying, she has a point, and this isn't a case of a star trying to incite bad blood between them and the studio, much like Richard Dreyfus did when he called out both Oliver Stone and Lionsgate films for not “hitting hard enough and making the world feel bad for George W. Bush” in the film “W” the George W. Bush biopic where Dreyfus played Vice President Dick Chaney, Milla simply wishes to show that her film is being mistreated by the studio, and she's just trying to save the film from ruin. What makes this case sad is, the film did bomb here in the states, though it did well everywhere else, and the studio is trying to make it out like Milla's questioning of their way of promoting the film is why it bombed, because they felt letting her promote the film with such an attitude, would be bad for them, which really is a shame, because the film is actually really good. It also looks bad on Milla Jovovich, who, in all honesty is possibly one of the nicest, respectful, friendliest of all the famous person I've ever come across, seriously she answers every single twitter, facebook comment, direct message, facebook PM, sent by every single fan, as long as its not lude or insulting or disrespectful ofcourse, she even goes out of her way to bring us all into her daily life, posting pictures of her kids and husband and her doing the silliest and cutest things, or video or pictures from the set of whatever film she's working on, and talking about how she loves sharing it all with the world as she does. Making someone that nice and caring to her fans look bad really just makes the studio look like shit, specially sense she was right.

Speaking of Milla's level of interaction with her fans, in my year off, I've discovered Twitter with alittle trail and error, learned that its not the waistland of endless self whoring like I figured it would be, infact I've discovered that many a famous person who's on twitter is a lot like Milla, taking the time to interact with their fans as much as possible, it kind of amazes me really, sure most of them are from outside of the United States, but still, the point remains, fame is fame, and here in America, its unheard of for a star to personally interact with their fans via social media, sure you get ones like Ashton Kutcher who doesn't so much interact with the fans so much as preach to them and preside over them, or Courtney Love who doesn't so much interact, so much as post drunken pictures of herself mostly naked or wearing something skimpy, but there is really no attempt to interact with the fans like they're people. I was amazed at the idea of this, and I figured sense as I writing this, I was having a conversation about this very thing with my charity case homeboy Mojo, I would share it all with you as well. And after a small amount of twitter and facebook stalkery as well as fumbling through my half wrong attempts at other languages, i've gathered that other then each country's super huge high end megastars, most famous people the world over, are very nice and respectful and friendly, as long as you are the same to them. When I talk about this, I always mention Lauren Socha, BAFTA winner for best supporting actress for her role as Kelly Bailey on the amazingly good sci fi dramedy Misfits, who literally lets her fans into every single part of her daily life, often sending pictures of herself and her family and friends, or her dog out to the masses, as well as often putting on her webcam via twitter and talking with the fans for hours, often with her friends, cast mates, her family, at random times during her day, sometimes even while sitting in bed when she can't sleep, she's covered up respectfully before you pervs get the wrong idea, she always answers questions about the show, what she's doing, what her brother who is going to be a semi regular on the next series of Being Human is doing, afew times even asked for fans to sell her a car, and offering to send a weekend afternoon having lunch and watching football (soccer to us americans) with anyone in Derbyshire who could get a good friend of hers who had been fired a job, even giving out her mobile number afew times for the fans, even promoting her show by stating if she can, she'll be live tweeting and using her cam to interact with fans during each episode of the upcoming series of misfits. That kind of full access is completely unheard of here.

There are a lot of others who are just as interactive with the fanbase the world over, I just use Lauren as an example because I find myself laughing at how far into her life she tries to integrate her fans to make everyone feel like they truly know her. Steve Pizzati of the now canceled Top Gear Australia is the same way, though his mostly involves him posting videos of him driving high end supercars around exotic racetracks stuff, which is great, but just rubs salt in the wound of people like me, who actually liked the aussie version of Top Gear and wish they'd keep making it, oddly, the loss of the russian version of Top Gear, which I also enjoyed, doesn't sting as much. Ah well, thats how it goes in life I guess.

By the way, if anyone who hasn't yet, and would like to follow me on twitter, you can at @ThisBrokenMind which some of you might take as me poking some fun at the fact most people think I'm crazy, but its actually shortened from the line “I am trapped here in this broken mind, and all I can ask is just be kind, to me.” a line some of you might know from the Molly Venter song “Good Mother” about watching her other slowly lose her sanity and memories as she got old. Speaking of Twitter accounts to follow, you all should give my friend Rose a follow as well at @EloquentParrot she mostly drops stone cold bits of truth about UK current affairs shows and provides hilariously truthful and blunt commentary on the UK version of The X-Factor, but its still rather entertaining, plus she can totally use the followers. Anyone else I know with a twitter account, don't get upset I'm not ignoring your accounts, I just haven't gotten your permission to plug yours, out of respect I won't do that kind of thing without y'alls permission or knowledge.

Now that I've mentioned it, all of you who are wondering what I think of the American version of The X-Factor, don't worry I plan on getting to it in length in abit, I just have afew other other things I'd like to mention before hand, so stay tuned faithful readers... or you know, skip down if you wish, it'll be there either way if you wait and read the rest of just jump then read back.. or if you go and make a sammich then come back and read the rest. Damn its 3:45am why am I craving a sammich?

Anyway, on to other things...

I'd like to give you all a heads up on an upcoming little known and little talked about film called “Chronicle”, which I'm betting could be the next District 9 type of sleeper. By which I mean people will dismiss as looking brilliant and having a brilliant concept, but they'll wait till it comes to dvd/blu ray/on demand to watch it, then they'll kick themselves for not shelling out the cash for theaters because of how amazing and wonderful the film is. Chronicle, is the story of three Portland Oregon based teenagers, who while recording themselves goofing about in the woods outside of town, are all exposed to a mysterious chemical they happen across, and as they go around their days videoing themselves as teenagers tend to do incase something is oddly youtube worthy, they start to develop superpowers given to them by the chemicals in the woods, the film goes from lazy loser teenagers mucking about with a handicam, to the story of three teenagers working together to train themselves in how to use their new found powers, and how they slowly start to turn on each other as well. The film is shot like Cloverfield, meaning first person view, so you feel you're right there in the middle of everything, a style that most seem to dislike for some reason, but I personally love to death, because of the surreality of how it puts you in the scene, while breaking the 4th wall, with out really breaking the 4th wall. Look for it February 3rd of 2012.

Why are people making such a big deal out of the suit for Catwoman in the upcoming Batman: The Dark Knight Rises? Yes it looks like a generic sneaking suit with knee boots, but do you people not realize, that Catwoman never started out to be a master thief? The character of Selena Kyle was originally a hooker who wanted a certain necklace so bad she decided to steal it from a high end jewelery store, and she discovered in the process, she had a nack for theft, and thats how Catwoman was born, she didn't start out in the more commonly known and perfectly named leather catsuit, infact if you look into the comics, she didn't wear the trademark catsuit until AFTER the 1960s Batman tv show that starred Adam West decided to make the character into the definition of female supervillain sexy, infact Catwoman wasn't even that major of a villain until that show made her as such, and also, female villains weren't really written as sexy and flirty toward others until that show put the idea forward as well. So everyone bitching that the Catwoman suit that we've all seen on set pictures of so far looks cheap and unimaginative, remember, not every character starts out in the suit we all know of them in, but by the end, they end up in them, so shut up and wait to see what happens, you'll get to see Anne Hathoway in skin tight leather and Emma Peel sized knee boots soon enough.... perverts.

So before we continue, I have to eat abit of humble pie, which for those interested, tastes abit like Shepard's Pie, but the kind with carrots in it, not the awesome kind with corn, peas and bacon. Also, if I offended you by not referencing the type of shepard's pie you're used too, oh well, it literally changes from town to town and region to region all over america and the united kingdom, even if its a traditional united kingdom dish. Anyway... I have to eat some humble pie, because as many of you are aware, I've many times stated I refused to go anywhere near the scripted original programing produced by MTV, no I don't just mean the “reality” shows that are totally scripted, or their “documentaries” I mean the actual scripted programing, after they ruined their chance to make a daring ambitious take on UK cult series Skins, and that horrible horrible attempt at making 1980s cult crapfest Teen Wolf, which according to Kayla Patterson ripped off Twilight 20 years before Twilight was published, because everyone knows Stephanie Meyer created werewolves and vampires, into girlwank fodder for Team Jacob, and after their much hyped The Hard Times Of R.J Burger fell flat of the target, and countless other attempts I'm probably forgetting thanks to expensive therapy, I must admit, after all of that, MTV has actually put out afew quality programs, three infact, which I feel are in need of mention; Death Valley, which is basically Cops, but set in a town over run with zombies, oh sure you'd think the idea would get tired rather quickly, but amazingly it doesn't, but then again, honestly, who doesn't love killing zombies? Another actual hit they have is the show Awkward, which is basically the tv version of the amazing but overlooked movie Easy A, both of which seemed overlooked by most, but truly are enjoyable. And ofcourse, the biggest highlight I have to mention, infact if I don't my friend Ashley will hang me from a tree and toss rocks at me, is ofcourse the relauch of Beavis and Butthead, which thankfully, didn't show its age, nor did it cross the line to straight up pandering to bring back fans, their relaunch had no frog baseball, nor did it have Cornholeo roaming about, it just established them back where they belonged, mocking music videos (and now reality shows too) and pop culture in general. I can't believe I'm about to say this but, good job MTV, you're officially now ahead of NBC and CBS in my “get out of the television shithouse” program.

You know, when I did my skit with the cast of Jersey Shore when I was hosing the prime time emmy awards, we had to constantly change the script, not to make if funnier, but because those wacky macaroni rascals couldn't pronounce certain words. Serious, I'm not kidding, if you saw my skit with them, I played a mafia liaison, but because none of them could say the word “liaison”, we changed it to they would simply refer to me as The Godmother... I know it made it abit trite to some, but god bless those guidos, they tried as hard as they could, they just couldn't say that word to save their lives.... not even that little orange one that looks like a cabbage patch kid...” - Jane Lynch of the hit series Glee on her dealings with the cast of Jersey Shore.

Lindsey Lohan working in a morgue is the most hilarious thing I've ever had the privilege of picturing in my head, whichever judge in LA made that happen, I thank you. I thank you hardcore. I thank him almost as much as I thank the person who thought the idea of the show H8R, where Z-List famous people spend a day trying to convince someone that called them names on the internet they're good people... shame it got canceled three episodes in.

Some movies you all should check out if you haven't yet; Rubber; the story of a tire that lives in the outer area of Lancaster California, is named Robert and one day, not only becomes self aware and alive, but also discovers that it has an unyielding need to kill as it rolls across the California sands heading toward LA, and somewhere along the way stops to watch a lot of classic car tv shows, movies and classic nascar. Attack The Block; a British attempt at a ghetto vs. aliens film, which starts off abit silly and kind of dumb, but after the first 15 minutes picks up and becomes one of the most delightful films I've seen in the whole humans vs. aliens genre in a long time, plus it helped me get the bad taste of the film Skyline out of my memory, which was a much needed scrubbing, plus there is talks of making a tv series based on it, which I could honestly see working, not for long, but maybe a 6 episode run with as much of the original cast as I can.

Some Television you all should check out; The Fades; a story of humans with angelic powers who fight to prevent the end of the world brought about the undead, its perfect Halloween time watching. Bedlem; a UK series about a mental hospital being turned into an apartment complex, its losely based on the former Danvers Mental Institution, one of the most horrific places in america, that was turned into a high end apartment complex. Once Upon A Time; a rather interesting and dark twist on fairy tales set in smalltown Maine. A little side note about The Fades, if you saw the rather well made and delightfully trashy Stanley Park pilot from BBC last year, and you're as clever as me, you'll notice the neighborhood where they do the exterior shots of one of the character's homes, is the exact same neighborhood where that pilot was shot.

You know, I will admit, after much shock and teasing by every woman I know for the fact I didn't know Zachary Quinto, one of my favorite actors of the modern era is totally gay till he came out of the closet last week, I will say this, after seeing his Halloween costume he posted on his twitter, I would have known. Seriously, if you've not seen him dressed as “new york city's fireworks on july 4th” go hit up his twitter (giggity), seriously its the most hilariously gay thing ever, Check it out once you stop laughing at the fact I said “hit up his twitter” in a serious tone and with a straight face.

Everyone keeps telling me I should love Terra Nova, its got everything one could want; dinosaurs, adventure, that guy from Avatar everyone thinks is a good actor for some reason.. but I just can't fully get into it, I just keep looking at it and thinking of things they did wrong, like not bringing back proper building materials and equipment, or proper scientists who have actual knowledge of dinosaurs and what would be found in a world like that, or how they seem to have no issue at all destroying an entire other timeline that they know nothing at all of, because, you know, fuck those guys and their reality, no one cares about them, they can go to the shitty deny's on the other side of town from now on. All of it just adds up to me having a giant question mark and the word “Hmm..” over my head about the show. Also, I'm not that impressed with what will probably be the final season of House so far either.

I don't really care what anyone says, I'm super excited about the upcoming new movie starring The Muppets, plus I seriously love the spoof trailers, Epic. Now if I could only get someone to look at my Fraggle Rock movie script....

I know a lot of you are wondering about this, so I'll put all your wondering to rest, YES I am super excited about The Avengers the more set photos and clips I see, I love that they aren't really putting much info out there other then that they're united to fight against Loki and his trickery. I'm also rather excited that word has come down that all the ties that bind these recent marvel movies together leading up to The Avengers, will continue to bind them all together after they come together, plus word that Avengers 2 will have a different cast but cameos by the current ones, I seriously can't wait. Seriously though, Marvel Studios, buy back the rights to Spiderman, Fantastic Four, X-Men, Ghost Rider, Daredevil, and all the stray little kittens that are out there split among other studios, you need a full shared film universe, not just half of it. Plus, the marvel universe isn't the same without Peter Parker swinging around NYC, or mentions of Reed Richards inventing things, or the mention of mutants and the x-men in general, or even The Punisher and DareDevil running about the city working overtime, fighting crime, fighting crime. Plus with marvel putting out statements they feel their movies are chapters in movie sized comic books, and plan on using them as such, and that they wish to tell key storylines on the big screen, the awesome sauce is just amazing right now. So excited.

I might get flack for this, but, I would watch an entire episode of The Cleveland Show where you follow Cleveland Brown Jr. around all day just seeing what his day is like.

Alrighty, so as promised, once I finished everything else I had to say this week, I would spread forth my thoughts on the American take on the UK megahit series The X-Factor. And though I had thought of maybe just ignoring it and maybe writing about something else, like, how I hate there are 8 tv shows on tv about cake making at the moment, or 4 about midgets, or how I think its stupid the Hillsborough County Prison, where we keep pedophiles and child porn cases in my section of New Hampshire, is right on the highway, but also right across the street from a mini-golf/ice cream and burger stand, or something like that instead. But because I'm a people pleaser, I have to give the people what they want, me commenting on the rookie year of the American version of The X-Factor, and thus, because its what the people want, its what the people shall get, so lets get into it, before I start rambling about how awesome local television personality Fritz Weatherby is, which will mean nothing to all of you cuz you don't have a clue who he is... so.. lets get down into this...

Ok so, some of you might be amazed to discover, that I do not actually have any prior experience with The X-Factor, I always figured it was the same thing as American Idol, seeing as they have the same roots, assuming that, I figured there no reason to really pay attention to anything but the winner each year, after all one can only really put up with so much Simon Cowell in their life before you realize you wanna stab every douchebag in a tight dark teeshirt a haircut they stole from Richard Dean Anderson after his awesome kentucky waterfalls mullet phase, who thinks because they discovered 5ive and S Club 7 they're somehow entitled to be jerks to everyone.

I was amazed though, that though both concepts are alike, they are different in many key ways, and on theory alone, I'd actually give X-Factor an edge over the idol machine, I never liked the idea of Idol having an age limit, thats just moronic, because a music dream doesn't end at 30, and if you think it does, you're an idiot and no one cares what you think anyway you stupid Justin Bieber fan. I like that in X-Factor you have someone working with the contestants, molding them, instead of just tossing them out there on their own and expecting them to wing it, then tossing a winner out there expecting them to fly or fall on their faces, you have someone thats a go too thats in the business and can help you along if needs be, that should, assuming the mentor knows what they're doing, make for a better act by the time its over and done. I also like the sudden death aspect of X-Factor better, it allows for us to cut through all the dragging out of quarter and semi finals, though I do feel the build up rounds are abit much, you've gotta literally sing like 8 times before you make it to live tv tapings, and even at that point you can get cut one final time before it gets to the voting. That seems abit high pressure, but I guess that fits the idea of the show. I also rather like that they include groups and hip hop, I felt this gives you an all in one show vs. the many failed spin offs of the genre where they'd try to find group or rapper on their own and just failed miserably do to the lopsided ratio of shit talent picked to fill slots in a show of this nature vs. actual talent.

I only have three major issues with The X-Factor, and really two of them are more personal nitpickery instead of actual issues. My first issue, though it might sound abit narrow minded, is the lower end of the age spectrum, now I'm not saying there aren't talented young kids who could be out there putting the game on its head and making that big figga skrilla, but a lot of them at like 12 to 14 or so, aren't mentally or emotionally ready for what they'll have to deal with, plus, I just don't see how giving a not raving review of the work of someone that young could make the judges look like anything but an asshole, seriously who isn't gonna boo someone for telling a 12 year old kid they tanked a performance and then tell them the critical feedback they need to make it better? Most kids that age group, those watching live, and the viewers aren't gonna hear the important feedback to make it better that they'll be given, they'll just see a judge telling a little kid they fail at singing a certain song. No one wants to be THAT asshole, even if its important to their growth as an artist, it just looks mean. Unless that kid is Justin Bieber, then hate him all you like, specially now that its legal in most cities in the UK to hunt Bieber with a crossbow from Midnight to 6am. My other issues, as I stated are more nitpickery, I do not feel just because the judges felt the need to make two groups, to round out the groups category, that those two groups, which really aren't that good, should be pushed along to live shows simply because it seems the judges refuse to admit they might have been wrong, seriously, if you've not seen the show check on the website, they're “Lakoda Rayne” and “inTENcity”; one is a country pop girl group thats name sounds like a porn star and they all dress like slores, and the other is a random mash up of 10 not exactly talented kids that sound like a theme park show, its painful to watch. My last bit of nitpickery is in the choice of former Pussycat Doll and lover of wearing dresses so short and tight one most carefully sit down in them or they split in self destructive zones, Nicole Shrerzinger, as a judge. Ok I get it, she's hot, and not everyone is gonna wanna perv at cougartastic and completely insane Paula Abdul, but the problem is, even though she looks good in a tight slore suit, and apparently can sing moderately well, she doesn't really have the knowledge base of various genres of music or artists to properly work with the group she was given to work with, the over 30 group. It seems like a mistake to me, and that sucks because some of the over 30s could win the whole thing, infact I think the three that are left as of the top 12, have strong chances to win it all, with very few that I can see giving them a run.

Which leads me to my next point of interest, the actual talent of the show. Now, I have to admit, I see what the other critics have been saying about the show being a case of how many talented sob stories can you cram into one show, but Idol falls into that trope too, so I can let it go, but, also, unlike Idol, the talent that makes it through, thanks to the crowd, is infact very talented, not so/so with hopes of them growing in the Hollywood rounds, if you don't bring the very best, you don't have a chance in hell. As for the actual talent in general, they've got some great voices, and some I feel are just there because they're more of a package or a stage show, then a voice. Recent elimination and possibly the saddest of the sob stories and James Brown sound-alike, Dexter Haygood, for example, was more of a stage show then a singer, that doesn't make him any less talented then the others, but it makes it harder to showcase him, his unique but talented voice, and the stage show that a man who sounds like him would need, in a show of this nature, he's more of a go see them live singer then a listen to them on the radio singer, where in contrast, you have someone like LeRoy Bell, a man who was part of the short lived late 1970s soul group Bell and James, has written songs for Elton John, as well as played with Sir Elton as well as B.B King and many others, who when you listen to his voice, you just sit in wonder of how a man with such an amazing voice and such an ear for music, could have been overlooked for as long as he has been. But LeRoy is all voice and no real show, as a contrast to Dexter. Seriously, its mind-boggling, look him up.

There are other amazing talents as well that I feel have a chance at the crown, south Florida's contender for new latin diva Melanie Amaro, and lifetime original movie Stacy Francis, who will show down for the most powerful of the female voices, both have a chance at taking the whole thing if they keep with themselves on track. Other stand outs with a chance to actually make it to the winner's circle include; Rachel Crow, the youngest, and by far the most entertaining of the finalists, she might be more suited to be the likes of being an acting/singer double punch for a company like Disney that makes its own child stars then sets them loose in the wild after they grow up, but its ok, she's awesome. Other possible winners are Josh Krajcik, a guy who, when not trying to look like me, but sing astoundingly better then I wish I ever could, is normally making burritos at a shopping mall eatery. Josh's voice is amazing and has such a soulful sound to it, it just amazes me that this guy never went past the singing in bars stage of music. Another is rapper Chris Rene, who, not only is one of the most uplifting and positive stories in the competition, also set the internet on fire with his audition song, an original rap called “Young Homie”, which even had my mother, who is by no means a hip hop lover singing along and standing up and cheering by its end. As well as posibly the dark horse in this race, young soul singer Marcus Canty, who sounds like a soul singer straight out of the early 1990s, before R&B became bald idiots like Usher taking their shirts off and showing their abs more then about singing, plus, Marcus has the right to claim he sang right to a visibly turned on by his actions Rihanna, who was assisting judge LA Reid with selecting his final four, gotta put a guy who can use his voice to visibly get one of the world's most sought after women hot in the pants for him, in contention for the crown.

Fun Fact I found out this week; You might not know the name Shuki Levi, but if you were a child, or had a child between 1983 and now, you have heard his voice, or music he's composed, Shuki started out in the early 1980s as a failed pop singer, who was asked by Kenner toys to write and preform the theme songs as well as product the in show music for cartoons based on their biggest toy properties at the time; M.A.S.K and Jayce And The Wheeled Warriors, Levi wrote and recorded all the music for both series, even the themes, both of which most 1980s pop culture historians claim to be among the best themes of the era, from there Levi became in demand, creating themes and music for everything from Disney's Gummi Bears, to Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (or if you're in the UK Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles) to every single adaption of The Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. Levi still puts out albums of his own music from time to time, though most critics find it odd that a guy that made an artform out of writing a theme to a cartoon or a show where people in spandex and motorcycle helmets do parkour to defeat people in foam rubber suits while pyrotechnics go off wildly behind them, can suck at making actual music for the masses. … And thats a fun fact, that I learned this week, and felt the need to share with you, because after all, knowledge is power, and knowing is half the battle, and knowing makes you, a superstar.

Songs I'm feeling this week: “Lucky” Katie Kole, “A Change Is A Coming” LeRoy Bell, “Dominion Road” The Mutton Birds, “Love The Way You Lie” Meghan Tonjes, “Empire State Of Mind” Jay-Z and Alicia Keys, “Shipping Up To Boston” The Dropkick Murphys, “White Trash Beautiful” Everlast, “The Transformers” Lion, “Creepshow” Kerli,“Tessie” The Dropkick Murphys, “Joline” Queen Adreena, “Feel This” Porsah Laine, “Companion To A King” Mieka Pauley, “Into The Mystic” Jason Isbell, “Self Destructive Zones” Drive By Truckers, “Sticks That Make Thunder” Steeldrivers, “Kabuki” by Aloan, “Window pain” Opeth, “Over The Hills And Far Away” Nightwish, “Akhasmak Ah” Nancy Ajram,
The Longest Road” Morgan Page and Lizze (various remixes), “From The Delta To The Golden Gates” Barbra Blue.

And thats where I'm gonna finish ride thats so wild that Mr. Toad wishes his name was involved in it, even though I've no idea why I made a Wind In the Willows reference in this day and age, with so little giving a crap about it because it doesn't involve vampires or werewolves, but for now, as I always do, I shall end it with some random thoughts, to dazzle, amaze, annoying, and bewilder you all... so.. here we go...

I seriously do not care for 98% of reality tv. At what point did the world decide Nickleback still deserves radio play? And on Canadian rock bands, why haven't Big Sugar or The Tragically Hip get the love they deserve instead? I'm thinking about giving afew followers of mine alittle segment where they give me a list of music they're listening to whenever I get around to writing this each time, kind of an interactive thing. I really feel glad I sat down and wrote this out, I forgot how much I missed it. The reason I was away so long is because nothing really interesting happened in entertainment, it was all just reality tv show “star” bullshit, and well I just don't give a fuck who Kim Kardashian's giant ass is married too now, people who are famous because they sucked the neverwas brother of a has been pop singer from the 90s off on video, really shouldn't be “famous”, thats just how I see it I guess. I'm so happy Haven's getting a third season, my life needs more Emily Rose in it. I'm getting really tired of all these Paranormal shows out there on tv, seriously, I don't care if Donny Most from Happy Days had an encounter with a ghost, because more then likely, that ghost was the ghost of his career, its been dead sense 1984 after all. American Horror Story is a lot like Marchlands, but instead of Alex Kingston hotting things up when it gets boring, you have Dylan McDermitt with out pants on, somehow that doesn't really seem like a great trade off to me. Speaking of Alex Kingston, if you haven't seen her short “River Song: My Story” from the final episode of Doctor Who Confidential, you have too, its a wonderful and beautiful thing. I'm so excited Misfits comes back tonight!!! Also, seriously I'm getting tired of waiting for the new Being Human series to start. Speaking of Being Human, I'd love a shirt that says “Team Annie” mostly because, well, Annie's awesome. And finally, one last thing I wish you all to remember, and take with you always, “Akhasmak, aah. Aseebak, la. Wi gowah ilroah hatifdhal habeebi illi ana bah-waah. Bahibbak, aah. Wa afarkak, la.” Remember it always, for its how I feel for all of my fans who love what I write, thank you all so very much.

And that is where I shall end it for this installment my fellow Indigo Children, so until next whenst we meet, I wish you all good times and blessid be your souls.


BC


Friday, September 16, 2011

Weep For The Children: A Rant About Children's Films


Weep For The Children
A Small Rant About The State Of Children's Films

Recently, I had the displeasure of watching what passes for children's films these days. And after finding myself surprisingly able to hold in the rage and blood vomit from the full frontal assault of endless one liners aimed at being the children related equivalent of an internet meme, followed by endless pointless visual and audio gags and pointlessly uptight people played for "comedy" in completely watered down and ignorant tasteless lazy attempts at film making, I found myself thinking about it, and thinking how the genre of children's films has gone from a genre of much beloved classics that span the gambit of most genres; action/adventure, sci fi, comedy, animation, drama, and to the extent of just scary enough to give alittle fright, but not nightmares, there is even some things that would be seen as horror, well to a child anyway.

I can remember my childhood watching such great films as The Goonies, Time Bandits, the Explorers, The Neverending Story, Watership Down, and many others that when held up to what is made today, there is almost no honest way to compare, you look at the films of generations past, and you can clearly see the difference, there was storytelling, there was actual acting, there was conflict where a villain, though comical, was clearly a villain not some random uptight adult figure who is uptight for no real reason other then they're an adult. And bullies are bullies who are more then just a simple vague idea of a bully thats been watered down as to not offend anyone. Think about it, can you honestly put any modern children's movie bad guy up against characters like The Nothing, or Jenner from The Secret Of NIMH or The Red Bull from The Last Unicorn, or hell even Judge Dredd from Who Framed Roger Rabbit? Hell can you even pick out a clear definitive out and out bad guy in any modern kids movie? One thats a legitimate evil person and not some adult trying to force a group of children to follow the rules but only ends up the punchline of 90 minutes worth of fart jokes, followed by one or all of said children screaming whatever the line they want kids to remember from the film at the top of their vocal range? Yeah, if you're having trouble, don't worry, you aren't the only one. I've sat down for a good long while, looked through my DVDs, my VHS, downloaded stuff, and went through every single list I could find of children's movies, and I couldn't really find one that had a truly scary definitively bad guy in them, its sad really.

But I noticed something else when I was looking through my lists and timelines, I found when this change from classic beloved children's movies that didn't talk down to you or insult the viewers, changed over the predominate slop they have now, it was, surprisingly, the same year I credit for children's programing and well entertainment in general going down hill, 1990, the year Jim Henson died, and the year a movie aimed at children came out that some of you might have heard of, it goes by the name of "Home Alone". Now don't get me wrong, I have nothing against Home Alone, but it signaled a change in how movies aimed at children were made, much like how Toy Story changed the way CGI films were made, it proved that if you take a young child who seems likable and funny and has just enough acting skill to make it believable that they can pull off being on screen for most of the film, set said child with an unlimited access to just bout anything in the house he will ever need, with no parents to tell him no, regardless of the danger involved, and somehow allow him to outwit some apparently stupid adults who are underestimating said child, and have each scene be literally visual gag over visual gag, followed by pretty lame 2rd grade level jokes and mugging dumb faces at the camera. This formula seems to have been the entire point of that film, and 90% of the films aimed at children sense then, have followed the same path, the problem is, though it worked once, that doesn't mean it will work again, lightening rarely strikes twice, no matter how much Hollywood would like you to think otherwise.

Now this isn't saying that every children's movie before 1990 was a work of art, believe me, for every wonderful amazing film like The Dark Crystal there was Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 3: Turtles In Time, much like for every Harry Potter film there has been twice as many Land Before Time films, but you get the idea, I'm not really crapping on the last 20 or so years, I'm just pointing out there is a massive lack of quality that started to slide back then and has been continuity sliding down the water slide of fail faster and faster as each year goes, and its really alarming, not just to me as a writer, but as a movie lover as I am, its sad to see a genre that went from such giant and brilliant productions as Willy Wonka and The Chocolate Factory and The Phantom Tollbooth which where just so amazingly visual and well written, has fallen to such horrible and lazy films as Unaccompanied Minors and the completely lazily named and lazily written film Hotel For Dogs. I just wish the people who make this slop, and more so, the people who write it, would look at what they're doing, and realize they aren't doing anything but dumbing down the youth of the world with their lack of ability to tell a compelling story.

Now to some this whole thing might not seem like a big deal, but think about it, each generation of film makers are inspired by the movies they watch as children, and sense I'm pretty sure most parents won't let their kids watch movies by Stanley Kubrick, Akira Kurosawa, James Whale, Jean-Luc Godard, Howard Hawks, Charlie Chaplin, Buster Keaton, just to name afew, or even the more recent brilliance of some of the more recent directors who have shown they are very good at what they do, I know it makes me sound old, but honestly, I weep for what the next generation of film makers, and the films they will make, when they have the crap thats out there now to inspire them.

And if the rest of you think about it, maybe you will too. Or maybe I need to put a dollar in the Douchebag Jar.


-----

BC



Sunday, April 10, 2011

The New Zoo Revue



Trips In The Wayback Machine # 3:

The New Zoo Revue:
Foam Rubber Puppets That Are
Apparently Coming Right At You

In the annals of both wholesome, innocent and well meaning children's programing, as well as the pantheon of classic campy cult tv series, there are many, many programs originally ment for children, that either do to their time period of creation, or possibly their horribly low budget camp production and writing, sure they served a purpose and as we remember them as children we do remember the lessons they taught us, but unlike our last trip in the wayback machine to visit Romper Room, our next stop on this trip down memory lane sadly does not retain its wonderful innocence or elegance, and though many can assume that this classic series was really nothing more then a wholesome attempt at the foam rubber creature kiddy shows dominated by the creations of brothers Sid and Marty Krofft. But for all that its trying to do, educate as much as possible while entertaining, The New Zoo Revue, goes from wonderful children's programing, to camp awesomeness, its kind of like Davey And Goliath in that respect, it tries so hard to be one thing, but shoehorning as much of its attempts it can into its timeframe, it just becomes awesomely hilarious looking back at it. Oh and also, don't worry, I'll be taking a trip in the wayback machine to visit Davey And Goliath later, but for now, lets focus on The New Zoo Revue.


Spanning 197 episodes from 1972 to 1977, The New Zoo Revue was the brainchild of its two human stars, Doug Momary and his then newly married bride Emily Peden, Doug ofcourse played well meaning but creepy looking "Doug" on the show while Emily played Emmy Jo, Doug's tight miniskirt and go-go boots wearing "helper" who, though a very talented singer, dancer, and artist, brought an entire generation of boys (and I'd assume alot of girls too) into puberty simply by being there. The show's concept was pretty simple, it was ment to go against such iconic children's programs as Romper Room, Captain Kangaroo, Sesame Street and their kind, as well as to take a share of the foam rubber puppets with singing and dancing and a stage show genre that was making Sid and Marty Krofft millions faster then they could create failed indoor amusement parks that would later become the CNN Building. The show, from its creation all the way till the last season when the ratings slumped and they were unfairly canceled, was a huge success for the time period, it was popular with children and adults as well in a cult capacity, spawning coloring books, plush toys, lunchboxes, sing along records and read along storybooks, as well as boardgames and just about anything else there would be before Star Wars revived the action figure genre. And it did all of this regardless of the fact Doug looks like a cross between a book store owning pedophile and that guy Stanley Tucci played in The Lovely Bones.


Each episode followed the same basic format, one of the three main characters; Henrietta Hippo, Freddy Frog or Charlie Owl, would some how end up either confusing something or imagining something or just start being a jerk to everyone for no real reason, then Doug, or Emmy Jo depending on how high the skirt she work to work that way was, would show up out of nowhere, be all confused as to whats going on, then they'd sing about it, and then the animal would go back acting the exact same way as before the song, which would lead to another song, and by the end of that song they'd get the point, and then they'd all sing a happy song and they'd all eat some pie or cake or something the hippo made, which is kind of ironic because of the three of them, Henrietta Hippo was the biggest jerk, I mean the puppets were all at various times jerks to each other, but Henrietta more then the other two, which is hard because Charlie had his moments. Alot of you might think I'm being funny or mean here, but I'm serious, if you can get through any of the youtube clips of this show, have a look, at any given time all three of the puppets are being jerks to each other. Henrietta is angry and bossy and delusional, Charlie is a know it all who thinks he's the greatest smartest bird ever, and Freddy I honestly think either has a learning disability or might just be a special needs person, most episodes really do revolve around Doug or Emmy Jo's go-go boots and miniskirts solving something that any two or all three of the puppets are fighting about, I'm seriously not making this up.


Its hard to be critical of this how though, I understand that though its easy to poke my fun sarcastic jabs at it from my adulthood, the fact remains that though it was badly written, and cheaply made, and the puppets were downright nightmare fuel, it still stands the test of time as one of the best children's shows ever made, sure it didn't really become more then just a hazy vague nightmare of a foam rubber hippo trying to kill most people until the late 1990s when the US government mandated the whole E/I educational children's programing laws for every television station in the country, which lead to the revival of reruns of old television shows like this, and maybe its not as well remembered as Captain Kangaroo, Bozo The Clown, Romper Room, or any of its compatriots of a bygone era of children's programing when it was about the show, and very little merch would released, instead of today where a show doesn't make it to air unless they've already whored it out to 40 manufacturers for everything from dolls to cameras to iphones or whatever, and then they worry about the caliber of the program, but stuff of that really in the end doesn't matter, because as silly as alot of this stuff is looking back, it still makes us smile, it still makes us happy, and it still makes us all wish for a bygone time when the children of the world were educated by those that actually cared, and wore miniskirts and go-go boots.


So if you've never actually seen The New Zoo Revue, have a look around youtube, or the internet in general, you'll find some pretty amazing stuff, sure its gonna be all trippy by today's standards and you'll find the most famous outtake in children's television history, as well as one of the many apperances of postman Mr. Dingle, who was played by a young Chuck Woolery, as well as other various famous people who show up. Oh and if you can find where its disappeared too, there used to be a clip on there of creepy Doug singing about sexual reproduction to the puppets. So yeah, enjoy the hell out of that one....


Here is a great little example of the show, and its got the ending theme, which btw, is the same theme as the opening of the show, so enjoy..



-----


BC


Sunday, December 26, 2010

The Best And Worst Of Saturday Mornings Pt. 2


 
Trips In The WayBack Machine # 2-A

The Best Of Saturday Morning Programing
Continued from The Worst List

Last time was the worst of Saturday mornings, this time, its the best, so with out any large explanation, where we go, right into the 10 best things to ever air on a Saturday morning. I should state though, I keep stating Saturday morning for a reason, I figured it best to exclude first run syndication stuff like Transformers, G.I Joe and the like because if i didn't, I wouldn't give the true feeling of Saturday Morning, and I feel I'd be cheating all of you, and sadly though, as it omits alot of the awesomeness of the 1980s weekday afternoon fodder, it also negates shows like Johnny Quest, The Flintstones, The Jetsons, Space Ghost and many others which were originally aired in primetime slots.

Ok with that said, here we go....

The 10 Best Saturday Morning Programs Of All Time:

10. Adventures of the Gummi Bears



Let it be known far and wide, that this one would have made the top 10 simply for the theme song alone, but believe me, there was alot more to it then just an incredible and infectious theme song. Gummi Bears was proof that when Disney thought outside of its box, they could not only create something that was visually beautiful and strikingly pleasing in traditional Disney animation style, but also something with a rich, deep and intricate plot. Gummi Bears was an experiment of sorts, an experiment in breaking from the Disney chain and starting new ground for the company, a test that would later see not only a long and beloved run for The Gummi Bears, but would later give birth to Disney greats such as Ducktales, Chip and Dale's Rescue Rangers, Tailspin, the often forgotten but amazing Darkwing Duck, and ofcourse, Gargoyles, the greatest Disney animation ever created. Yes, even better then Kim Possible. But Gummi Bears on its own was an incredibly good story, sort of midevil steampunk in a way with an incredible backstory that was always being added too, and not once in the shows run had it felt tired and used up after a short time, which happens alot in saturday morning programs, oddly though, Disney has done very little in terms of marketing merchandise, even to this day, its kind of like Gargoyles in that respect, insanely beloved, but never really acknowledged or shown love by the parent company for some unknown reason. Shame really.

9. Mission Magic



Made as a spin off of sorts to the horrible cartoon about the kids from The Brady Bunch as a pop band with magic powers, Mission Magic starred then unknown in America Rick Springfield, who was sort of a teen heartthrob in his native australia in 1973, but it really had nothing to do with The Brady Kids other then that it was musical and solved mysteries with magic. However unlike The Brady Kids, Mission Magic stands out for many reasons, for the time period the animation was incredible, in the time when Hanna Barbara was pushing the music and animation drug trip angle with almost every cartoon they made, Mission Magic took more of a Yellow Submarine style approach to it, high end art with the perfect colors for the mood and expression, it was at times incredibly beautiful to look at, even if you didn't care much for the show itself, plus, alot of the songs are pretty pleasing to the ears and are a joy to listen too for a look at. Mission Magic, though a total drug trip of sorts based around Miss Tickle, a magical teacher who's classroom you entered through a drawn door in a magic chalkboard, and could also enter our world where she would use her magic to teach through adventures of various kinds. And if you are thinking that sounds familiar, or if Miss Tickle looks familiar to you, then you're right, she does, the show was remade in the 1990s as The Magic Schoolbus, with Lily Tomlin as Miss Frizzle, an almost exact copy of Miss Tickle in personality and looks, just with a magical schoolbus instead of being inside of being inside a door drawn in the land of chalk drawings. If you know where to look, you can find the series on DVD, its really worth a watch if you'd like a nice trip back in time to a simpler time, long before Rick Springfield wished that he had Jessie's Girl or took that job at General Hospital.

8. The Jackson Five



For whatever reason in the 1970s, every single cartoon was about a band, normally a band that solved mysteries or were superheroes on the side, so the logical step was to take a band that the kids love, and give them a cartoon where they basically goof about and have fun. The Jackson Five wasn't really about anything other then the band getting into wacky and goofy adventures that lead to comical outcomes and mixed in with musical numbers sung by the band. Like most other shows of its kind, the real band voiced their own characters, and had a hand in designing the look and movements and the like. The Jackson Five to this day is harolded as possibly one of the greatest cartoons of its era because it really was a hit with everyone, it didn't matter where you were from, you knew who the Jackson Five was, and you knew they had a cartoon, it successes where dreck like Rickity Rocket and Street Frogs fail horribly, which given the political and racial climate in the world at the time, was an incredible feat, Micheal himself said many times that the most fun he had was becoming an animated character. The show has now gained a giant cult following, specially after Micheal's death when two whole new generations were introduced to this lovely masterpiece. If you've not seen it, go have a look. :)

7. Sigmund And The Sea Monsters



When I was a child, my parents sat me down infront of a television on a sunday morning, turned the dial, this was back when televisions had dials, to a local indie channel that went on to become one of the flagship FOX stations, and I remember them telling me to watch with them. For the next few hours my eyes were opened to the world of Sid and Marty Krofft, two brothers who were completely insane, but were able to make insanity profitable. The first of the shows they aired, and my personal favorite, was Sigmund And The Sea Monsters, starring the great Billy Barty as Sigmund, the cutest sea monster there has ever been. Sigmund was not interested in scaring humans like his family, Sigmund would rather be friendly and enjoy life, he saw no point is scaring humans just because "its what sea monsters do", Sigmund wanted to be is own Sea Monster, a kinder gentler Sea Monster who could suck at Volleyball and you wouldn't be scared to tell him, because he won't rip your arms off and beat you with them, because thats not how Sigmund rolled. This was my gateway drug into the trippy world of The Kroffts, and to this day, I still love it so very much. But anyone thats seen my Sigmund Action Figure, which sits next to my H.R Pufnstuf action figure can tell you I'm still a fan. Oddly though, I couldn't find video of "You better run you better hide" the second season ending theme.

6. Spiderman (1967)



I wanted to add atleast one superhero cartoon here, and though I could do many great ones that have been made over the years, I picked this one simply because it was marvel's first saturday morning attempt, and their second cartoon attempt over all, second to the super rare but also insanely cult 1966 Marvel Superheroes Show that aired weekday afternoons in a very small market, back when you could air shows in very small markets and be ok with it. Spiderman kind of sums up everything that would eventually follow with comic book based cartoons until the 1990s when everything became serious and no fun, Spiderman was as funny as it was serious, and it truly gave you the feel of the character, Spiderman is funny and serious at the same time, and actually enjoys his work, much like any of us would if we were suddenly given powers like this, plus the theme song, that lovely lovely theme song that just drips awesome all over the place. To farther explain my point of why this show was so great and worthy of a spot in the best, I'll give you this clip, possibly one of the greatest bits of 1960s animation ever...



Yeah thats some good old fashion awesome... I could watch that all day long.

5. Tennessee Tuxedo and His Tales



I have said this many times, and I will continue to say it till the day that I die, everything that I learned about science, I learned from Phineas J. Whoopee and his marvelous 3.D.B.B (Three Dimensional Black Board), and it was all thanks to this amazing bit of early animation that still stacks up today among the all time greatest. When they talk of iconic television, they talk of characters that years later have become part of our every day culture, the things they say, the stuff they've done, their names, all of it, all iconic, Tennessee Tuxedo is sort of a textbook case of ironically iconic animation, its the goofy story of a penguin named Tennessee Tuxedo and his friend, the rare south pole walrus Chumley, they live in a zoo and as they strive to be seen on the same level as human beings, always doing some scheme or another that would get them recognition from humankind, the whole time annoying the hell out of Zoo director Stanley Livingston, and getting help from every mad scientist's idol, Prof. Phineas J. Whoopee, owner and creator of The 3D Blackboard or 3DBB, and sometimes they're either helped, or hindered by the other animals in the zoo as well. Its goofball comedy before goofball comedy had to be forced, like other shows from its time, Rocky and Bullwinkle, King Leonardo And His Short Subjects, all pretty much just out and out goofy comedy and various secondary characters, Tooter Turtle, The Hunter, and afew others are just as iconic as the main characters. Its pretty amazing really. If you've never been lucky enough to have seen this show, get to youtube yo.

4. Clutch Cargo



Is that not the coolest, wackest, most insane drug trip of a limited animation cartoon ever? Seriously this show is a god damn trip though time that you just don't wanna ever forget! Its some stone cold freak nasty yo. The concept of Clutch Cargo is basically Johnny Quest, but with out Benton Quest, so its just Clutch Cargo, middle aged muscular rugged adventurer, who lives alone with a young boy and a dog, and how they go on adventures all over the world and even the moon, its sort of like TinTin but with the racism taken out and a sort of creepy nambla feel to it all. Thats pretty much all there was to Clutch Cargo really, its a great little show that actually lasted almost 40 years in syndication, spanning from the late 1950s into the 1990s in some small television markets in the united states. Its more renounced for its insanely weird animation style, where the characters are more limited animation then Speed Racer, and the mouths are, well, the mouths are real mouths placed into the animation, a concept used many times over in various other forms of comedy based on obscure and silly concepts of filming and animation. Its not hard to find Clutch if you're looking for a good trip down trippy classic lane, the dvds aren't hard to come by and aren't expensive, get on that yo.

3. Fat Albert



Long ago in a time called the 1970s, long before he started to play a white man with 15 grandfathers that were all jazz legends, Bill Cosby had a whole other career, you see back then, Bill Cosby was funny, I mean really funny, but as I said, he eventually went on to play an old white guy in everything he did from the 80s onward. But in the 1970s, he created his greatest creation, even greater then The Chicken Heart, there was everyone's favorite overweight kid, Fat Albert. Fat Albert was an early attempt to make cartoons both fun and educational, an idea that went through out the series, goofball antics style comedy where in Bill Cosby would address the kids and tell them what the lesson learned by what they did that day was, normally it wasn't anything all that super important, just being nice to each other and stuff, but still it was memorable enough to stick with you. They also infused music and the message that as long as you could imagine something, it could be, oh and also, don't under estimate the fatties, cuz Fat Albert had skills for a kid that probably would lose his foot to diabetes by the final year of high school, and his friends have one heck of a way of working out the creation of instruments and stuff out of what they found in the junkyard, it was sort of like the Jackson Five with out it being about a real band in that respect, and the kids they just ate it up, they still do. Fat Albert has remained current and relevant for somewhere around 35 years, even if you exclude that horrible live action film from 2004, which really is best left forgotten, or burned in a fire, and then stabbed in the eye with a rusty fork. But if you would like a nice little bit of classic americana, then honestly, Fat Albert is it.

2. The Bugaloos



Long ago, in 1970 two brothers name Sid and Marty Krofft riding high off their monster pop culture creation H.R Puffstuf decided to see if lightening could strike twice, and taking a cue from the rise of teen idols in pop music among the non-woodstock set, decided to create their own multimedia crossover band, having made The Banana Splits for Hanna Barbara just before their own creation of the iconic Puffnstuf, and seeing how much the Splits were bringing in not only as a show, but as a legitimate band, no really if you ever get a chance check out a Banana Splits album "Till Tomorrow" is a forgotten jewel if I ever heard one, Sid and Marty wanted to get in on that sweet sweet cash, so they set about making up a band that could be on tv, and that kids could wanna go out to see a live show by. I'm sure you've seen this pattern repeat many a time on both this best and worst list, and there are tons of hits and misses in this area, but well, this had to be possibly the best. Deciding to take a page from The Monkee's playbook and playing on the Davey Jones popularity, Sid and Marty went about obtaining the services of a group of British teens who were young, easy to look at, and able to vocally harmonize convincingly enough to sell that they're a pop band, once that was done, they created The Bugaloos, a group of insects who are a pop band among the insects of the world, each episode focused on The Bugaloos, sometimes driving around in their odd as hell looking dunebuggy (I guess everyone in the 1970s drove dunebuggies everywhere from what shows like this and Hanna Barbara's stuff show), sometimes with their friend Sparky The Firefly, played by brilliant midget actor Billie Barty, who'd go on to be in every other Krofft creation sense, including starring as Sigmund The Sea Monster. And the whole time they'd be being thwarted by Benita Bizarre, played by the legend of the stage and screen Martha Raye, near the end of her life and career. The show was basically Josie And The Pussycats (both regular, and in space) meets A Bugs Life, and for all of its goofy surrealist offbeat humor, which was standard issue for Krofft Brothers work, The Bugaloos remains one of their most beloved and most popular, some could argue its just as popular as H.R PuffnStuf and Sigmund, their two most well known works. I would also note I put this show on the list over Puffnstuf simply because I've always found the whimsy of saturday morning was how you had shows like this, that were created with a stage show to follow in mind from the very start, where as shows like Puffnstuf had them tacked on later. Oh and for those wondering, if I was a Bugaloo, I'd be called Shadow and I'd be a Tarantula Hawk Wasp with dark wings, and I'd be a DJ or front a metal band.

1. The Wacky Races



Every now and then a company will strike gold, and not just gold as in one character or a show that has a timeless following, sometimes they'll strike gold with a show that will in itself become an iconic and beloved series, that will also spin off and serve as a prototype for many other shows to come. And for Saturday Morning Kings William Hanna and Joe Barbara, their first gold strike of what would become many, was a show called The Wacky Races, which not only created some of the most memoriable moments in Hanna Barbara's history, but would be the launching pad for classic characters either by name or formed from characters on the show, it would also lead to the genre of cartoons where you team up known and unknown characters and set them off on a task, you'd find it again in Laugh-a-lympics and Yogi's Space Race most notedly, given that most have forgotten the short lived Yogi's Treasure Hunt and Gumball 500 which to date were the last of the "Team up toons". Wacky Races was pretty simple in concept, a group of 11 cars do a cannonball run style wacky race or another, the whole time out smarting and pulling tricks on each other, as well as adding in jokes to what the narrator's saying, its all pretty goofy and silly, but thats what matters when you talk of the things that air in the saturday morning genres. Plus the show is important for afew reasons, all the cast when onto become someone else, or fame in their own right, Penelope Pitstop, The Ant Hill Mob and Dick Dastardly and Muttley all started out in The Wacky Races, and those The Ant Hill Mob and Penelope Pitstop, with afew alterations and change of the Bulletproof Bomb to Chuggaboom, would go on to be in their own brilliant series with the Paul Lynde voiced Hooded Claw, Dick Dastardly and Muttley would go on to have in their own right one of the most memorable shows of Hanna Barabara's library as well as become their most popular villains. The rest of the cast would be prototypes for others; The Slag Brothers would go on to be the design used for Captain Cavemen, The Gruesome Twosome would go onto Laugh-a-lympics, Professor Pat Pending would be Hanna Barbara's design for Prof. Keenbean on Richie Rich, and the others would show up now and then. What makes this show some memorable though is that for over 40 years now, its been loved and homaged many times over in various tv shows, you can find references even in today's modern cartoons, its pretty great really, and if you haven't seen it, you really should, you won't regret it.


well thats my list.... I hope you enjoy both halves of it...


------

BC

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

The Best And Worst Of Saturday Mornings Pt. 1


Trips In The WayBack Machine # 2

The Best And Worst Of Saturday Morning Programing:
When They Were Good, They Were Amazing
But When They Were Bad, They Were Rickety Rocket.

For so many of us, the memories of our youth is a giant hodgepodge of spending many a saturday morning infront of the television with some cereal or whatever you could eat in the living room infront of the tv with out making a mess, there isn't a person over the age of 25 that doesn't have incredible memories of this, long before cartoons were relegated to basic cable, which then gave up and just decided to loop stuff they could get cheaply, or made inhouse that didn't really get ratings anywhere else, saturday mornings weren't always a wasteland, which is something I feel that kids today got cheated out of understanding. And sense i'm feeling abit like taking a trip down memory lane, I figured I'd spend alittle time having a look and a laugh at the best and worst of saturday mornings past, after all, whats the point of remembering if you can't have abit of a laugh right?

Alrighty, so lets get down to it... worst first, then the best...

The 10 Worst Saturday Morning Programs Of All Time:

10. Jabberjaw



Just think, the title sequence was actually the least painful part of this show. No really, it was. The basic thought process behind Jabberjaw's creation; Step One: Smoke ALOT of weed. Step Two: Watch The Three Stooges with Frank Welker while he does his horrible Curly Howard impression. Step Three: Watch Scooby Doo. Step Four: Watch Jaws. Step Five: Smoke even MORE weed. Step Six: Watch an episode of The Marvel Superheros Show from 1966 featuring Namor The Submariner. Step Seven: Smoke even still more weed. Step Eight: Make it all fit together somehow in a lose and not really all that interesting plot, and then make the group a band. Step Nine: Sit in your office at Hanna Barbara Studios, look in a mirror and go "Oh Quincy Magoo, you've done it again.." as you count your thousands, because in the 1970s, thousands were alot of money. See, this show really is horrible on its own, but when you filter in the fact that it became worse because it was the first time Hanna Barbara retreated the Scooby Doo plot and concept, and one of the few other times it would be successful. And seriously, don't kid yourselves, Speed Buggy, was not at all successful. But he does make a good segway to my next offender...

9. Wonderbug



Ok so, here is how this show came to be; one day Sid and Marty Krofft were sitting in their failed Atlanta Theme Park that would eventually become the main office for CNN, they were making monsters out of foam rubber and taking alot of PCP, when Sid looked at Marty and said "hey bro, lets rip off Speed Buggy, but make it live action, and have lots of singing.." and Marty goes "Oh Quincy Magoo, you've done it again.." and then they sat there in their failed theme park and counted their thousands while doing pcp, because in the 1970s thousands were alot of money and pcp was sold over the counter as a weight loss drug. A sad note though about Wonderbug, its star John-Anthony Bailey, who some would know as obscure Happy Days character Sticks the drummer, and possibly the only black guy in Wisconson, fell pretty hard after his run on this show and on happy days ended, he ended up doing porn movies in the hight of the late 70s porn boom and even lost all his money doing that, he died in a poor house of a kidney infection just afew years ago. So remember kiddies, sometimes, worse things can happen then hanging out with a talking magic dunebuggy. Also another neat fact, Megas XLR was found the same way Wonderbug was.

8. The Kids Super Power Hour (with Shazam!)



In The 1970s it was pretty common place to mix live action and animation, it was sort of a weird hope that it could be marketable as both a television show and a stage show, much like The Brady Kids were, well actually just about everything the Krofft Studio made really was marketed as live action stage and television honestly. But still, it made them ALOT of money in the 70s, and alot of other companies wanted to rake in some of that sweet cash, as well as those sweet 1970s milfs, but thats a story for another time. Anyway, one of the many failed attempts at this would be a show called The Kids Super Power Hour, where they would mash the at the time hit cartoon Shazam! with a horrible offbeat comedy series called Hero High, about a high school for heroes and the like. It was kind of like the X-Men but with 400% more suck and fail added to it. And because NBC have never really had a clue what they were doing, they really only gave Shazam, the show kids wanted to watch, about 12 minutes of the show, the rest of the "power hour" was made up of animated shorts or the even worse live action skits and musical numbers done by the cast of Hero High, with spliced in stock footage of kids from teir pilot episode and then never filmed with another audience again. Seriously, weak sauce.

Oh and just for added horror, try and see how much you can sit through of this...



And with that, I become the greatest bastard of all time... now be honest, I sat through 4 minutes of it... how about you?

7. Lassie's Rescue Rangers



I guess at one point in time, Lassie got bored of saving that stupid kid she was raising because his parents were to ashamed of his retardedness, and decided to go into business for herself, forming the Rescue Rangers, a group of humans and animals dedicated to saving the environment from badly drawn people and badly drawn wildlife thats decided to rise up and rage against man for some reason or another. It was alot like Sealab 2020, where they went for a super serious and education about the world around you tone over comedy, until the final moments of the show which would normally end in a laugh, much like with this show, but it would also end with alot of barking. Honestly I'll never understand what the fixation the world has with Lassie is, I really won't. Even though Rex The Wonder Dog would have made a better cartoon.. I mean he fought Tyrannosaurus Rexes and vaguely octopus looking things called octopuses, what did Lassie ever do? Watch Timmy fall down that old well for the 50th time? Yeah real heroic there. Fun fact though, After Lassie went out of business, mostly because dogs aren't good with money or power delegation, and finding herself at that point in her life were it was either sell her business and likeness or end up doing those "peanut butter movies" we all heard that Snowy from TinTin had to do near the end of his life, not wanting to do that, Lassie sold the Rescue Rangers company to Chip and Dale, who, got their money to buy from investing with Scrooge McDuck, because, well, everyone knows Scottish ducks are good with money, they make it by the moneybin load after all. Chip and Dale would go on to rebrand the company, and make it much more successful.

6. Street Frogs



This is what happens when Jessie Jackson bitches that there isn't anything in american cartoons aimed only at the black community. No, seriously, I'm not kidding. So seriously, thanks alot Jessie. Street Frogs was one of those shows that seemed innocent enough when you're a child that you don't notice that the writing is so horrible and by people that have no idea of the subject matter they're dealing with that when you see it years later, you realize how offensive it was, its sort of the Amos and Andy of 1980s cartoons, much like how The Cosby Show was the Amos and Andy of 1980s prime time programing, ok well really anything where that Cosby guy gets to go around in blackface is the Amos and Andy of that time period, but thats for another time. Street Frogs tried to bring the at the time young musical form of hip hop and its culture into the mainstream, the problem was, there really wasn't anyone that knew the culture old enough to actually be a writer on the staff, so you basically have a bunch of middle aged white jewish guys who got booted off working on shows like Maninal and Automan for not making them suck enough, writing about rapping frogs that really aren't living very hip hop like lives. Its more like 1950s kids dressed in tracksuits and vaglely attempting to rap. Seriously, this was just horrible. Oddly though, it was very popular in france, no seriously, it was released on dvd there and everything. Go figure, the french like unintentional racism.

5. The Funky Phantom



Ok, seriously, what in the FUCK just happened? What was that? I have no idea what the hell is going on, I've watched this thing through 5 times before writing this out and I have NO IDEA what is going on. So, these kids bought and repainted Speed Buggy the colors of the Mystery Machine from Scooby Doo, and broke into an abandoned house during a rainstorm, and thought "hey, lets set the clock to the right time" and that somehow triggers a homosexual ghost and his ghost cat both dressed like its 1776 to pop out and become their friends? ... Huh? Isn't that also how The Big Bad Beatleborgs started? Seriously, I have no idea at all whats going on here, and the show itself, WAY more confusing then the intro, I mean this shit is light compared to what actually went on in the show. It seriously just leaves me confused and wishing for the next stop on the USA Cartoon Express, because really, this is some drugged out Hanna Barbara stuff right here. And not in the fun way.

4. Partridge Family 2200 A.D.



Once you get past the projectile vomiting caused by remembering the Partridge Family, or if you're a girl from the 70s, the same of thinking one or more of them were cute, you'll notice something, does all of this look familiar? Because it should, this show was intended originally to be a show about Judy and Elroy Jetson, Judy would be working as a reporter, and Elroy would be in his third year of high school and would be the Jetson's answer to that horrible show Pebbles and Bam Bam had as teenagers, but for some odd reason, that when asked neither William Hanna or Joe Barbara could explain, they changed the concept at the very last second to be The Partridge Family, in the future, where they're still singing shitty pop songs, but now have a robot dog, and a creepy textile colored jetson's car. You know, because thats totally logical for them to do and have, almost as logical as believing that fad pop music from the 1970s would still be popular in 2200 AD. Because, you know, thats totally possible.... my head hurts, I really hope this show hasn't given me a tumor... Honestly, of all the Scooby Doo clone shows, this was possibly the worst, worse then Jabberjaw, yes, much worse, worse then The CB Bears even. Oh yeah, I went there. I went The hell out of there.

3. Rickety Rocket



Jesus Christ surfing ontop of a jet fueled monkey driven rocket car being driven across the yukka flats, did you really have to give the spaceship big lips? REALLY? REALLY? Sigh... I get that Ruby Spears animation wanted to take the ever popular Fat Albert, mix it with Scooby Doo and The Jetsons, but my god, really? Did they have to make it this? REALLY? Remember what I was saying earlier about how middle aged white guys shouldn't try to write shows aimed at inner city kids that try to be relative to what they know? Yeah see, this is another example. Not sense the 1930s have I seen such a racist depiction in drawn form, and thats saying something because I've read TinTin comics. This sickens me so much I can't even look at it for more then afew seconds with out feeling the need to donate to a worthy inner city charity, or maybe watch The Whiz as a way of saying I'm sorry.

There is a tie for the second worst, so here we go..

2-B. Beverly Hills Teens



Now, don't let the delisiously 1980s theme song fool you, this show is basically Rickie Rich meets Beverly Hills 90210 about 5 years (I think) before everyone knew the zip code 90210 was for Beverly Hills. This was basically The Archies meets Richie Rich, well The Archies before that horrible "Archie's Weird Mysteries" show ruined the Riverdale gang from being relevant to kids, much the way Yo Yogi ruined Yogi Bear from ever being relevant again in a way that horrible 2010 movie never could, but thats something for another time. Each episode of Beverly Hills Teens was basically a Richie Rich style plot, someone using their insanely large wealth to do some insane thing or another that we all wish we could do ourselves, as apposed to like solving world hunger or taking some under privileged kids to an amusement park or something. Something stupid would happen, and the group, which has one token stereotype they could think of for teenagers, would need to each use their unique talents to help get their friend out of trouble, because, you know, the best way to get a kid out of trouble with a international jewel smugglers trying to steal some jewel they've recently been given as a "love me because of my money because I can't make emotional connections" present from their parents, is to have help from a giant haired rock girl and a nerd that built himself a robot girlfriend. Add to the fact it was later repackaged for weekday afternoons and paired with the just as horrible James Bond Jr. about the nephew of british super spy James Bond. And yes, that was as bad as this one was, just with less of a catchy theme song.

2-A. Rubik The Amazing Cube



Somewhere in the early 1980s, in that month that Menudo was sort of almost cool for a week, someone had the brilliant idea to take the massive craze that was the Rubik's Cube, and make a horrible cartoon that would haunt the nightmares of a generation as a vaguely remembered nightmare of horrific short bits of images and a hauntingly creepy voice that sounded like 10,000 angel babies singing as their murdered souls spiral down into hell for all of time. Kind of alot like Menudo actually. Now why someone would ever think making a magic rubik's cube was a good idea, I have no real idea, it doesn't really make sense, why would children like a show about a fad puzzle game aimed at adults? Seriously, unless the real cube magically became, in my friend Rose's words "something that looked like a smurf fucked a rubik's cube" after you solved it, and granted wishes while annoyingly trying to be your friend, sort of like a furby, but even more horrific, if thats even possible. Rubik, for all of its wrong and horrible nightmare fuel imagery, Rubik teaches us afew lessons; 1.) Kids don't like puzzles made for adults created by a genius as a super hard to solve puzzle, 2.) It doesn't matter what you are trying to market, a shitty cartoon is a shitty cartoon, and 3.) Corperate greed was the biggest drug of the 1980s, even bigger then cocaine.

1. Casper The Friendly Ghost



Am I really the only one that was bothered by the fact HE'S THE GHOST OF A DEAD CHILD? Seriously what in the hell is wrong with the world? GHOSTS DON'T HAVE GHOST CHILDREN THATS NOT HOW BEING A GHOST WORKS! Casper had to be a child who died in some way that would leave him here on earth forever, where his only family is a 10 year old Hitler ghost and his three uncles who rode around on a horse called Nightmare, and I guess you could consider Wendy his girlfriend, but that'd make Wendy the world's youngest necrophiliac. Seriously, for all of this to happen, added to the fact that Casper can NEVER find friends, all points the fact he had to be a dickhead of a child in life. Which makes me wonder if maybe he's the ghost of a murdered child. Which kind of supports my idea that Casper actually is the ghost of Richie Rich. Mostly because you have never seen them together, and they look almost exactly alike, plus each of their shows followed the same plot basically, Casper would make a friend, they'd for some reason not notice he's a ga-ga-ga-ga-ga-ghoooooooooooooost til something goes through him, and they'd run off and leave him emosad. Richie Rich was kinda the same but Professor Keenbean's invention to make his friend's life better would just end up ruining it instead. But still, Casper is a murdered child's ghost, who on earth would find that worth showing to our children, or to anyone at all really? Its sickening.


I'll post Part 2, which is the best in Saturday Morning Programing either later today or tomorrow...


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BC